


Citrus and Sunshine

by StrexRep



Series: Welcome to StrexCorp [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: (Kevins, (Not Kevins), ...ok, Abuse, Alcohol, Angst, Drama, Dub/Non Con, Fluff, Gore at the end, I swear, I'll put warnings on the chapters, I'm going to add a, It maybe isn;t, LATER, Love, Multi, Stalking, Strex Take over at the end, Tentacles, This is fluff, Trauma, Will need to change tags and stuff later, but it has it's fluffy moments, death at the end, it's referenced, suggest more?, that's a long way away, warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:00:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 67
Words: 150,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23989273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrexRep/pseuds/StrexRep
Summary: An expanded story of Vanessa
Series: Welcome to StrexCorp [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729216
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Alex

**Author's Note:**

> So, Some of the parts of this will be directly out of 'Your Ghosts', but even if you've read them you might want to skim because I will be adding detail. 
> 
> This is Part 1 of the series, although some things in Beautiful Maladies (Part 4 - not published yet) do come before this.
> 
> \- I'll be doing some editing of the notes to add 'The Weather' section, as was voted on instagram. There will be one for each fic and one for each chapter individually.  
> You can find a playlist of all of the weathers for this fic [On Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6YPiNRs7lPM7ZzdUmaLKt5?si=XvckgmDyRzCRo0vznWCzyQ)
> 
> The Weather for Citrus and Sunshine is [Crush - Tessa Violet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiAuAJBZuGs)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa hides from her ex until Kevin offers to help her out.

“I don’t think this is going to work.” She said in a calm and collected tone. She had been wanting to say it for a while but she had recently found the perfect excuse to finally say it, “I need to focus on my internship. I really want to get this credit, it will look great for getting a job at the station after I finish my course.” 

He didn’t reply, fiddling with a loose bit of skin next to his nail. It wasn’t that he hadn’t processed what she had said but he couldn’t believe it. There was no reason for her to break up with him and her internship had started a couple of days ago. Either she would have said before it started or she was just stressed right? She just wanted him to chase her, that’s what women were like. He just needed to press the issue. He was almost sure about it. 

“Please leave.” Vanessa asked, gesturing at her apartment door. She was starting to regret not doing this in public but there was a relief when he eventually stood and left without a word. 

She sighed, sinking back into her chair. It was a huge weight off of her chest and she couldn’t help but feel a smile play on her face. She was free. At least, that’s what she thought. 

-

The next day, she followed her routine. 

She walked into work. She hid in the control booth with her coffee so she didn’t have to speak to anyone. She waved at Kevin as he came into the studio and watched him do his broadcast. She admired his passion as his arms swung about the studio when he described a particularly active event. She hummed as he made gentle gestures to go with calmer parts. Her eyes didn’t even move from him when he was doing work during the weather. Her crush had been around for a while. She listened to his show everyday and now she was working on his show. It was more than her heart could handle. 

After the show and running errands around the office, Vanessa packed her bag to go home. She waited for Kevin to leave and then waited another half hour. She wanted to look dedicated. It was the best way to get a shining review and eventually a job. Then she left. 

As she walked out of the station she felt eyes on her. She looked around quickly but no one was there other than a van that she assumed was just the sheriff's secret police. Vanessa kept going, walking faster and keeping her head up. She wasn’t about to let some weird feeling get to her, there were plenty of weird feelings in this town and there was definitely no reason for her to panic. She was sure Kevin had mentioned some mild impending doom during the news today so it must just be that right. 

It was until just outside her apartment block that this explanation calmed her. She accepted it. Until she heard a familiar voice. 

“Vanessa, you didn’t let me pick you up.” Alex’s voice came from behind her, causing her to spin around. She smiled politely at the man who was advancing on her as if his presence wasn’t causing her throat to tighten and her chest to heave. Why would he pick her up? She told him that it was over.

“We’re not together, Alex.” She stated, taking her keys from her pocket and gripping them between her fingers like knuckle dusters, “I don’t want you coming here again!” 

His hand raised but hers raised faster, slashing his face across the cheek and nose. She saw blood and then she was in the lift, slamming the button for her floor. She could see security stopping him from entering but it did nothing for her heart. 

She wasn’t calm when she was in her apartment. She didn’t feel safe. She couldn’t feel safe. Her hands shook holding her coffee. Her hands shook as she tried to sleep. Tried being the key words. 

Around midnight she had decided to pack her bag for tomorrow. A blanket, A pillow, some food. She would order takeout after tomorrow but she could take some food with her for tomorrow night. The studio was locked at night and surely Alex would assume he had missed her leaving. Surely. 

-

The next evening she waited for everyone to leave as normal but when Kevin came around to check the rooms, she hid in a supply cupboard. 

“Vanessa?” His voice was sunshine and gold, “Huh… she normally locks the rest up.” 

She stayed there for a while longer, until she was sure he had left, before climbing out of the cupboard and breathing deep. She could only get in the control room and the studio now. No one could get to her either. Perfect. She snuggled with her pillow, watching videos on her phone as she ate her dinner. 

-

This was her life for the next two weeks. At one point she had found it difficult to sleep and had taken her pillow into Kevin’s studio. It felt scandalous for her to so much as sit in his chair and yet she found herself not only sitting there imagining him with her but taking a little of his cologne and putting it on her pillow. He kept it in the top draw and she’d noticed him putting it on after broadcasts where he had been particularly active. 

It smelt like magic. Sandalwood and bergamot. She imagined her head on his chest, leaning against the desk and falling asleep to the thought. 

She had woken up before the morning, thankfully, but hadn’t had the energy to put herself in a cupboard, so laid on the control room floor. She was tucked up in the cubby where she usually put her bag. 

-

“Have you been here all night?” Vanessa woke with a start, holding her pillow close as she looked up at the shocked golden eyes that were on her, “I’m sorry, did I lock you in… where did you get the pillow… did someone spray my cologne in here?” 

Vanessa panicked, she could barely comprehend what was going on and on top of that realising that he had acknowledged the smell. How could she even explain that away? She couldn’t tell him that she had been spraying it on her bedding to help her sleep, that would be creepy, but she couldn’t just explain it away with her own because it was sat rather obviously on the control panel and looked far more feminine. 

Instead she broke down in tears. The logical thing to do. 

“Oh, no, Vanessa…” Kevin started, moving closer to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. She let him pull her into a tight hug, “It’s okay, It’s okay. What happened?” 

It took some calming down but she eventually explained about Alex. About what had happened outside of her apartment and Kevin simply nodded, listening to her and not saying anything. Was he judging her? It didn’t seem like Kevin. He was more likely to understand and be annoyed, wasn’t he? He had always come across that way in his reports. 

“I’ll walk you home tonight.” He told her, smiling that soft smile that made her heart flutter, “If he tries anything, I’ll be there. If that’s alright with you.” 

“Thank you.” She whispered, keeping her eyes away from his. She couldn’t believe she was this close to him and that he was actually protecting her. 

“I need to go and start the broadcast. I can manage if you need to go and get yourself a coffee or something.” He assured her, standing and offering a hand to help her up. 

“I’ll be fine.” Vanessa hummed as she let him help her get to her feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather - [An Unhealthy Obsession - The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THRtKGX-czY)


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin walks Vanessa home and confronts Alex for the first, but not last, time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So part of this will also be in 'Your Ghosts' but not all of it. 
> 
> Alex will be back and he is not a nice guy but he won't be a big theme the whole way through. This is meant to be fluffy and nice. Uh... also there will be less fawning over each other (well, more spaced out fawning) in a few chapters. 
> 
> I'm not going to make a schedule for this one, but in general it will probably be the day before 'Your Ghosts'.

“Ready to go?” Kevin asked as Vanessa opened his studio door. He was radiant in the low light of his studio. His hair shone and his eyes twinkled as he looked up at her. She could barely talk. 

“I am.” 

He gave her a smile and she felt everything inside her glow for a moment as she watched him stand and collect his things. 

“So, I haven’t really had a chance to introduce myself to you. You work so hard.” Kevin hummed. He locked the studio door before passing the keys off to another employee who was sitting at a desk outside his office. He didn’t have to lock up, so he could just walk Vanessa out, “I’m not as scary as I look, you know.” 

“I don’t think you look scary.” She smiled, walking at his pace. The van was still there when they got outside but she barely paid it any attention. She was listening to Kevin, to his questions and answering. 

“What made you want to be in radio?” He had asked. 

“I just really look up to you, I guess.” She had started with, hoping it had not come off too badly, or creepily, “I think it takes someone very special to gather all of that information and decide what is and isn’t important for people to know.” 

“People deserve the truth ab-...” 

“That’s right, people do deserve the truth, Vanessa.” A voice had come from behind the two. Vanessa froze in place, not sure how to react in front of Kevin. She had fumbled in her pocket for her keys again, not noticing Kevin’s eyes on the hand that was doing so, “I didn’t expect to-...” 

The man was cut off by being lifted into the air. It was graceful, the way Kevin turned on his heels to face the now suspended man, his converse laces twisting under the shoes. His demeanor was that of a waiter who was ready to ask someone to leave without making a scene. He stepped closer to the man wrapped in his tentacles. 

Vanessa turned slowly, watching Alex squirming and trying to escape the tight grip of the shorter, more eldritch man. 

“Why are you harassing my intern?” His voice was soft but demanding and she blushed softly at him defending her. The man clicked his tongue but didn’t reply to Kevin, his eyes fixed on Vanessa as she kept her focus on Kevin. He had gotten very close to Alex’s ear, whispering so that Vanessa couldn’t hear what he said, “I don’t want to see you near my station again. You will not like it if I do.” 

The dark appendages retreated back under Kevin’s shirt, into his back, as the man scrambled to stand and ran in the opposite direction. Kevin watched intently, making sure that he didn’t return to his van before he turned back to Vanessa. 

“As I was saying, people deserve the truth about what’s going on in their town.” 

Vanessa slipped her keys back into her pocket, turning back towards her apartment and waiting for him to be next to her before continuing to walk.

“It’s just really nice watching you. You’re really passionate about the news.” She started, not looking at him, “I really hope that one day I can be that passionate about it too. You know, I used to make videos of myself doing radio reports for silly things that happened with my parents. I still have them.” 

Kevin chuckled at her story, watching her as they walked. He hadn’t noticed the way her skin glowed before. Maybe it was just the street lamps and sunset but her nose seemed so small and cute. 

“Oh, do you want to come in for coffee? I got a new coffee hammer. I saw that you hammer your own in the office and I thought that it looked like fun.” Her voice was radiant. Full of life and energy even at such a mundane thing. Was she always like this? Kevin honestly hadn’t spoken to her enough to know. He watched her enthusiastically telling him about how she’d bought different creamer flavours and everything. 

“I don’t want to intrude.” He smiled softly, hoping that she would insist but she simply relented to his refusal. 

“Actually, that kind of makes me feel safer at the moment. Thank you.” 

“No problem. You probably need some space after that.” He agreed, gesturing backwards with his thumb. He couldn’t imagine something like that happening. He’d never had to deal with something like that. If anything, he was the one that had always asked for too much attention when he was with his last partner back when he was a scout. They were just teenagers, though, and shouldn’t be counted. “In fact, I won’t even ask your number.” 

Vanessa’s face flushed, staring at him. He had just asked for her number, right? He had said that he wasn’t asking for her number but that was totally asking for her number. Score! She grabbed her phone out, bringing it up on screen and passing it to him for him to put into his phone. 

Kevin took the number down with a small laugh, adding his to her contacts as well before adding, “Your apartment number, I meant. I’ll leave you to go up on your own.” 

The smile fell. Her heart leapt. How had she not understood that. Was she really so stupid as to assume he had meant her phone number? Was she really that desperate that she had just given him her number without him even wanting it. She couldn’t even manage a ‘goodbye’ before rushing into her building, but did manage a ‘thank you’ before the door closed.

-

Once she was in the lift, Kevin sighed softly. He looked at her number in his phone and smiled. God, why did his chest feel so light? Was he skipping as he walked home? No, but close enough. He couldn’t get her voice out of his head. He couldn’t get the way she looked out of her head. Her brown eyes staring up at him with the excitement they had held as she rambled about coffee. The way her lips formed such a cute smile. Then a guilt caught him, stopping him like running head first into a wall. 

He shouldn’t look at her like that. There were so many reasons why he shouldn’t look at her like that. She was his intern. She had just had to sleep in the studio to avoid another creep. She wasn’t ready for another relationship. It was unfair of him to look at her the way he was but he could barely help it. She was perfect. She was silly and funny and playful. He couldn’t help it. 

He distracted himself temporarily by telling his grievances about the man outside of the station to a hidden microphone he noticed in a bush. He hadn’t realised it was attached to an actual secret police agent, who had informed him that it would be hypocritical for them to arrest someone for surveilling citizens. Kevin had started to argue but had been threatened with being arrested, so left the conversation. 

When he was home himself, he flopped backwards onto his bed. The soft mattress hugged him, the covers moving as his tentacles pulled them around him. He imagined her arms. No, he shouldn’t be thinking about that. His eyes closed and he tried to think of anything but Vanessa but he failed, drifting to sleep with thoughts of her soft lips and cheeks. 

-

Vanessa closed her door and pressed her back to the other side, letting herself slide down as she made an excited sound. She was staring at his number in her phone but was too scared to message him. It could have been something simple like  _ ‘just to check, you have my number too?’  _ or something but she didn’t want to come across as creepy or overbearing. It was too soon to text him and there was no professional occasion to help her out. She desperately wanted to flirt with him but text wasn’t a good medium for that. There was no subtlety. There was no intonation for her voice. She couldn’t do it like that. 

She had ended up laying in bed, her phone next to her playing the recording of the broadcast from earlier. Kevin’s sweet voice lulling her into a calm and gentle sleep. 

-

“Good morning, Vanessa!” Kevin sang as he entered the office. He had felt so peaceful today, so much more than usual. He had greeted everyone else along the way but the joy in his voice when he said her name was all consuming and hard to miss. He had hoped that she hadn’t quite noticed or if she had noticed that it hadn’t come across in an uncomfortable way. 

“Good morning, Kevin. You seem happy today.” Vanessa smiled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she finished up making their coffee. She did this every morning but this was the first morning that Kevin had specifically said her name when he greeted her. It made her heart skip a beat. To be fair, she was usually already hidden in the control booth by this point in the morning. She had put his coffee on his desk and gotten to her work. Today was different, though, in that she had been late and ended up catching Kevin before his broadcast.

“I am. I had the first good night's sleep I’ve had in awhile.” He told her, leaning against the counter next to her and studying her face. She had such an adorable nose and such beautiful eyes. Deep and brown, like a beautiful forest. He didn’t have the sunset to excuse him from enjoying her face now, lit by dull tungsten. He felt like his heart was leaping out of his chest. He felt like everything inside him was screaming to get free. All of his desire and all of the affection. 

Vanessa handed him his coffee and turned to lean against the counter with him. Her hands were gripping her own mug softly, with fingers running over one another. She was thinking about how his fingers might feel against her own. How he might feel closer to her but she couldn’t move any closer. It would be obvious and she couldn’t be that obvious. It would look really bad on her if she lost her internship because he rejected her. It would be a different story if he had accepted her advances but that was such a small possibility, she thought.

He wouldn’t mention to her how he felt, not yet. It wasn’t fair with what she was going through but sure as hell he would protect her. He would go to the end of the Earth to protect her. He would do anything. He knew that his affection was unfair and he couldn’t justify so much as feeling the way he did, nevermind putting those feelings onto her. If he had to walk her home everyday, longing and fawning but keeping his distance, then that was perfectly fine for him. If he had to ‘chat’ with Alex again, fine. 

“Oh? Did something happen?” She asked sweetly, her voice like rich caramel. She had a singer’s voice. Kevin would have loved to hear her sing. He could barely keep the blush from his face as they spoke. He imagined doing karaoke with her and his terrible voice mixing with her beautiful one. Surely fantasizing like that wouldn’t hurt too much.

“Just… pleasant dreams.” He hummed, starting towards his studio so that his face was turned away from her. He knew she would follow. He hoped she wouldn’t press for what his dreams had been about. He had no excuse in mind and doubted his ability to make one up. She had to follow, she would need to go to the control booth, “I hope you found it easier to sleep too.” 

She seemed uncomfortable at the question and Kevin internally cursed himself. Of course he shouldn’t have asked that, it was sensitive! She had spent the last few nights hiding under the control panel each night, why would he think that was appropriate? 

In truth, she was actually uncomfortable because she didn’t want to tell him that she had fallen asleep to his voice talking about some piece of news that was no longer relevant or even what she was listening to. She had focused on his voice and remixed the words to be whispering sweet nothings in her ears.

“I did.” She drew him away from his self deprecating thoughts. “Thank you. I don’t think I would have if it wasn’t for you.” 

That wasn’t saying that she had fallen asleep to those gorgeous phonics, but it was giving him the compliment he so deserved. 

Oh! He felt himself melt. He could be a puddle on the floor at this point. Still, he kept his composure enough to horsley say  _ ‘I’m glad’  _ before ducking into his studio and using the few seconds before Vanessa would be able to see him again to breath out a happy sigh and feel his hot face with his hand. He moved as soon as he saw the door to the other room open rushing to his desk and spinning in his chair as he sat down. He could see Vanessa laugh. Oh, how he wished he could hear that laugh.

Vanessa used this time to try and pull herself together, taking a deep breath in and then blowing out as she entered the control room.

His coffee sat on the desk and a smile on his face, watching her fingers  _ ‘Three,’  _ even they were beautiful  _ ‘Two’ _ even just counting down he swooned  _ ‘One’.  _

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the tiny vessels and pulsing, pulsing muscles that keep you alive. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” 

As the tune played, Kevin hummed away from the microphone, letting it fade before starting on the news. 

There were a few citizens who had found a vortex that took them to the future and they were being treated for injuries caused by an apparent ‘vicious civilization who had taken over that had tall buildings and business suits’.

“John Peter, you know, the Pharmacist, said that this horrible civilization had wanted him to develop synthetic hormones to control people’s brains and make them feel deliriously happy. I don’t know about you, listeners, but that sounds like a dangerous and scary situation. I hope that all our friends return safely from this horrible timeline that has intersected with our own. Citizens are warning that if you see an orange vortex or triangles then run. Run as fast as you can and don’t look back.” 

This wasn’t a particularly odd bit of news. Things like that always happened around here and it barely vazed anyone other than the people it was affecting. Some people took extra precautions like staying inside but this was just daily life in Desert Bluffs.

There was a new frozen yoghurt place at the mall, Kevin had mentioned that Vanessa could go and get a story there for their next broadcast but it was unsafe to go out with that vortex stuff going on. 

“I mean, I don’t want to put my interns in danger, but we should definitely try and get the scoop for you before tomorrow, listeners.” Vanessa had laughed at the pun, summoning a grin on Kevin’s lips and a dreamy look in his eyes. 

Then traffic was the normal existential crisis that happened every broadcast. The kid’s fun fact science corner was about the heart and Kevin certainly went on a tangent about the way that hormones controlled love rather than the heart and how the heart felt under the stress of such hormones. After all, he could feel it so vividly inside of himself. 

“Remember kids, the vast cocktail of unknown chemicals that cause every emotion can be confusing and all consuming, so it’s best not to imagine them and simply let your chest tighten like it’s been put in a vice.” 

“And now, my lovely listeners, the weather.” Kevin waited for the music to play. It didn’t. “Uhm… sorry, listeners… the weather!” 

He raised his hands as if to summon the weather down from the sky himself. Usually that worked. Usually he didn’t need someone to make the weather happen, it just happened when he said it did, even outside the studio.

He looked to Vanessa, who was just distractedly staring at him. When she noticed, she jumped and shrugged. The controls all looked fine. She repeated, in the booth,  _ ‘the weather’.  _

She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but it had done nothing and she was sure Kevin was laughing at her now. It was super embarrassing and she had no idea what to do. There wasn’t a button for the weather! Kevin controlled that. 

Kevin couldn’t hear it but he could see it. It made him smile dreamily but didn’t help the situation. 

“Well, listeners… I guess that there isn’t any weather…” There it was. He didn’t know why it had stalled so much but he could hear it going and the light telling him that it was playing was on. 

He breathed deep, sighing in relief. Vanessa was giggling in the booth and his eyebrows furrowed as he watched her. It was like there was a light behind her. Every feature illuminated in their perfection. It only felt like a moment before she was pointing back at him. He knew what it meant, the weather was over and it was time for him to get back to work. Oh, God, had he been staring at her that entire time? What had she thought? 

In reality, she hadn’t so much as noticed. She was too busy staring dreamily at him. They were both in a world of their own and it was perfect.

“Well, Desert Bluffs, this sunshine and desert heat won’t last forever. Enjoy it with your loved ones, regardless of how long since you first felt their tight grip in your chest. Remember that the nights will be cold, so find someone to hold you as you pretend to dream. And as always, Until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.” 


	3. Frozen Yogurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two fully grown adults acting like flustered lovesick teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one will be in 'Your Ghosts' in the desert otherworld arc, but there is much more detail and goes on longer here. This is what I was talking about when I said 'Sometimes things that I wrote for that one will appear here first'. 
> 
> It does also mean, because earlier chapters will not be in 'Your Ghosts' there are some redundant statements because in this fic, you already knew it.

“Great broadcast today, Kevin.” Vanessa said from behind him as he started to make them both a second cup of coffee, “Do you want me to hammer the beans?” 

“If you have something you need to get out.” Kevin nodded, passing her the hammer and stepping back. He hadn’t even registered the compliment she had paid him, distracted by her voice and her light. Why had he never seen her this way before? She had been at the studio for weeks now and although he had certainly noticed she was attractive, since last night when they had spoken as he walked her home, she seemed to glow. 

“Stop following me! I like someone else!” Her words didn’t register with him, watching her arm swing violently at the beans in a motion that was just majestic, “Workplace romances aren’t clique! I don’t care about the credits!” 

Kevin took an unsteady breath as he imagined her in one of his shirts, making them morning coffee. Yelling in that soft, rich voice. The words didn’t matter in his dream. They didn’t matter right now. He watched her lips move and her eyes concentrating. He watched her pant as she handed the hammer back and smiled up at him. It was so wrong that he was looking at her that way. He felt guilt in the pit of his stomach but her couldn’t help the way his heart pressed against his ribs.

“Your turn.” 

Kevin took the hammer from her and stared at the half hammered coffee. He couldn’t think of anything that he could use. Not that he was alright with Vanessa hearing. His eyes flicked to her and then he laughed nervously. 

“Could you give me a moment?” He asked, receiving a nod in return as she watched her slip out of the room. 

Kevin took a deep breath, thinking about that creep that was sitting outside the station. Thinking about what the secret police had told him _‘we can’t arrest someone for watching people. That would be hypocritical, don’t you think?’._

“She deserves to feel safe!” He yelled at the beans, hitting them harder than he could remember hitting another in his life, “You don’t have a _right_ to her! I don’t care what you think! Neither do I! She’s her own damn person!” 

When he was finished, he opened the door again letting Vanessa come back into the room as he finished brewing the coffee. They drank it together and then he went back to his studio to do some work. 

Vanessa followed him, pulling her chair into the studio and sitting next to him. What was she doing? Kevin watched her, his red face growing wide in every way. Even his third eye was present, when it should have been looking through the eyes of other residents in order to figure out what they needed to report tomorrow.

“I’m shadowing you.” Vanessa whispered, pointing to Kevin's screen. How had she known what he was thinking? Was he really that easy to read? What else could she tell? She was so close to him, their legs touching under the desk, “You’re kinda staring, Kevin.”

He snapped out of it, his words and voice shaking as he tried to explain himself to her. 

“Of course you are. I’m not used to-... I mean it’s not bad bu-... You-... We-... my studio.” He gestured widely as if it helped, “Am I meant to… explain to you?” 

Vanessa giggled and it was heaven. She giggled a lot. Her nose twitched when she did and her skin glistened. He didn’t know how long he could survive with how close she was. Surely his heart couldn’t take it. Surely he would pass out any minute now. He couldn’t handle any of this.

“If you could, that would be great.” 

Kevin did as she asked and explained about his eye, how he could look through people’s eyes and feel their general emotions. How some people would have stronger feelings and he could sometimes hear their thoughts but only if they really needed him to. He explained how it would only go to people who needed it or where the news took it. He couldn’t just use it to spy on people. It wasn’t completely true but he certainly couldn’t control it well enough to spy on someone.

“I couldn’t just look into your head right now,” He explained, looking at her and trying. It wasn’t to be invasive, but because he knew just the attempt was enough to change the expression in the eye but that Vanessa wouldn’t be able to feel it reach her, “See. I really think it would be easier if I could do that sometimes, but I mean that would be pretty boring, I guess.”

He showed her where he typed his scripts and how to send them to station management. She put her hand on his leg as she leant over to point at something on the screen and Kevin felt his soul leave his body for the short time it was there. It had occurred to him that they couldn’t be together. She was his student. She couldn’t claim college credits from the same man that she was going home to each night but the sweet fantasy stayed with him. 

Kissing her as he came in in the morning. Kissing her now. Just pulling her closer to him and closing the small gap that was in between the two of them. Pulling her onto his lap.

Touching his nose with hers and moving her hand ever so slightly upwards.

No.

No.

This was a professional relationship and Vanessa drew back, having to give herself an excuse for moving away so quickly.

“Well, I think we should go to the new yogurt shop then!” Vanessa declared, standing up from her chair and going to grab her notebook and pen, shoving the pen behind her ear. Writing utensils, it should be noted, are not banned in Desert Bluffs. 

Kevin watched her and smiled at the pen behind her ear. It looked adorable. Everything about her looked adorable. 

The walk over was uneventful, even if Kevin was looking everywhere to make sure they didn’t end up walking into that vortex. It sounded awful. Vanessa told Kevin all about her parents and siblings. How much they would love him. It went completely over his head. 

“My dad is a real big fan of the radio. He listens to your show everyday, he would love to meet you.” She told him excitedly, his eyes following her gestures and the bounce of her hair as she spoke, “He’s a mechanic and used to fix radios and stuff. Anything broken he can fix, he’s really industrious. Him and my brother. My brother would like you too. He loves tattoos and things.” 

Kevin kept back from saying he would love to meet them, just letting Vanessa go on. He loved the sound of her voice more than he wanted to admit to himself. 

They ordered a cup to share and sat at one of the tables in the store. It was lemon and passionfruit, a mix of their favourite fruits. Vanessa had remembered from a broadcast where Kevin had complained for ten minutes about the absence of passionfruit flavoured items on the burrito stand’s menu. As Vanessa lifted one of the spoons to try the cold treat, Kevin put his hand on hers and her face lit red. 

“Wait for other people to try it first.” Kevin whispered, gesturing around, “I once had a new menu item from the all-day diner and gravity stopped working for me.” 

“Gravity already isn’t working for me.” Vanessa hummed, although Kevin didn’t quite grasp her meaning. He was trying his best to stop his heart levitating as it was and he quickly looked to her feet to make sure that she was actually on the floor.

“You’re still on the floor, Vanessa.” He replied cluelessly, summoning another of those delightful giggles, “I think it’s fine to eat. No one seems to be floating or popping out of existence.” 

Vanessa felt slightly awkward by his response, assuming that it was a polite rejection of her advance.

“Let me try it first, then. That way you can be sure.” Kevin turned at her words, frowning at first because he valued her not popping out of existence quite highly. Then he saw what she was doing and he could have sworn he almost fainted. Her tongue ran around the spoon, pulling the yogurt closer to her teeth and then closing her lips around it. She had to understand how slowly she had pulled that spoon out of her mouth, right? No, his mind must have been slowing it down, right? She certainly wasn’t going that slowly! 

He was right, she wasn’t going slowly at all. In fact, she was shaking nervously as he watched her take a mouthful. She wasn’t normally so shy when she was eating and it’s not that she was particularly aware of Kevin watching her but she was focused on the heat in her cheeks and shoulders. She was focused on how wonderful his hand had felt on hers. She was yearning to have it on her hand again.

“I-... Oh-...” Kevin started, taking a deep breath. His face was so hot. Why was his face this hot? He tried not to stare, “Is it nice?” 

Vanessa let out a pleased hum and Kevin gripped the leg of his jeans under the table. He cursed himself in his head again. Why was he looking at her this way? It was wrong. She deserved to just have a nice friend who didn’t look at her the way he looked at her. She had enough problems with men looking at her that way!

Then her spoon was on his lips and he wished it was the smile on her face. He took the mouthful, humming slowly as the soft, creamy coldness ran over his tongue. That’s what Vanessa would taste like right now, he thought, and then tried to push the thought out of his head again. 

Vanessa watched him with furrowed brows as he took the yogurt off the spoon, trying so hard to extend the sound of his hum in her head. His yellow eyes were on her lips but she supposed that was because he was just looking down and not necessarily looking at her. His face had been so red today, she worried that maybe he had got a sunburn from when he walked her home the evening before. 

She offered him another spoonful and he accepted. His lips moved over the spoon so gracefully, she thought. She imagined them running over hers. She had liked him since she had started in the studio her first day and even before that. His messy curls and glittering eyes. The orange tattoos that moved on his arms, the sun moving around as the day progressed. The eyes on his hands that occasionally blinked. He had explained that they weren’t real eyes and just did that and it made her adore them even more. 

When she had been curled under the desk with the pillow she had bought from home, she had imagined it was him. Wrapping his arms around her and letting her sleep on his chest. She had even stolen some of his cologne from his desk and sprayed it on the pillow case. She didn’t know it yet but she would later tell him this and it would make his heart race. Currently, she just felt creepy about having done it at all. Her justification was that she needed comfort and it was the only thing around that could give it, it just _happened_ to be from Kevin. 

“Vanessa? Are you ok?” Kevin asked, tilting his head and pushing his glasses up his nose, “You’ve been holding the spoon in your mouth for a few minutes now.” 

He didn’t mention that he knew she was running her tongue around it by the motion of her cheeks. He wouldn’t know how to say it without it coming out wrong, especially with where it had led his own mind. He assumed that she was just thinking, seeing as she was staring off into the distance behind him. 

“Yeah.” She breathed and it sent shivers through him. 

“Shouldn’t you two be at work?” Another voice broke both of them out of the individually shared fantasies. Kevin looked up and smiled politely. 

“We are at work, actually, Susanne.” 

“You could have fooled me. It doesn’t look like you’re collecting much of a story.” She retorted, her eyes looking to Vanessa with an expression that made Vanessa look away in embarrassment. 

Kevin noted this and stood, slipping himself between Susanne and their table. He kept the customer-service level smile on his face and showed Susanne his notebook, which had been taking notes the whole time. He didn’t give her time to read them. It often wrote his emotions and thoughts and did not think that having her read his fantasies was productive. He also did not particularly like the idea of Susanne revoicing these emotions back to Vanessa.

“We are at work, Susanne. If you really are that desperate for an interview, you just need to ask.” 

Vanessa looked back up, her eyes running up Kevin’s back. She couldn’t help but admire the way his shirt fell on him. It must have been at least a size too big but it made him look so slender. The words between the pair meant nothing to her. Susanne was just talking about all of the apparent problems with the changes to the mall. By changes, she meant new shops. Vanessa would rather focus on Kevin’s voice and his… 

“Vanessa, are you ok?” 

Her eyes shot up to Kevin’s. He was looking over his shoulder and his eyes seemed to perfectly fit his glasses at this angle. They were tilted down towards her, the way he slipped them to the end of his nose when he wrote. It took Vanessa a moment to realise that he had probably noticed where her eyes had been before. 

“Yeah.” She gasped, her throat suddenly very dry. She scrambled to her feet and pointed to the bubble tea kiosk across the food court, “That one is new too, you said, right? I’ll go and get us some to try too. You like passionfruit, right?” 

“It’s my favourite.” Kevin nodded, watching her stumble around the table and dart off towards the other shop. 

As soon as she thought his eyes were no longer on her, she put a hand to her mouth. That was so embarrassing! What had he thought of her? There was no way he couldn’t tell where her eyes were, he was only an arm’s length away. 

Kevin leant to the side as he noted down the in depth account of Susanne about how change was bad for people’s health. His eyes followed Vanessa. He held back a small laugh as he watched her put her hand over her mouth and cringe. She was totally checking him out a moment ago, wasn’t she? No, of course not! He just wanted her to have been doing that. 

“Are you laughing at me, Kevin?” Susanne barked, “This is a serious issue!” 

“No, no, of course not.” Kevin waved his head dismissively, trying to calm Susanne as she continued on with a rant about reporting bias and how the media distorts businesses to improve their chances for sponsorship in order to exploit people for money. It made Kevin think of how much Stan would love talking to her and the thought infuriated him. 

-

Vanessa returned with the boba tea, setting it down on the table behind Kevin, who was still furiously writing down the ranting of the older woman in front of him. She unwrapped the straws and pushed them through the top as close together as she could. Hopefully Kevin wouldn’t notice just how close they were or how close their faces would be when they tried to drink. She vaguely listened to Susanne, ranting about the way in which frozen yogurt wasn’t good for you and it was a pale effort to sell an ice cream substitute that was just as sugary and encourages consuming even worse foods in the form of toppings. 

When Kevin finally returned to his seat, he let out a long sigh, rolling all three of his eyes before Susanne looked back around and he politely waved to her.

“Wow, she is opinionated.” Vanessa remarked, watching the woman walking away before pushing the drink closer to Kevin, “We should try it together, that way we don’t have that ‘media bias’.” 

The suggestion was innocent enough to be hidden under the excuse. In fact, Vanessa thought it may have been too innocent for what she was going for. Especially as Kevin had just agreed and taken the straw in his mouth without so much as a comment about it. Surely he could tell by where the straws were that they would be almost touching when they were drinking. He was smart, he could see that right? 

She realised it had been an awkwardly long pause now, so took her straw in her mouth and put her fingers in the air, counting them down from three. She hadn’t quite realised that their noses would be softly touching each other, barely enough to feel but even his small movement against her was amazing. 

“It’s nice.” He hummed, pulling away and looking the other direction across the food court, chewing the boba as he tried to distract himself from how close they had been. He could smell her perfume, citrus fruits, and he could feel the heat from her breath. Anything would taste delicious with such a pleasant feeling filling him. 

“What are you doing tonight?” Vanessa asked softly, causing Kevin to shuffle uncomfortably as he pushed down his feelings again. A lump was forming in his throat but she didn’t mean that, did she? There was no way that she was suggesting anything, it was just a question. 

“I suppose, writing this up into a proper script.” 

“Did you need some help with that?” Her voice danced on his ears but he had to be respectful. He had to be careful not to let her see that he wanted her close again. That he would love for her to help him. To come to his house and share hot drinks in front of an old laptop.

“I should be fine.” He gasped, masking the awkwardness with a cough and taking another small drink. He could pretend that he was just choking or had a sore throat, right? That was a good excuse and Vanessa certainly looked concerned by this. She had pat his back in an attempt to help.


	4. Soft Frequencies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa is sceptical of Desert Bluffs, but soon finds that she actually enjoys the small community and the odd things that happen there.

“Why do we have to move?” Vanessa grumbled for what was probably the thousandth time since they had begun the journey from Ohio. The temperature had gone from hot to hotter and staying in hotels along the route, albeit only twice, had made Vanessa less than comfortable. 

The first hotel was alright, but there had been little room and she had had to share a bed with her brother for the first time since they were children, which ended in her being pushed out multiple times and having to sleep on the floor. The second hotel was nicer, spacious, but the people there were suspicious and seemed to talk about them every time Vanessa turned around. She just wanted to get to wherever it was they were going and bury her head in the sand. 

They had been driving for over six hours on this leg of the journey and the seventeen year old was starting to get restless. She had slept, she had played her games console, she had tried to get her parents to karaoke, she had fought with her brother, and she had finished all of her college applications (even though her mother had been telling her not to do it in the car). It was boring. It was annoying. She just wanted to go home to her friends and the people that she knew or at least have the reception to text or call them.

“Vanessa…” Her mother started, looking to her father before continuing. He gave her a nod before she continued as if she was asking permission to tell her, “... When your father was on his business trip, he found this wonderful little town we’re moving to. They were so friendly to him and he started his own little business too. He was there for one day and started a business. He needs to go back and keep working there, it’s where he belongs. I’m sure that once we’re settled in, everything will be fine.” 

“Dad was gone for months!” She argued, gesturing towards the man as if to make a point of the statement, “He didn’t call or text. We didn’t know where he was or what he was doing! What do you mean he started a business in one day?” 

Her mother looked back to her father and her father sighed.

“Time doesn’t work in this town, popette. It's a hard to find place where weird things happen… but the opportunities are endless. You could be whatever you want, not just some scientist or mechanic. I had no idea how long had passed and I’m grateful everyday that you all waited for me. Plus, we have a surprise for you, to get you started out.” 

Her parents shared another worried look. If they were this worried about this place, why were they taking her there? What did he mean it was hard to find? What did he mean  _ time doesn’t work? _ How can time not work? 

“We enrolled you on a course at the community college. They accepted you immediately. They did also warn us that television talk show interns kept dying… but just don’t take an internship in that, ok precious?” 

Vanessa stared at them, then down to her laptop, then back up to them. 

“You’re sending me to a community college in an unknown town where time doesn’t work?” She clarified, her eyes flicking between the two now, “We’re going to Disneyland, aren’t we? You’re getting ready to see my reaction to the tickets. You wouldn’t enroll me in a college without asking, they wouldn’t let you. Colleges don’t do that. I am, however, super excited to see the evil queen. She’s super-...” 

“Vanessa, Disneyland is a myth. We taught you that when you were ten. It’s time you grew out of Disneyland.” Her mother interrupted, seeming more frustrated now. They weren’t taking her to Disneyland, or any other fun thing that a parent might lie about. They were taking her to a town in the middle of nowhere. A town that had swallowed her father for so long she had resented him. A town that  _ apparently _ moved so slowly that months went by before you knew a day had. 

This was Vanessa’s first impression of the town and she was not, in the least bit impressed.

A crackling came through the radio and Vanessa’s father fiddled with the dial. 

“We’re getting closer. The same happened last time.” He said as Vanessa gaped, looked between the two in disbelief. They seemed so excited to go to this awful town where she had no friends, no one she knew, and they were forcing her onto a community college course. At least they had picked the major she had wanted, but she could have gone anywhere and they had chosen for her.

“If you don’t like it after one year, you’ll be able to transfer to another state.” Her mother reassured her, “It’s a four year course with a one year internship as the last year. You’ll be able to join the working world as young as twenty, won’t that be good? I’m sur-...” 

She was cut off by the man on the radio and Vanessa’s father giving a small verbal celebration before focusing on driving down the bright, well lit road that crossed the barren desertscape. 

_ “And then the snake retreated, so I guess that’s a problem for later...  _

_ Desert Bluffs, A familiar car is approaching our small town. It’s Mr Gris, the mechanic that came to our town for one day and fixed over fifty cars. I know that after he left we were all confused at how to fix our own cars, so it’s good to see him back. He should have known that we kept his workshop open, just like he requested before he left. _

_ Oh, he’s brought his family with him too. Always nice to have another family becoming part of our friendly desert community…”  _

Vanessa felt an odd feeling in her head, putting a hand up to her face and hearing the voice again but in her head. She had no idea what was going on or why the voice had suddenly moved… how the man was still talking on the radio even though his voice was in her ears.

“Welcome to our town! Can I get an interview for the radio? Don’t worry, I don’t tell everyone what you say, just vague emotions that fill your mind when you say it.” 

“What?” Vanessa gasped, pressing back into her seat as her mother looked at her in confusion. She couldn’t hear this, the thing that Vanessa was hearing. She couldn’t feel the eyes were hers were meant to be but seemed not to be her own eyes at all. 

_ “It seems that Mr. Gris has a beautiful wife, who is looking back at his beautiful seventeen year old daughter, who is sitting next to his twenty-four year old son. A wonderful little family who feel a mix of confusion and fear and intrusion.”  _

“It’s okay, my name is Kevin. I’m a journalist. This is pretty normal for Desert Bluffs, but I understand...” 

_ “It’s a scary thing for a teenager to move to a new town, away from friends and loved ones that felt so close and passionate. Boyfriends that parents didn’t know about. Boyfriends that are moving too that girlfriends don’t know about. How cute.”  _

“Get out of my head, please.” Vanessa breathed and he was gone instantly. 

“Oh, I’m sure he’s just projecting, Vanessa. He’s not actually in your head.” Her mother told her, reaching back and rubbing Vanessa’s knee to comfort her before realising what had been said, “A boyfriend? Really? Before college, Vanessa, you know better.”

_ “Desert Bluffs, welcome the Gris family with open arms, tentacles, and any other upper-body appendages that you may have. Remember that although they may be interlopers, some interlopers are good interlopers.”  _

Vanessa stared at the radio and the man then cut to a weather report that was just music. What on Earth was going on?

-

Her mother was right. It had been three months in her course and she actually loved the college. She had become the head of the cooking club within a week because the last head of the club cooked one of the snakes that had been caught which had turned into thousands of tiny venomous spiders when cooked and consumed them in front of an entertained audience. The modern arts department capitalised on this by taking many videos and photos to analyse as ‘the falesy of food chains’ in collaboration with the biology department, stating  _ ‘food webs are much more valuable. After all, these are spiders.’  _

Vanessa was shocked at these events at the time but the almost daily assault of weirdness had desensitized her to it now, at least she had thought. She looked back on the incident and laughed at the morbidness of everyone finding it so mundane. 

She was now, rather rudely, staring at a man who was obviously just trying to shop but who was using tentacles extending from his back to reach the very top shelves. She hadn’t seen him around before but she had mainly stayed near the community college or in her dorms with the radio turned up loud or with her boyfriend, who had indeed followed her here. It didn’t need to be turned up loud as everyone was listening but the voice on the radio had such a soft and enjoyable frequency. He had a voice that ran over her back and set deep into her soul, like freshly squeezed lemonade with just the right amount of sugar. 

Her eyes only moved from his long appendages and messy curls when his own three eyes moved to her. It was more out of embarrassment from him catching her than actually needing to inspect packets of… flour... 

“It’s ok, did you need me to reach something for you?” Kevin asked, smiling at the woman, “Sorry about stepping into your mind when you first came. I sometimes forget that it freaks out newcomers.” 

Vanessa looked back up, her heart leaping at that voice. The voice from the radio but without the distortion of the radio or hearing it inside her own skull. At those beautiful golden eyes that were so new and rare. Well, she had thought they were rare but she had several friends with pink, black, and orange eyes so it shouldn’t surprise her quite as much as it did. She assumed it was because of the way they shone and that yellow was her favourite colour.

“I was just looking for banana leaves.” She told him, her voice shaking as her eyes seemed drawn to his. Her cheeks were hot and her hands were shaking, “How did you know who I was?” 

Kevin laughed gently, causing Vanessa to laugh, but far more nervously than his. It was adorable, the way his shoulders lifted and he got these little dimples. She hadn’t even noticed the tentacle reaching up to a high shelf to grab a packet of fresh banana leaves. In fact, she had almost completely forgotten about the tentacles entirely. 

“It’s easy to spot an interloper. They stare at the tentacles… Tamales?” 

“Tamales?” Vanessa asked, snapped away for a moment from the mesmerising view, “I’m making tamales for the fund drive, yeah.” 

“So, I know your father is from Franchia… I’m guessing your mother is…” 

“Gutamalian, but no, grandma is.” Vanessa corrected, taking the leaves from the tentacles and fiddling with them before putting them in her basket, “She died before we moved here. To the states, I mean. She had a nice life traveling with my grandpa.” 

Kevin hummed, nodding as he listened, “Where did you come from before here then? Franchia?” 

“The Philippines, actually.” She told him, her hand running through her hair to sweep it back out of her face. It was just something to distract herself, “Then we moved to Franchia for a while.” 

“Wow. That’s a lot of moving around. Must be used to settling into new places, at least.” 

“Not really… but it’s been easier here. A lot of people here have similar interests to me, for better or worse.” She had relaxed a little but it was still so difficult talking to Kevin without feeling her cheeks flush. He was almost exactly what she had imagined the owner of his beautiful voice to look like every time she listened to him, but even more beautiful. She felt almost bad about wishing he wasn’t taken but supposed it was just a celebrity crush.

“I’m glad. I hope that everyone is being welcoming. If you need anything, just let me know.” Kevin was just about to take his leave when another man joined the two of them. Vanessa recognised him as the scout leader, but only due to his outfit. He had put something in Kevin’s basket and then greeted Vanessa.

“Hey there. I’m Earl Harly. Haven’t I seen you around the college?” He introduced himself, shaking Vanessa’s hand. She had remembered Kevin talking about him on the radio. They had been together since high school and Earl was still nineteen after several decades, which made her wonder how old Kevin must be. 

“Vanessa, yeah I’m a communications major.” She replied, shaking his hand and then quickly making herself an excuse to leave before having to talk to the two any further. She felt bad but she hadn’t really wanted to see them together. It made her feel childish. She had nothing against them being together, it was just hard to have a crush on someone when they weren’t available. 

-

“Vanessa!” Alex shook her awake, seemingly very panicked but it was unclear on why he was so panicked, “You’re going to miss getting your results, the college just threw them out of the window!” 

Alex was stopped by a piece of paper flying through the open window in a similar way to the way a ninja star thrown with some force (but without a flicked wrist) would fly through an open window. They lived nowhere near the college, so Vanessa had thought that when this process was described to her they were being metaphorical. Yet here it was, her internship papers to sign and then scream at until a courier heard and collected them back. 

She had sat up to grab them but before she did Alex had snatched them off the floor, staring at them. She was sure that he tried to tear the paper at one point, not realising that internship papers were made of indestructible fibres. It always seemed a waste of such a precious resource but maybe they recycled it… somehow? 

“Well, looks like you're interning at the water company. Just a phone job. Communications must suck.” He had said, not giving her the papers. 

Her face dropped even further than it already had been from having to wake up being yelled at, their argument about her application the night before, and the shock of paper flying through her window. 

“I didn’t apply for that…” She said quietly, trying to stop tears from forming in her eyes. She had wanted this internship since she had first heard Kevin’s weird way of reporting and felt him inside her mind asking for an interview. Three years of hard work to be shoved behind a desk. There was no way she was accepting that! No way she would sign that. 

Vanessa got dressed without talking to Alex, who was going on about what a good opportunity it was and how she could just drop out now and they could marry so that he could support her while she got a smaller, less ambitious job. She tried to block out what he was saying and the horrible feeling it gave her, the horrible thought of relying on someone else for an income or staying with him for any longer than she had to. She’d tried to break up with him several times and yet she was back in her apartment with someone she hated. 

She closed the door as he was starting another rant, this time about children and how she could definitely have at least three. 

On the way to the radio station she realised that she had forgotten her papers, seeing as Alex had kept a hold of them. Still, she would at least be able to ask what the reason for her rejection was. She had done everything she could to get onto this programme, including running three clubs in the past year; cooking (she was the longest standing leader), Amatuer reporters, and radio. She also attended two others (mechanics and news discussion), meaning she was in clubs everyday. She didn’t know anyone else in the college that even attended three clubs. 

“Good morning.” Vanessa addressed the receptionist, standing tall and trying to look professional, “May I speak with whoever sorts your internship programme, please?” 

“Oh, we’ll send you a package that explains everything. If you have any trouble with it, there will be a number for you to call.” The receptionist smiled up at her, continuing to type, “I already sent it out so I can’t just get your package, Vanessa, sorry.” 

For a moment Vanessa was about to clarify why she was there but then the woman used her name. It caught her off guard. It took several long moments for her to realise what had happened and then she laughed softly. 

“I just wanted to offer them to come around for some coffee and biscuits, actually.” She lied, now fiddling with her fingers and trying to contain the smile that threatened to distort her face, “I wanted to thank them for accepting me. It’s been my dream since I got here.” 

“We know, we’re all so proud of you. The community liason’s office said they are going to miss your broadcasts.” 

  
The words set into her very being. She had often talked to these people on the phone and many of them listened to the radio club’s mock broadcasts that reported on college events and their own dreams. Their own nightmares. They may not have known her well but they knew her and they were  _ proud _ . In this small community where she had always felt like an outsider just getting by with the weird things around her, she finally felt at home. She was part of Desert Bluffs. 


	5. The Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fog rolls through Desert Bluffs making the whole town feel... weird...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets get started on some tropes! 
> 
> Seriously though, there are a few (like... 10) less light (no where near as bad as 'Your Ghosts' though) chapters coming, so there is a fluffy little one before that.

“Listeners, a fog is currently passing through Desert Bluffs. Citizens are saying that those who stand in the fogs are…” Kevin stopped, staring at the report as his eyes followed the email it had come from. He was shocked, in part by the words of the email and in part by the thoughts it had provoked, “... kissing each other. City council has pulled several, very willing citizens, closer to them and are having a public display of affection outside of city hall. Several other people are reporting that friends and even strangers have been embracing. More on this story as it develops. First, a word from our sponsors.” 

He put his face in his hands, taking an unsteady breath as he projected himself into someone closer to the scene.  _ ‘Hi Kevin’  _ came into his head and he greeted the person back. They could see the fog but hadn't stood in it yet. It was pink and thick, almost hard to see through. There was a soft glittering and the person was moving towards it. 

As they got closer, there was a smell of mint and lavender. They, and by extension Kevin, started feeling sleepy. Their thoughts blurred into nothing but sweet thoughts that seemed like faded memories. Kevin’s own seemed to mingle with the other persons, seeing Vanessa and Samantha Figgins getting married, despite this never having happened and neither of the two being married to either of them. It seemed so real for some reason.

“Should we go and do a report down there?” He was snapped back into his own body by the voice next to him, Vanessa already set up with the portable broadcaster attached to her waist and the microphone in her hands. The microphone wasn’t needed, as Kevin could just take his own but he enjoyed the thought. 

“I suppose…” He started, before realising that if they did go down to the fog then they might be affected by the fog. They didn’t know how the fog worked and often didn’t know how long things like these would last in Desert Bluffs. He didn’t particularly want Vanessa stuck in a natural disaster that lasted a long time, even if it might mean he got to kiss her and have an excuse to do so. 

“No, No… It’s too dangerous down there, Vanessa.” He told her, pulling her inside and closing the door as the sponsored message ended. He quickly realised that she was the wrong side of the door but simply stood as he reported what he had seen and offered Vanessa his chair. He couldn’t open the door into the offices during a broadcast and although he could have told her to go via the control room like all his guests did. 

“The fog is spreading from City hall and has now engulfed the Ralphs and is headed towards Grandma Josephine’s. Hopefully the Ericas will be able to stop Josephine from feeling too many of the fog's effects. Make sure to stay safe, Desert Bluffs…” 

Venessa looked up to him, putting a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were going lidded and she swayed slightly from side to side. Kevin put a hand on her shoulder to check she was alright. 

“Vanessa isn’t looking too well. While I check on her, let’s go to the weather.” 

As soon as the light came on, Vanessa rose from the seat. Her arms would have wrapped around him if he hadn’t grabbed her with his tentacles first, moving her out of reach. He couldn’t deny that he wanted to kiss her and had even considered the excuse, but this was wrong. He had felt what it was like to be stood in it and he certainly wouldn’t have wanted someone kissing him. It would be no excuse for breaking her trust. She wasn’t in her right mind and Kevin didn’t want that. 

“Vanessa?” He asked softly, putting his hand out to let her grab. If the fog was in here, why wasn’t it affecting him? He wasn’t impervious to mind control, he had shown that on many occasions, and it’s not like he wasn’t  _ already _ ready to kiss her. Still, the pink glow had started to make itself clear behind her and he couldn’t give in to it. 

Kevin grabbed his shirt, putting it over his face as he rushed into the control booth with his microphone. He let Vanessa sit on the chair but kept holding her with his tentacles. The fog was getting thicker in the room and the sweet smell of lemonade and cheap shampoo was overpowering. He could barely resist it but he had to. 

His hands found Vanessa’s headphones and shoved them on. He’d left his in the other room and Vanessa’s were those fancy noise-cancelling ones that were so good you could barely even hear yourself think. With the lack of audio input everything went deadly silent. He could still smell the fog, but it didn’t seem to affect him anymore. A test. Eyes on Vanessa, shirt dropped so nothing was stopping him from inhaling the thick air. Nothing. Well, not nothing, but nothing that wasn’t normal. 

As the light signifying the weather started to blink, Kevin grabbed the spare pair of headphones from the wall and slipped them onto Vanessa’s head. There wasn’t time to check if this had worked for her too, he had to restart the broadcast.

“Listeners, any who are still unaffected by our current, but not unusual, disaster, find some noise cancelling headphones! Try to clear your thoughts and meditate only on the sounds of silence that I know we love to fill with our voices, but we have to stop that!” 

He heard a small noise in his headphones, the microphones that control could talk to him with. Vanessa had said something. He couldn’t really think about what it meant but he loosened his grip on her, making sure that she wasn’t about to leap at him again before retracting his tentacles fully back into his lower back. 

“Those who are unaffected or otherwise preventing yourself from this mind control, please stay at home! Stay inside for your safety and the safety of others. Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time!” 

He let the broadcast end before turning to Vanessa, putting a hand to her head and checking she was ok. Other than being dizzy and disorientated, she seemed fine. 

“Can you hear me?” He asked, putting the microphone closer to his mouth to make sure it would transmit. It was odd using these small ones that were attached to the headphones. He could usually swing his about as much as he wanted and only needed to worry about the wire but this was grounded on a very short stem. 

“Yeah…” Vanessa whispered, putting a hand on her own head and rubbing her eyes with her palm, “...what happened?” 

“The fog got you.” 

Vanessa’s eyes shot open, staring at him with hot, flushed cheeks. She could barely move or think, although it wasn’t clear how much of that was the headphones. She rarely put both of them on at a time because she knew it stopped her from hearing herself. Her heart was pounding in her chest and the idea that she had just  _ kissed  _ Kevin and couldn’t even remember it was like needles all over her body. 

“I… uhm… we... “ She gestured between them and Kevin shook his head, letting one of his tentacles appear behind him and wave at her. There was some relief and some disappointment. At least it meant that she hadn’t kissed him but at the same time he had restrained her from doing so. If that wasn’t a sure sign he wasn’t interested, she wasn’t sure what was, but as he explained the feeling evaporated from her. 

“I wasn’t going to let you kiss someone you didn’t want to because you were being controlled by some weird fog.” He told her, walking towards the door and putting his head around it. There were several employees hiding under their desks with their station-provided headphones over their heads and several others embracing on desks. “Well, it looks like we can’t go and get coffee quite yet, so I hope this passes soon. As much as you would be a lovely person to die with, the action isn’t appealing.” 

“I have coffee.” Vanessa offered, moving the chair over and pulling a thermos out of her bag, “I normally have it with lunch so I don’t have to go in the break room while it’s full.” 

“Now I’m worried about your caffeine intake.” Kevin laughed, locking the door and sitting on the floor, letting her pour him a cup. 

The fog lasted for a few more hours before dissipating and people returning to normal. They had spoken about what they would put in the broadcast tomorrow, Kevin having to concentrate extremely hard to see what was happening with other citizens and then coming back to the awful feeling of having been kissed by several Desert Bluffs residents. 


	6. Unwelcomed Visitor; Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin just wants a quiet evening after a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, drama time! 
> 
> About Kevin's house; So I know Desert Bluffs is very futuristic, but I love retro-futuristic stuff and I totally wanted Kevin's house to feel like... really out of place. He'll get an update later.

Kevin sighed deeply, glad to finally be back at home. Despite pleasant company, it had been a long and tiring day and all he wanted to do was curl up on the sofa with a hot chocolate and his favourite pyjamas. He was sure that there would be something on the TV that was boring enough to not care about but interesting enough to hold his attention. His shower was hot and soothing. His night clothes were warm and fluffy, even though he felt bad about using the AC and then wrapping up warm again. It was a comforting thing, right? 

He placed his chocolate on the table and went to fetch the remote from the top of his CRT. Sure, there were newer models that were smaller but the larger television felt homey and reminded him of his childhood where all the technology was obnoxiously large. It had to be. 

He was just about to pull his blanket over himself when the doorbell drew his attention. Part of him very much wanted to ignore the noise but the other part felt bad for it. Still, he spent a moment staring at the door as if it would make him realise that the sound had been something else but to no avail. It rang again, this time more desperately. 

Another sigh, but this time annoyed. There was no one, bar Grandma Josephine, that knew his address and he wouldn’t be annoyed to see at his door right now. He rarely had other people around, with the exception of the occasional visit from Earl but he had disappeared months ago and no one knew where he had gone. Ok, if Earl was at his door he wouldn’t be upset by that but the chances were small, even in this town. 

It was neither of those people, or even a person that Kevin recognised at first. Surely he would have seen this man around town but his face was very plain. Nothing really stood out about him, at least until he clicked his tongue. It was hollow and Kevin would recognise it anywhere. 

“This isn’t what I meant by…” Kevin paused as he stopped the man’s fist from colliding with his face. He wrapped his tentacle harder around the wrist before pushing it away, “...not seeing you near my studio.” 

“I bet you had fun with that weird weather stuff today, huh?” Alex barked, shoving a thick finger towards Kevin’s face, close enough that Kevin needed to step slightly backwards in order to avoid it poking him. 

“If I understand you correctly...” Kevin started, pushing the finger back down. He tried to stand straighter, eyes pointed up to the taller man. He wanted to look intimidating but the pink fur pyjamas and yellow slippers were the least intimidating clothes he could be wearing at this point, “...you think I  _ control  _ the weather? I understand the confusion, but you’re-...” 

“What did you do to her while the report was going?” 

Kevin’s stomach turned at the insinuation. He could barely think of how to reply to such a blatant and false accusation about his professionalism and more importantly his humanity. He couldn’t even answer before he was catching another fist and pushing it back to the other man. His eyes went to his assigned secret police officer but they just shrugged. The Desert Bluffs’ secret police were completely useless at times! 

“I held her further than she could reach away from me and covered my face.” Kevin explained, stepping backwards again to be further from the man. This had obviously seemed like an invite as Alex was now advancing, his feet in the way of Kevin closing the door on him. Kevin’s eyes went from the feet back up to Alex’s face realising that the man was unlikely to relent on his own, “Do you want a coffee?” 

The question caught him off guard, but Alex accepted the offer, stepping further into Kevin’s home. It was off putting, how professionally the smaller man was taking his obvious anger. He looked around, taking in the retro decor and yellow-orange colour scheme. It was both exactly what he expected of Kevin and not at all what he expected. It was small, cosy. Kevin had left him in the living room and closed the door. He took a seat on the sofa, tapping his knees awkwardly. He had honestly not expected much of today and it was disorentating. 

-

He had been sitting outside the station, as he did on his lunch break, and met with this lanky man who was carrying a bunch of cupcakes and had had the nerve to ask why he was there. Alex was within his rights to be where he wanted, but before he could tell the other man such, it was late in the afternoon and the man was staring at him with a flushed face having just pulled away from kissing him. 

“I’m Daniel… by the way. Taken… well, I mean… interested in someone else.” 

As if Alex had asked! He wasn’t interested in this stranger either! 

“Alex, Vanessa’s boyfriend. She works in…” 

“Yeah, I know Vanessa. Tell your girlfriend to watch her professionalism, maybe.” 

The two men were tense and glaring at each other, not really sure what to make of the situation they were in or the words being said. 

“Who did you say you were interested in?” Alex had eventually asked and the response had led to a long conversation complaining about both Kevin and Vanessa. They’d exchanged numbers and Alex was sure they would be friends, even if it was awkward.

-

“Milk? Sugar?” Kevin asked around the door. He was leaning on the door frame and hammering the beans as loudly and aggressively as possible with one of his tentacles. 

“White with two.” Alex nodded. He couldn’t have been that far out of college himself. Kevin could tell that all this aggression was just a facade. It was just there to cover some hurt that he had felt. Alex just wanted someone to take it out on, right? 

The two men stared awkwardly at each other as Kevin made the coffee, seemingly without even looking in its direction. When it was finished, his tentacles raced to set it in front of Alex before Kevin was even halfway to his seat. 

“So, what’s the real problem here?” He asked carefully as he kicked off his slippers and pulled his legs onto the couch, one crossed over the other. He tried to make Alex feel as comfortable as possible in hopes he wouldn’t have to spend the evening deflecting punches. 

“She left me.” Alex replied, sipping the coffee but not enough to feel the heat burn his tongue, “I’m guessing for you, seeing as she’s hovering about on your shoulder now.” 

Another sigh. Another emotion. A mix of them this time. It was an awkward topic to broach without being self-deprecating or overly confident and neither of those things would do him good at this specific point in time. He wondered if there was another that would do him any good at this point in time. He could see the man’s point of view, as Kevin was walking Vanessa home from work now, but at the same time the fact that Alex was aware of this not because someone had told him but because he couldn’t keep out of other people’s space made it hard to sympathise. 

“There’s nothing going on between me and Vanessa.” Kevin stated, taking a drink of his chocolate and grimacing at the skin that had formed on top, “If you want to win her back, stalking her and stalking me is not the best way to do that.” 

“I’m not going to be able to win her back while she’s doting on you.” 

Aggravating, but Kevin took a deep breath and kept his voice calm, “She’s not ‘doting’ on me. I’m sure whatever you did wasn’t too bad and you can just apologise and try to make up for the mistake.” 

“What about doing it repeatedly?” Alex asked, putting his coffee back on the table and putting an arm over the back of the seat, “She was in the wrong, though. She’s the one that kept messing things up then blaming me.” 

Kevin’s eyebrow twitched, giving the man a curious look as if asking him to continue. The tone of his voice was very off putting, though, and Kevin could almost immediately tell he wasn’t going to like whatever it was that Alex said.

“You know, you’ve had girlfriends before, right?” 

“I haven’t had one, actually.” He told him, hiding his face in his mug. The question was not only unexpected but very unwelcome. Kevin had had relationships, sure, but he wasn’t about to share that with a man who he knew for stalking someone and trying to punch him. Desert Bluffs wasn’t a bigotted town at all, in fact most people didn’t even think about it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a few negative experiences of mentioning his relationships especially considering his last partner had vanished to who-knows-where. 

“I mean, she wasn’t a good cook so I’d tell her, she was way too obsessed with fanfiction too, I don’t get what chics see in it.” 

Kevin’s face twitched again, putting his mug on the table and sitting straight again, “Well,  _ Women _ and men might like fanfiction for many reasons. They might want to expand on their favourite character’s story or they might have fallen in love with an underdeveloped character that they feel needs a chance to have a full personality or at least find some love and care that they don’t get the chance to feel in the canon for whatever reason.” 

He composed himself and put a hand up to stop Alex from replying yet, “How did you tell her that you didn’t like her cooking?” 

“I just told her I didn’t like it.” Alex shrugged, putting his mug down to mirror Kevin, “I wasn’t going to be easy on her, she might not get it. Women don’t get that stuff. I wasn’t going to lie, either.”

“Wording? How did you say it?” 

“Well… like… I’d  _ suggest  _ that adding more herbs or less spices would be good. I’d tell her it was bland or too hot. Just what I thought of it.” 

“Did you ever offer to cook or go to a class together so you could cook together?” 

“I work in the hospital. I don’t have time to cook for myself, Kev.” Kevin shuddered at the name, shaking his head and trying to wave it off. He hoped it wouldn’t become a usual name for him. 

“You have the time to follow Vanessa but not enough time to cook? You do understand how crazy that sounds, right?” 

The two sat in an awkward silence for at least a minute. Kevin hoped it had set in. He certainly hadn’t expected the man to lash out at him for what he thought was a completely reasonable statement. 

One hit collided with Kevin’s face, knocking his glasses to the floor. His cheek and eye throbbed with hot pain. Tears swelled in his eyes as his tentacles wrapped around Alex, keeping the man’s arms pinned to his sides and lifting him further away from him. 

“It wasn’t even that hard, are you crying?” Alex asked, getting a shocked and appalled gasp from Kevin. 

“You… just hit me. In the face! Yes, I’m crying! What sort of…” Kevin just stared at him, confused at what was going on and why this man was so obdurate, “... there is something seriously wrong with your worldview, Alex!” 

Now he was laughing. Great. He was wriggling in Kevin’s grasp and laughing at him. Kevin tried to ignore it, closing his two eyes so his third eye could see where his glasses had gone. He pushed them quickly back onto his face before moving closer to the door, letting Alex bounce with the tentacles’ movement. 

“Never, ever, come to my house again!” His voice was serious, wiping the tears from his face as he stretched his tentacles as far as they could from his house and dropping Alex, closing the door again as soon as his appendages had retracted. 

He turned his back to the door, sinking down the other side and touched the eye that was now sore and hot. 

-

“What happened?” 

It was almost as soon as he stepped into the station. Kevin was worried that Daniel was about to poke him with the pen in his hand. He was certainly putting it uncomfortably close to his face. 

Daniel was the promotions director but Kevin knew that wasn’t the role he wanted and rather than suck up to station management, who was a scary eldritch creature, he would rather suck up to the not-as-scary eldritch-but-still-human-ish creature. On the plus side, it meant that most of the sponsors were likable enough, like Deb. Deb was nice… Kevin guessed… 

“Nothing.” Kevin replied, pushing the pen away from his face. He looked up at the man starting to feel short. In reality Daniel was actually a rather tall person. His response hadn’t qualmed Daniel’s curiosity and for once the man was following him upstairs, even passed Daniel’s own department. He was trying hard to convince Kevin to tell him exactly what had happened. 

As they got to the door of Kevin’s floor, he realised he was going to get enough looks without Daniel following after him saying things like  _ ‘are you doing a new sport?’.  _

“Daniel, stop. I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t have to talk about it.” He sighed deeply, putting a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, “I’m not even going to talk about it on the show.” 

“But you always talk about these things on your show!” The other man whined, pulling the sponsor message out and handing it to Kevin, “Come on, I won’t tell anyone.” 

Kevin watched him for a moment, taking the sponsor message and reading through it before looking back up to Daniel. It would be nice to talk to someone else about it but he didn’t really feel like it was his place. This was technically Vanessa’s problem and he was just trying to act as a moderator because it was obviously not a good situation for her. 

“How about we go and get a drink after work, Daniel.” He offered, giving him a smile, “I’ll spill everything that I can and we can maybe get to know each other. I need to walk Vanessa home but I can come back after and we can go.” 

“You need to walk Vanessa home? She’s an adult, I’m sure she can manage.” 

“No, no. It’s just for a while. There’s a lot going on, so I’m just helping her out.” Kevin told him, shaking his head, “Just in a friendly way.” 

Daniel agreed to the drink and finally went off to his own department. Kevin greeted everyone on the way in, as he normally did, getting a lot of questions and just brushing them off. 

Almost everyone asked about what had happened. Almost. 

Vanessa was already in the control booth and waved at him as he entered the studio. She didn’t look at all surprised by his face. She winced, she looked upset, but she didn’t look surprised. If anything she looked as if she’d been preparing herself to see it. 

After the broadcast she seemed to avoid him. She ducked into the break room but ducked out as soon as Kevin had also gone in. He didn’t leave straight away. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable and he also really needed a coffee. The broadcast had gone fine, in terms of broadcasts, but he was exhausted. He had barely slept last night and every expression hurt his face. Even talking hurt his face. It had hurt him to sleep last night, so he must have had a single hour, if that. Even with frozen peas to reduce the swelling, it was hard to see out of that eye and it kept watering. He at least felt lucky that he had two eyes to look through but it was dizzying having to navigate with just two and it wasn’t even like he could complain to anyone in the office. Other than Station Management, most of his colleagues had two or less eyes. 


	7. Unwelcomed Visitor; Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa just wants to do her work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama~ 
> 
> Alex is a complete ass throughout everything.

“See you tomorrow. Enjoy your ‘me time’. I know you need it.” Vanessa hummed, trying her best to ignore the blush on Kevin’s face caused by her wording. She tried her best not to imagine the sight of what her wording had actually implied as she slipped into the lift and waved him goodbye. 

He was cute when he blushed. She needed to distract herself so that her thoughts didn’t run wild. It was difficult. Maybe she needed some ‘me time’ too. She pulled out her phone, the new lemonade charm dangling in front of her fingers as she typed the number for the local pizza restaurant. It was one of those weird numbers. Like 11. It didn’t feel like it served the purpose that it actually did. 

Her apartment was particularly cold from the AC and she clicked it off. She couldn’t afford to be keeping it on when it wasn’t needed. No plans for the night and plenty of work to catch up on, Vanessa stretched and grabbed her laptop out. She made a drink and sat down. Music in her ears. 

_ “Self-Reflection Week 3....”  _

She mainly used her internship diary the same way as a personal one, telling it deep secrets that should only be between herself and the stars. She had been told in the first week that she had the best diary on the course so she hadn’t changed the format since. She, of course, excluded her feelings for Kevin although she thought it might be a good idea to speak with her college course leader about it. The only problem was that she didn’t want to be moved. She had wanted to work with the radio for so long. 

Her diary was always long and this one was no exception. It had gotten to page 5 before she was snapped away by a knock on the door. She was so hungry that she almost tripped, running to the door to get the pizza. It didn’t help that she had just kicked her shoes off and they were right in the way. 

“You order pizza?” 

“Oh my God, what happened to you?” Vanessa’s eyes widened as she stared at the man in her door, who was holding her pizza but was otherwise unwelcome.

A graze ran up one side of his face and there was a large bruise on the other. Blood from somewhere was on his shirt and if you asked her to guess, it had come from his nose which looked broken. Bent towards the left hand side of his face.

“Can I come in, it’s been a rough night?” It was less of a question and more of a statement. His foot was already in the door and he had her pizza, so Vanessa stepped to the side and let him get comfortable on her sofa. Instead of saying anything about it, she went to the kitchen and grabbed some antiseptic from the cupboard. 

“What happened, Alex?” She asked as she sat on her table, putting the cold solution on a tissue and dabbing his face with it. 

“You got pineapple on it? Really?” 

It was hard for her to keep her anger in check, her eyes looking between the hand that was picking pineapple off of one of the slices and her current task. It was even harder to focus on where she was meant to be disinfecting while he was chewing. 

“Do you want a bite?” He hummed, offering her the slice that he had bitten. She was somewhat tempted out of sheer hunger but it would make things very awkward, considering he had already bitten into it. Not because they hadn't shared food before, but because they _had_ shared food before. It was something that Alex knew Vanessa considered a romantic gesture and something he should have known that Vanessa didn't want from him anymore. 

“I’ll get my own in a moment. What happened to you?” 

“Oh, Kevin beat me up.” Alex’s voice wasn’t upset or annoyed. He sounded almost happy about it and Vanessa wasn’t completely sure how to process this new information. She couldn’t see Kevin doing something like that but that didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of doing it. Kevin had lifted both herself and Alex off of their feet within the past few days. He could have easily inflicted the injuries that Alex had, even the one that looked like he had been dragged across asphalt. In fact, that one made the most sense to be from Kevin. 

She sighed and grabbed a plaster, cutting it at the length of Alex’s cheek to cover the lower half of the wound. 

“What happened?” 

“Well, I was just walking and I guess I must have been outside his house or something because he just sort of appeared behind me.” Alex started, taking a few moments to finish the slice and started dissecting another one, “Grabbed me and smacked me against the sidewalk a few times. I thought he was going to kill me but then he just dropped me and was like… uh… that doesn’t matter.” 

Vanessa listened, sinking into the table the more he spoke. This wasn’t what she wanted at all. She wanted Alex to leave her alone but he didn’t deserve to be injured or randomly assaulted in the street. She expected better of Kevin but then again, she only had a narrow and idealised view of the man.  On the other hand, She knew the man in front of her very well and Alex had also lied to her on multiple occasions. This wouldn’t be the first time he had done it for sympathy but one thing Vanessa could rely on with his lies was that they never had back-up. 

“I want to know, but… give me a minute.” Vanessa told him, grabbing her phone and going to Kevin in her contacts. 

_ ‘Did Alex come to your house today?’  _ She text him, seeing him start typing almost immediately but then stop for several minutes. Alex just watched, starting on his third slice. 

_ ‘Yeah. Why? Are you ok?’  _

_ ‘Yeah.’  _

_ ‘Van, he isn’t there is he? I can come over if you need me.’ _

_ ‘Or I can call someone’ _

She wasn’t sure how to respond, watching him start typing and then stop again several times. She didn’t want either of them here. Alex had never done things to back up his lies before, so why would this time be any different? Why would he go to Kevin’s just for a lie?

_ ‘What happened?’  _

_ ‘I’ll explain tomorrow. Are you ok???’  _

_ ‘I’m fine. He’s not here. I just got worried.’  _

There it was again. Typing. Stopping. Typing. Stopping. She felt her heart break as she watched it. Why couldn't he just say what he was going to say? Was he going to lie to her too?

_ ‘If you need me I’m here. Have a good night.’  _

She didn’t reply, putting her phone down to the side and focusing on Alex again, “What did he say to you?” 

Alex looked nervous, but not the nervous she would expect him to. He looked nervous of her reaction more than her emotions. That nervous you get when you feel like someone will slap you for what you’re about to tell them. Then he spoke and it was level. It wasn’t shaking at all, “He said  _ ‘Vanessa’s mine. I’m not going to let some other man come in and try to steal her. You stay away from her or I’ll do worse next time’. _ ” 

He was mocking Kevin’s voice but Vanessa barely registered it. The words cut her deep for several reasons. The idea that Kevin would say something like that about her, or about someone who was connected to her. The idea that Kevin would attack someone out of some misplaced sense of possession. The idea that all the men she ended up trusting or liking turned out to be possessive and creepy. She was staring at a place on the wall, thinking about all the nice things he’d done and thinking about what motives he might have had to pretend to be so nice to her. Then there was something on her lips and she snapped back into reality. 

It was unwelcome and uncomfortable, but she froze up. He was kissing her. She was kissing back, out of habit. Out of discomfort, she guessed. She thought it was from discomfort, but she didn’t have to be uncomfortable anymore, right? She’d left him and that was that… but now he was kissing her again as if she hadn’t left him. It made her feel sick. Her own reaction made her feel sick. Why was she just letting him do that? Why had she let his fingers run through her hair?

“What are you doing?” She eventually snapped, pushing Alex off of her and stumbling to the side of the table. She grabbed her phone but she had no one to text. She had no one she could call. Her parents lived the other side of town and she hadn't made friends that were close enough to know where she lived. “Get out! Get out of my house!” 

Her voice was a scream, if he tried anything she was sure that either intern Karen, her neighbour, or the secret police would quickly come to her aid. It wasn’t needed though as Alex stood, hands up and moved steadily over to the door. He closed the door behind himself and Vanessa sunk onto the sofa, grabbing a pillow to put in front of her face as she screamed and cried. It didn’t come immediately, but it came. It came in waves. Waves of emotions for waves of reasons.

She felt her tears soaking into the fabric, thinking over everything that had happened. Thinking about Kevin being so nice to her and the way she had felt and feeling sick. How did she have this bad taste in men? Why couldn’t she stop her heart from jumping each time she thought of him.

-

The door hit against the wall as she opened it, making the receptionist jump. Vanessa quickly apologised, moving up the stairs as fast as she could. She was extremely early today to try to avoid the radio host or the promotions manager who often bothered her for coffee on her way upstairs. It would normally be expected from interns, but she knew that the promotions department had intern Keith to get them coffee! Neither Daniel nor Kevin were in yet and she had time to make herself a drink. The office was empty, so she didn’t worry about anyone hearing her. 

“I trusted you!” She screamed at the beans, her swings wild and tears threatening to spill over. She just kept repeating it until her chest hurt and she couldn’t hit them anymore. They were ground extremely fine now and she was sure some would go through the filter but she finished making the drink anyway. It needed to sit in the control room as she fixed her eyeliner. 

She sunk into her chair, drinking slowly as she waited for Kevin to come into the studio. She wondered if Alex had got a hit on him. He hadn’t mentioned doing so and she was sure that Kevin could hold him far enough away that the other man wouldn’t be able to reach. When she did see him, she winced but tried to hide it from him. She didn’t want to look at him and his dumb face or his dumb hair. Instead she focused on some cat videos on her phone. 

_ “Nothing is in your control but that’s what makes life interesting. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.”  _

If she didn’t have to listen to that stupid, passionate, dumb, cute voice she would have taken her headphones off fully but she had to. It was part of being a production intern, listening to the broadcasts and helping produce them. He might ask her to run an errand or look something up or say something that required her to fact check it. He might need some random noise that he didn't already have control of, but that was unlikely. Still, she focused on the cats snuggling on her phone screen instead. She wished she could get a cat. They had such adorable spines. 

_ “Until next…”  _ She didn’t wait for him to finish the sentence, rushing to the break room to grab her second coffee she had prepared earlier in the machine. She was so glad that no one else had taken it, although by how much better it was than the first cup she thought someone may have and then left another one in there. 

The door opened and she swept herself out the other one. She didn’t know if it was Kevin or not but didn’t much care. She had coffee, She had a laptop, and the bathrooms were gendered. Regardless of how gross it might be to sit on a toilet doing work and drinking coffee, that was where she had decided was best to do her work today. Somewhere where she didn’t have to see Kevin. She didn’t have to explain herself because she knew of other colleagues who had done the same in the past. She just had to figure out where to put her coffee so it wasn’t on the floor. 

There was nowhere, so she just kept it as far from the toilet as possible. She set her laptop on her lap and started working. The thought of talking to her college advisor popped into her head more than once. She could just get moved somewhere else. Maybe Red Mesa needed a radio intern. She wondered what their station was like. 

She only came back up to the control room at the end of the day. She’d left her bag there and she didn’t feel comfortable leaving it there overnight. Plus, Kevin would probably assume she had gone home and go without her, she thought. 

She slipped her laptop in her backpack and flung it over her shoulder, standing straight again and noticing something on Kevin’s chair. Then she looked harder and noticed the converse under the chair. Was he… asleep? 

Her hand reached for her headphones, listening for a moment and hearing the soft snores and mumbles coming through his microphone. It fortunately wasn’t still broadcasting to the rest of Desert Bluffs but at first it made Vanessa laugh. That was, until she remembered she was supposed to be mad at him. What he had said about her was horrible and it didn’t matter how cute he was. 

“Kevin.” She said into her microphone but she didn’t even know if his headphones were on. She would have to go in there and wake him up. Vanessa rolled her eyes and went around the outside. 

“Oh, Hi, Vanessa. I thought Kevin would have taken you home by now?” Daniel asked, giving her a small smile. 

“Why would you assume Kevin takes me home?” She snapped, gripping her backpack strap hard. Daniel seemed taken aback but she could not care less. She could not care less if he reported her or got her moved, either. 

“Well, Kevin said he took you home at the moment, that-...” 

“Well, Kevin says a lot of things, doesn’t he, Daniel?” Her tone didn’t drop, face heating with anger and frustration, “He’s all yours. He’s asleep at his desk. Tell him I said he is sadly mistaken about the nature of our relationship!” 

Daniel watched her storm away, dumbfounded by whatever had just happened but assuming it had something to do with the state of Kevin's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In terms of Alex's pronouns;
> 
> He is he in C&S up to a point (later on they change to they and It will be explained) so it's not just me being inconsistant. Currently he is IDing as cis-male.


	8. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the best way to solve your problems? Getting blind drunk and forgetting your had them in the first place!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mainly bottom notes this time. V

“So, I had a chat with that intern on the way out.” Daniel told him at the pause of the conversation, just as they were walking into Desert Bluffs’ newest bar. It was a small and homey place with live music and a chic atmosphere. Daniel was looking around and nodding, not even noticing Kevin pulling his phone out and furiously tapping on the screen. 

_ ‘Did I leave you at the station? I’m so sorry! Do you want me to come and get you?’  _

_ Seen _ He waited, finger’s trembling above the keys. 

“You alright, Kevin?” The words passed over him for a moment but he finally looked up and then frowned. He followed Daniel to a table, explaining about him not taking Vanessa home. She wasn’t replying. 

_ ‘Are you ok, Van? Did something happen?’  _

_ Seen  _

“Well, she was leaving when I bumped into her. She seemed pretty annoyed at you, actually. No idea what you did but she is really upset about it.” 

Kevin put his hand in the front of his hair. He was panicking. What if she didn’t get home safe and it was his fault? What if something had happened last night when he text but did nothing about it? 

_ ‘Just tell me you’re home safe. Please.’  _

_ Seen _

He felt sick to his stomach, mumbling some excuse to Daniel about needing the bathroom to excuse himself. He could hardly breathe. She wasn’t even replying to that and he had no idea if she had even actually seen the messages or if someone else had her phone. Was it over stepping to call her? Probably. Daniel said she was upset with him. She wouldn’t want him to call and then. 

_ ‘Yeah. I’m at home. Now stop texting me.’  _

He leant his head against the door, breathing a sigh of relief. He did as he was told and didn’t text her again, he didn’t want to overstep any of her boundaries regardless of whether or not he knew why they were there. Vanessa had her reasons and that was enough. 

-

“You alright?” Daniel asked as Kevin returned, taking one of the beers from the table and sipping it slowly. 

“Yeah. Just over reacting, I guess. She’s an adult, she looks after herself.” Kevin nodded, taking a much larger mouthful of beer than Daniel was, “We should do cocktails or shots.” 

Daniel didn’t reply for a moment, tapping the side of his glass nervously. He had no idea what was going on with the entire situation but was starting to get the feeling he might have to get station management involved and that alone was a scare enough thought without the addition of an intern who could probably beat him up and Kevin who could definitely beat him up. 

“So… Vanessa give you the eyes, then?” He asked, using his glass to emphasise his meaning, “Pretty nasty. Remind me not to get on-...” 

“What? No. Why would she hit me?” Kevin questioned, staring at his drink as if it had offended him deeply, “Her ex gave me the eye.” 

“Makes sense. That’s why she thinks you’re ‘sadly mistaken about the nature’ of your relationship.” 

Kevin’s eyes shot up to him, looking hurt and confused. He had been nothing but professional, right? Or had he overstepped by saying he could come to her apartment to help? The thought turned in his head and he decided that must have been it. He didn’t mean to offend and he certainly didn’t want to make it worse. He took another big drink. 

“Whoa, slow down.” Daniel warned, putting his hand on the top of Kevin’s glass, “Just tell me what happened. It’s way too early for you to be downing drinks.” 

“Her ex came over trying to beat me up. I gave him some advice and he took another swing at me. After he left, Vanessa text asked if he’d come over and I asked if he was at hers because I knew that she had trouble with him.” Kevin explained, rubbing his forehead, careful not to poke himself in the eye. 

“Rough.” Daniel hummed, shrugging, “It’s normal women issues, though. The creepy guy bit. Don’t crowd her, just make sure you talk to her about what she wants from you. Oh, and apologise!” 

Kevin nodded, running a finger around the top of his glass, “I do kind of want to just get drunk tonight, though. She doesn’t want me to text her, so it’s better to talk to her when she’s comfortable. The worst part was that I was telling him how to be a good boyfriend for her even though…” 

“You like her? That’s not a bad thing, Kevin. You’re looking out for her instead of just doing what’s best for you.” Daniel told him with a small frown, “You know what, sure. We can get drunk tonight but remember you need to be clear in the morning.” 

“Thanks, man.” 

-

Vanessa huffed as she checked her phone for the third time. It was Kevin again. Couldn’t he take a hint? 

_ ‘Just tell me you’re home safe. Please’ _

If it would stop him from texting her, she would reply but if he text again she was throwing her phone in her bag and ignoring it. 

_ ‘Yeah. I’m home. Now stop texting me.’  _

_ Seen _

She waited a few minutes. No reply. Good. All she wanted to do was jump on her bed and cry. She couldn’t keep working from the bathroom, it was cramped and small and unhygienic. 

_ ‘Vannnnnn… new bar!!! Come with us.’ _

_ ‘Like, get that ass off your mind. Alan or whoever.’ _

_ ‘Cmon grrrl.’  _

Vanessa stared at the messages, watching as her other friends joined in. They were the type of friends that you drank with. They were not the type you stuck around with outside of that. Regardless, it didn’t take much convincing, though. She was already slipping into a tight top and jeans, smudging lipstick on and texting equally excitedly back. Her goal was to forget and her girls could do that. It was one of the only things they did together, but they did it very well.

She had her cards in her pocket, her keys and her phone. Everything else could stay at home. 

-

“Vanessa!” The three girls welcomed her with open arms as she arrived. They had been waiting outside in their short dresses. She felt sorry for making them wait but then realised that her exposed midriff was neither hot nor cold, so they were probably fine. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t like those dresses, just that last time she’d gone out in one she had embarrassed herself by showing off her underwear to an entire bar when she fell off of her stool. She was not ready to make that mistake again and she certainly wanted to get that far gone. She wanted to be as drunk as possible as fast as possible.

Her and her friend’s caught up on her boy issues before going inside and talking about something far more interesting. 

“So, you will not believe what happened in the lab the other day. We were working on this new antipsychotic haze that is meant to help people with hallucinations. Well, it leaked and it did not do what was intended.” Daisy started, shaking her head, “My goodness, it spread everywhere.” 

“Wait, that was your fault?” Vanessa laughed, “Dude, I almost kissed my boss. It was super embarrassing.” 

“Oh, that’s not the worst part.” She continued, “You’ll probably get a cold tomorrow and then your nails will fall out and grow back within a day.” 

The group went quiet and looked horrified. All of them had had some form of experience with the fog and this news was not welcomed by any of them. Instead they focused on ordering a round of margaritas and two shots each. 

One. Two. Vanessa was the slowest to down the two, wincing at the burning sensation in the back of her throat. It was super effective, though. She was soon gossiping about everyone else’s jobs and completely ignoring her own. 

-

“You know, we need to talk more often, Daniel.” Kevin hummed, finishing off his third pint, “We need to do some shots, too.” 

“No, Kevin, for the third time. We’re not doing shots.” Daniel sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “also, I talk to you everyday. I’m happy to be closer friends with you but no shots.” 

Kevin nodded, seeming to agree, “I’ll grab the next round.” 

Daniel let him, not surprised at all when Kevin came back with three shots for each of them. 

“Look, you need to lighten up. You said we could get drunk and you’re not even tipsy.” Kevin told him, taking a cent out of his pocket and putting it in one of the shots. 

“Did you just coin me?” 

“Gotta retrieve it, Daniel.” Kevin laughed, picking up one of his own shots and drinking it in one fluid movement. 

-

“Is that your boss, Vanny?” Sophie said, pointing over to Kevin past Vanessa. 

She looked around and then quickly back not wanting Kevin to see her. Why was he here? Why was he here with Daniel? Then she remembered that Daniel was going to get him when she left. They were probably here before the women were. It was just awkward how she had to see his cute dumb face out of work. He was even still in his work clothes. She kicked her heels together under the table, rubbing them against one another. 

“Yeah, he is. Another round of shots? I want a few.” 

The women agreed, waving the bartender over. 

“Sounds like you don’t like him much, Van.” Sophie hummed, leaning on her shoulder and Vanessa took two in a row, “Is he overbearing? Does he get you to run around after him?” 

Vanessa just shook her head, burying her face in her main drink. It was giving her brain freeze but she didn’t care much. The alcohol was making her numb enough to get through it, just about. 

“Come on, Vanny, What’s he done?” 

-

“I love you.” Daniel laughed, pulling Kevin closer to him. They had not only finished their shots but ordered the most alcoholic drink on the menu for their next one. 

Kevin was seeing triple but he really didn’t care. Daniel’s words were just fairies dancing past his ears, with no meaning and as ephemeral as the sound that they made. It was fantastic. He felt nothing, physically. He felt so warm and appreciated emotionally. 

“We should play a game, Daniel.” He started, turning to the man and holding his face. 

“What game?” Daniel questioned, taking Kevin’s face back. They both shook each other’s face in an affectionate way. They didn’t care about anything else except for the two of them. Brothers in arms against no cause. 

“What are you talking about?” Kevin replied in honest confusion. 

“Hey, you!” 

Kevin spun around, falling off of his chair as he did and needing Daniel to help him back up. 

“So you think you can just own women, huh?” The tallest girl snapped. Kevin stared at them for a few moments, trying his best to sober up and understand what was being yelled at him. What had he done? He was just having fun with Daniel. Sweet, precious Daniel. He needed a raise. Kevin was going to ask station management to give Daniel a raise!

“No…?” Kevin asked, leaning against the table to try and stop the room from spinning.

It wasn’t very effective as when he did his eyes were level with the most beautiful person in this bar. Probably in the world. He was sure in the world. Perfect hair and eyes and…

“What the hell?” He yelped, closing his eyes tight as he felt cold liquid hitting his face. First from in front of him and then from his right and then from his left. Daniel quickly stumbled to go and get him some tissues from the bar for his eyes. 

“You’re scum, Kevin Palmer!” Sophie yelled at him, drawing a few stares and mumbles from other patrons of the bar before turning and returning to Vanessa who now had her head in her hands. 

“You alright, Kevin?” Daniel asked, passing Kevin the tissues to dab his eyes with and clean his glasses, “Do you want to go?” 

Kevin shook his head, sorting himself out and then readjusting himself onto his chair, “If anything I want to drink even more. Why am I scum?” 

-

Their nights continued separately, Kevin and Daniel playing drinking games and Vanessa and her friends dancing until they couldn’t stand. Sophie left with a guy and Karen passed out on the bar. Kevin and Daniel had moved further away from them, to a sofa in the corner where they were away from the commotion but things had died down and every now and then Kevin looked back to Vanessa. Every other now and every other then, she looked to him.

“She’s really beautiful, Daniel.” Kevin sighed, taking the last of whatever drink it was that he was drinking now. “I’m gunna tell ‘er.” 

“No, Kevin, bad idea. Leave her alone.” Daniel told him, holding his arm tight and shaking him, “Don’t go over there.” 

“No, she’s coming over here.” Kevin pointed out, pushing Daniel away from him, “She might be coming over to apologise to you about yelling and everythin’.” 

They both stared for a moment. Vanessa didn’t notice at all. 

To Kevin it looked as if she was walking gracefully over with a bright light shining behind her and angels singing. In reality she was stumbling on everything, falling off of her heels and using tables for balance. Daniel had quickly moved away and her course hadn’t changed so he took the chance to go and talk to Daisy, hoping the woman wouldn’t recognise him as the friend of the person she had thrown drinks over. 

Time slowed as Vanessa put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, pushing him back into the seat and climbing on top of him. He couldn’t help his body's reaction but gathered himself enough to put a hand haphazardly on her face, fingers splayed over her mouth. 

“You’re drunk,” He laughed nervously, not pushing her away but also not letting her move any closer, “Vanessa, you. Are. Drunk.” 

She grabbed his wrist and pushed it off of her, sitting across his lap. 

“But I thought, I was yours, Kevin…? Kevin…?” 

“Tamlane?” 

“Kevin Tamlane Palmer.” She spat, glaring down at him. 

Her words made barely any sense but he couldn’t deny that they were pretty hot. He was so confused but too drunk to know if it was a confusing situation or his current disposition. She was so dominant and possessive, he really wanted to see where she was going with this. Still, a tentacle wrapped around and lifted her back onto the table behind her, crossing his legs and leaning forward in an attempt to level himself. 

“We can talk about that more when we’re sober?” He slurred, staring lovingly into her beautiful brown eyes. 

“We won’t be talking again!” She snapped, hitting his shoulder. It was just a pat really, with no real force behind it, “You beat up my ex and then act like you own me. I trusted you! How could you just treat someone like that? I thought we were friends! I thought you might even like me!” 

Kevin’s stare changed from loving to confused, seeming to sober very quickly for a minute as he processed what had been said to him. Beat up Alex? Act like he owned her? He hadn’t meant to come across like that at all and he certainly hadn’t beat anyone up, in his life in fact. 

“I think you’re confused.” He started, patting the seat next to him. She didn’t move from her perch on the table, her eyes conveying anger and sadness that he never wanted to see in them, “ _Alex_ punched _me_. Trust me, my brain is in one place right now and I don’t have the capacity to lie, especially to you Vanessa Gris. You are in fact keeping my mind very much in said place, despite my self control in that matter.” 

“Louise.” She added, pouting at him as she ran her hands down her face, “Then how did Alex get so beaten up? It looked like something dragged him across concentrate.” 

“Oh, so you assume the half-monster did it? Half… squid… no, I don’t have suckers...” Kevin looked thoughtful for a moment before taking a philosophical tone, poking one of his tentacles, “What am I?” 

“He told me you did it!” 

“After I gave him such good advice for winning you over? That asshole.” He looked up at Vanessa, feeling tears forming and then spilling onto his cheeks. She was just so beautiful and he hated this conversation. He hated that she was mad at him. He also felt like throwing up but that was just the way the room was moving, he guessed. He did not want to throw up on her.

He didn’t hear Vanessa’s next words, only focusing again when she shoved her phone in front of him. She requested he tell her everything that happened and he happily obliged, stating what happened like a bullet-point list. 

“Why?” He questioned at the end, putting an elbow next to her and leaning on his fist to try and keep his head from spinning. 

“I’m not going to remember any of this tomorrow, so I’ll be mad at you again.” She explained, shoving it back into her pocket, “At least I’ll forget climbing on top of you.” 

“That was pretty good.” Kevin hummed, letting the air sway him side to side as his eyes followed the bar as it flipped onto the ceiling. He was drawn away by Vanessa sinking back onto his lap and his eyes moving back to her half lidded expression, “No. No. Like I said, you’re drunk.” 

“You’re more drunk.” She laughed as she climbed off of him and shakily stood back up, “I was just getting up. I should rescue Daisy from Daniel.” 

“They’re pretty cute together though.” 

“Don’t drink more, you’ll regret it in the morning.” 

With that, she started back across the bar. Daniel was back with him before he could even process that Vanessa had left and within minutes he had forgotten she had even been there. 

The two men talked for another few hours, swapping alcohol for water while they both regaled each other with stories of their time in school, which was of course exaggerated for effect. 

“I meant what I said earlier, Kevin.” Daniel sighed, rubbing the other man’s shoulder. It had been a lull in their conversation and despite Kevin being slightly more sober, the motion of the room was still too much for him to follow what Daniel had meant. He was about to ask when Daniel answered the question for him. 

It was sloppy and drunken and unpleasant but Kevin didn’t blame him in the least bit. He hadn’t stopped him or tried to push him away. He also hadn’t reciprocated so he did blame Daniel for the second attempt. 

“Wow, I think you need to go home, buddy.” Kevin laughed nervously, holding his shoulders. Daniel was staring into his eyes and the way he said  _ ‘yeah’  _ made Kevin assume he had completely missed what Kevin was trying to say. 

He called Daniel a taxi and made sure he got to it before staggering to his own house. 

_ ‘Did you get home OK?’ _ He wasn’t sure if it was OK to text Vanessa again or not, but he had seen her at the bar. He could remember that but not who she was with or what she was doing or if they had spoken. He was so tired and sick. 

_ ‘Im throin up b yh’  _

-

Vanessa hummed along with the song of his ringtone. She’d fallen asleep next to her bath but the dread that came with the thought that her alarm was going off quickly woke her from her amazing dream and the humming. 

It wasn’t her alarm, it was worse. Daniel. 

She rolled her head back, looking out of the window to check it was still night time, which it was, before answering. Her speech still slurred, but keeping it more professional than before. 

“Hello, Daniel.” 

“Vanessa, hi. Did you get home alright?” He asked. He sounded genuinely concerned but she didn’t remember how he knew she’d been out. She could hardly remember anything that had happened before she was throwing up in her bath.

“Yeah… you?” She held the word, not sure if he had even gone out or even been drinking. It also wasn’t clear where the boundary was for talking to one of the department leads about going out drinking. 

“Yes, I did. Just thought that Kevin would be too far out of it to check on you but would feel bad about no one doing so.” He explained and Vanessa could hear him playing with something metallic the other end of the phone. It hurt her ears, whatever it was, and she just wanted to get herself so water and get rid of this hangover. 

“Thanks. Did you and Kevin go out?” 

“Vanessa… you don’t remember?” 

“No…”

There was a silence and then Daniel hummed in agreement before just hanging up on her. He was so weird...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Kevin's drunkness is based off of my own experience of being drunk this one time that I don't really remember properly and so may be completely unrealistic. I just remember forgetting everything and not being able to follow anything and trying to sing but being painful aware of the fact I couldn't. The idea of just downing drinks for no real reason also comes from the same experience.
> 
> Also, consent! Drunk people can not! 
> 
> Also, Daisy, Karen and Sophie will come back up again (Daisy has already been referenced a few times in Your Ghosts) and will be in the middle fic (between this and Your Ghosts) when we get there. I have plans for everyone. They are off to the side but they aren't just one-time characters. Sophie may or may not come back up before the middle fic but will be in the middle fic definitely.


	9. Hungover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Different people process alcohol differently.

Vanessa hummed as she marched into the station, bright and early and ready to make the coffee. She greeted the receptionist and practically danced upstairs. She not only felt right and rain, but far better than she had the day before and everyone saw it. There were a few mumbled from her collegues but she paid no attention to them. She was happy and that's what mattered.

Kevin groaned, three-eyed sunglasses covering his face to try and block the ungodly light from his sensitive eyes. He could barely open the door, let alone coherently greet anyone on the way up. Everyone went quiet when he walked in, which was a relieve as every tiny noise was killing his head.

She hammered the coffee to thoughts of Alex, thoughts of what had actually happened between him and Kevin, brewing enough for the whole of their floor to have a cup. She would normally only do this for midday or would just get people coffee when they asked for it, but it was always nice to find coffee still in the pot when she came into the break room and she wanted to pass along that wonderful feeling.

Kevin tripped over his untied shoelaces as he carefully made his way up the stairs, each step taking more and more energy. He paid little attention to Daniel, snatching the sponcered message from him as he went past. Daniel was saying something to him but he would just ask him to tell him again later, if he remembered.

She put her coffee on the control panel before putting Kevin’s next to his microphone with a post-it saying  _ “Sorry about yesterday. <3”.  _ She wrote the note a few times to make sure the heart looked nice but not too nice before giving up and just sticking with a simple one.

Kevin almost fell into his studio and definitely fell into his chair, leaning over his microphone. That was the last place he wanted to be sick, so reached down to pull his bin closer to himself. The letters on the note were going in and out of his blurred vision. He almost thought the third 'y' looked like a heart. He set it to the side. Why had he thought this was a good idea? 

Vanessa watched but Kevin didn’t look at her, not because he didn't want to see her but because the broadcast needed to start and it was taking all of his focus to sit up straight.

“Something meaningful or at least funny, I guess. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” It wasn’t the best opener, true, but he wasn’t slurring his words so no one would notice, right? He hoped no one would notice. There had been several times where the opener was worse than that, including one time where he just yodelled into the microphone for five minutes. It was better than that, so sure, no one would notice.

-

“That bad?” Vanessa asked, dipping into his studio after the broadcast had ended with a second coffee and some panadol. 

He just looked up at her over his glasses in reply, although this only allowed her to see his third eye. It was bloodshot, with a constricted pupil staring up at her. It was almost as soon as she saw it that he had hidden his head back in his arms again, shielded from the harsh light.

Vanessa sat on his desk, one leg crossed over the other as she put the coffee in front of him and placing the pills next to it. She was tempted to touch his hair or shoulder but thought that this might be overstepping some boundaries.

“Come on, this will help. What do you remember about last night?” She asked softly. She didn’t remember too much herself, but had written herself a note to listen to the recorded message she had for herself. It was hard to understand but had Kevin slurring against the microphone. It had honestly sounded like he was breathing down it for the most part, which was very unpleasant with the poor audio quality. A list of things ending in;

_ ‘He tried to punch me. He actually punched me then he laughed at me about crying. I mean, like, why did you date such a toxic guy, Vanny? You’re so amazing and you settled for a guy who punches people and laughs at them.”  _

She had deleted it, as much as she wanted to keep the recording, but not before listening to him calling her amazing a few times. 

“Not much. Shots. Regrets. Big regrets.” He was talking about Daniel kissing him. He had completely forgotten seeing Daniel on his way in and wondered where Daniel was this morning. He was too sick to realise that Vanessa hadn't given him the sponcered message, so he must have seen the man. 

Vanessa, however, had no idea what he was talking about. She wouldn’t push for details while he was like this but part of her worried about what had happened after she had made sure her friends had made it home alright. She hadn’t been in a position to check on him, seeing as she had thrown up several times on her way home and then several times into her bathtub. She had woken up with a fine stuck to her window, but it was easily payable (only fifty nail clippings). A life hack for paying fines with nail clippings; It's about number, not condition! Just cut however many you have into the number you need.

“Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m here. Also, I’m happy to take your work for the day. You did show me how.” 

He leaned back, taking the pills. He hadn’t finished his previous coffee and opted to take them with the now cold liquid rather than the fresh and hot one that Vanessa had brought in. He took a deep breath and shook his head, telling her about what happened with Daniel. It was difficult, having to stop himself from throwing up several times. He had already thrown up during the weather and he certainly thought it stank. He couldn't imagine what Vanessa thought of him. 

“It was my fault, I should have stopped him.” Kevin sighed, rubbing his head. Vanessa had gone to talk when he added, “I’m not attracted to him. I thought he knew that.” 

“No, you shouldn’t blame yourself. You were drunk and if he was as coherent as when he called me, then he should have known better.” 

There was a long pause between them, Kevin looking over his glasses slowly. He let his eyes get used to the light. By the time all of his eyes were visible, the glasses were fully off of his face. It had taken a good few minutes and the gesture had been super dramatic. It made Vanessa feel like she'd said something completely wrong. His glasses covered the majority of his face when they were on. He took a deep breath, thinking before speaking. 

“Daniel called you?” He didn’t want to sound possessive or jealous. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. It was hard enough to control his voice at the moment, but he hadn't wanted her to be mad at him again. It had seemed quite a change to him, her not being mad at him this morning. He could remember texting her, but it had been a very short conversation and wasn't evidence that she'd forgiven him for whatever he had done.

“Yeah, just checking that I got home alright. I was in bed at the time, he didn’t sound drunk at all.” 

He paused again, leaning his head back against the chair and then laughing. 

“That was way later, he could have sobered up, I’m sure.” Kevin told her, “You were throwing up when I got home. I text you, remember?” 

“Nope, not that. I’m sure it’s on my phone though.” She told him, flicking to her texts. 

-

He was still feeling awful as he walked Vanessa home. She had offered to walk by herself, letting him know that Alex hadn't bothered her the day before when she had gone but other than that they barely spoke because he felt like throwing up each time he opened his mouth. He was never going to drink again. That was for sure. He promised himself and he wasn't about to go back on his own promises.

“Come on up, I’ll get you some water and a burger or something.” Vanessa offered, giving Kevin a small smile. He shook his head to refuse, signing in reply to stop himself from throwing up. 

_ “I don’t want to throw up in your apartment.”  _ He signed, watching her giggle. It only then occurred to him that not everyone knew ASL. He only learnt it for Janet. 

_ “It’s fine. I don’t mind at all.”  _ She signed back. 

_ “You can talk.”  _ Kevin started, smiling. The tips of his lips hidden under the large glasses as he gave her a wide, toothy smile,  _ “It would be embarrassing. I’ll text you, promise.” _

_ “You better.”  _


	10. Texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa texting after Kevin is feeling better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the main part of this was more to try and help myself with dialogue. Sorry!
> 
> Some notes;  
> \- When it says "..." on it's own, imagine whatever app you want to think of doing the typing thing  
> \- Time doesn't work, it's just for effect of the time difference they would have felt.   
> \- I am being purposefully suggestive.   
> \- Vanessa is in bold

**_“How are you feeling?”_ **

_ \- 18:12 pm  _

_ “Water tastes amazing.”  _

_ -18:12 pm _

**_“Lol! Water always tastes good. Do you not drink water?”_ **

_ \- 18:13 pm  _

_ “Of course I drink water! I’m feeling better, thanks, Van.”  _

_ \- 18:13 pm  _

**_“So, what you up to?”_ **

_ \- 18:15 pm _

_ “You know…”  _

_ “Stuff.”  _

_ \- 18:20 pm _

**_“Ever descriptive, Mr Palmer.”_ **

**_“What type of stuff?”_ **

_ \- 18:20 pm  _

_ “I was just sorting some things around the house. You?” _

_ \- 18:20 pm _

**_“Hammering coffee?”_ **

_ \- 18:21 pm _

_ “Yh. Hammering coffee. Had a lot to take out.”  _ _   
_ _ “How’s your journal going btw? Am I meant to read that?”  _

_ \- 18:23 pm _

**_“Me too.”_ **

**_“You want to talk about it?”_ **

**_“Nah, Station Management signs off on that. You already sign, like, all of my evidence. [Emoji of a cat laughing]. You’ll do my letter at the end of the year.”_ **

_ \- 18:23 pm  _

_ “Nah. It’s fine.”  _

_ “Assuming I sign it. xP”  _

_ \- 18:25 pm  _

**_“Did you just use xP? [Laughing while crying emoji] I guess I’ll use that to blackmail you if you don’t.”_ **

**_“You sure, tho. I’m here if you need me.”_ **

_ \- 18:25 pm  _

_ “You wouldn’t!”  _

_ “Just somethings I had built up.”  _

_ “Not big things.”  _

_ “I’m fine, don’t worry.”  _

_ \- 18:25 pm  _

**_“Kevin Palmer!”_ **

**_“What’s your middle name?”_ **

**_“Anyway…”_ **

**_“Don’t bottle things up!”_ **

_ \- 18:26 pm  _

_ “Tamlane.”  _

_ “Don’t laugh.”  _

_ \- 18:30 pm _

**_“Kevin Tamlane Palmer!”_ **

**_“Don’t bottle things up!”_ **

_ \- 18:30pm _

_ “I was just frustrated, that’s all. It’s out of my system.” _

_ -18:33 pm _

_ Seen _

_ “That’s what coffee hammers for.” _

_ \- 18:35 pm _

**_“Frustrated?”_ **

_ \- 18:35 pm  _

_ “Like annoyed” / **“About what?”** _

_ \- 18:45 pm  _

**_“Oh… about Daniel?”_ **

_ \- 18:45 pm  _

_ “No.” _

_ “Don’t worry, it’s complicated.”  _

_ \- 18:50 pm  _

**_“Oh, I think I get ya.”_ **

_ \- 18:50 pm  _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “What?”  _

_ \- 18:53 pm  _

**_“Well, you blamed yourself earlier. I can imagine you have some pretty mixed emotions.”_ **

**_“Not to assume but”_ **

**_“I know that I’ve been in a similar situation.”_ **

**_“I blame myself, totally! Completely my fault, in my case, but”_ **

**_“I’m still kinda feeling like”_ **

**_“I dunno”_ **

**_“One part of me is thinking that I’m really upset about it. I hated it and I beat myself up about letting it happen.”_ **

**_“The other is asking why I didn’t just let it go further even though I felt bad.”_ **

_ \- 18:57pm _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “Alex?”  _

_ \- 18:57 pm _

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_“Dw.”_ **

**_“It’s no big deal, I was totally sending mixed messages.”_ **

**_“Plus, like, it was nothing big. Just a kiss.”_ **

_ \- 18:58 pm _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “The other night?”  _

_ \- 19:00 pm  _

**_“Look, I blame myself enough.”_ **

**_“Don’t judge me!”_ **

_ \- 19:00pm _

_ “No!”  _

_ “I’m not!”  _

_ “I just…”  _

_ \- 19:00 pm _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “I’m sorry, Van.”  _

_ \- 19:02 pm  _

_ Seen _

_ - _

**_“It’s not your fault.”_ **

_ \- 20:00 pm  _

_ “Don’t blame yourself for him.”  _

_ “Don’t blame yourself for anyone else’s actions.”  _

_ \- 20:02pm  _

**_“You’re blaming yourself for Daniel.”_ **

_ \- 20:02 pm  _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “Touche.”  _

_ “Not the point.” _

_ “The point is” _

_ “He shouldn’t have done it. Why was he even in your apartment?”  _

_ \- 20:05 pm  _

_ … _

**_…_ **

_ … _

**_…_ **

_ “You don’t have to answer that, sorry.”  _

_ \- 20:07 pm  _

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_“He took my pizza off the delivery guy.”_ **

_ \- 20:10 pm  _

_ “What?”  _

_ \- 20:10pm  _

**_“Yeah.”_ **

_ -20:10 pm  _

_.... _

_ … _

_ … _

_.... _

_ “What a jerk! [emoji of someone who is angry towards a situation and sympathetic to the person who is in the situation]” _

_ “Are you alright?”  _

_ “If he does that again, let me know!” _

_ “Or someone!” _

_ “But I’m here for you, I mean!”  _

_ \- 20:12 pm  _

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_“It won’t happen again, Kevin.”_ **

_ \- 20:15 pm  _

_ “No, I didn’t mean it like that. [emoji of someone who is sorry and panicky]”  _

_ “I just meant, if he’s making you uncomfortable.”  _

_ “I didn’t mean anything like that.”  _

_ \- 20:15 pm  _

**_“Kevin!”_ **

_ \- 20:15 pm  _

_ Seen _

**_“I know what you meant.”_ **

**_“I appreciate it.”_ **

**_“Thanks.”_ **

**_“I feel a lot more safe knowing you’re looking out for me.”_ **

**_“I might even ask you to come round sometime.”_ **

_ \- 20:17 pm  _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “I’m glad.”  _

_ \- 20:20 pm  _

-

Vanessa laid back in the warm water, humming softly and relaxing. It was amazing. At least, it was for the first couple of minutes. She’d lit candles, added far too many bubbles and the room smelt of a beautiful Sandalwood. It was boring. It was lovely, just boring. Her phone was within reach but she didn’t want to drop it in the water. She could get her laptop and set it on a chair, but that would require getting out of the bath. She could just fantasize about something to entertain herself but all she wanted some time to just clear her mind. 

She eventually decided to roll onto her front, grabbing her phone and flicking through a few games. She sipped wine while playing  _ Spot the Secret Police Camera _ where the objective was quite the opposite of the title. Vanessa pressed several things on the screen rather than the obvious Secret Police Camera - the forward facing one above the screen. 

An alarm went off in the game for her touching a bird and made her jump. That hadn’t happened before. 

“VANESSA GRIS DO NOT TOUCH THE BIRDS!” The phone seemed to scream.

“Why are you playing games in the bath?” Her shower head mumbled in annoyance.

She wasn’t sure whether these were normal occurrences, or these were secret police agents talking to her, or whether something weird was going on. She decided the second option was the least uncomfortable one so just asked, “You watch me in the bath and shower?”

“DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS!” Her phone barked, “WE WATCH YOU WHEN WE NEED TO! WHICH IS ALWAYS! NO MORE QUESTION!” 

“That’s fine, I mean, you don’t take pictures or-...” 

“NO MORE QUESTIONS!”

-

**_“Kevin?”_ **

**_“U still up?”_ **

_ \- 00:30 am _

_ “Yh, what’s up?”  _

_ \- 00:32 am  _

**_“I had a few drinks.”_ **

_**"Did you know the Secret Police watch you bath?"** _

_ \- 00:32 am _

_ “Yes, I did. You should go to bed, Van. We have work in the morning.”  _

_ \- 00:32 am  _

_ [Picture] _

Kevin stared at the unloaded link, unsure whether or not to open it. He slipped his glasses onto his face, hovering his thumb over the message and then sighing. She wouldn’t have sent him anything like that, right? If she had he didn’t want to invade her privacy by looking. He could just delete it right? Or just not look. 

**_“Wait! No! Wrong filter!”_ **

_ \- 00:35 am _

Wait… filter? 

_ [Picture]  _

**_“Look, Ima cat!”_ **

_ \- 00:37 am  _

That made so much more sense. Kevin opened the two pictures. 

The first was of Vanessa with pink fluffy cat ears and hearts surrounding her head. She was winking and giving a peace sign. It was adorable and Kevin couldn’t help but smile. The second a similar expression and pose, but no hearts and black cat ears with piercings in them. 

Kevin went to his app too, trying to get just the right angle to make his eyes look nice. He tried several different ways of smiling. The cat filter with the pale pink ears that are turned down at the side. It was only his face and the top of his shoulders.

**_“KEvin! I am cat!”_ **

_ \- 00:45 am  _

_ [Picture] _

**_“OMG yor soooo cute!”_ **

**_“I mean”_ **

**_“The pic”_ **

_ \- 00:45 am  _

_ “I guessed you meant the pic, Vani. You’re cute too.”  _

_ \- 00:45 am _

Oh, why did he say that? She was already typing so he couldn’t take it back now. Ugh… So unprofessional. 

**_“In my pics?”_ **

**_“I’m adodrible, Kevin! How dare you!”_ **

_ \- 00:45 am _

_ “Oh, I’m sorry.”  _

_ \- 00:45 am _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “You’re adorable?”  _

_ \- 00:47 am _

**_“Ty. I am.”_ **

**_“Why are you shirtless?”_ **

_ \- 00:48 am  _

How was he meant to answer that? He told her he was already up but the answer was that she woke him up. He kept his phone on loud. 

…

…

…

_ I was getting ready for be-...  _ no _ …  _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ I just got out the sho-...  _ no, definitely not! _... _

_ … _

_ … _

**_“The typing is a little worrying.”_ **

_ \- 00:55 am _

_ “I thought you were playing with Snap. How can you see my typing!”  _

_ \- 00:55 am  _

_ … _

_.... _

**_“Tocha.”_ **

_ \- 00:56 am  _

‘Touche’. Not the answer he expected. 

_ “I’ll be honest. I wasn’t up.”  _

_ \- 00:58 am _

**_“You gt up to lk at me as a cat?”_ **

_ \- 01:00 am  _

_ “No.”  _

_ “My phone was on loud.”  _

_ \- 01:00 am  _

**_“Wtvr u say, Tamlane. ;)”_ **

_ \- 01:02 am  _

_ “Vanessa you need to sleep. I know that the time means nothing as time doesn’t exist but it’s still late. Whatever that means.”  _

_ \- 01:03 am  _

**_“I meant :)”_ **

_ \- 01:03 am _

_ “Sleep!”  _

_ \- 01:04am _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next few chapters (5) are less fluffy and more hurt/comfort. 
> 
> The next chapter is linked (but not a copy of) one of the chapters in Your Ghosts, so it will be the first chapter that is published in both (although Frozen Yoghurt is in both, it's not been published to Your Ghosts yet). The two chapters (unlike FY) are completely different between the two fics though because it is from Vani's perspective rather than Kevin's. ;)


	11. The Vortex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa go on a field report to the Vortex that has been running through the town for several weeks now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said last chapter, the next 4~ chapters are more hurt/comfort that the rest of this act of the fic.

“I’m standing here in front of the giant vortex that has now taken residence in the desert just outside our lovely town, listeners. There are a few citizens running from the vortex but it doesn’t seem to be moving anymore. It’s starting to fade away, at least we can hope. Many of us have become used to the Vortex, as it has been moving through town for the last few weeks. The city council is still advising avoiding the Vortex as most residence who have managed to escape have reported some very disturbing things. Others are rambling inconsistant religious chapters and are being treated at Desert Bluffs general for hallucinations. Benji Lucara even ran up to me claiming I was some prophet, which was weird... 

“Daniel, our promotions manager down at the station, was absent from work yesterday after being sucked into the Vortex. He returned this morning and has been staring at the strange portal since. So, Daniel, what is on the other side?” 

Daniel was hesitant to answer, nervously scratching his arm and looking at Vanessa and then Kevin. Vanessa gave him a small smile to try to comfort him, but he just stared her up and down and then moved back to staring at Kevin. 

“Well, there was a bright light and everyone was so happy. I met you... both of you. I even met myself... but he wasn't me. There was blood everywhere. I had so much blood...” 

“Sounds horrible.” Kevin gasped, “What else can you tell us?” 

“I wouldn’t say horrible…” Daniel started, thinking again. His eyes seemed to travel to Kevin’s lips in a way that made Kevin less than comfortable, leaning towards Kevin, “There were some nice surprises.”

He mouthed  _ ‘I’m broadcasting, don’t you dare.’  _

“... It was just normal, productive Desert Bluffs. Just more blood, I guess.” He told Kevin, moving next to the man now in a way that said  _ ‘no more questions’ _ . It was the universal sign for  _ ‘no more questions’. _

“Well, regardless of how normal it may be the other side. Some people are not reacting well, Desert Bluffs! There is a lot of running and screaming. Diving into sand and burying their head both literally and metaphorically. It’s chaos. Stay inside where possible, Listeners, and stay safe as we take you now to…

The weather.”

-

“That thing is giant.” Vanessa stated, getting a glare from Daniel and a laugh from Kevin, “If it doesn’t dissipate soon it’s going to throw sand everywhere. Even if everyone stays well away, it's not good for the town and what if it moves again?” 

“You should look closer, you have a few yards before you get sucked in.” Daniel suggested, gesturing to a random spot in front of them. She was an intern, after all, it was her job to do that sort of thing and then Kevin might get the whole story. He certainly wasn’t about to tell him what he had seen. What he was told. The organs that had covered their town. He had told him about the blood but that was only the tip of the iceberg. He couldn't tell Kevin the horrible truth. Vanessa, however, might. 

Kevin pulled her back as she went to step forward, but she just smiled back at him. A non-verbal way of dismissing concern, regardless of whether that concern was warrented or not. 

“It’s fine, Kevin.” She said, although nervously, getting a hum of agreement from Daniel, “I’m sure that you’ll grab me if I’m about to get pulled in.” 

They looked at each other for a moment before Kevin loosened his grasp, letting Vanessa move closer. His chest was heavy with anxiety. She was confident that nothing would happen, or at least she appeared to be, and that was enough for him for now, but it didn’t stop him from worrying.

The first two steps, the wind got heavier and swept her hair about but otherwise was nothing out of the ordinary. She couldn’t see anything yet but she could feel something weird. It was like two grains of sand. It rushed against her hand and face. She was sure that it was just because there was so much sand, it didn’t feel different in any other way. Except maybe on her face, like she was in some odd liquid. It stopped in a straight line on her neck, like she had two head attached in just the same way as each other, but one felt cold and wet in contrast to the hot and dry sand. 

“Vanessa!” Daniel held Kevin as he tried to run forward to catch her. 

She turned for a moment and then she was back in the control booth… except… 

_ “Think of what we’d accomplish if there were two of all of us.”  _

Her eyes widened and her stomach turned. Blood. Blood everywhere. She stumbled back, hitting into a shelf. Was that hair? Her hair? That was  _ her hair. **Her hair** .  _ Embedded in the window. Embedded in blood. Cracks radiating from the point it was stuck to. Broken glass everywhere. Blood everywhere. It was so deep that it stained her yellow canvas shoes a shade of red-brown and started up her jeans. She could feel it pooling under her feet. 

_ “Vanessa?”  _ It was Kevin’s voice but why did he sound different? Why was he here? Was he broadcasting? Were there no headphones in the control station? It was echoing around her. She could barely think. He hadn't followed her had he? Why would he be broadcasting if he did? 

She screamed. She couldn’t see Kevin through her blood that was smeared on the cracked window. She screamed and she heard more voices. Not Kevin’s. A woman. Not her own voice but a different woman. An angry woman, who somehow had a voice like honey laced with obviously upset. Did this woman know she was here? She had never heard that voice before but it echoed in her head. 

_ “Oh, there are two of you, what are you… Oh, you’re building a shelving unit!” _

What? No she wasn't... What was he talking about? Were there more of her? She ran to the door to Kevin’s studio, shaking it desperately. Was that her head? On the shelf. In a jar. Dead. She was dead. She was _dead._ Dead and in a jar on a shelf. What was this horrible place? Where was she? All she could do was scream for Kevin as tears stung her eyes. 

As the door finally opened, she didn’t even look at the radio host who had held her heart. The man who was the only leveling anything in this horrid place. A place where she had to look at her gaping and toothless, pale mouth. If she was about to die, she was going to make sure he knew how she felt! If she was about to die, she was going to die in Kevin’s arms!  Her lips pressed against his own. He didn’t just kiss back, he had moved to do the same thing. He had moved his whole body forward so that they collided with their whole form, his arms wrapped tight around her. Their lips ran desperately over each other’s, tongues pressed for a few moments before Kevin broke away. Her finger had pressed something on his face. Something wet and smooth like… 

It was the inside of his cheek. Not fully inside, but a rip that was held together by bloodied stitches. She stared at the deep wounds that filled his face. He was as beautiful as the day she had met him, but mangled beyond belief. His black eyes stared into hers as he held her back. Reflected her back to herself. There was no sign of those beautiful golden irises that usually greeted her. 

“What happened here, Kevin? What happened to you?” 

He was smiling. Through all of this, he was smiling. There was no way that he felt that infatuated with her that he was smiling with those deep scars… but they weren’t fresh… this wasn’t her Kevin. They had healed enough, although the tearing made her feel as if they had been opened again and again. This couldn't be the Kevin she knew, his must be some horrible parralel universe. A horrible universe she was now trapped in.

“Vanessa.” His voice was breathy, as if he had just caught something he had been chasing for years. As if something he thought would never be in his grasp had just found him, “I’ll make an excuse, they won’t know you’re here. Uhm… quickly, I’ll explain after the broadcast.” 

He led her to his desk, gesturing for her to crawl under. Who did he mean? Who were _'they'_ and why did he seem so scared of them. The blood on the floor went to her wrists as she quickly followed his instructions, curling up as far under as she could. Push against the wall tightly, holding her knees tight to her chest and staring at the odd equipment. Was it the same as theirs? She couldn't tell. She could barely stop the black that was threatening to fill her vision.

_ “...I think our original Vanessa…”  _

Her mind buzzed with panic and realisation. This _was_ another universe, a universe where whoever Kevin was scared of whoever had killed her. This universe was bloody and horrible. A universe that could never converge with their own. She put a hand on his knee and didn’t flinch as he jumped. He deserved to feel comforted too. It was obvious he was scared and alone, even while making that terribly forced happy broadcast. Even while sounding so horribly happy. If she was stuck here now, she could at least help him. They could at least be broken together, both pulled away from their loved ones and their comforts. 

Then there was another vortex. Unlike the one in her Desert Bluffs which was like a cyclone, this was more like a weird portal on the wall. She watched him disappear inside and waited for him to come back. It felt like forever. She felt like she was falling. Falling backwards. Everything went black and she had no idea for how long. She couldn't stay awake.

Everything was bright again, not the dark of the studio. Bright and outdoors, blue skies filling her vision once again. 

Vanessa scurried to her feet, seeing the mass of tentacles wrestling with Daniel a few feet in front of her and immediately ran to him, throwing her arms between two of them, sobbing deeply into the yellow fabric of his shirt. 

Her hands were covered in blood. Her jeans were covered in blood. She was almost sure she had blood in her hair. On her face. She didn’t even want to think of whether the people it had come from were healthy. She just sobbed. 

“Vanessa!” Kevin’s voice. Oh God, that amazing, panicked voice! Full of emotions. Not choked and warped. Not happy, not in the way the other Kevin had been. He was relieved and comforted, not scared and twisted. He was loving and concerned, not joyously terrified. 

“Kevin.” She sniffled, letting go only long enough to let him turn and wrap his arms around her. His tentacles had drawn away from Daniel to hold her as well. Several wrapped around her and squeezed just tight enough to make her feel safe without feeling squashed, “It was terrible… there was so much blood… I was dead… I saw myself… It was hell…” 

He shushed her. Not her explanation, but in a comforting way as he stroked through her hair and over her back. She stank. Copper and iron. She was covered in blood. The thing was, he didn’t care in the least bit. He was just happy she was safe. 

Kevin and Daniel took her to the hospital, having to sit in the waiting room with the other victims of the vortex. Vanessa kept her head on Kevin’s chest, listening to his heart rate. It was fast. Faster than she thought it was meant to be and it made her feel guilty for scaring him after he had asked her not to go any further.  His fingers felt good in her hair and she pulled the shock blanket tighter around herself, trying to focus on those fingers. Holding his arm with her eyes on his hand. It wasn’t his hand she’d held, it was one with a scar wrapped around the pinky side of his palm. She had never held Kevin’s hand. It was in reach… she could take it… but she wouldn’t. It would have comforted her to remember that he wasn't the Kevin she'd met but it just seemed... wrong. She just wanted to enjoy being so close to him. Her version of him. She didn’t want to think about the mutilated version of him that she had met. The mutilated version that she had loved just as strongly. Who had kissed her as desperately as she had kissed him.  That was a different universe, she thought. Her Kevin wasn’t interested in her like that and part of her enjoyed that thought now, as if it was a small comfort from today’s events. What she had seen couldn’t happen to them, if for no other reason than Kevin wouldn’t feel that way if everything else happened. She could take comfort in the fact she knew how strong this Kevin was, who would never let something like that happen to their town. He loved their town more than anyone she'd met here. This version of him was a perfectly imperfect amalgamation of all the happiness _and_ sadness of this town. The joy _and_ the terror. The smiles _and_ the tears. 

She heard her name and Daniel and Kevin were helping her up. She hadn’t realised just how badly she was shaking until she felt herself fall back into Kevin’s tentacles. He had to carry her into the doctor. He had to carry her home and she had begged him not to leave her alone. She begged him to let her stay with him. He didn’t refuse for a moment and even gave up his bed for her, sleeping in his living room.  So now she was staring up at the ceiling, images of the blood and gore running through her head. She couldn’t sleep because each time she closed her eyes she saw her own placid face staring back at her with vacant eyes. She saw her hair in the window. She saw the blood soaking her shoes. She saw the blood covering Kevin. His scars. His blank black eyes. The thin, red water dripping from her as she curled in the bottom of Kevin's shower.  He had sat with her for hour before she had said she was ready for bed and even then she had only said that much so that she wasn't keeping him awake.

In the middle of the night, as she heard Kevin snoring, Vanessa couldn’t bear it anymore. The face that she’d seen couldn’t have been her Kevin but every time she thought of that face so much more synced up. They had stitched up his third eye. They had cut his lips. Yet still, his skin was soft and he smelt like himself. He didn’t smell like his cologne, but the tones that were always under it. Tones she couldn't put her finger on.  She was wearing his pyjamas, standing above him. He looked even more similar without his glasses on and with all his eyes closed. His jaw and cheekbones. His nose. His hair fell in the exact same way as the hair that she had entwined her fingers into. She ran her fingers through his hair and it felt exactly the same, minus the coagulated blood. Softer. She focused on that. It couldn’t be her Kevin, her Kevin’s hair was softer. His head wasn’t as bumpy… wasn’t as scarred. 

“Good morning.” Kevin breathed, rolling over as Vanessa quickly drew her hand back, mumbling and apology before realising he was still asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is linked to "Sandstorm Day" in Your Ghosts (and the episode "Sandstorm Day Part B")


	12. Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sleep deprived Vanessa returns to work.

“You really don’t have to come in today.” Kevin told her as he ironed her freshly washed jeans. He had cleaned her shirt, but decided it was best to lend her one of his ones for that day, as well as some of his underwear so she felt as fresh as possible. The only things he couldn’t lend her were jeans, as her hips were far larger than his own, and a bra which he had washed but was planning on letting her iron herself. Did you even iron bras? He didn’t know. He felt awkward enough knowing that it was pink with a lemon pattern on the straps. He wasn't sure why it felt awkward either, having helped Abby with the laundry so many times he should be used to seeing all sorts of bras. It just felt weird. 

He had felt bad dreaming about her as well. Not during the dream, as our unconscious thoughts are not subject to the waking shame that we feel about the deep set fears and desires that crawl into our nighttimes. It hadn’t been anything particularly adult, but it still felt like a violation of her trust when she was in the room right next to him.  In his dream, he had felt her hands in his hair, fingers running over his scalp in such a loving caress. Images of looking up at her in his favourite pyjamas, the ones he had lent her, with a coffee in her hand humming a ‘good morning’ to him. He had hummed ‘good morning’ back and she took her hand from his hair and put in on her her mug, apologising. He didn’t know what for. He had reached up and taken her hand and she had placed a kiss on his forehead, smelling like that beautiful citrus and sunshine that was so very Vanessa. 

“I need to. I need to see the station again.” She told him, curled into the blanket he had slept in as she ate her cereal. Kevin only had froot loops but they seemed comforting. Like a memory of childhood. Something innocent and lively and as detached as could be from the horrors that she had seen the previous day, “I need to see that… I need to make sure it’s clean.” 

Kevin set her freshly ironed jeans next to her on the back of the sofa, smiling softly at the way she wrapped the blanket around the hand that held her spoon. It was a small distraction from the thoughts that came with the words she said. He couldn't imagine what she'd been through and didn't want to. 

“I’m going to get ready for work. Did you want another shower before I have mine?” 

“No, I’m good. I made sure I got all of the blood out. I think I might prefer being dry.” 

He ruffled her hair softly, making it a bigger mess than it already was before going to sort himself out. 

-

“Ready to go?” Vanessa asked as Kevin stepped out of his bedroom. She was hugging herself tight and could barely look at him. It was his detergent. The smell that was that underlying smell, the only thing she could smell over the blood, over the rot. Over the vomit that had threatened to come up to her mouth. It was all over her now and she felt a strange mingling of his comforting hugs, something she coveted so often, and the scarred face that had looked at her as if she was a precious relic that had been lost to time. A face she hoped never to see again. A face she hoped to would never exist. 

Those thoughts faded as she felt what she needed so badly. His arms around her. Hearing his heart beat again. It was still so fast and she realised that she had thrown her bloodied arms around him. She had pressed blood into his clothes. She had wiped blood on his face as her hands had fumbled for those scars. As she had pulled at his cheeks. She could only imagine how horrible it must have been for him.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, her voice caught in her throat as the words choked out.

“Don’t be.” His voice was so much deeper when he whispered. It was a voice that she loved so very much, “You can stay as long as you need to. No pressure. You want me to grab some of your clothes after work?” 

She couldn’t answer, she just nodded. He would need a list of things and where to find them, but it would be easier than borrowing his clothes everyday. She didn’t even know how long she would need to stay away for. 

“Are you ready?” He asked softly, stroking her hair from in front of her face. She only replied with a nod, but that was fine. They linked arms as they walked but both were careful not to hold the other. Vanessa as she didn’t want to cross boundaries and Kevin as he wanted her to be free to pull away whenever she wanted or needed.

Alex had opened the door of his van as they approached the studio, but Kevin had immediately split his face into four to show the horrific abyss that he could turn himself into to and that was enough to stop the man and force him to leave them alone. Vanessa hadn’t seen, which he was glad about. When his face was together you couldn’t tell at all that he could do such a thing. He looked perfectly human, except the tentacles. 

-

As they entered the studio, Vanessa flinched. She could barely look but when she did she felt a relief lift from her shoulders. Not only was it clean but she remembered some differences that solidified that they must be different universes.  There was another door, for instance, in the studio that she had gone into. One with an orange triangle on it. There was no owl in the corner of that studio. The pictures had been of teeth, rather than the colourful abstract art that Kevin kept in his studio. She looked to the clean window into the control booth and sighed, putting a hand on Kevin’s shoulder for support. He put an arm under hers as tears ran down her cheeks. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to-...” 

“I’m fine.” She interrupted, “Could you get me a coffee? Please?” 

A nod and making sure she got to his chair and Kevin was gone. Vanessa waited a moment before sinking off the chair and to her knees, crawling under Kevin’s desk and looking at the view from under there. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t close. The equipment was different, his chair was different. Everything was different and just the way she wanted it. She closed her eyes for a second… 

-

“Hey, time to go home.” Kevin whispered, shaking her gently, “Don’t worry, Desert Bluffs didn’t hear you snoring.” 

Eyes fluttered. Cheeks flushed. A stretch and a yawn. 

“What about the broadcast?” 

“Well, I was half way through the news when you went…” Kevin mimicked sleeping, heightening his voice to mimic hers with a mischievous smile, “... ‘Kevin’...” He returned to his normal voice as he sat on the opposite side of the cubby, facing her, “... I got a lot of calls asking why I had a lady in my studio and station management are furious.” 

She gasped, putting her hands to her face for a moment before processing the smirk on his face. Her emotions swung from panic to embarrassment to some humoured comfort that things weren’t the horror she’d seen or dreamt of. That things were normal. Kevin was laughing and smiling and not at all forced to do so! She slapped his shoulder, gaping at him in disbelief that he would make such a joke. 

“Mr. Palmer, that is extremely unprofessional!” 

“Unprofessional? Like… this?” His mouth turned further up as he leant forward, ruffling her hair. She reached up but didn’t push him off. She was trying to ruffle his back, “Oh, no, you can’t reach me! Whatever will you do?” 

She rocked forward, wrestling him to the side and pulling his arms away from her, the sweetest laughs on her lips. He let her push him over and away, laying on the floor next to her but not quite touching. Their hands were back with themselves and they were both just enjoying the moment of realisation that everything was alright. Everything was normal. The vortex was gone and they wouldn’t see it again. They just laughed together, eyes on the other's face, not even caring about the uncomfortable floor beneath them. 

“I did it in the control room. Don’t tell management.” Kevin finally told her, shuffling out from under the desk and brushing himself off before offering her his arm to help her up, "I didn't want to disturb you."

“Oh, I’m going to tell everyone.” Vanessa said, taking the arm to help her up before brushing herself off. She would need to hoover in here at some point. She thought the cleaning staff did but there was so much dust, she couldn't imagine Kevin enjoying broadcasting with this must dust on the floor. 

Kevin faked a gasp, putting his arms around her shoulders. He was about to react when he was stopped by the door opening. Both he and Vanessa straightened, looking towards the tall man who was now standing there. His eyes seemed to assess the scene in front of him. Vanessa wearing Kevin’s shirt with messy hair and Kevin, equally messy. The two looked like teenagers who had just been caught kissing. Then Daniel looked at Kevin’s lips again. It was getting creepy that he kept doing that. He wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. Vanessa had followed Daniel’s gaze but when it meant Kevin’s lips, her face had not been the longing that was on Daniel’s. It seemed like she was having a horrible realisation. Kevin was unsure what to think of it. Between her look of shock and disgust and Daniel's look of wanting he felt very self conscious. 

“Do… I have something on my face?” He asked carefully, putting a hand to his lips, watching the two’s eyes move to opposite cheeks. Vanessa’s eyes went back to Daniel’s, but Daniel’s lips just twitched as if trying not to smile as he continued staring. It turned her stomach. Daniel didn't say what he had seen in the Vortex but he didn't need to. She knew what he had seen and he seemed to enjoy it. Her arms moved around Kevin's waists, somewhat defensively. 

“No… I was thinking of grabbing some dinner and I thought you two might want to tag along.” His voice was slow and careful as his eyes flicked back down to Vanessa, “I thought you might want to record a segment for tomorrow’s broadcast while you were there. It’s one of those new places at the mall. I know it must be boring but they offered us a lot of money so we need some real time on them.” 

“Sounds great.” Vanessa nodded, looking to Kevin to check it was alright. He just smiled in reply, although this faded again as it attracted Daniel’s eyes. If he continued this the whole evening, Kevin wasn’t so sure he did want to have dinner with him. He had seen Daniel look at his lips before but he usually looked away when he saw Kevin had noticed. This wasn't the case. He was just continuing to stare down at the much shorter man. 

“Meet at the mall whenever the Sun sets.” 

With that he was gone. It had almost sounded ominous and threatening, if it weren’t for the fact that they both knew Daniel was a little weird. They both laughed nervously about the whole thing, Kevin asking her again what was on his face and Vanessa using it as an excuse to stroke his scarless cheek, telling him she got whatever it was for him. 


	13. Vortex; Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel has a much different experience when he's sucked into the Vortex and has a much different reaction to this experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT!   
> I forgot there is a small Dub/Non warning on this chapter. 
> 
> Very small. No really suggestion past Kevin being uncomfortable with Daniel touching him and Daniel being patronizing to Kevin. I'm more putting the warning here because linking it to Your Ghosts (and when I post Special Training, even more so to that). It's not even detailed enough to label lines, I'm just warning so you guys can stay safe.

One moment he was on his morning run, the next he was leaning up against a desk in a vacant and blood covered office. He knew where he was but the organs and gore were not what he would normally expect. He wasn't sure he was scared of it. He was sure that he should be scared of it and everything inside of his was telling him to run and scream and find someone who could explain where he was and why it was so... wet.  The plus side of the situation was that he had almost immediately spotted his double, who was looking through a clipboard as he walked towards Kevin’s studio. He looked different… then his eyes shot up and Daniel pressed back against the table. His eyes. His face. The reflection off of his features.

“Is it that day already?” The other Daniel asked, giving a small hum and a grin. The man didn't seem fazed at all about the fact he was staring at himself. If anything he looked even more relaxed than before, “Don’t worry, I asked for the implants. They are very helpful in my job. Also, I have a few that are… special. If you catch my drift. Welcome to StrexCorp, Daniel. They can fix anything. Even that.” 

Daniel’s eyes ran over the features. He had a human face, sure, and it was more defined than his own while keeping his general appearance. A sharper jawline. It was pulled across metal, but the inside of his mouth was definitely organic. His teeth were bright and white, not the yellow that they currently were. He had black eyes with red irises, like a surveillance camera with coloured shutters. He was broad. So much broader than he had ever imagined he could be. This version of him seemed perfect... and was promising so much.

The other Daniel had taken his hand to shake and he was cold. He was metallic. The skin seemed to be there and Daniel could see several tubes, organic and plastic, carrying plenty of blood to the places that the skin covered. He had so much blood. More than Daniel thought a person would have. 

“What is this place?” Daniel asked, keeping his eyes on his double’s face to distract from the human remains that surrounded them. He wanted to think that they might not be human, but the pulsing veins that wrapped through defined bio-muscle told him that they must be, “I mean, I know where but… what happened here?”

“This is your future, Daniel. A bright, smiling future.” The robotic man told him in a joyous tone, leaning against the desk next to him. A casual pose that would normally calm Daniel, if it weren't for the fact that this version of himself was so intimidating. So large, but structured. Obviously stronger than him. A lot more attractive than him. A _lot_ more attractive. “Our future, with StrexCorp. I have never been happier than I am now. They gave me my dreams, all of them. Ones you don't think possible, made possible. That's the amazing thing about Strex. Nothing is impossible. All I had to do was promise to work for them, nothing more and nothing less. Oh, and let them have some parts of myself, but they’re making another me now to help us with future plans so it’s a win-win. Two Daniels… that’s going to be fun.” 

Daniel tried to understand what he meant but it was hard when he was talking so fast. He did seem happy, a lot happier than Daniel was stuck in his little department. Stuck in his little apartment. Love sick and lonely Daniel. How? Happily torn to pieces and replaced? How was he happy? What was the other suggesting? _Ones you don't think possible._ _They can fix anything. Even that._ Why did he have to talk in riddles? It would be so much easier if he was just clear about what had happened... about what he meant. Daniel couldn't even form words to explain his confusion but he didn't have to.

“I’m the production manager, by the way.” 

That was it? He said all of his dreams came true, he was just talking about being a production manager? How could he have caused all of this, assuming that this  _ ‘Strex’  _ had caused all of this, just for a lateral transfer. Not even a promotion. It didn’t make any sense and everything was happening so fast. Everything was happening too fast. Had someone walked past them? He kept his eyes level to try and ignore the world and process what he’d just been told. He tried to ignore the blood and his heart racing in his chest. His head swam with everything that was going on. What was even going on?

Then there was a clicking. Daniel’s fingers behind him. 

“Kevin, come here. Good boy.” 

What had he just called Kevin? Had he just clicked at him? He had just clicked at him. He obviously didn’t know the host that well if he thought he would just… 

That yellow shirt. It wasn’t yellow anymore. In was red, with yellow patches. No. It was yellow with red stains. A brown-red. A familiar colour. A familiar type of stain. His eyes ran up Kevin. He had lost weight but not much. He was actually wearing a tie for once and a jacket. The jacket was less stained than his shirt, but not by much. Then his eyes reached Kevin's face. Lips pulled into a smile, scars running to his ears. Perfect rows of teeth, looking almost unreal. They didn't look like Kevin's teeth, although Daniel wasn't sure on how they differed. His eyes looked like the other Daniel’s, but without irises at all. They were just glazed, black holes. Unlike Daniel's reflective ones, Kevin's seemed to sink back into his skull. He couldn’t tell if Kevin was staring at him or just looking forward. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and his third eye was stitched up. It was dipping. It looked like crying. Crying blood.

In that moment, the bio-robot who was using his name had put his arm around Kevin’s waist, pulling the man closer in a way that Daniel would never dare to even attempt without asking first. Kevin’s smile stayed wide, but his eyes, or seeming lack of them, betrayed a pain for a moment before returning to that neutral stare. It was as if he was disgusted by the touch. Kevin was a pretty loving person, something Daniel loved about him, and often hugged people or patted them on the back but he was definitely adverse to this touch. What had they done to him? Daniel couldn’t put Kevin through something like this… could he? What could they offer to make him agree to hurting Kevin in such a disgusting way? What could they have offered Kevin to make him accept such without argument? What could they have threatened him with?

Daniel, the other one, was whispering to the shorter man. Whatever it was, Kevin looked obedient but unhappy. Smiling but unhappy. It was the same look of disgust he had given when Daniel had pulled him close.

“Daniel, I…” Kevin started, standing straight again and clearing his throat before he continued. The negative emotions seemed to leave him immediately and an almost sing-song tone spilled from him, “I’m yours. Doesn’t that make you happy? It makes me so happy. Just the three of us, in our dream future together.” 

Daniel stared. He certainly wanted Kevin to be happy. He seemed… happy? He had said he was happy in a joyous tone, at least, but it wasn’t the way you would expect someone to say something like that. It wasn’t the way he spoke about Vanessa in his own timeline. They weren’t even dating and he sounded more sincere about Vanessa. If he was dating this Daniel, then why would he sound so much less enthusiastic? In fact... Where was Vanessa?

“It does, Kevin.” He said carefully, drawing an excited noise from the blood stained lips he was so focused on. It wasn't coaxed by the other man, or at least that Daniel could see, it was a genuinely happy sound. Like a squeek, “What about Vanessa?”

Kevin’s face completely dropped. The smile went as well, for the first time since they had met, and then he twitched. He twitched like someone had poked him in the neck with a pin or something even sharper. Then smiled again. Daniel wasn’t sure what had happened to make him twitch. It was so... odd.

“Vanessa! My intern? Oh, she’s doing just fine. Did you want to meet her? Did you know Vanessa before? I always forget...” Kevin’s eyes were obviously moving but Daniel couldn’t tell where to. Even when Kevin's body turned, Daniel had no idea what he was looking at, “Vanessa! Daniel’s here, he wants to meet you!” 

Another couple of seconds and Kevin put his arm around nothingness. The arm seemed relaxed, although keeping itself up. The distance between Kevin and his hand was about the size of Vanessa's hips and in about the right position too. He grinned at Daniel, seeming proud of himself as he gestured to the empty space, “Vanessa has been wonderful recently. No more _unprofessional_ slip-ups. We're making sure of that! We’ve had such great broadcasts and we wouldn't want to ruin that. It’s just such a shame what happened…” He twitched again, “... I don't like talking about that. Neither does she. But... ho, oh... but Vanessa doing her best to get those college credits!” 

His eyes moved again and he was waving, “Bye, Vanessa! I'll be in there soon.”

Daniel watched the other stand and kiss Kevin’s head before roughly pushing him towards the studio by one shoulder. There was no love in either gesture. The kiss had been possessive. The shove had been angry. Kevin stumbled, almost fell, but seemed fine, simply correcting himself and smiling back at them before going on his way. Daniel was watching himself hurt Kevin... Daniel was watching himself abuse Kevin. That's what he was seeing right? So why didn't he feel bad about it? He should feel bad. He wanted to feel bad. He acted as if he felt bad, because he should feel bad.

“Why did you do that?” He snapped once Kevin had disappeared past the thick, soundproof door, “He really loves you. You just…” 

A finger on his lips. Irises curled to narrow. Not the whole eye, just the iris. They were cameras. It wasn’t just himself watching, he could feel it. Someone else was watching him. Someone else knew. 

“Kevin likes that type of thing.” 

He wasn’t sure if he could believe that statement but Kevin also hadn’t seemed to react badly to the push either. Daniel was so confused and disorientated. Why had Kevin been talking to empty space? Why was Kevin acting like this at all? 

“What happened to Vanessa?” 

“Well, she had to be taken care of, Daniel.” The other man told him, lighting a cigarette and offering it to him. He refused, although he did think of taking it up to deal with this, “The office environment is much better without her toxicity.” 

Daniel stared, thinking about what was said. He didn’t think Vanessa was toxic, did he? She was annoying, sure. She had this awful laugh and the way her nose twitched. She had been following Kevin around for the past few days. Weeks, maybe. Kevin had been focusing on her too. Kevin liked her. Kevin didn't like him. Not in the way he wanted. That was reserved for an intern that Kevin wasn't even allowed to be with. They liked each other and there was no room for Daniel in that. He took the cigarette, taking a deep breath and coughing. The more he thought about it, the more he really did hate her. Loathed her. Wanted her to die. To be out of the way.

“Just think about it. I can assure you, you’ll make the right decision.” The voice was soft and confident. There was no way he’d do that to Kevin, right? At the same time, Kevin had told him he was happy. What if he could get rid of Vanessa without hurting Kevin? That would be a better option, surely. That would avoid this bloodshed, right?, “That’s your cue, Daniel.” 

His head moved to the side to see another vortex and slowly stepped through it, his feet pressing back into the Desert Bluffs’ sand that he knew. He saw Kevin. His face, clear of scarring and eyes, white and yellow. He approached slowly, his eyes taking in Kevin’s face. He knew he’d be given an interview and that was fine. 

The scars had changed his articulation. His voice. Daniel couldn’t draw his eyes away from Kevin’s lips. Kevin had mouthed to him, obviously uncomfortable about him staring, and Daniel had allowed his mind to wonder whether the other Kevin would have done the same or would have simply kept smiling at him. Let him look. Let him do what he wanted to do to him. Shove him down. Kiss him. He wondered how long he’d have to wait to know. He wondered how active a roll he would need to take in taking care of Vanessa. He wondered if he cared. He wanted another cigarette. 

The woman was stood behind Kevin, gawping at the Vortex behind them and he wondered what might happen if he simply threw her in. What might happen if he strangled her here and now. If he dashed her head against the concrete of one of the sidewalks on their way back to the studio. No, he had to let things play out how they would. He had to let that future come in its own time. Still, Vanessa was much more likely to tell Kevin about the horrors beyond the Vortex. Much more likely to find out how she was meant to die. He couldn't throw her in but he could certainly try and get her to go in herself.


	14. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel gets weirder and more abrasive as they have dinner together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Daniel's whole wanting Vanessa dead thing and being pro-Strex gets does get semi-resolved (he's not as open about it) quite quickly and although I did remove 'How should I kill you' [See unused and alternate chapters - https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/59744113 ], Daniel does go to therapy although it's not detailed. 
> 
> So things get fluffy again the chapter after next and Daniel's obessive abrasiveness is put on pause until other chapters with him and another character who also gets Strexy. Some deleted chapters will have it in more detail but they are deleted because this isn't Daniel's fic, dang it! Daniel will get lots of attention in Special Training, he doesn't need it here.

“I’ll go get changed. I’ll call you if I need but…” Vanessa rubbed her own arm, looking at Kevin and then down at the floor. It was hard to articulate the fact that her apartment was somewhere where she wanted to feel safe. This wasn’t often the case but she wanted to limit the number of people who could just come in. 

Kevin wouldn’t mention that he knew which number her apartment was, seeing as he had to sign her internship forms which had her address on.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to explain. It’s your home. I’ll run home and then we can meet back up here.” He told her, pointing down the block in the direction of his house, “If you want, that is. You know where I live so if I’m being slow feel free to come and get me.” 

-

“Not what I was expecting.” Kevin hummed as they were seated at a round outside table, a parsol covering them from the hot desert Sun. The garden seating was a large area with potted plants kept alive by tactically placed sprinkler and tables that were shiney and metallic, incredibly hot. So much so that their waiter had poured water over it as they sat and allowed the steam produced to fade away but not wiping the excess before putting down a table cloth. Not fancy but certainly not the level of the fast food chains inside the mall, “I thought all of the new places were just small food things.” 

“I know, these guys have had an awful reception because of it. They asked us to help out.” Daniel explained, trying his best to keep his eyes away from either of them as one waiter gave them each a menu and another put coffee, milk, and sugar on the table. “It’s a high class place, just no audience I guess. Comparitively, at least. I here there are plans for an even more high class thing to open. They're really doing up the Bluffs.” 

Vanessa nodded, straightening her dress under the table. She felt underdressed with her hair down and only some eyeliner and lip gloss, but at least her clothes were appropriate. Kevin was even worse off, still wearing jeans and now wearing a t-shirt. Daniel, on the other hand, was wearing a chic arrangement of orange flowers as a shirt with large rose coloured glasses. His trousers were standard work wear, but the shirt was extremely fancy. When they had met up he had offered Kevin to smell them while grinning at Vanessa and she had felt extremely embarrassed in her, far less eccentric, white sunflower-printed dress.

“That’s a shame.” Kevin agreed, sipping his coffee and looking around the rest of the restaurant. It was light and airy and everything except for Daniel choosing to smoke was nice, “Could you not do that here? When did you even start smoking?” 

“Well, we’re outside so it’s fine.” He shrugged, “It’s making it easier to deal with… you know… Keith not coming back out of the vortex.” 

Kevin frowned. Keith was Daniel’s intern and the fact he hadn’t come out of the vortex must have been hard for Daniel but at the same time Kevin still somewhat blamed Daniel for Vanessa ending up in there as well. Keith had fallen in before Vanessa, so Daniel had no reason to think that everyone that went in came back out. He just wanted to change the subject of the conversation completely but then Daniel continued.

“Speaking of dead interns, what happened to you, then?” He was staring at Vanessa and Vanessa was staring back. The question had caught her off guard enough without the way he had phrased it. He wasn’t normally this abrasive. She looked to Kevin who was equally stunned and then back to Daniel, thinking for a moment. There were definitely signs of what had happened to her but she didn’t know for sure. It seemed like there was too much blood to match up with what she had seen. Her head had been in a jar… there was no sign of how long for.

“I don’t know.” Vanessa finally said, stuttering a little. Kevin had gone to comfort her but she waved his hand away and he respected the sign, “There was blood everywhere and my hair in the control booth window. My head was in a jar on a shelf. I had a smile cut into my face.” 

Daniel looked at Kevin when she said it. His eyes and then lips and then back to Vanessa. Kevin’s heart jumped, looking between them. Vanessa had followed Daniel's eyes to start with but had then looked quickly down at the table, “That sounds horrible. I’m so sorry.” 

“So someone smashed your head against the control booth window?” Daniel’s voice was dark and got another look of shock from the two of them. He couldn't have cared less about their reaction. It was so much easier than he'd imagined.

At this, Vanessa excused herself, rushing off to the bathroom. It took everything in her not to sink to the floor and cry as she locked herself in one of the cubicles. She could feel her eyeliner running into her eyes as the tears threatened to spill over, burning painfully until she wiped them with a square of tissue. 

Flashes. Her face, limp and lifeless. Kevin. His voice. Blood. So much blood. She could feel it pooling around her feet again. It was in the bathroom, she could see it. Thick and red-brown. Getting higher and higher. Her breath hitching in her throat as she stared at the cold, coagulating liquid as it made its way up her legs. She was covered in it. She tried to hold in her reaction but it was too much and she had to quickly grab the seat of the toilet as she threw up.

-

“What are you doing?” Kevin hissed. He was furious, his face flushing with anger and hands shaking. It was taking everything in him not to yell at his collegue, “It was traumatic! You don’t just bring it up! If she wants to talk about it, she will.” 

“I guess I’m just upset about what happened.” Daniel sighed, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He made sure to cover his mouth as he smiled. He couldn’t help it, it was so easy. Her head against the control booth window? He could do that at any time. He could do that… tomorrow… It would be so easy. Maybe he would do it tomorrow. He imagined it. Her soft, silky hair entwined in his fingers. Oh, he might even make a game of that part. Flirt or coerce. If he could make her want his hands there it would make it even better to dash that trust against the thick glass. If he made Kevin watch. If he showed him how easy Vanessa could be... how strong he could be... He laughed but tried to mask it as crying. It was difficult with such nice thoughts flowing through his head.

Kevin had obviously bought the excuse, putting his hand on Daniel’s neck to comfort him without crumpling any of his flowers. “Look, we can talk it out. Whatever you saw… you can come back to mine and when Vanessa goes to bed, we can talk over drinks? Just understand that Vanessa might not want to share so much.” 

“Vanessa?” Daniel narrowed his eyes, his stomach turning. Why would Vanessa be at Kevin’s house? He knew that they liked each other, hell, the whole of the Bluffs probably knew at this point. The two were not exactly the most discreet people in the world but to hear Kevin talking about her going to bed at _Kevin's house?_ It was inappropriate at best and at worst meant that Vanessa was far more serious competition for him than he had imagined, “You mean, after we’ve dropped her at her apartment, right?”

“Oh, she’s staying with me for now.” 

Daniel didn’t reply, he just continued staring. He had hoped that Kevin would expand on his answer without prompting but the other man just continued with his coffee. He wasn’t even looking at Daniel, he had taken his hand back and had a neutral expression. It wasn’t happy or proud of himself, which is the expression Daniel would have if he had just been asked the same question. If Kevin didn’t explain himself soon, Daniel would just ask Vanessa. 

Then he remembered the shirt she was wearing today. It was Kevin’s. Their hair had been equally messy and Vanessa's normally perfect tie had been pulled to the side and loosened. He grit his teeth, his eyes flicking to Kevin’s lips and then back to his drink again. His mind went to thoughts he'd rather not have. The two on the studio floor. Against Kevin's desk. On his chair. His grip on his mug tightened as the he tried to push the thoughts from his mind but everything was coming together.

“Are you alright?” Kevin asked at the look on Daniel’s face, “You can stay over too if you need to. My house is pretty big for just me.” 

“Why is she staying at your house?” 

“Oh, well, she just needed someone to stay with. The vortex thing really upset her and she-...”

“That’s a terrible excuse!” Daniel interrupted, gesturing wildly at him, “You don’t just jump into bed with someone-...” 

Daniel was interrupted this time by Kevin choking on his coffee, spraying some out of his nose with the rest coming violently from his mouth. He put the mug down and reached for a few tissues to clean himself up as he sputtered, “No! I’m sleeping on my couch, we’re not… doing that… why would you-...” 

“So, what did happen in your studio earlier?” Daniel’s tone was getting more and more aggrevated as he spoke, “Don’t think I didn’t notice both of you! Not only was that completely inappropriate, but what you do at home is one thing. In the studio? Really? What, did she beg you or have you just lost all of your professionalism these days?” 

“Are you jealous of Vanessa?” 

Daniel went quiet, retreating back into himself at the question.

“Why would Daniel be jealous of me?” Vanessa asked as she walked past Kevin, noticing the mess of the table and helping Kevin clean it up, “What happened?” 

“I’m not jealous of you because I know you’re _taken_. I'm sure Alex is a very lucky man and shouldn't have any competition for your heart.” Daniel started, watching Vanessa tense up at his words. She didn’t look at him, just continuing to clean the table in stiff circles. The table cloth would definitely stain. Kevin didn’t say anything either, just shaking his head. “Kevin sprayed coffee everywhere because I called you out on your unprofessional behaviour earlier.” 

It wasn’t enough for Vanessa to figure out what he had said but it was enough to worry her about where their conversation had gone. 

“Sorry, sorry.” He backpedaled, sighing deeply and putting out his smoke in the coffee-filled ashtray, “I’m just on edge because of my intern… I would love to come over tonight, Kevin.” 

“You need to stop talking like that then.” Kevin said, trying to stay neutral but his voice betraying some annoyance at Daniel’s behaviour. He had wanted to ask him to leave but this was a stressful time for both of them and Kevin didn’t want to make matters worse. They were already grating on each other and Vanessa needed a good relationship with as many people as possible in the studio. “Vanessa’s relationship status is not your business, unless she feels like disclosing it to you.” 

“Single.” Vanessa said quickly, sitting back in her seat, “I’m single, by the way, Kevin.” 

“That makes three of us.” Kevin replied, giving Daniel a look that he read as  _ ‘and staying that way’. _

-

The dinner had been mediocre but they had all agreed to give a good review of the place. Having more money circulating might be good for it and the conversation had lightened up, so they had all enjoyed chatting over a few drinks and sharing platters. 

Kevin opened the door, letting the two lead in before following them. Vanessa kicked off her heels by the door, showing Daniel where to put his and then Daniel slumped onto the couch as Kevin went to clean himself up. He had felt so sticky the whole evening and desperately needed a shower. He had just hoped that the two wouldn’t kill each other while he did. It didn’t seem like it would be too much of an issue as Vanessa had gone to get changed and he wouldn’t be that much longer than that would take. 

“What is your issue.” Daniel started as soon as Vanessa came out of Kevin’s room in his bright pink pyjamas, standing over her so that she couldn’t go around him very easily, “You’re an intern. You should be being more responsible about this.” 

“You’re a prick, you know that?” Vanessa retaliated, laughing that horrible, annoying laugh that grinded on his very soul, “I get that you like Kevin but he rejected you. I am not even going to ask him out. I’m no threat to your little fantasy. To use your words against you, you’re a department lead. You should be being more responsible about this.” 

He growled and then backed off, going and taking a seat on the couch. He gestured for her to join him and Vanessa ignored him, instead going to make them drinks. She made it very clear that she was yelling about Daniel while hammering the coffee. 

“Did you see him?” Daniel asked from the door, making Vanessa jump and drop the hammer. She quickly moved backwards to stop it crushing her feet, “Did you see Kevin there? I did.” 

She thought for a moment about whether to tell him or not. It might have eased things but at the same time he might just use it to torment her further. It seemed to be his favourite hobby at the moment. There was no way that he would tell Kevin what he saw, was there? She had tiptoed around the fact that Kevin was even there when she spoke to him about it and she didn’t feel like trying to explain why. She didn’t feel like she could have that conversation with him. Not yet. 

“Yes.” She said plainly, moving the hammer to the side and continuing to brew the coffee, “It’s another universe, I don’t want to think about it. We're here and we're now and here and now are what matter, not some potential universe that we're not on a tragectory for. Not even a universe we are. There are thousands of universes, probably! Why should we care about one potential that is very distant from our own?” 

Vanessa felt him press against her back, arms around her waist. His hands had run uncomfortably around her hips to opposite sides of her body. He was whispering to her now and although the hug wasn’t completely unwelcome, it was uncomfortable, and the words made it worse. They were only emphasized by his volume and tone.

“We could both have him like that. Think about it. We don’t need to fight… you don’t need to die. Just you, me, and Kevin. We can share.” 

Her stomach turned at both implications of his statement, freezing on the spot. He wouldn’t kill her, would he? Daniel had changed a lot since yesterday but she had assumed it was just from shock, he wouldn’t go that far. Would he? He couldn’t. What did he mean they could both have him, anyway? Kevin had been scared. She could tell he was scared, even if he had acted like he wasn't. He couldn't mean that... no, Daniel wouldn't suggest something so awful... would he?

“I don’t… I don’t understand…” She replied, eyes staying away from his, “Kevin… was scared and scarred and… covered in blood… and...” 

“...and mine.” Daniel breathed, “That doesn’t have to be our future, though. Not if you join Strex too.”

His hand ran up until he was tilting her chin upwards. His nose ran against her neck softly, Vanessa feeling his soft breaths against the sensitive skin. 

She turned quickly, leaving his hand to run around her neck to the other side while she put her arms around his shoulders. She smiled up at him, “How is he ‘yours’?” 

“Well, my double seemed to have a very… nice… relationship with him.” 

“I don’t like using possessive words for your…” Vanessa stared into his eyes. She couldn’t believe that Kevin would change his mind about Daniel, especially with how he was acting the last couple of days, “...  _ partner.”  _

Daniel smiled sweetly, going to step away but Vanessa was holding his shoulders tight, “This isn’t a rivalry, Daniel, and Kevin isn’t some prize. He's a person, not an object. If you really care about him, stop acting like a child. He’s not interested in either of us and that’s  _ fine _ . So _get over it_.” 

She released him, turning back and pouring coffee for each of them, putting caramel syrup in hers and Kevin’s. Daniel had simply huffed and marched back into the main room. Vanessa took a few minutes to calm herself, stopping herself from crying at the thoughts of the things she had seen. The things that Daniel had said. He sounded like he  _ wanted  _ that. She had seen first hand how scared Kevin had been, that twisted forced joy in his voice. How could Daniel claim to love him and then want that for him?

Kevin and Daniel were talking happily when she came in with the drinks. Daniel was acting like nothing had just happened, like he hadn’t just… she didn’t even know what he had just done. Threatened her? Threaten Kevin? Whatever it was made her sick. 

She sank into the armchair that was next to the sofa, drawing her legs up to her chest and sipping her coffee. She didn’t want to listen to their conversation, it was just stories about Deb anyway. An odd patch of haze but not interesting to Vanessa, really. 

-

“Goodnight, Vanny.” Kevin smiled, giving her a tight hug before she retired. He felt so whole when he held her and she was the one who had held her arms out, so it didn’t seem too bad to accept. She had said goodnight and slipped off into his bedroom before he sat back down next to Daniel.  Kevin sighed happily, leaning back on the sofa. He honestly didn’t care what Daniel would think of it at this point.

“There are spirits in the cupboard.” Kevin told him, pointing over to the cabinet next to the table, “Whatever you’d like, pour two glasses and bring the bottle over.” 

Daniel retrieved two glasses, pouring whiskey into each and passing one to Kevin before he took his seat again. The bottle made a small knock as it hit the table, the amber liquid rocking side to side. 

“So, you want to talk about what you saw?” Kevin asked gently, drawing his legs up under him, “It’s not going to help taking it out on everyone else. I’ve heard that it was an awful place. At least it’s just some alternate timeline.” 

Daniel took a sip of his drink, licking his lips. His eyes drew back to Kevin’s, considering whether to tell him what he’d seen. If he told him, would it still happen? He’d told Vanessa but Vanessa had seen Kevin. Kevin had no exposure to this other world, their future, and Daniel could either keep it that way and let things play out or tell him and risk losing it. Getting there with less blood was tempting, but not if it meant not getting there.

“I saw Vanessa.” Daniel said, swirling his drink and staring into it. It was something to look at other than Kevin and made it easier to lie, “So, that was difficult. I saw myself… I had all these weird implants. Lots of blood.” 

“Like I said before, it sounds awful.” 

“I guess so. I just… I guess there were redeeming features. You were still there.” 

Kevin frowned, nervously playing with the top of his glass before sipping at the drink inside. He tried his best not to interrupt Daniel’s thoughts. He didn’t want to think of what he must have been like in such a universe. The possibility that he… no, there was no universe where he could do that. 

“You were the station management.” Daniel continued, finishing his drink and pouring some more, “I don’t want to… make you feel like I’m suggesting anything, Kevin… but we were…”

“We were…?” 

“Together.”

Kevin hummed dismissively. He didn’t particularly want to think about it but he understood why Daniel was shying away from the topic. He could understand why Daniel might enjoy the topic. “It was a different universe, Daniel. Don’t look too much into it… so, what was I like? In that universe?” 

“Perfect.” Daniel breathed, sending chills down Kevin’s spine. He had wanted to ask how but at the same time wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Daniel had been acting weird and the idea it might be about some difference in himself made Kevin worry. He certainly wasn’t perfect in this world. He was complacent in his position, he was worried about his weight and wore shirts that were too big, yet still ate more than he should, he was half abyssal creature. He saw the last one as a pretty big flaw. Even without prompting, Daniel continued, “Beautiful. Submissive.” 

“Excuse me?” It took everything to keep his voice level. He didn’t want to wake Vanessa, but he certainly wasn’t alright with being called  _ submissive _ , especially in Daniel’s tone.

“I just mean…” Daniel’s eyes trailed up Kevin, uncomfortably slowly, “... when you were with my double. He took the lead… or maybe it was just because he was taller.” 

Kevin gave another dismissive hum, pouring himself another glass of whiskey as a way to excuse himself from speaking for a few seconds while he considered his answer. 

“Well, Daniel. Like I said, it was just another universe. Is that what was bugging you?” 

“Yes. I mean, I got a glimpse of something I can’t have.” 

“True but…” Kevin nervously reached over, putting a hand on Daniel’s shoulder and smiling softly at him. He was beautiful and radiant and Daniel’s mind wondered as he stared into his eyes, imagining leaning over and kissing him, “... you’ll find someone in this world, Daniel. We can find you someone.” 

His heart broke hearing those words. The other Kevin wouldn’t say something like that. Daniel was sure he wouldn’t. He had to leave before he did something he would regret. He didn’t even say goodbye, just collecting his shoes and leaving. 

Kevin watched him in confusion, “Ok then…” He mumbled as the door slammed shut, far harder than Daniel had needed to close it. 

“Give him time.” Vanessa sighed from the bedroom door, stretching and rubbing her eyes, “He has this weird idea about what he saw. He just needs time and support, and to be put right when he starts doing... that…” 

Kevin looked over to her and nodded, “You should go back to bed, Van. Sorry if he woke you up.” 

“Kevin if you need anything…” 

“I think I just want some time to myself.” He smiled softly, closing his third eye as he felt himself rocking in and out of his own body, “That was… a lot and I just want some sleep.” 


	15. Bad Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desert Bluffs City Council is collecting bad dreams and everyone needs to meet their quota.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daniel kind of apologises

“If you can dream it, you can do it. If you can’t dream it, we’re watching and an agent will soon be sent to your house. Good luck. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” 

“Good afternoon, Listeners. Let’s get straight into the news today. The city council is collecting bad dreams this evening, so make sure to top up on existential horrors and subconscious fears before you go to sleep. The council issued a statement stating that this is in response to last week’s vortex incident and the several instances of citizens being abducted by sentient toxicly positive emotions since this incident. Those who do not offer enough horror in their dreams, either to themselves or others, will be required to pay a fine to make up for this mistake. Remember, you don’t have to be terrified by your own dream, Desert Bluffs. You can pass this terror onto someone else by simply dreaming about them going through something horrible. This will not physically harm the other person. I don't know about you, but I definitely have a certain... someone... in mind.” 

“In other news, it seems that the mall food court is thriving. Those who were opposed to the new developments have started asking people to ‘just stop eating’. Susanne Thurman has stated ‘Eating food is bad and bad for you. We should all live only with oxygen. Oxygen nurtures our minds, body, and soul.’ She made a myriad of elaborate dance moves before continuing ‘The Desert Bluffs Medical Board advises against eating for the foreseeable future. Hungry?  _ Breathe.' _ Well, Susanne, I'm not a doctor but I would assume that eating had other benefits than simply filling an ever growing hunger. Eating is romantic. It helps with bonding and it certainly works well to keep away negative feelings. Oh, or as a lovely compliment to a movie! -... Oh, wait... Vanessa is handing me a message. It seems to be handwritten by Susanne and says _'You're not a doctor, Kevin. Shut up'._ Well... uh... alright. ” 

“Now, for a word from our sponsors. Where are you? When are you? The spiralling has been going on for far longer than you expected. Who are you? How are you? Do people ever stop to ask how you are anymore? Do people ever notice you anymore? Faded… fading… Do people know what time is or how the concept of linear time might endanger their ability to progress through the swirling void that makes everything progress in a fashion that makes us all uncomfortable? Where are you? When are you? Does a when exist? Rolex.” 

“Listeners, it’s good to see that some of you are already meeting your terror quota. I know that a lot of you have had no time to sleep, seeing as we are all busy at our jobs or with household tasks that have no deadline but feel like they do, but some of you have managed to part-fill your quota using daydreams. Well, while this may seem like a great idea to avoid night terrors, remember that daydreams will contribute half as much terror as you are more in control of these thoughts. Controlled terror is much easier to deal with, after all, then the intense and soul crushing terror that comes from our subconscious. Of course, random panic attacks, flashbacks, and other intrusive thoughts do provide double points as the terror is both real and imagined, so maybe expose yourself to your own triggers instead? If you’re that way inclined? I mean, man, This has been a message from the City Council.”

“Well, listeners, dreaming or otherwise, I take you now to the weather.” 

-

As the song played, Kevin closed his eyes. These were generally easy for him, stepping into someone else’s bad dream and simply experiencing terror that wouldn’t affect him in the long run. He had terrors he could offer himself, like the time his father had told him about librarians and shown him a picture of one, but these were all small things. Most residents of Desert Bluffs had been caught up in much worse and Kevin was lucky to rarely be the one who ended up experiencing these issues. That wasn’t to say he never was, but he hadn’t been recently. Even that fog thing didn’t affect him, but that didn’t seem particularly bad either seeing as most people forgot about it as soon as it had finished. Those who it affected, at least. 

Vanessa wasn’t in the booth today, it was one of the production managers who was just sitting on their phone. Vanessa was probably doing paperwork or organising someone’s office so it was the perfect time to try and find someone daydreaming. 

He closed his eyes and found himself in his own home. Immediately he felt uncomfortable. Nothing was out of place but this wasn’t his mind, so it didn’t make sense that someone would be daydreaming about his house. Barely anyone came into his house other than Vanessa and Janet. Abigail and Stephen rarely stayed longer than dropping Janet off.

“Here you go,” He told himself, being handed a cup of coffee from his seat. It didn’t smell like caramel. It was black but he was compelled to drink it. This was someone else’s dream and he had to do what they were doing. It was just odd that he couldn’t feel who it was, “Long day, huh?” 

The coffee tasted amazing, despite not being his own preference. It was the person's, whoever it was, favourite and he could feel that in the way the warm liquid felt on his tongue. His heart was certainly racing now, but it wasn't in the way he'd expected. He didn't feel scared at all, quite the opposite. He felt comfortable and flushed... he was looking at himself the way that Kevin looked at Vanessa. _Daniel..._ He tried to talk to the other, just to let him know that he was there, but there was no response. He tried to pull himself back to the studio. Nothing. _Daniel! Let go!_ He hissed in his thoughts, although this didn't help again. 

“Yeah.” His voice was his own to him, meaning Daniel was asleep. This wasn’t in their control, unless they were a lucid dreamer, and on top of that Daniel was trying to hold onto the _picture_ of Kevin which inadvertantly meant Kevin couldn't even leave. He was stuck in what would _hopefully_ be a nightmare. He considered projecting some other form of terror into Daniel's head and then playing innocent later but, although it would free him, it was unfair to assume what Daniel's dream would be a about and certainly unfair to scare him for no real reason. Kevin blamed himself for intruding on other people's thoughts in the first place. 

“You’re cute when you blush.” The other him was touching his cheek, humming. He seemed so happy but Kevin just felt weird. He wanted to get to the bad part of this dream as soon as possible. He had limited time with the weather and was already creeped out enough, “It’s so funny. You think I’d ever actually like you?” 

That made a lot of sense. Daniel was having a nightmare about rejection. Kevin did not feel bad about this in the least bit, although he would probably need to have a word with Daniel about how he was looking at the whole situation. It wasn't that Daniel was unattractive or that it was funny, he just wasn't attractive _to Kevin._ Still, that wasn't enough to push Kevin back into his own head and Daniel seemed to actually enjoy the words. _Gross, man..._

"You're a monster." The words struck Kevin in the stomach, trying his best to remove himself from the dream. _Daniel, let go! Let go! Please!_ and then he was on the floor of the studio, his head pounding and vision blurry. 

A hand raised to his mouth, about to give in a curl into himself before he remembered that there was another human who was probably watching him. There were a lot of things that he had to do for his job and one of them was pretending that everything was at least neutral in order to finish reporting the news. Fortunately there was much more for him to report on and then he could excuse himself and sit in the bathroom for as long as he needed.

The production manager signed a small  _ ‘you ok?’  _ and Kevin nodded, rubbing his neck. He checked the app on his phone to see how much of his quota he had filled and it had barely counted for anything despite the horrible feeling that now loomed over him. 

-

“Well, Listeners, our broadcast will be cut slightly short today as the City Council is giving everyone time off work to dream harder. Remember, you need bad dreams to fill your quota and good dreams will count against your data.” 

“Before I go, I just want to remind you all that these bad times that Desert Bluffs is facing are temporary and we will see the end of this soon.”

“Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time.” 

-

Kevin was staring at his microphone when Vanessa came to find him. He had been filling his quota by remembering some of the worse incidents that have happened in their small town. Things like, gravity falling, giant spiders invading, and that one time where the station had been flooded with toxic gases because the secret police thought they had been making illegal yarn. He had even spent some time thinking about his childhood but had decided that the payout wasn’t worth the gripping fear and flashbacks. Even with it doubling the contribution to his quota, the two hour long flashback he'd had earlier had offered barely any payout and had left him a sobbing wreck under his desk. 

“Are you ready to go, Kevin?” She asked gently. Her voice completely took him out of his fearful thoughts. He checked his phone and realised he had filled his quota and then some. Finally!  He stood, stretching out and humming an agreement. 

“Have you met your quota yet?” Kevin asked her softly as they left the station. She had told him she’d answer outside so that no one else could hear. Kevin wasn’t going to ask what she’d dreamt about but would happily listen if she needed to vent.

“I haven’t had time, there’s been so much going around the office today.” She confessed, rubbing the back of her neck, “I’m also a bit bad at going back to sleep once I’ve had a bad dream and Karen told me that I need to be able to. She said last time she dreamt of a spider than wouldn't get out of her hair, it was all like _'Hey, gorgeous, you wanna go out for dinner'_ and she told it she wasn't interested but it kept going on. She got up to 90% but couldn't go back to sleep because apparently the spider was a metaphor for this guy she knew in high school... anyway, she got a fine that was _actual money._ I thought all fines in Desert Bluffs were weird stuff, like the concept of mortality..." Kevin mumbled a correction that intangable concepts were legal tender but Vanessa ignored it, "I can’t afford the fine and I wouldn't want my parents to have to pay for me, so I… was hoping you could help me sleep.” 

“How would I help you sleep?” 

“Just, reassure me after I wake up. Maybe if I… sleep on your chest or something.” Her face had gone a pale red and Kevin smiled at her. It was cute, even when she scrambled to justify herself, “We’re friends… so I just trust you, ok? It’s just like… you’ve been looking after me and…” 

“I understand.” Kevin told her with a laugh, putting his arm around her shoulder to pull her close as they walked, “I’m like… a big brother to you or something, right?” 

Both of them felt awkward about the statement but neither of them would say it. Vanessa had nodded and Kevin had let the conversation go quiet again. It stayed quiet the whole way back to his house and hadn’t picked up until they both had a drink and were ready for Vanessa to try to sleep. They had opted for the sofa after a long conversation of  _ ‘If you’re more comfortable on the bed’  _ and  _ ‘Not that I want to suggest anything’.  _ They both got more and more flustered as they tried to convey the fact that the suggestion had been completely innocent, even after they had both forgotten which one of them had spoken first. 

“I mean, it’s about your comfort too, you’ll be awake.” Vanessa sputtered, feeling like Kevin had rejected her.

“I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.” Kevin responded, feeling like Vanessa had rejected him. 

“The sofa is good.” The both finally concluded in unison.

It took awhile for the awkwardness to fade away again, but once it had faded, they were talking about movies and Vanessa slipped under Kevin’s arm. Her cheek pressed to his sternum in a similar way as when she was in the hospital, his voice settling her to a soft sleep. When Kevin noticed, he stopped talking, resting his arm on her waist. He couldn’t help his own eyes fluttering and fading into sleep. 

It was dark when Kevin woke up, Vanessa shaking against him. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt and lifted her phone to see how she was doing. 50%. Assuming she hadn’t woken up while he was asleep, she had to be having an awful dream. He didn’t even want to think what about but had to instead resist the urge to comfort her. The percentage was going up quickly, quicker than he’d seen it go up before.  She was mumbling and Kevin tried not to listen. She was gripping him now, begging, and his stomach turned. All he could understand were  _ ‘please’ _ s and  _ ‘no’ _ s. He badly wanted to wake her, pleading to her phone to just ding to tell him that she’d been scared enough. It seemed to stretch forever, her body tensing against him in the most horrifying ways. 

There it was. 

“Vanessa.” His hand moved down to shake her but was immediately pushed back up as she bolted upwards. One second she was lying on him and the next she was posed over him, his head turned towards the table and a hot stinging in the cheek that faced upwards. She’d screamed something but Kevin hadn't had any time to process what it was. God did she hit hard.

“I’m so sorry!” Her voice cracked, burying her face in his chest again. Kevin had no idea how to react, so simply held her as she cried. She cried for what seemed like hours, but by the change in the sky outside the windows, probably wasn’t hours. It was almost morning, but still very early, and Vanessa had fallen back to sleep on Kevin’s chest. He only decided to move her because of a knock on the front door, which at this time of night would only be the secret police for some reason or another. 

It wasn’t the secret police. It wasn’t Alex, either, so that was a relief.

“Is Vanessa asleep?” Daniel asked, scratching his face. He’d taken the day off, more because HR had forced him to than any other reason. Kevin wasn’t sure of the full story, but someone had reported him for threatening them from what Kevin had heard. He'd only even noticed because Vanessa had mentioned it the day before and they had talked about Karen's gossiping and then what had happened before.

“Yeah, what happened today? I heard a few rumours but…” 

“I need to talk to Vanessa. Alone.” 

Kevin frowned, looking over at her. She had wrapped herself in the blanket and seemed to still be sleeping peacefully. He didn’t much want to disturb her, as she’d already had a hell of a time that night and…

“I thought your eye was getting better. Last I saw it wasn’t so red.” Daniel’s hand was on Kevin’s face now, thumb stroking over the hot skin, staring at the recovering bruise. It didn’t hurt anymore, except where Vanessa’s hand had caught, and Kevin had all but forgotten it was there. It was far more uncomfortable that Daniel was touching him in such a way, especailly with the height difference. Kevin would have said something about it if Daniel hadn't have pulled away so quicky after. 

“Oh… Don’t worry, it’s fine. You can stay the night if you want, you can take my bed. She really needs her sleep, though.” 

“I want to apologise to you too.” 

Kevin stepped to the side and offered for Daniel to come in. The desert was cold at night and he didn’t want Daniel freezing while they were talking, nor did he want Daniel to be as distant as he had been recently. Despite everything, Daniel was still his friend and he just needed some help and some time. At least, that's what Kevin was hoping. 

“I guess, just about everything. It’s been a hard week…” Daniel started, stepping inside and scratching the back of his neck, “... I had some time to really think about it today and regardless of what happens in the future, I still want to be a friend now. Plus, I realised there is no point in blaming you for rejecting me when I know you-…” 

“Yes, exactly.” Kevin interrupted, not wanting him to finish his sentence, “No offense, Daniel, but do you think the whole… _There must be something wrong with me_ or the _I should keep pushing and making things awkward_ thing… might have been to do with the company you’ve started keeping?” 

Daniel stared. He didn’t understand what Kevin meant at first, seeing as he’d not kept any company the last week, he’d just been texting Alex, that cute guy he'd met outside the studio, and they’d just been talking about… then it dawned on him what Kevin was trying to say. He wasn’t sure if he was offended or not. Alex was his only friend outside of the station and most of the people in the station were avoiding him since he had come back out of the vortex. Well, Daniel had to admit to himself that he hadn’t been himself since then. Alex hadn't seemed to care so much, going as far as to blame everyone else around Daniel for his behaviour. It had made Daniel feel special but he had also realised that this wasn't the best thing, considering that he was fully aware of how irritable and verbally abusive he'd been getting around his own staff. 

“Alex isn’t what you think he is, Kevin. He is legitimately friendly. Plus, I convinced him not to stalk Vanny. That should be a plus for you, right? Not to mention the fact that we're just texting. It's not like... nevermind.” 

“So… you’re why he’s been avoiding us?” 

“I told him that it would be better for his mental health to just try and find someone else and he took it to heart. Sounds like he likes someone else too.” Daniel's voice faltered at the last sentence, taking a deep breath and shaking his head, "The guy abandoned his whole life to come here, it was hard on him." 

Kevin went quiet, looking to Vanessa again and then sighing gently. He nodded but didn’t say anything for a minute, thinking carefully about what was most appropriate to say. He didn’t want to say something that Daniel would take the wrong way or that would hurt either of them. 

“That doesn't make up for it, but… you both need to apologise to Vanessa. Don’t expect her to just accept your apology either. You threatened to kill her, Daniel. You were lucky she didn’t report you then. It wouldn’t have been just one day off.” 

“She told you…” Daniel’s voice was quiet, starting to wring his fingers, “... how much did she tell you?” 

“I didn’t tell him why.” Vanessa spoke up, stretching with a yawn, “It’s very hard to sleep when you’re having a meeting in the corner. You might as well come and sit down.” 

The men did as she said, sitting either side of Vanessa. She put the covers over their shoulders before putting her arms under one of each of their arms. It was warm and comforting, even if Daniel stank of whiskey and cheap meats. He obviously hadn't shaved in days and Vanessa was wondering if he'd brushed his teeth either. 

“I told him you hugged me, told me I could join you or end up how I did in that other world, and that you were confused. I don’t blame you for being confused because the other you sounds like a prick, but I do blame you for how you acted. I blame you for being a prick like him.” 

“Sorry.” Daniel croaked, moving his arm so it was around Vanessa’s waist now, “He said it was the future and I just wanted to make it the best it could be for all of us.” 

“It wasn’t the future, Daniel. The studio was completely different.” Vanessa assured him, pulling him into a hug, “Plus, you wouldn’t trade this for that, really? Would you? You want to make the future better for all of us, then do things to lift people up not push them down.” 

Daniel couldn’t reply, only shaking his head and burying it in her shoulder. He was trying to pretend he wasn’t crying, but it neither fooled Kevin nor Vanessa. Kevin put one hand on Daniel’s shoulder and the other around Vanessa. It had been a long night for all of them and it didn’t take long for each of them to fall asleep, propped up against each other with the blanket burritoing the three. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three babies in a blanket... the hurt/comfort stuff is over for a while, let's get back to the fluffy


	16. Good Morning, Sunshines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa's cooked breakfast and Daniel puts his foot in his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking at this and then looking at the Strex arc is killing me. At least the angst is over for a while.

“Good morning, Lemon.” Kevin hummed, still half asleep and snuggling more into the chest under him. He sighed happily as he felt soft fingers stroking his hair, finding it hard not to lull back to sleep. He had to get up, otherwise he’d be late for work, but he just wanted to enjoy this moment for even a few seconds more. Enjoy the closeness and the way it made his heart leap from his chest in such ignorant bliss.

“I don’t think Vanessa would be happy you’re calling her ‘Lemon’,” Daniel whispered, lowering the hand that was on Kevin’s waist so that the other man could easily move away from him when it had set in that he wasn’t lying on Vanessa. It seemed to take a few minutes. A few quiet minutes and it wasn’t as fast or jarring as Daniel had expected. In fact, Kevin didn't seem shocked by the information at all. Kevin moved away and sat between Daniel’s feet, which were the other side of the couch, reaching for his glasses before standing up fully. 

“I didn’t say ‘Lemon’... did I?” He mumbled, his voice still tired as he tried to cover more yawns that escaped him. He could only have had two or three hours and by the looks of things Daniel had had even less sleep than he had. At least he had slept before Vanessa had woken up but broken sleep was almost worse than no sleep at all. Daniel found it adorable. The way his nose scrunched up as he yawned and streatched wide. The way his hair was even more messy than usual. Those golden eyes shining gently. He'd made a decision last night. A decision he hoped would stick more than anything. Whatever happened in the future, no matter where it took them, he would protect Kevin. He loved him and it didn't matter that the feelings weren't mutual. 

“You did. Vanny is in the kitchen making us breakfast, though. She didn’t hear, don’t worry.” Daniel assured, stretching and going to lay the table for each of them. Kevin felt bad, seeing as this was his house and everyone else was doing everything but he supposed it wasn’t that bad.  He sat up at the table, waiting for Daniel to join him. Before he could speak, Vanessa was placing a plate of eggs and toast in front of his and a kiss on his cheek. She did the same to Daniel and both men’s faces lit with deep blushes. 

“She kissed me.” Kevin breathed as Vanessa disappeared back to the kitchen to fetch their drinks.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Daniel started, pausing as Vanessa set their coffee down in front of each of them. Daniel’s was black and Kevin’s was caramel. She disappeared one last time and Daniel continued, “She kissed me too.” 

This time Vanessa returned with her own plate and drink, setting them down and looking between the two men. It wasn’t hard to notice the change in their demeanor, nor was it hard to notice Kevin avoiding looking at her. She couldn't tell why or what he was thinking, not that she was normally particularly good at that anyway, but it made her uncomfortable that they had both seemed to just ignore her.

“What?” 

“Nothing! Just wasn’t expecting that… any of this. Thank you.” Kevin had to stop himself from touching the spot where she had kissed him, his heart racing uncontrollably in his chest, “How did you sleep after everything?” 

“I slept well, even if I was being crushed but two lumps!” Vanessa laughed, starting to eat, “What about you two?”

“Amazing.” 

“He had good dreams.” Daniel clarified Kevin’s statement for him, kicking him under the table, “Say, Vanessa, Kevin was actually hoping that the two of you could go out for dinner tonight.” 

Kevin’s eyes darted to Daniel, getting a small wink which he was glad Vanessa missed. He couldn’t believe that Daniel had just asked Vanessa out for him. Daniel. Daniel did that. He couldn’t say that he didn’t want to but at the same time, why was Daniel trying to set them up all of a sudden and could he not have been more discreet about it? He hadn't even discussed it with Kevin. Kevin could have been doing something tonight, in fact Kevin seemed to think he was but couldn't put his finger on what through the fog of embarassment.

“Oh… I’d love to, but it’s my dad’s birthday, remember? You were invited, Kevin.” Her voice wasn’t disappointed or upset, just confused and it made Kevin’s face light even brighter as he tried to bury his face in his breakfast. 

“Yeah. I’ll be there, I just…  _ forgot _ .” Kevin lied, kicking Daniel back, “I just wanted to celebrate your first month at the station.” 

“We can do that with drinks another night, maybe.” 

Daniel looked at him and then Vanessa and then laughed softly. It was confusing for both of them but neither of them mentioned it. Daniel was weird and Daniel was being weird and that was just Daniel. He took Kevin’s arm, excusing both of them and dragging Kevin to the kitchen. Vanessa just gave them an awkward smile and a nod, not sure at all what was going on. She worried she’d said or done something. 

-

“Kevin! If you want to get with Vanessa, you need to flirt!” Daniel whispered, a hand on each of Kevin’s shoulders and he looked into the bewildered radio host’s eyes, darting between them in a rather off putting way. It was obvious that Daniel was trying his best not to look at Kevin’s lips, but his face was growing redder the longer Kevin let him be so close. The longer he thought about what he was doing and how he so wished he wasn't. The longer he knew that he could easily close that distance once again.

“I am not flirting with  _ my intern. _ I don’t need help to flirt either, Daniel! Especially not when you should be focusing on repairing your own workplace relationships, not cultivating mine!” 

“You like her. She likes you. Come on, you just need to get there. I thought you’d be happy I was accepting that. I know it's probably awkward but you don't get where you want to go without talking about these things.” 

Kevin rubbed his eyes, sighing deeply and pushing Daniel’s hands away with his free hand. Daniel was right that Kevin was glad he had accepted Kevin didn’t have feelings for him but this was really going too far, especially right now. 

“We need to set some  _ strict  _ boundaries, Daniel.” Kevin started, taking a deep breath to ground himself, “First, stay out of my love life. That doesn't just mean don't flirt with me, don't flirt on my behalf either. Second, no kissing or anything more than that. I’m not interested. If that changes, I’ll let you know. I will let you know immediately and in the most passionate way, if that changes. Third, leave Vanessa to do what she wants. It’s not up to you, or me, what she does. She is my _intern_ and her _career_ could be hindered or changed based on our feelings for each other. I'm not going to be the one that makes that choice, regardless of how _sure_ I am that she feels that way. Seem fair?” 

Daniel just nodded, his smile fading into a frown. Kevin watched him for a minute before gesturing back to the other room and following him out. Vanessa was playing with a piece of her toast, eyes focused on it, and both felt awkward sitting back at the table. She hadn't eaten anything since they had left and there was a sinking feeling that she had been listening to them. She didn’t say anything and neither did either of them, not really sure what to say. It was like this for several minutes before Kevin eventually offered,

“The eggs are really good, Vanny.” 

“Thanks.” She didn’t look up, putting a piece of the crust in her mouth and spending longer than needed playing with it with her tongue. Daniel noticed this but Kevin was still keeping his eyes off of her, seeming to examine his cutlery between bites as if that was a very regular and normal thing to do. 

“So… how did you sleep? We didn’t ask you… how rude of us…” Kevin’s voice faded as he continued the sentence, getting a raised eyebrow from both of them. 

“You asked and I answered…” She replied, looking between them and then shaking her head, “Look, I’m sorry. It didn’t mean anything, I didn’t expect you two to get all flustered about it.” 

Kevin looked confused and then looked to Daniel who looked equally confused. Flustered? About what? Their heads had been so far into their own awkward conversation that they had almost forgotten about what had sparked it. Then it made sense and they both shared an  _ ‘oh’.  _

“No, no! We both really enjoyed it.” Daniel started, getting a hit on the arm from Kevin, which was in no way subtle and was definitely taken note of, and then shaking his head, “I mean, appreciated it! It was… motherly.” 

Kevin's face sank into his hands, mumbling to himself incoherently. He was glad neither of them could understand as he had said something about curling into a ball and dying right there and then.  _ Motherly _ . That’s the word Daniel had picked.  _ Motherly.  _ As if anyone of Vanessa’s age appreciated two men of their age calling them  _ motherly _ . Especailly when one of those people was their _crush_. As if anyone of any age appreciated two men calling them  _ motherly  _ out of the blue . He sank to the table, banging his head on it a couple of times as Daniel continued to ramble, uttering a few  _ ‘please stop, Daniel’ _ s and some more _'Why me?'s_. 

“I just mean like, you’ll be a good mother one day. I mean, you cook well and you obviously clean well. This place looks amazing. I know Kevin doesn’t clean this well, so I’m guessing it’s all you. You've been staying around here right? I mean, you're probably just like a mother to Kevin... sorry, Kevin, no offense, and I don't mean to bring up mothers... but I'm just saying, he didn't have a good example but look at this place. Plus, child bearing hips. Very important. Those are nice. Really nice. Not in a weird way or-...” 

Kevin could imagine what the sharp noise above him was when Daniel stopped talking and wasn’t surprised to hear Daniel wincing. Good. He could hear Daniel was about to continue, so wrapped a tentacle around his mouth to stop him, banging his own head against the table once more. He hoped he hadn’t bruised his third eye as well by doing so. 

When he raised his head, Vanessa was gone and Daniel was shrugging at him. 

“ _You. Don’t. Say. That._ What is wrong with you?” Kevin hissed, standing and taking his tentacle back to follow Vanessa, hoping that she wasn’t too annoyed with him. He hoped she wasn’t annoyed with Daniel either, but more for Vanessa’s sake than Daniel’s. He could hear Daniel trying to justify himself but completely ignore the man's,

"I didn't mean what I said about your mother, Kevin..." He went on and on and Kevin wanted to keep his tentacle around Daniel's mouth, but decided against it.

-

“Vanny?” Kevin asked carefully, not looking around the door in case she was changing. She had retrieved some of her clothes from her apartment and was keeping them in Kevin’s room. She was planning on going back to her apartment soon, anyway, but she needed a few day’s worth. 

Once she appeared in the doorway, wearing the jeans she wore to work and a bra, she looked up to Kevin. As soon as Kevin processed this, eyes shot up above her head, trying his best not to look at her at all as he felt the heat return to his face. She didn’t talk straight away, which just made it worse. He stood there, trying his best to look natural and not look at her while she just stood there saying nothing.

“Yeah?” She sighed, grabbing his top and pulling him into the room and out of the doorway when she noticed Daniel staring at the two of them from the table. She didn't mind much that Kevin could, should he want to, see her without her top but she didn't want Daniel looking at her. The door closed quickly and she pushed Kevin into the other side, at arm’s length, watching as his eyes started to examine the ceiling. Part of her wanted to pull his face down to look her in the eyes, wrap her fingers in his hair and move his head, but she didn't, “Motherly? Really?” 

“I didn’t say motherly.” Kevin choked, putting his hands up and not moving when she went to throw a shirt over herself. He didn’t look back down until he was sure it was fully buttoned, “I am only going to dig myself a hole if I try and correct Daniel. The kiss was nice, just unexpected. It’s not what we were talking about in the kitchen.” 

A glare came onto her face and then a shallow, disbelieving laugh, digging through her makeup to find her eyeliner, “I’m sure it wasn’t. What were you talking about then?” 

“Daniel not getting involved in…” Kevin stopped himself from saying  _ ‘in my love life’ _ , realising that would completely betray his feelings for her. He wanted badly for her to know but this wasn't the time or place and he wasn't about to tell her, “... your love life.” 

Immediate regret sunk in. That was no better than what he was going to say and he knew it. Oh, he just wanted to sink into the floor and vanish completely. He lulled his head back on the door, closing his eyes and anticipating getting a slap, a few rocks making his head knock against the wood.  No slap came, but instead he felt Vanessa. Her body against his in what felt like an excruciatingly slow moment, tiptoeing with her hands on his shoulders. They had been pressed together before, after all they had slept on one another the previous night, but something about being forced against the door sparked a bubbling in his gut far worse than he had felt with any of their other physical contact. A small kiss on the cheek and a small  _ ‘Thank you’ _ escaped Vanessa before going into the bathroom to do her make-up. He felt like he could melt, leaning against the door and touching where her lips had been, a soft smile pulling at his own. 


	17. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's thanksgiving in Desert Bluffs and Kevin is hosting.
> 
> (A lot of flirting and a nearly kiss)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea about thanksgiving traditions, fyi

Kevin’s eyes felt good, moving over her outfit as she straightened it out. He had looked back quickly when he saw her looking and Vanessa had played along as if she hadn’t noticed. It was a bright red dress she’d picked out especially for him with matching lipstick and it had obviously had the desired reaction. 

“You’re early.” He finally said, stumbling over his words but smiling and stepping to the side to let her in, quickly checking her out as she kicked off her boots. The dress accentuated her curves so well. Kevin felt bad about doing it, bad about looking at her in that way. She was more than just her body and it felt odd to him to be feeling his heart racing just because of the way she dressed. Instead he focused elsewhere. He laughed softly at her lemon patterned socks, which completely mismatched the rest of the outfit but were completely Vanessa. 

“I want to help you cook. I’ve never prepared a Thanksgiving meal before and I’ll need to learn.” 

“Why would you need to learn?” He hummed as he led her back to the kitchen, checking on what was already in the oven before going back to peeling vegetables, “Just get me to make it, right?” 

She laughed and it was perfect. It always was perfect when she laughed. She had a perfect smile and perfect teeth. She had perfect lips and dimples. “What about when I get married?” 

“Like I said…” Kevin stopped suddenly, letting his tentacles take over cutting the vegetables as he rushed to the fridge, looking for something that seemed important. Vanessa watched him and then watched his tentacles. It smelled amazing, whatever he was cooking, but the idea he was cutting things without watching made her worry for him. What if he cut himself?  Her hands wrapped around the tips of the tendrils, making Kevin jump and quickly pull away. He hadn’t expected the contact at all and he had never had anyone purposefully put their hands on him there. It made him blush, although he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant or unpleasant sensation, except for knowing it was Vanessa’s hands. Still, they retreated fully into his back, his shirt falling back into place behind him. 

“I don’t think I can trust you to cook for me if you’re not going to look at what you’re doing.” 

“I was looking. I’m surprised you didn’t feel it.” He retorted, standing straight as he pulled a can of cranberry jelly from the fridge and set it on the side. 

“You were not in my head. I know when you’re in my head and you were not in my head. You would know what I was thinking.” 

Kevin eyed her for a moment before putting a hand to his chin, moving to lean on the counter next to her, “You were thinking,  _ ‘How can I repay this lovely man who is making my family Thanksgiving dinner?’ _ ” 

Vanessa raised an eyebrow but didn’t reply, waiting for him to continue. She didn’t want to say something too suggestive and make things awkward but also didn’t want to accidentally defuse him flirting with her if that was what was happening.  Unfortunately, Kevin was hoping that she would take the lead from there and as soon as he saw her expression he mentally retreated, gesturing to the vegetables and confidently continuing as if he hadn’t meant anything at all, “So you started cutting the vegetables and I’m very grateful for that.” 

There was a silence again and Kevin quickly busied himself in shuffling things in and out of the oven, setting new timers for the food he was putting in. It wasn’t an awkward silence, not like he had expected. They both continued with their own things, Vanessa prepping the vegetables and Kevin making sure everything was in the correct trays, in the correct order. It took until he was doing the last dish, sweet sweet potatoes, for him to notice she had been watching what he was doing. It was because she had nothing else to cut, so her eyes were only focused on what he was doing. 

“I think we’re almost done.” Kevin nodded, slipping the tray in the oven before looking at his watch, “Everything is keeping warm and people should start arriving any minute. I think we make a good team.” 

“I will have to repay you at some point, Mr. Palmer.” Vanessa hummed, her eyes looking up to his without her head moving at all. His eyes always sparkled in the most wonderful way and she stared for longer than she should before looking away.

“Tamales.” Kevin sputtered, hoping that she hadn’t noticed how long it had taken him to form the word. He was trying his best not to flirt now, for several reasons. Firstly, she hadn’t reciprocated earlier. Secondly, her parents would be here soon. Thirdly, he shouldn’t really flirt with her at all, seeing as he was signing off on most of her evidence for her internship folder at the moment. 

“Tamales?” 

“I don’t know how to make them.” He explained, biting his thumb nail. He only removed it to speak before replacing it with his index, “Yours were really good at the fund drive for the college. I ended up buying them for a few people just so more people tried them.” 

“You didn’t?” Her voice had gone higher for a moment, moving slightly closer to him in hopes that he would move closer too. Her face was hot again, as it often was around Kevin, and her heart leapt in her chest as she imagined his lips on her. She imagined his arms around her again as his eyes followed hers. This was it. She was ready, all she had to do was get up the confidence to rock onto her toes. They were so close. Kevin wasn't moving away at all. She took his wrist and moved it from his mouth, watching his eyes fall to her lips… 

...and then the doorbell. 

Kevin hurried past her, leaving her standing in a rather embarrassing position of staring at the ceiling, standing on the balls of her feet, barely off the floor, with her hands in front of her. Her heart sank and she let herself relax back onto her full feet. She took a moment to straighten herself out, coughing to try and relieve the tension in her chest before turning and going to greet the guests, getting drinks for them. Kevin had told her to let him do it but she assured him that it was easier for her as she knew what both of their families drinks. 

Her father and brother had a beer with her and Kevin and her mother had a glass of wine. Abby and Steve stuck to juices with Janet. Her father pointed out it was early to start drinking but Vanessa explained it was tradition while Kevin shook his head behind her. He hadn’t told her it was and he wasn’t sure why she thought it was. Probably the same reason she thought it was traditional to greet everyone by telling them how thankful she was for them. Daniel had corrected both of these things when he had arrived with his plus one, who refused to acknowledge Vanessa as much as she refused to say she was thankful for him at all. Kevin didn’t correct her odd ideas, it was something for when everyone else had gone as he was sure she would be the last to leave. Considering Daniel’s guest, he may even suggest her staying the night and going to work together the next day. 

They had done the broadcast just before dinner, talking about the celebration and giving Vanessa her own chance to broadcast with some of the recipes she’d watched him make. He was nicely surprised by how much she had taken in, naming several herbs he’d used and even suggesting other herbs that could go in their place.  Dinner went well, with lots of compliments shared and no talk of politics or things that would otherwise divide the table. Alex had stayed quiet and Kevin was unsure whether this was due to Vanessa glaring at him every time he went to say something or Vanessa’ father who had had a private word with Alex almost as soon as he and Daniel had arrived. Kevin certainly didn't mention how dishevelled Alex had looked afterwards.  After dinner they watched some sport on the television, Kevin couldn’t really keep up but said some  _ ‘Go team’ _ s when Vanessa’s family and Alex were cheering and standing. Kevin didn’t stand to celebrate in part because he had no idea when they were going to but mainly because Vanessa had fallen asleep on his shoulder and he didn’t want to disturb her. She was snoring gently and didn’t seem even stirred by the noise around them.

-

Vanessa dreamt of earlier. When she’d almost kissed Kevin, except in her dreams the doorbell hadn’t gone and their lips were locked. She could smell his wonderful burgmont scent and feel his chest against hers. He had lifted her and set her on the counter so that he was the one who needed to lean up to kiss her. Legs wrapped around his waist and hands mapping his shoulders and cheek. His hands on her waist. She pulled him closer as they ran down to her knees...

-

“Kevin.” Vanessa breathed, only loud enough for him to hear. 

“What’s up, do you need some water?” Kevin asked softly, although fully aware that she was still asleep. He hadn’t expected a response and he didn’t get one. It wasn’t needed. Fingers ran through her hair, to settle her again. Alex seemed to notice but a look from both Kevin and Vanessa’s father was enough to stop him from saying anything. 

-

Vanessa woke up not long before their families had to leave, apologising profusely for being asleep for most of the time they were there. Her father joked about how sports always bored her and gave her a tight hug before they left. She gave Janet a hug too, signing to her about staying safe and talking soon.

“Did you two want another drink?” Kevin asked once Vanessa’s family had left, starting to clear the bottles from the table as Vanessa went to the cupboard to get herself and Kevin something. 

“N-...” Daniel had started before being interrupted by Alex, who was now leaning forward and staring at Vanessa. 

“Another beer, both of us.” 

Kevin looked at both of them, watching Daniel stop and lean back. His eyes were set on Alex but it wasn’t in an upset way like Kevin would have imagined. Alex was doing exactly what he had imagined but Daniel seemed to be observing the other man. Adoring him. Daniel had wrapped an arm around Alex's waist and seemed to be moving his thumb to stroke the man's side. Kevin wasn’t sure whether to feel good or bad about this situation, but his attention was pulled away by Alex’s eyes moving upwards as Vanessa put a bottle in his hand but otherwise ignored him. She made a point of telling Daniel to enjoy his drink before fetching her own and Kevin’s, linking arms with him as she gave him the bottle. 

“What did you want to do now, Sunshine?” She asked Kevin, keeping her eyes on him as his cheeks lit up from the name. She'd called him it before, but it still felt amazing to hear.

“Well… I've got some cards if you guys wanted a game. I know poker is banned without a licence, but they just legalized uno and I got a deck the first day!"

"Uno... was illegal?" Alex asked, looking to Daniel in confusion. He simply sat forward, kissing Alex's cheek and mumbling _'Interloper'_. 

"Uh..." Vanessa looked between the two and then decided that an explanation of the legality of Uno wasn't going to make the situation less uncomfortable, "... Uno sounds good. I know the rules."

"Good because I..." Kevin looked at her as if to question what just happened, Vanessa shrugging very obviously back, "... haven't had time to learn them." 

Neither Alex or Daniel acknowledged their silent conversation. It wasn't worth it and they didn't owe the others an explanation. Especailly as Kevin had insulted Alex last the conversation had come up between himself and Daniel.

The two had been chatting for a while, texting about their frustrations to do with the other couple (or 'not-couple' as they refered to them to one another). The conversation was bound to go to other places when all you're talking about is being attracted to people who don't find you attractive. 

-

"Hey, I got your text, what's wrong?" 

Alex was still clutching his phone, gesturing vaguely at the message Daniel had sent; _'Come over as soon as your out of work. We need to talk.'_ By the shorter, not that many people were taller than Daniel, man he had completely misinterpreted what Daniel had meant. Still, he wasn't sure why Alex was in such a panic over it. 

"I got some wine. I didn't know if you liked red or white, so I got both." He pointed behind himself, letting Alex into his apartment. He stank of hospital. Alex often stank of hospital. It wasn't bad, really, just uncomfortable. It was overly clean. A lack of perfume that made you feel like some omen was around.

"I thought... Wait... what do you want to talk about, Daniel?" 

"I just wanted to talk in person. We've not seen each other since... since..." 

"Since that fog stuff?" He offered, sitting and pouring himself some of the red, "Well, I didn't know you back then. I wasn't expecting Vanessa to give you my number. I thought you had a thing for Kevin." 

"Yeah..." There was a pause. A shrug. A large drink. Silence, "Do you want to get to know each other?" 

"Definitely." Alex's response was far to fast and he shrunk back into himself, taking another large drink from his glass, "I mean, if you want to, man. Doesn't bother me..."

-

"Uno!" Daniel smiled, watching Alex put down a reverse card and then putting his last card on the pile. He could see the other could have put something else down but didn't mention it. 

"You're a natural... or just lucky. Rematch!" 

"Of course." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going through some stuff, so although I'll try to keep to schedule the next couple of weeks might not be sorry.


	18. Texts: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Daniel exchange texts after their awkward meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is bold. 
> 
> The next few chapters are set between Chapter 5 - the Fog and Chapter 17 - Thanksgiving.
> 
> We're having a small Daniel x Alex arc. If you're not keen on Canon x OC, the next non-Daniel x Alex chapter will be "Throat Spiders".

_ “Hey, is this Alex?”  _

_ \- 18:30 _

_ - _

**_“Yh, who this?”_ **

_ \- 20:00 _

_ “Daniel.” _

_ “That guy from the radio station.” _

_ \- 20:00 _

**_“How did u get my #?”_ **

_ \- 20:30 _

_ “Vanessa gave it to me.” _

_ “Hope you don’t mind.”  _

_ \- 20:30 _

**_“Wat do u want?”_ **

_ \- 21:00 _

_ “I just enjoyed our convo. It’s nice meeting someone with the same problem.” _

_ \- 21:00 _

_ "Just kind of wanted to chat again." _

_ -21:30 _

_ "You're probably busy. I get it. Chat later?" _

_ -22:00 _

_ - _

_ “Hey, sorry if I scared you off the other day. Maybe we could go for drinks and chat?” _

_ \- 13:00 _

**_“Wow. I c y Kevin doesnt like u.”_ **

_ \- 13:02 _

_ “That’s not a no?” _

_ \- 13:02 _

**_“Yh. it's a no, man. Already said. taken. not interested."_ **

_ \- 13:02 _

_ - _

_ “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m not a stalker or anything.” _

_ “Not that I’m saying you are!”  _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ \- 18:30 _

**_“Wat do u want man?”_ **

**_“U gunna tell me to stay away from Van?”_ **

**_“Smh just say it.”_ **

**_“Stop actin like ur my friend or smtg.”_ **

_ \- 19:00 _

_ … _

_ … _

_ … _

_ “Vanessa can go to hell tbh.” _

_ “Why does everyone love her so much?” _

_ -19:23 _

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_“Have u seen her?”_ **

_ \- 19:25 _

_ “Yeah. Plain at best. That girl can’t even get her liner even!” _

_ \- 19:25 _

**_“R u gay? I’m not talkin her face!”_ **

_ \- 19:25 _

_ “No and that isn’t an insult, you know?” _ _   
_ _ “She’s not that big. B-cup at best.” _

_ \- 19:27 _

**_“I no, man. Not wat I meant. Don’t b like that.”_ **

**_“Her butt, Dan. Her butt.”_ **

_ -19:27 _

_ … _

_.... _

_ “OMG! Why would I look at her butt? Her face is off putting enough.” _

_ “And don’t call me Dan.” _

_ \- 19:30 _

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

-

Daniel glared at his phone as he watched Alex typing over and over. Honestly he just wanted to move off of the subject. He wasn’t texting a guy just to talk about a girl he’s hung up over. If he wanted to do that, Kevin would suffice and would be the same woman. 

It sucked. Properly sucked. He finds a guy and he's attracted to some plain jane and has no interest in him. He finds a _different_ guy and it's the same story, with the same woman, apparently just because she has a butt. He rolled onto his front, running a hand over his own butt. He had a nice butt right? He always thought it was a little big and his hips a little wide for a dude, it bothered him to no end, but these two were staring at a _woman's_ butt. He couldn't exactly blame it on that. Instead he just buried his head in his pillow and tried to think of anything other than the two of them until his phone started buzzing.

“Why ar-...” Daniel was staring down his nose at the device, hoping to look like he hadn’t just panicked at it going off. Alex looked beautiful. He had his hair down running over his shoulders, a tattoo on one that Daniel could barely make out. 

“Look, man, I don’t know what you want but I’m telling you, you can’t miss that butt!”

“She has a few extra pounds but I wouldn’t sa-...”

“Shut up! That’s just those unflattering shirts. She-...”

“No, you shut up, Alex. I don’t like Vanessa.” There was a silence for a minute. Daniel didn’t care but Alex obviously found it awkward. He seemed to be moving around in the lapse of conversation and mumbling but stopped to frown at his phone again, “Are you in a van?”

“I live in my van, shut up, man. Ever since Vanessa kicked me out. Apartments are expensive and the paperwork here is impossible.”

“Where do you shower?”

"At work, obviously. I'd shower at work even if I had a place, it's a hospital.”

“Oh, what do you do for work?” 

“I work at the hospital.”

“Why does a doctor need to sleep in a van?” 

Alex’s face turned sour, rolling his eyes. “I’m a nurse and I trained just as hard as any of the doctors…”  _ ‘hey’  _ “... I got great grades and I chose to be more patient centric…”  _ ‘Alex!’  _ “... not so that some radio boy who probably did some dumb communication major…”  _ ‘Ouch, ok’  _ “... can look down his fucking nose at me for working-...”

“Alex!” Daniel snapped, “I don’t care that you’re a nurse. That’s cool too. Cooler, probably. Do you see any weird stuff?”

“Yeah, of course, all the time… uh, look, man, I gotta go. I'll text you if anything 'weird' happens.”

“Maybe we cou-...” Daniel stopped as Alex hung up, only finishing his sentence to get it out his mouth, “... get some drinks.” 

-

**_"Hey Daniel. Gotta weird for u."_ **

**_"Guy came in today with no bones. Like at all."_ **

_\- 19:00_

_"How was he moving?"_

_-19:01_

**_"IDK."_ **

**_"Was rambling about something. Weird guy"_ **

_-19:02_

_"Yeah, welcome to The Bluffs."_

_-19:03_

**_"ikr."_ **

**_"Hey, check this out. Not mine but weird."_ **

_**-** _ _19:04_

**_[Picture]_ **

_"Oh God! What happened?"_

_-19:05_

**_"Lightning. Cool right?"_ **

_-19:06_

**_"So..."_ **

**_"Wuu2?"_ **

_-19:25_

_"Texting Kevin."_

_"He's not replying."_

_"Just checking in because we went out drinking yesterday"_

_-19:25_

_..._

_..._

_..._

**_"He mentioned me didn't he?"_ **

_-19:30_

_"Yeah. What did you do after you got off the phone with me?"_

_-19:30_

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_"You know what I did."_ **

_-19:33_

_"Why?"_

_\- 19:33_

**_"Idk man."_ **

**_"I was jealous."_ **

**_"I was confused."_ **

**_"look it doesn't matter."_ **

_-19:33_

_"k."_

**_..._ **

_"Look, just leave them both alone. It's bad for you."_

_-19:34_

**_"yh. guess so."_ **

_\- 19:35_

_"Anyway, I think I annoyed Kevin."_

_"I may have confessed some feelings."_

_"I knew he didn't return."_

_-19:35_

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_"Ouch."_ **

_\- 19:37_

_"Yeah."_

_-19:37_

**_"Want something to take your mind off it?"_ **

_\- 19:37_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_**"Y or N?"** _

_\- 19:40_

_"Yes."_

_\- 19:41_

**_"You know that new bar?"_ **

**_"Meet me there."_ **

_-19:41_

_..._

_..._

_"I'm not drinking. Already hungover."_

_-19:42_

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_"What did you think I meant?"_ **

_-19:42_

_..._

**_..._ **

_..._

**_..._ **

**_-_ **

_"Nothing, Don't worry."_

_\- 20:30_

**_"Ok... well, anything I can do 4 u?"_ **

_\- 20:31_

_..._

_..._

_ “What about a picture of you?” _

_ \- 20:35 _

**_...._ **

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_“U want a pic of me? Y?”_ **

_ \- 20:38 _

_ “You’re cute.” _

_ \- 20:38 _

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_“Wat?”_ **

_ \- 20:45 _

**_[Picture]_ **

_ -21:00 _

-

_ “I lie u, ok? You kep askg why Im txting yo ad you kee aking abou Vnessa.” _

_ “I ased o for drins! askd Vany or ur numbr!” _

_ “SMFH, tak a hnt!” _

_ \- 21:30 _

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_…_ **

**_“Have u been drinking?”_ **

_ \- 21:31 _

_ “Don mater.” _

_ “Jus stop cmin to the stton. I cnt stand cing u eryday.” _

_ \- 21:31 _

**" _I thought you didn't want to drink?"_**

**_“u no wat? nvm. K. c u, I guess."_ **

_ \- 21:31. _

_ - _

**_"Are you awake?"_ **

**_"And sober?"_ **

_-7:00_

**_"Daniel, come on."_ **

**_"Ur not actually mad @ me are u?"_ **

_-8:00_

**_"Come on, man. I didn't do anything!"_ **

**_"I sent u a pic."_ **

**_"u just caught me off guard."_ **

_\- 9:23_

**_"Look, I like u 2!"_ **

**_"U nerd."_ **

_-10:48_

**_"U no wat?"_ **

**_"Sure, ignore me."_ **

**_"ghost me all u want."_ **

**_"who cares?"_ **

_\- 11:59_

**_"Can I @ least no y ur ignoring me?"_ **

_\- 15:24_

**_"wtvr man."_ **

**_"bye."_ **

_\- 19:32_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter isn't amazing, I'm having a very busy week and I'm writing this arc now because I decided ~Self-care~ is writing about my OCs.


	19. Clean: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel and Alex talk about what happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm so busy atm. Moving completly on Tuesday. 
> 
> This arc will probably be 4 chapters (including the last one and this one). I'm also going to have another compliment fic (like the alt one) so I can do the sexy parts seperate from the main bits.

“Are you sure, Daniel?” Kevin looked to Vanessa, who had already fallen asleep in the back of his car, “I can give you a lift too. It’s no problem.”

“I have a lift.” He grumbled, nodding over to a van the other side of the car park, “Hopefully. I just need you to get some sleep, Kevin.”

He could see the annoyance of Kevin’s face as his eyes moved down to the other’s lips again. Imagining that smile. Carved into his soft flesh. Those perfect teeth and lips. He wasn’t surprised when Kevin mumbled a  _ ‘goodnight’ _ and left.

Everything was so cold. Compared to the blazing hot office that he’d been in no less than 24 hours ago, everything was so cold and grey. His feet seemed to move on their own, chest heaving to keep back tears. Back straight and hands in his pockets. He wanted to wring them in front of him. He wanted to break down. 

“I don’t want to see his stupid ass anyway.” 

It was Alex’s voice he heard first. Alex was so loud. The woman talking to him was far quieter and Daniel couldn’t make out her words. He hoped in his heart that they were talking about Kevin. 

“He said he liked me, though! Who does that? Stupid fuck.”

No. He froze, listening to the far too distant female voice. Watching the plumes of smoke coming from the windows of the van.  _ God  _ he needed a cigarette. He needed to run. He couldn’t keep the tears inside.

-

Halfway home. His apartment was as far away from the hospital as you could be and it was taking forever to walk, even with his outburst at the start of his journey. 

_ “Hey. Did Alex get you home safe?”  _

Daniel stared at the notification and the ones under it. Ones from while he was in the vortex. All from Alex.  _ ‘I like u 2’.  _ He just stared at it. Within what seemed like an hour for him, an entire day went past. A day where Alex confessed to him and then took it back because he didn’t reply. 

_ “Alex” _

_ “We should talk.” _

_ -seen _

One minute. Three. Five. Daniel was just standing in the middle of the street staring. Waiting for a reply. Just for him to type. Nothing. Nothing. Ten minutes. It just built inside him. Everything. The blood. Vanessa. Kevin. Alex. He couldn’t have anything nice, could he? Not without taking it. He just had to watch everyone else be happy and he couldn’t even have a small piece of happiness. 

“Hop in, Daniel.” He turned and stared down at Josephine. She was in her car and had pulled up next to him, “There’s a towel in the back. The demons said you might need it to put over the seat.”

“Why? I’m not wet?” Daniel patted his trousers, but still grabbed the towel out of the back and covered the seat with it before getting into the car.

“The blood, dear. Your shoes seem fine but your butt is covered.”

“What?” At first it was a whisper and then a panic grew, “What? No, no, no… Can this day get any worse? Seriously! I… no, I don’t…”

“Don’t worry, dude, it’s not yours.” One of the Ericas said, patting his shoulder from the back seat. The Erica in question hadn’t been there when he got in but was now, “Just get yourself cleaned up and in bed.”

“Did you tell Josephine to come find me?” 

“Nah, Kevin text and said he was worried.”

-

“Why are you calling?” 

Daniel’s heart fluttered at that cute, loud, angry voice. It had been at least a week since they stopped texting and Daniel had made up with Kevin and Vanessa. Now was Alex’s turn. He’d tried sending a copious number of texts but Alex was obviously ignoring them. He hadn’t explained himself, in fairness, it was mainly  _ ‘don’t be mad’ _ s and  _ ‘come on’ _ s.

“I got sucked into that Vortex, I wasn’t ignoring you.” 

“Vortex?” 

“Do you not listen to the radio? The giant vortex that was taking people into the future?” 

Alex fell silent and Daniel played with the bottom of his shirt. He was lying on his bed as he spoke to Alex, no camera this time, and honestly wanted to curl into a ball more and more as Alex didn’t speak. 

“The reason there were so many people covered in blood?” The man eventually gasped, stuttering more words out, “Are you okay?” 

“I guess. It was pretty lonely, not really having anyone around who wanted to talk to me. Kevin and Vanessa abandoned me, though that was my fault, not going to lie. I heard you have a new girlfriend. I don't-...” 

“What? Who told you that?”

“I overheard you two talking. Didn’t want to interrupt.” 

Another silence. This one was doubly as painful and the beautiful feelings that had been filling Daniel’s chest subsided for more anxious tension. His stomach bubbled and he was sure he was going to be sick. 

“Sophie?”

“That’s a nic-...”

“She has a girlfriend. We’re just colleagues. She’s with… you know Daisy? Over in the science district? She’s thinking of proposing, actually.”

“So you’re not…”

“No, Daniel.” 

“Did you want to go out?” Daniel’s heart almost stopped as he heard Alex laugh and then sniffle.

“I’m on call tonight. Maybe another time.” 


	20. Over Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Daniel meet up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so somethings -
> 
> 1 - Sorry I didn't post the update to Your Ghosts on monday, I've moved due to a not nice situation and I didn't really have time monday because I travelled tuesday.   
> 2 - I will probably make an adult alternate scenes one soon but it won't be on a schedule like alt chapters and the main fics  
> 3 - I have more obligations now but will try my best not to have to go on a hiatus. I don't want to. I'm writing these for me and I want to keep my schedule how it is.

“Anyway, cases like that are rare and we have the PPE to deal with it. Having four people in one day was just intense. I was worried you had a case when you text. Just so weird and gory. Wouldn’t want you to have to go through that.” Alex laughed, finishing his glass and shaking the bottle. Empty. He guessed white wouldn’t be that bad, especially after half a bottle of red. He felt so warm and the most comfortable he had in years. His arm was stretched around the back of the couch behind Daniel, one foot on the floor and the other under himself. Still, he had to move to get another drink. Daniel didn't seem to complain as his hand brushed the man's shoulders as Alex retrieved it. 

“Well, would I get to have you as a nurse if I did come down with a case?” Daniel replied, holding his glass for Alex to fill. 

“I’m not specific but you’d probably be on my ward. The more senior nurses are avoiding it.” 

“I’d get to see you in your scrubs?”

Alex looked him up and down before laughing again. His laugh was intoxicating (and Daniel was sure it wasn’t the wine) and Daniel couldn’t help but wonder how his laugh would feel against his lips. He barely noticed when it died away, too focused on that smile. Pure gold. 

Alex didn’t mind, his hand moving to Daniel’s arm to steady himself as he leant forward to press a kiss on Daniel’s cheek, about to respond to the question before he was caught by Daniel’s own chapped lips. It felt like tiny fireworks between them. It tasted like heaven. Time didn’t matter and neither did space. It felt spectacular. He couldn’t remember the last time they had kissed but he was sure that this was a thousand times more spectacular in every way. 

They only parted out of need for air, basking in the glow of each other. 

“Sorry.” Daniel whispered, nose rubbing softly over Alex’s as he rested his forehead on him.

“Don’t be.” Alex started, adjusting so he was resting against Daniel, “Unless you’re going to tell me you have throat spiders.” 

Daniel pretended to freeze up, putting a hand to his throat and puffing out his cheeks. At first, there was a genuine panic and Alex shot up to stare at him, but Daniel’s terrible acting (and opening mouth) was a give away that he was faking. 

“Don’t do that. It’s a real problem! You could have lost your face!”

Another kiss. Then another. Another and another and another. 

-

“Daniel?” 

He could tell Alex was still asleep, but it was still adorable to hear him saying his name so softly. Daniel didn’t reply, playing with Alex’s long hair as he slept. Each time he stirred, Daniel stopped for long enough for Alex to settle again. He’d have to go to work soon, but he supposed that no one would really question him showing up in the same clothes as yesterday, so he was already dressed. He wanted to spend as much time as possibly like this. It was safe. It was warm. It was real. 

The peace was broken by Alex’s pager, waking him with a start as he scrambled to grasp at the tiny machine. He scrambled to his feet, tying his hair as quickly as possibly and kicking his shoes on. Even in his rush, he went back over to Daniel, grabbing his face and kissing him one last time before rushing out the door. 

“Tonight?” He called back, getting a thumbs up from Daniel as he watched.

-

“What’s your favourite colour?” 

“Red for Ohio State.”

“Aren’t a lot of football teams red?”

“What’s yours then?”

“Orange, for the sunset.”

“Why? You’re way more beautiful than the sunset.” 

Daniel grinned, looking down at the man in his arms. They’d been together a week and what a week it had been. It was odd living with someone else, especially having to go down and retrieve Alex every time he wanted to come up to the apartment, but it was magical. Moments like these were the best. Just lying and talking about silly little things that didn’t mean anything. Finding their similarities and their differences. Just feeling someone so close to him. Knowing that that someone cared for him. Wanted him. 

Alex was quieter now. Less defensive. He’d let his guard down a little, although there were still times that he would take things completely wrong or think Daniel was treating him like a girl. Daniel kept telling him it wasn’t a bad thing but that he understood completely not wanting to be looked at like that. Part of Daniel wondered if it was for the same reason, but they hadn't had that discussion yet and if he was honest with himself, he was dreading it. Alex was understanding and kind and caring, but Daniel was also fully aware that he had some very odd ideas about certain things, like stalking people, and the closer they became the more and more Daniel felt his blood run cold every time it might come up. He was starting to fall in love and it made it harder to even imagine the man's reaction. There had been several nights where he had woken up in tears from bad dreams. _'I just can't be with you, I'm not that type of guy'_ the words would hurt deep in his chest, or _'Well, we can still be friend.'_

“Daniel...Did you want us to…? I mean…” It was cute how he stumbled with his words when he was flustered. It was a massive tell that he was unsure what to expect next. It almost drew Daniel away from his worries, until the meaning settled in and he realised this was it. He had to tell him. Daniel shushed him just enough to reply through Alex’s stuttering.

“Did you?”

“I-... uh…” That adorable blush. His whole face lit a bright red, like a christmas light, “... I mean if that’s what  _ you _ want.”

“No. I don’t think so.” Alex seemed relieved at the words and snuggled back into his chest.

“Really?”

“We need to talk about a few things first. Some… expectations that you might have that are wrong.” 

“I don’t have any expectations. I want to take this at your pace.”

Daniel frowned, shuffling under him and looking away. His chest felt tight. He felt strangled. He felt sick. What would Alex think of him? Most people in Desert Bluffs didn’t care but he had heard horror stories from some of the other interlopers in town that had come to Desert Bluffs  _ because  _ people threw them out. 

“I just mean…” Daniel started, having to steady himself before continuing, “... because I don’t… y’know?”

“Like sex? We don’t have to have sex if-...”

“No, not that.”

“What then?”

The words wouldn’t come out, no matter how much Daniel tried. God, he thought he was over this. Over getting scared of what people would think. Scared of people walking out of his life because of who he was. Then there was a look of realisation on Alex’s face and Daniel shrunk into the sofa, tense all over. 

“Oh… I don’t care about that. I date both anyway, you’re you. I like  _ you. _ ” He was sure this kiss was the sweetest Alex had ever given him, “Is that the only thing? Because I have an actual deal breaker to run by you!” 

“No way? Don’t tell me… you’re an axe murderer?”

“No…  _ well _ , would that be a deal breaker?” He smirked, nuzzling under Daniel’s chin, “I was going to say… uh…”

Daniel hummed to try and draw the words from the other but he had gone silent. Not his normal, flustered stuttering. He was silent.

“What is it?”

“I like to take it slow. I guess.”

“Not a deal breaker, Alex. I don’t mind how slow we go.”

“Yeah…” He cuddled back into Daniel’s chest, “... I guess not…”


	21. Dropping Hints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex doesn't communicate well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a total vent chapter, I'm sorry. 
> 
> See bottom notes for more details on that.
> 
> The next chapter is "Throat Spiders" so we'll be going back to Kevin. Thanks for stcking through my OCness

It started with a conversation while Daniel was washing up.

“So…” Alex started, leaning against the counter so that Daniel couldn’t see his face, “... When you,  _ y’know _ , do you have to get everything?”

“I don’t have everything, Alex. I can’t afford everything, so I haven’t been able to.” His voice wasn’t angry, but it certainly wasn’t happy at the question or Alex’s use of  _ y’know _ instead of  _ transition _ . 

“Right, right, but I mean… what if someone didn’t want any medical stuff?”

Daniel’s hands tightened on the plate he was holding, “That’s their choice. I chose to get medical intervention. Why are you asking?”

“No reason. Sorry.” 

-

The subject was dropped for a few nights and then.

“So…” Alex started, putting their laundry in the washing machine, “What about if someone isn’t completely sure?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if someone isn’t sure if they’re a man or woman? What if someone is kind of a woman and kind of a man.” He didn’t look to see Daniel’s reaction but the huff before his words told Alex everything he needed to know.

“Non-binary or are you suggesting something?”

“Right, right… they don’t get surgery?”

“Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. Why are you asking?”

“No reason. Sorry.”

-

Daniel was happy to answer all of Alex’s questions, from what happens during surgery to the types of surgery to what dysphoria is like. The questions he wasn’t happy with always seemed to revolve around  _ not _ wanting those things. Daniel answered, he knew that Alex didn’t know very much on the topic and wanted to educate him but each time Alex mentioned not getting surgery it made his chest tight.

“Why don’t you ever put your underwear in the wash?” Daniel asked one day while folding the clothes from the dryer. It was the only thing Alex didn’t seem to wash and he was slightly worried that the other just didn’t wash them. Alex’s reaction was strange to say the least, but Daniel brushed it off.

“I don’t wear any. No underwear. I just don’t.” He had blurted out almost immediately, waving his hands towards his trousers, “Why don’t you put underwear in the wash?”

“I do… are you okay?” 

“Great. Fantastic.” 

-

The tipping point was one night as Daniel massaged Alex’s shoulders and Alex asked;

“What do you think about non-binary-...”

“Stop!” Alex silenced as the other shouted, turning to face him with a look of fear and shock, “I’m not non-binary, I just don’t have enough money.”

“Oh… right, sorry. I-... so you don’t like-...”

“Why do you keep asking things like this? I don’t know the answer because I’m  _ not _ .”

“Sorry.”

Daniel took a deep breath and shook his head, “It’s fine.”

“Can I ask about… before?”

“Depends.”

“Were you with anyone?”

There was a long, awkward pause. Daniel looked at the floor, tense all over. Alex honestly had no idea what to expect from the question. He wanted to tell Daniel it wasn’t important, but seeing a tear running down the other’s face made it so much harder to coerce the words from his throat.

“I was. He was straight. I was out while I was with him but he said he didn’t mind. That is, until it was about cutting my hair, or surgery, or hormones, then it was a string of  _ ‘don’t do that’s _ and  _ ‘you wouldn’t be attractive like that’s.  _ He told me not to cut my hair. I did and he said he liked it but he liked my long hair better. I mentioned hormones and he said not to do it because…” Daniel stumbled, sniffling, “... he didn’t want to hear a deep voice. He said  _ ‘I thought you were non-binary’ _ as if that would have made any difference. He said he wouldn’t find me attractive if I didn’t have breasts. I didn’t say anything, I just agreed with what he wanted. Not binding, no hormones, no surgery. He still left me.”

Alex listened intently, anger and sympathy growing inside him with each new word from the other’s mouth. Each tiny detail. 

“What an asshole.”

“What?”

“He’s an asshole. He knew, why didn’t he just leave in the first place if he was going to make a fuss?”

“It’s complicated, Alex.”

He didn’t argue, not wanting to further upset Daniel. Part of him wanted to drop the subject completely, but the other part knew that he had to get this out of the way so that they could move on, or not.

“Can I just ask one more question?”

Daniel just nodded, moving back to massaging his shoulders. This was more to get him to turn away again than anything else. He could feel tears forming in his eyes and the last thing he wanted was Alex seeing them.

“What if you knew someone… let’s say they don’t feel like a man or a woman…”

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

“No!” The words came out loud and panicked, so Alex took a deep breath and tried again, “No. My sibling. It’s… I have a sibling that isn’t sure.”

“Oh… I thought all your siblings were outside the Bluffs.”

“He… moved here recently.”

Daniel stopped, thinking. He didn’t really care, or even think much about, other people’s genders. He’d like to say he wouldn’t treat them differently but what did that actually mean? He didn’t know this person, so he couldn’t exactly say he wouldn’t treat them differently. He wouldn’t treat them differently from other new people.

“I don’t know. I guess I’d have to meet them. I mean, Kevin is non-binary. I don’t treat him any differently.”

“I guess so. Vanessa too.”

"Vanessa is non-binary?"

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am NB, but I'm also transitioning (after COVID) as I'm masc. The thing that's been keeping me busy is, well, what Daniel said about. I don't want to make Daniel NB because that just wasn't my plan, but yeah the person I'm venting about essentially said "but you're non-binary, so why do you need to present/transition" and wanted me to not cut my hair, not bind etc. etc. I've been out since I was 13 and he was fully aware when we got together, so yeah... vent chapter.   
> Edit: ^ This is the 'personal' stuff that's making it harder to write. Divorce man. 
> 
> Alex is coming out soon, though. Very soon.
> 
> And Now, The Weather Body -Justin Suaste 


	22. Throat Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever wonder why Kevin and Cecil have different voices when Carlos and Charles start with the same one? Me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Kevin mentions that Desert Bluffs has had a throat spiders outbreak that was really bad before, which made me think. Carlos' voice is different from Charles because he replaced his vocal cords to avoid throat spiders, so it would make sense that that is why Kevin's voice is so different from Cecil's as well. 
> 
> Welcome back to the non-OCness. I will try and write a few chapters between this and the next OC-y chapter, as at the moment the next one is next chapter. We will see.

A sore throat was normally nothing to worry about. That would be the case here too, if they weren’t in one of the worst throat spider outbreaks that had hit Desert Bluffs in Kevin’s memory. Honey and Lemon usually worked on a sore throat but certainly didn't help this one. All it had done was remind him that he couldn’t be at work. A radio host with a sore throat wouldn’t be pleasant for anyone and although he would normally show up to work sick, he didn’t want to pass on the throat spiders if he did have them. It scared him more than anything ever had. If he had throat spiders, he might not be able to go back to work for a long time, not to mention the possibility of dislocating his jaw!

He didn’t want to go to the hospital. If he didn’t have them, he would get them. If he did, he’d have to stay. Neither were options he particularly enjoyed the thought of. 

Then the radio started to buzz and hum to life, making him miss work even more. 

_ “Uh…”  _ There was a long silence and Kevin laughed, coughing as soon as he did. He’d done something similar as an intern,  _ “... Welcome to Desert Bluffs.”  _

One day Vanessa would be taking over from him. It was written, although with an odd and ominous large scratch over the top, in the stop prophecies down at city hall. One day he would... _retire_... and Vanessa would be sworn in as the new radio host for Desert Bluffs, just as he had been many years before. Vanessa was 28 now, after ageing substantially after coming out of the vortex and realising that she could die at any time. Not so much realising, as we are all aware that we could die at any time, but dying seems a far off and unreasonable thing for those who have not had the _pleasure_ of being scared of it's imminent actuality. Kevin felt sorry not only for her experience but also because prior to it she had been ageing quickly anyway, one year at a time. It had been a shock to her that she could age more than one year at a time (and had gone from 25 to 28 when she found out this information, and the fact that ID changed your age with you). 

It was even worse, hearing Vanessa talk about throat spiders in her cute, awkward voice. She seemed excited and worried. She did an OK job of keeping the excitement out of her voice but that’s not to say it wasn’t there. He assumed it was to do with being on radio for the first time, or perhaps the fact that Vanessa loved spiders and had never heard of throat spiders before.

He had called a doctor, in other words, he had whispered into a house plant that he needed non-emergency medical help only to have the plant crackle back that half the town did and he needed to be patient. Fortunately being an influential member of the media had some obvious sway in these issues, as an odd person in a lab coat and mask had shown up at his door and was currently shoving wooden sticks into his mouth and shining torches at him. Several of both these things. More than Kevin was sure were needed but he wasn’t a doctor. 

“Preventative care is best. It’s just a sore throat but it makes you susceptible to  _ Aranea Faucium. _ ” The man told Kevin, just getting a nod. Doctors often spoke in these long winded ways in order to confuse their prey, but Kevin knew this and knew the best thing was to seem like you knew what they meant so they would lose interest, “You’ll have to come into the ambulance, I can do the surgery there and you’ll be back to work in 48 hours.” 

“Surgery?” 

“We’ll need to replace your vocal cords.” 

Panic. Panic. No, no, no! 

“You can’t change my voice!” Kevin started, coughing harshly at the strain this put on his throat, “My voice is my life! It’s my job! I can’t…” 

He was cut off by more severe coughing, his hand drawing up to his neck to try and sooth it manually. 

“Change it or lose it, buddy!” 

Neither of these new options sounded good either! His smooth baritones were the voice of Desert Bluffs. His lovely deepness contrasts the wonderful sunshine and bright people in such an elegant way. How could he lose something that he was universally recognised for? It wasn’t fair! 

It may not have been fair but he had little choice but to walk out to the armour plated ambulance with the doctor. He didn’t want to think about how much the procedure would cost, just lucky that the doctor was on one of his various insurances. 

-

“W-Well, that sounds awful, doesn’t it!” Vanessa said into the microphone, feeling the tenseness in her whole body. She hated Daniel for volunteering her to do the broadcast today. She had done one segment in the past and she wasn’t even five months into her internship. It was holiday season and everyone was already panicked with ignoring commercialism and celebrating ‘true meanings’. She still saw most people getting presents for loved ones, just yelling what seemed to be a seasonal greeting of “THIS IS FOR ME!” followed by ‘seasons greetings’ or ‘happy holidays’. 

Daniel was in the producers studio today as the production manager had told him that  _ “If he wanted an intern to broadcast so badly, he could produce the show” _ . He was now regretting the decision as Vanessa fumbled over lines, messed up the sponsored message, and had no idea how to read the sports news. 

The end of the broadcast eventually came around and Vanessa delivered her most confident line of the day  _ ‘Until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.’.  _

She turned to Daniel, who gave her a half smile and a thumbs up. It was a good sign from Daniel and she let herself breath out, standing to get herself a coffee. She wasn’t even fully out of the room before she saw Kevin walking down the hall. He looked sad, disappointed. She took it as being about the broadcast. He was meant to be at home resting and he’d come in now, she didn’t see any reason why he would be back in work. When he approached her, she looked down trying to keep her eyes off of him but he gave her a thumbs up. 

“Really?” She asked, looking up at a now enthusiastically nodding man, “Then why are you here.” 

_ ‘I just got surgery. No throat spiders. Just a sore throat.’  _ Kevin signed, moving his bandage so she could see the plaster over his neck. 

“But your voice!” Daniel cut in, making Kevin avert his gaze by focusing on the floor. 

_ ‘48 hours and we’ll know just how bad Desert Bluffs is going to have to deal with.’  _

-

Vanessa was far more confident with her second broadcast, possibly because they had let her play old broadcast clips of Kevin as an intern. His voice had been higher and he fumbled almost as much as she had the previous day. It had been Kevin’s idea to play them and it was certainly a good idea. 

-

“48 hours.” Vanessa beamed at Kevin as he walked towards the studio, hoping very much he wouldn’t sign something to her like  _ ‘I need another day’ _ . She couldn’t handle taking the broadcast again, especially when today’s report was about a bunch of new cases of throat spiders and the plan to deal with them. She just couldn’t. 

At first he didn’t reply, just looking away from her and hoping she would talk first. She didn’t. He had to say something, not to fill the silence as they often sat in silence together when working or just enjoying each other’s company, but to answer her.

“Don’t laugh.” He said, a more naturally cheerful voice. Higher in pitch and mood. He had spoken to himself that morning so knew what he sounded like to himself and on a recording, so he knew what he was inflicting on Desert Bluffs. 

“You sound beautiful.” Her words shocked him, although not as much as if someone else had said them. He was sure she would have said the same regardless of what his voice sounded like, but she had said it without a moment’s thought. She had just said it. He knew that Vanessa loved him, oh how he knew that, but he had assumed at least some of that would be because of his voice. When their eyes met again, she had that excited look on her face too, “Oh, we thought that a joke might cheer you up too! I don’t know where Daniel went but you want to hear?”

“Yeah.” He hadn’t mastered inflection in this new voice yet, having only really said a few sentences with it. Rather than the gentle and friendly tone he wanted, it had come out breathy and vaguely sexual and he could see that Vanessa had picked up on the odd tone as her hands came together behind her back and shoulders raised, “I’m having problems with this voice. I might need help in the broadcast too.” 

“Oh…” She started, biting her lip as she played with that  _ ‘yeah’ _ in her head, “... sure… the joke was  _ What did the limestone say to the geologist?”  _

“I don’t know, what?”

_ “‘Please stop prodding me with that glass stick. It isn’t less primitive because you made the stick and geology is illegal, so you should be ashamed.’”  _

There were a few laughs from some of their colleagues in nearby cubicles but Vanessa didn’t hear them at all. All she could hear was Kevin’s honey sweet laugh, the way it now sounded so joyful and full. Her knees went weak just listening to him. 

-

“Everything is temporary, even pain. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” 

Other than the few times Kevin had to take a break to stop his voice from doing so, the broadcast went well. Management had found someone else to help Kevin with the gaps, filling in some of the speech with another male voice that was closer to Kevin’s than Vanessa’s would have been, despite Kevin trying to convince them that it was good experience for when Vanessa took up his role. 


	23. Voice of Saccharine Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desert Bluffs loves Kevin's voice but he still has some reservations. Vanessa can't stop talking.

_"Music is just noise that you love. Welcome to Desert Bluffs"_

Today was probably the worst day to have a call-in show but that was what was scheduled and therefore that's what he was doing. The phones were buzzing as soon as he made the introduction and Kevin already knew exactly what was coming.

_"Did something happen to Kevin?"_

Of course he had to reassure several members of the public that his voice had simply changed due to surgery and remind them that they should actually be calling in about Throat Spider information or for the usual things they would call in for and not to call in about the way his voice sounded. However, this was Desert Bluffs and as such all of the calls were about his voice. They were sweet, a lot of them, telling him how much happier and light he sounded and how he'd brought a smile to their faces but Kevin really just wanted to forget about the whole thing. It was bad enough that he had to be on the radio with his new voice and no one to help him (as no one had questioned him when it was two of them presenting) but he was also trying to wrap him head around the new way he sounded. Every time he spoke it was as if someone else was speaking rather than himself and the difference between his internal monologue and his external voice was jarring. 

_"Thank you for all your pleasant compliments today, Desert Bluffs. You know, it's so nice to see everyone here in the Bluffs sticking together and trying our best through such terrible times. Remember to keep your friends and families as safe as you can!_

_"Until next time, Desert Bluffs, until next time."_

He took a deep breath of relieve, spinning on his chair and waiting for Vanessa to bring in his coffee. She normally brought it in as soon as the broadcast ended and she wasn't in the control booth, so assumed it was where she was. 

"Great show today, Kevin." She smiled as she set the mug down next to him, one hand rubbing his shoulder for some comfort.

"I guess... Vanessa, do you like my voice?"

"I love your voice." It was enthusiastic and perfect, contrasting the imperfect panic that washed over her face as she paused, "I mean... I loved you voice before too... but like, It used to be this serious, sexy, foreboding voice that made even happy things seem dark and I always imagined you being so... serious..." 

"... and now?" He questioned as Vanessa seemed to stare off into nowhere. He wouldn't point out that _'sexy'_ was a very odd word to use when she was trying to hide that fact she liked him.

"Now? Now it's like... saccharine sunshine. More fitting of your laid back, casual but ready for work attitude. Like, I imagine more gentle and caring and... _slow..._ uhm... slow-...ly... uh... dealing with issues, like calm... or ..."

"Are you alright, Vanny?" 

"I'm fine." She choked, face read and eyes staring at the floor now, "It fits your personality better, that's what I'm trying to say."

"I can be serious too, y'know. What's gotten into you today?" 

"I'm helping Daisy test this pill that's meant to make everything taste sweet." There was a long pause like she was trying to fight something back, "Apparently a side effect is less control of what comes out of my mouth, so I mean-... _no, no..._ I'm having to be careful and, well..."

"It's not going well?"

"She didn't warn me about this! Then there are the phone calls... John Peter, y'know, the Pharmacist, he called in and asked if you needed any pain relief and I said _'Yeah, probably'_ and he said _'Any medicine you need, Vanessa?'_ and I made a joke about smoking chips and making my own illegal smoked cheese and I feel like he doesn't like me now." 

Kevin hummed in acknowledgement, taking a sip of his coffee and thinking. 

"I'm probably not the best person for you to be talking to, then, right." 

"That makes it sound like you know I-... I-... want to have your job." 

Kevin just laughed, shaking his head, "No, I don't know that, you should really go and tell Daniel to go away with some more colourful words." 

"Oh! Don't get me started on-..." 

She was cut off by Kevin guiding her out of the studio. The last thing she wanted was to rant about a colleague in the hall. 


	24. Happy Holidays: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's holiday time in Desert Bluffs

Vanessa was wearing a red shirt today. This was unusual. She had also been very happy to get him coffee. This was also unusual. Now he was holding an ominous box which he knew was a present but didn’t understand why it was for him. He didn’t celebrate her ancient religious festival and nor had he really bothered to learn anything about it. All he knew was that a lot of people celebrated it but had thrown out the commericailist message a long time ago for the true message of fearing flying men that watched everyone sleeping but was not controlled by any single government agency. 

Inside the box was a necktie with Daniel’s favourite fruit, strawberries, as a pattern. He immediately swapped his plain black one with the newer, fancier one. It made him feel happy, which he’d been struggling to do since the whole Vortex thing even with the help of a counsellor. Although, their sessions were mainly of the person wailing shallowly directly into Daniel’s ear. He only really felt happy with Alex around. 

Daniel wasn’t religious. He had helped Kevin decorate for Yule several times and had never understood the point of his twig figures and circles or why they didn’t just break the twigs straight from a tree rather than collecting them from the ground. It would be so much easier with the limited amount of trees in Desert Bluffs. 

No, this year Kevin hadn’t invited him for his celebrations. He wasn’t sure if this was because of Thanksgiving or if Kevin was simply not celebrating this year. Either way, Daniel had made other plans which didn’t require religion. In fact, the lack of it seemed to be a plus. 

Vanessa had smiled so wide when she put his coffee down and saw him wearing the tie that he had time to notice she was wearing a similar one, but with lemons instead of strawberries. He’d assumed she had bought Kevin one with passion fruits on. 

“We’re exchanging gifts on the day. My family is preparing so that it fits both of our religions perfectly. It helps that our religion stole a bunch of ideas from Kevin’s…” She seemed both happy and sad about this statement and Daniel concluded that Kevin had put his foot in his mouth, “So, what are your plans?” 

“Alex and I are going on a date.” Daniel informed her, giving a small nod and trying to ignore her frown at the other man’s name but failing, “Look, just because he wasn’t good to you doesn’t mean he hasn’t changed.” 

“You’re my friend, Daniel…” She looked away, trying to word this without hurting the man, “... I don’t want you to get hurt and equally I don’t want you becoming…  _ like that again. _ ”

“Vanessa, with all due respect, I feel like you don’t want me to be with anyone. It wasn’t OK for me to like Kevin, it’s not OK for me to like Alex…” 

“I didn’t say it wasn’t OK for you to like Kevin! I said that it wasn’t a contest. You were treating him like an object to own and fantasizing about him being…” She stopped, trying her best to get the words out but finding herself still tearing up at the thought, “... scared.” 

Daniel looked away at her words, taking a deep breath and then shaking his head, “Sorry. Alex is getting better, I promise. He’s not following you around… as much… right?” 

Vanessa gave a small hum, drinking her own coffee. The radio had crackled on but she wasn’t on producer duties today, so she could stay with Daniel until someone needed her for some errand. They didn’t spend much time just the two of them, not since his threat. He’d apologised what seemed like a thousand times but she had just felt awkward about the whole thing. She wasn’t upset or annoyed, just awkward. 

“He stole another one of my pizzas but he just wanted to talk about… other things. Nothing important, don’t worry. I guess he just wanted another interloper to talk to.” 

“No one is considering you an interloper anymore. Alex, sure, but you’re mainly in the clear aren’t you?” 

“I haven’t been pointed at in a while, true.” She agreed with a nod, “Although I’m not sure why. I haven’t been any more social. In fact, I’m doing less in the community than I was during my classroom time. I can’t see what else would have changed.” 

“No, we know you haven’t.” Daniel laughed, getting a confused look and a dismissive wave, “You should ask Kevin what changed. I’m sure he won’t tell you but no one else is going to either.” 

“Because I’m an interloper?” 

“Sure.”

-

Daniel took a deep breath in front of his mirror, turning to check that the yellow lace shirt he was wearing was actually working to compliment his figure. He had paired the shirt with matching shorts and white sneakers and belt. He was nervous. More nervous than he’d ever been to go out with Alex. The other had mentioned specifically that he wanted to stay the night, but he was essentially living in the apartment now so it had caught Daniel out. He was snapped away from his worry by his doorbell, excitedly rushing to his door before trying to seem calm and cool when he opened it. 

Alex was still wearing his t-shirt and jeans he wore to and from work. This was expected as Daniel had asked him to pick him up early and Alex had had to change his shift just to make the date. He still looked amazing. His long hair was tied back into a tight ponytail that ran down to the middle of his back and his glasses sat on the edge of his nose, which had a bump and a leftwards tilt. Alex rarely wore them and wore a ponytail even less. Daniel hadn’t noticed it the first time he’d seen them but he had adored it since he noticed. He also hadn’t noticed the small scars on his face, most notably one that ran up his cheek. He hadn’t noticed either of these features until after he’d been in the vortex. He had concluded it was because he had gained a thing for scars, rather than listening to Vanessa about these being self-inflicted injuries and that Daniel shouldn’t encourage him.

“Is it okay if you wear something else?” Alex said, looking Daniel up and down. Daniel knew he should have picked a different outfit but the woman in the shop had told him that this was what was in this season. He should have just made his own flower jacket again! 

“Do you not like it?” Daniel asked nervously, letting Alex slip past him into the apartment, leaning in for a kiss but not getting one in return. 

“You just look a bit…” Alex waved his hand at him, shrugging, “... yellow.”

“Yellow?” 

“You know… Like…” He seemed flustered, crossing his arms and waiting from Daniel to close the door before continuing, “... It’s very nice but not what I was hoping for.”

Daniel stared for a minute. What Alex had said hadn’t gone in. He had heard it and understood what he meant but the intention behind it had completely escaped Daniel and thus the ability to reply. 

“I thought you would wear one of your suits.” He continued, running his hand through his ponytail as he set down his work bag. Daniel hadn’t noticed it until now and realised that Alex never brought the bag inside usually. He kept it in his van and washed those clothes at work. He had driven here so there wouldn’t be a problem, “I love how you look in your suits.” 

Daniel nodded slowly, walking past Alex. He didn’t smell like he usually did after a shift. He usually smelt clinical and overly clean, but now there was a cinnamon and vanilla swirling in the air around the other man.

It didn’t take Daniel long to change and he was glad he did. As soon as he stepped out in his suit Alex was linking arms with him and pulling him out the door. 

-

They spoke all evening, starting at a steakhouse and then browsing some shops in the mall. Alex wanted to get a few new clothes for himself, so they stopped by a large clothing store and Daniel looked around for some fashionable things that still fit into Alex’s scruffy-casual look. He had looked over a few times to see if Alex had picked anything up. 

The first time, Alex had picked a couple of tops that were from last season. They were very outdated and would definitely not help him out when fashion week came around. Daniel was already unclear on how the man had survived this long but that was part of what endeared Daniel to him. The second time caught Daniel’s attention more. Alex had picked up a lipstick tube and sighed. Daniel had caught him the exact moment he was looking at it before nervously looking around and shoving it back into the display with a bright red face. He saw Alex say something like  _ ‘not her colour, I guess’ _ . 

Daniel slipped around, avoiding Alex’s line of sight and snatching up the make-up he was looking at before quickly returning to the t-shirts. It would be a nice present for him. Since their talk, Daniel had noticed more and more things about Alex that made him realise he was hiding something. That alongside the fact that Daniel had tried to look into Alex’s sibling and found out he had no relatives in Desert Bluffs led him to the conclusion that Alex was talking about himself. Even if he was wrong, it was a nice colour and he could gift it to someone else.

After they had bought those few things, Alex having ignored most of Daniel’s advice to get more floral patterns, they were leaving with several plain t-shirts and a dress for Alex’s ‘sister’ which Daniel had noticed Alex glance at several times during their visit.

They continued around the mall for a while before going back to Daniel’s place. 

“So, I guess I should be going.” Alex started, pointing at his van with his thumb. He wasn’t looking at Daniel but at the floor, eyes going between Daniel’s dress shoes and the concrete. His own feet were shuffling under him as if out of his control.

“Why?” Daniel asked, putting a finger under Alex’s chin and lifting his head to face him, “Have I done something? Just tell me if I have.”

“No… I just…” He put a hand on Daniel’s and moved it away from his chin, “... I don’t want to crowd you too much. I kind of just started living in your apartment and didn’t even really ask.”

“It’s lonely without you there. I like that you’ve moved in. In fact, I was wondering if you wanted to call it official.”

“Official?”

“Yeah…” He moved closer, looking down at the much smaller man in front of him, “I was hoping you might want to live here too. Bring your things inside. What do you think?”

The look on Alex’s face drew a small laugh from Daniel as he moved a hand down to Alex’s and led the now captivated man inside and fetched him a glass of wine, “How about we talk about something else and you can think about it. I had a good night, I don’t really want it to end.” 

“Well… what did you want to talk about?” Alex had asked, getting a small gift box shoved into his hand instead of an answer. He looked between it and Daniel, who was twirling a strand of Alex’s ponytail in his fingers as he watched. Alex carefully opened the box and moved the crumpled paper, picking up the lipstick tube. His face went a deep shade of red as he stared at it, recognising it as the one he was looking at in the shop. A deep blue shade that matched the dress they had also bought, “Wh-why would you buy me this? I’m not a chic, Daniel! I don’t want lipstick!”

Daniel’s face dropped from a smile, moving his hand to stroke Alex’s cheek, “I think it would look nice on you. You don’t have to be a chic to wear lipstick.” 

Alex glared at him, looking to see if he was about to laugh or say something else to take away the joy that his previous words had caused to swell in Alex, despite trying his best to push down those emotions. Despite trying his best to keep the growing smile from his face. Nothing of the sort came and Alex couldn’t help but feel tears swelling in his eyes. They only managed to spill over when Daniel had leant in to kiss him. His thumb had run against his cheek to wipe the hot liquid away from his eyes and quickly Alex was pulling him closer.


	25. Happy Holidays: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin visits Vanessa's family for the holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>Minor warning (Unmarked) - Suggested Child Abuse (towards Kevin) - See bottom notes for chapter summery.
> 
> 'Happy Holidays' Is 4 parts long, as fair warning. It alternates between Kevin and Vanessa, and Alex and Daniel. 
> 
> Hi and welcome to fanfiction where tropes are just run of the mill. If there are any tropes you'd like to see /before/ 'Vermilion' (When they get together) please leave me a comment. I'm written up to that point but that doesn't mean I can't add chapters.

“Blessed Yule, Kevin!” Mrs. Gris had greeted him as he entered, wrapping her arms around him and patting his back, “I had never heard of the Arboreal faith until this year. You’ll have to tell us if we got anything wrong.”

“Happy Christmas.” Kevin returned the greeting, hugging her tight and shaking Mr. Gris’ hand as they hugged next, “I’m sure everything is perfect. I made caramel, my late father’s recipe. I found the adult version in his things, but I made both types.”

“Well, you know which I will be having.” Vanessa’s father had laughed, having obviously already had a few. Kevin wasn’t sure how to take this fact, considering this man had questioned drinking early in the day on Thanksgiving. He offered the box to him and wasn’t as surprised when he took both and put them on the table. 

“Oh, but don’t stand in the cold…” Vanessa’s mother had started, then realising about the desert heat and the fact that they were more likely too hot than too cold, “... come in. Come in.” 

They did as they were told, Kevin taking Vanessa’s shawl to hang with the unused coats that hung by the door. 

“Kalvin! Get Vanessa and Kevin a drink.” 

Kevin looked around at Vanessa’s mother, confused. Vanessa’s brother’s name was Francois, so she couldn’t mean him. Kalvin was close to Kevin but then she had said his name too. Then there was a robotic voice next to him and Kevin almost jumped out of his skin. It had been the first time he had made a panicked noise with this voice and it made the shock even worse as he completely forgot for the moment that he had a different voice. 

“It’s fine, you big technophobe!” Vanessa teased, putting her arms around Kevin’s waist as she addressed the robot, “Lemonade for me, Passion fruit for Kevin.” 

“There is no passion fruit, Miss Gris.” Kalvin answered, “Will orange do?” 

“Yes, please.” 

Once Kalvin had left, Vanessa jumped onto the sofa with her brother, starting to talk about whatever sport was on the television. Their television was large and flat, almost like a single pane of glass with an image on it. Kevin ruffled her hair on the way past to the kitchen to help her mother prepare dinner. 

Vanessa didn’t even notice her father had disappeared, going between hyped about the game that was currently on and her brother explaining what she had missed in the last game as she hadn’t been able to watch it. They were louder than ever. 

Kevin, on the other hand, had noticed that Vanessa’s father wasn’t watching the game as Vanessa’s father was instead talking to him. He was trying to talk about the parts of cars that Kevin knew that he himself was not meant to know. Kevin pointed out a few times, rather politely, that the knowledge was classified and that he didn’t want to go to re-education so he wouldn’t be listening but was happy for Mr. Gris to continue talking. It was too confusing for Kevin to really follow anyway, finding himself completely stumped by words like ‘anti-intrusion beam’ and ‘tailgate frame’. He’d never heard of those parts of a car at all. In fact, Kevin only really knew the parts he needed. The pedals. The steering wheel. The emergency wraith get-rid-of-er. The ones everyone has to learn about in driving school.

“Vanessa never liked cars either.” Mr Gris sighed, opening a beer and putting it in front of Kevin, despite Kevin gesturing to his orange juice, “What is going on with you two?” 

Kevin hummed gently, scraping the potatoes he had cut into the hot pan of water and starting on the carrots. He had to think about his answer. There wasn't technically anything going on with them. He was letting Vanessa take the lead there, in every aspect, and it probably wasn’t a good idea for them to be together until after her internship. If she left it that long, another six months, then he’d ask her on a date but until then he didn’t feel right asking her anything like that. He was signing off on most of her evidence for her internship diary, so it would be unfair on her for him to ask such, regardless of how sure he was of the answer.

“She sees me as her boss.” Kevin started, shrugging as it summoned a laugh from the older man, “I’m not, I just sign off on her evidence but I’m still not exactly a ‘peer’ at work.” 

“So, you’re letting Vanessa set the pace? I love her, I do, but she’s a bit oblivious, Kevin.” 

Kevin nodded, giving him a small smile feeling more and more awkward about this conversation the longer it went on. He had no idea how to answer her father or even where he was going with this line of questioning. It was nice that her father accepted him but he wasn’t expecting such a good reception nor one so soon. His discomfort was only compounded by Mr Gris being very obviously intoxicated. He didn’t mind drunk people but drunk people who were older, or in this case he should say who had aged more than himself, unsettled him. Particularly men. 

“Well, let’s hope she doesn’t find out about the pool.” He had continued, patting Kevin on the back and making him flinch terribly, almost cutting his fingers as he did. The man didn’t seem to notice Kevin grabbing at his heart through his shirt but a softer hand rubbed his back and Mrs Gris was quietly telling him he was safe with them. 

“Wh-...” Kevin took a deep breath, centering himself and trying to stop thinking the thoughts that had intruded in his mind. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to not think about something, but it has the opposite of the desired effect and for Kevin it meant he could feel tears swelling in his eyes and painful heat running down his back, “What pool?”

“The betting pool at the city council. Most of the town has a bet on when you two will actually admit it. I told them to stop and they just yelled ‘interloper’ at me. I asked them why they were pointing out that I was an interloper and they started chanting so I decided not to stick around to see what that was about. Weird town… very weird.”

“Well… that’s uncomfortable.”

“I’m guessing it was smaller but because everyone knows…”

“Everyone knows what?” Vanessa’s voice cut through their conversation and Kevin wasn’t sure whether to feel embarrassed or relieved, “Sorry, I just wanted to ask Kevin to grab the presents from the car.” 

He took the excuse quickly, turning and kissing Vanessa softly on the head as he moved past her. He’d retreated too quickly to see the bright blush that lit her cheeks from the gesture. She had kissed his cheek a few times but he had never kissed her cheek or head before. He hadn’t really meant to, it had just come instinctively. In fact, Kevin hadn’t even noticed until he stood, looking down at the presents. He rested his head on the roof of the car and used the time to gather himself before returning with them.

-

After dinner was when Vanessa’s family exchanged gifts. Apart from Kevin, they had all had a couple glasses of wine with dinner (Kevin having grape juice as he was driving home). Kevin tried his best not to frown at the plastic fake tree where they had put the presents, but Vanessa could tell it made him uncomfortable and made sure they were sitting as far away from it as possible on the floor. He did appreciate that they had added some twig-based decorations but they also seemed to be plastic. It couldn’t be helped in Desert Bluffs, though, he supposed. Few people were of the arboreal faith and there were also very few trees that left twigs around.

They took turns handing out gifts. Francois got several new video games, as well as a console to play them on. Mr Gris was given several jumpers, which he would probably never wear, socks and a large box of alcoholic chocolates. Mrs Gris had a range of baking equipment that she had been worried about buying herself. Vanessa received a range of things, all lemon themed. A post-it stand, stationary, and such. Kevin seemed to have matching gifts but with Desert Bluffs’ Sun emblem in place of lemons. 

There were only two gifts left, as Mr and Mrs Gris had apparently exchanged gifts earlier. Kevin and Vanessa had agreed to open them at the same time, although they were both disappointed they wouldn’t see the other’s reaction. With Mr and Mrs Gris having just taken out the trash to the kitchen to sort into paper and plastics and Francois having gone off to play his new video games, this was the best opportunity. 

Kevin’s eyes twinkled as he saw the pink collar in the box. The tag said ‘Lemonade’ and underneath was a picture of the most adorable calico kitten. He had been wanting to adopt a cat for a long time but the process was long and difficult and he kept making mistakes on the adoption forms which got him sent to re-education several times. “Oh… She’s so adorable! How did you manage to get the forms done?” 

“I’m allowed to put your signature on forms for the radio. I took some liberties with what  _ ‘for the radio’ _ means.” Vanessa giggled, opening her box and gasping. It was tickets to her favourite opera,  _ The Phantom of the Opera _ , where several ghosts ran around the audience yelling in the audiences faces while the leading lady denies ever being cast or even auditioning for the role. Under the tickets was a pair of dangling diamond earrings. 

“Technically the tickets are from work.” Kevin admitted, setting Lemonade’s collar to the side just in time so it wasn’t knocked out of his hands by Vanessa hugging him. They both fell backwards, Vanessa’s face shielded from the floor by Kevin’s shoulder. Her foot slipped behind her, causing her to yelp and put her full weight on his chest. Kevin’s face lit red as her leg slipped between his in just the wrong position. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of it as Vanessa sat up, the same leg running back the other way over sensitive skin. She was staring down at him and apologising, but Kevin couldn’t even take in what she was saying. Once would have been embarrassing and awkward, but twice was in a very small time and the position of Vanessa's leg while she fussed over him was far too much. Every tiny movement she made while trying to check he hadn’t hit his head was sending shivers through him.

“Vanny, we should sit up. Please.”

-

At the end of the night they gave Vanessa’s parents tight hugs before waving as they got back into Kevin’s car. As soon as Vanessa’s parents had disappeared from sight, she was admiring her new earrings again in her compact’s mirror. She was showering him in compliments, his taste, how he got on with her family, his cooking. Then she was complimenting the earrings, how shiny they were and how she would need a new dress to go to the opera with him.

“So big too.” Vanessa purred as she closed her compact and put it back in her bag. It was too dark to see Kevin’s now flushed face. It wasn’t what she said, that could have been about the earrings, but the tone she had said it in had made it hard to believe it was until she added, “They must have been so expensive. I feel bad.” 

She had done it purposefully, although wasn’t exactly sure what reaction she had expected from him. Oblivious to Kevin’s feelings, definitely. Oblivious to his earlier reaction she was not. Just biology, she’d assumed, especially given that it the only reason she had noticed was the change against her leg. It didn’t occur to her that Kevin had lapsed momentarily into imagining her purposefully teasing him in such a way. It still made her stomach knot to think about it. She felt oddly proud of herself, sexy and dominating. Able to make him react to the smallest touch.

“I don’t care about cost. I feel bad. A kitten is the best present!” Kevin argued, trying to take his mind off of how she had phrased her statement, “I can’t wait to meet her.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, I called 'Francois' 'Greg' at one point. Greg comes up later and has nothing to do with Vanessa. I have corrected myself, sorry. They are both rather minor in this fic (Francois comes up more in the next one, which isn't published yet) and I must have confused myself.
> 
> \- Chapter Summery -
> 
> \- Vanessa's dad is happy with Kevin potentially dating Vanessa  
> \- There is a betting pool held by the city council on when they'll start dating (thus the comment above)  
> \- Vanessa gifts Kevin a Kitten called Lemonade  
> \- Kevin gifts Vanessa Opera tickets and Earrings  
> \- Vanessa gets excited and trope-y 'falling on you and it being accidentally more intimate than expected' ensues (no kissing, awkwardly removing self)


	26. Happy Holidays: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Daniel talk about Alex's identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Warning for Transphobia
> 
> The main part of this chapter is they discuss gender identity and being comfortable with your presentation. Not much else happens. Alex decides to use more neutral pronouns (bt only with Daniel right now).

Daniel twirled a strand of Alex’s long hair in his finger, not wanting to wake the other but simply admiring the soft shiny curls. Daniel’s own hair was straw-like on better days and a complete mess on others. He had considered shaving it off but couldn’t go through with it in the end, not liking the idea of being bald, especially when it was so hard to grow a beard. 

“Stop that.” Alex mumbled against his chest, shaking the tie from his wrists. He had fallen asleep with it there but it had been loosened for him to free himself, “Stop treating me like a girl.” 

The tie was Alex’s idea. Despite letting Daniel take the lead, he had been very vocal about what he wanted and Daniel had certainly realised why Alex had requested the suit. 

“I’m not.” Daniel hummed, running fingers over Alex’s back, “Vanessa really didn’t treat you right, did she?” 

Alex seemed to hide his face more and Daniel tried his best to comfort him. He shushed softly into Alex’s hair, rubbing his back with slightly more pressure this time.

“It wasn’t her. Where I come from people aren’t like they are here.” Alex explained, “You’re all weird so no one cares but my parents have expectations and stuff. I know not everyone is great here but most people are. It’s the opposite where I come from.” 

Daniel hummed in agreement, kissing his head and giving a small _‘interloper’_ before forming a reply, “Well, My parents weren’t open at all. My dad kicked me out, mom stopped me packing my bags. I was lucky I had a friend in the college I could chill with. Had everything I needed. It hurt to start with but then I got used to the idea. I mean, just do what makes you comfortable. You can’t change who you are.” 

Alex raised his head, wiping a tear from his face as he looked at Daniel. He didn’t like the idea of his parents not accepting him… her… no, neither felt right. He’d stick with him. The feeling had only really come since he moved here. Since he saw other people dressing differently and acting differently, at least that’s what he had decided to tell himself to help with the feelings. It had been odd at first but he really wanted to try it himself. His parents certainly wouldn’t agree with it, they hated when he played with ‘girls’ toys as a kid or asked his sister to do his nail polish, but they weren’t here and more importantly were already not talking to him when he tried to call. He had no idea why, but his mother had seemed not to know who he was on the phone and he had partly blamed it on his running away. 

“What if people make fun of me or I don’t look normal?” 

Daniel’s eyes set on him, a smirk playing on his face as he laughed softly, “You’re in Desert Bluffs, Alex. Even if they don’t agree with you, they won’t make fun of you.” 

-

Daniel had left to get them some more wine and snacks for the rest of the evening. He hadn’t wanted to leave but he was completely unprepared to spend the evening at his having all but completely given up on the idea that Alex even enjoyed his company before they had spent the afternoon together. Now he was buying another merlot and pretzel mix. 

He had hummed the whole way to the shop and the whole way back, setting the refreshments on the table and fetching two glasses for them. Alex was in the bathroom when he had arrived, so he was quiet so he could surprise the other. He was taking a while in the bathroom but Daniel simply assumed he must have taken a shower or shaved. He was not expecting the beautiful sight that he saw when Alex stepped out of the bathroom.

“Stop staring!” Alex snapped, folding his arms over his chest and ignoring Daniel as he made his way over to him. Daniel looked over the dress and then back up to Alex’s lips, taking a moment to admire the new shade on them. 

“You look divine… _Miss?_ ” Alex shook his head, “Mr…” another shake but this time with less force.

“I need some time. _Nurse_ is fine. I worked hard to be _Nurse_ Jones.” They mumbled, running their hand through their hair, “It’s not gendered, anyone can be a nurse.” 

“So, we’ll be Mr. and Nurse Jones if we get married?” Daniel asked, putting a finger under the person’s jaw to tilt their head to look at him, “What about pronouns? They? It’s neutral and everyone uses it anyway, or we can find another pronoun you like.”

It took Alex a moment. It didn’t feel completely usual yet but it didn’t feel wrong and not feeling wrong felt better than the unusualness. They thought about using it themself. They couldn’t see it working with most people but Daniel wasn’t most people. They couldn’t see dressing like this in front of most people either but Daniel wasn’t most people. They sighed deeply, nodding, “Only in the house. I’m not… I don’t want people thinking…”

“That’s fine.” Daniel whispered, knowing exactly what the other meant, “You take as long as you need. It’s no small thing. You might want to change it later, too. It’s fine, you’re discovering yourself and I just want to help. I’m here for you if you need anything.”

Alex nodded, holding him close. They had a lot of questions but could barely sort through them in their brain. They couldn’t sort through anything at the moment, simply letting Daniel lead them over to the sofa so they could sit and sip on their wine.

“How long has it been, if that’s alright to ask?” Alex eventually managed, not looking at Daniel as they listened. Daniel hadn’t answered straight away and they worried they had offended him. 

“I don’t know. I was seventeen, but I was nineteen for decades. I don’t think many people my age remember how long since their teen years.” Daniel finally answered, scratching his cheek and laughing, “A long time. Don’t worry, most of the time it doesn’t take so long, I’ve just been deciding on some things for a while. Plus, I was scared of getting another surgery. I had some complication with the first one and that put me off for a while. Now it's more... what if they tell me I can't or something? You know? I'll get there eventually, hopefully sooner than later. It's not great for me but no one else can tell and that counts for something. Things happen at their own pace.” 

Daniel looked down to Alex, who had met his eyes now. Daniel was beaming, obviously very proud of himself and it made Alex feel more comfortable about the whole thing, “... Did that help?”

They nodded. It was still odd and new, but they felt far more comfortable thinking about it knowing that Daniel understood. Knowing that there was someone there for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading the R chapter, I will post one linking to these chapter but I've not written it yet and I have a lot to do atm. It will be there at some point.


	27. Happy Holidays: Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last part of 'Happy Holidays'.
> 
> More of Kevin and Vanessa being completely unprofessional and oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more to wrap up this part than anything else. Also for the :)

Kevin set out a bowl of the food Vanessa had given him and stroked Lemonade’s tiny head as she rushed over to start eating. The kitten was even more adorable than the picture she had given him. He waited for her to finish eating before putting her collar on and letting her return to hiding in her carrier. She would get used to his house when she’d had time to scent everything.

He sorted himself out with a drink and then sank onto the couch. It had been a long but wonderful day. Most holidays he would think of his father while celebrating with Abigail, Stan, and Janet. He had still facetimed them and he and Vanessa had dropped off presents, despite not needing to give any, but he hadn’t had time to think about his father with Vanessa’s family. It was nice. The thought didn’t even cross his mind now, as he sat alone in his house with eyes gazing at nothing in particular. 

No, Kevin’s thoughts were in a much nicer place. Vanessa. Sure, the station had given him tickets to the new opera that was somehow being put on at the community centre but there was still a dress code and an expectation that the media was in the front rows. He couldn’t wait. It wasn’t a real date but it was close enough, considering their current situation. Vanessa had mentioned she wanted a new dress and Kevin could only imagine what she might choose. Peacock feathers were very in season (although most were fake) and she would look amazing in a feather ball gown. She might go for something more traditional, like a crisp salad leaf dress. The greens and reds would contrast her deep eyes so beautifully. She always looked so nice in everything she wore. 

Then his mind went back to her reaction to the tickets. How she’d been on top of him. She must have felt what she did to him. His face felt hot at the thought, pairing it with what she’d said in the car. His fists balled next to him, trying to push the thoughts away. They were nice, and he had no problem fantasising about Vanessa, that wasn’t the problem.

“No…” He said out loud to no one, closing his eyes only to find the image amplified by his lack of distraction, _It will sound weird_. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or just still conscious of his new voice. He hadn’t even tried since the surgery almost a month ago. 

The vibrations next to him were welcomed, regardless of who was calling him. Anything to take his mind off of his current discomfort. 

“Hey, Kevin. How is Lemonade doing?” Her video hadn’t loaded, the small buffering ring cycling as he watched it go around. He wondered if his was doing the same at the other end. 

“She’s hiding in her carrier at the moment.” He told her, turning the camera to show Vanessa the carrier that was on the table and Lemonade sleeping inside. 

“Don’t worry, she did the same to me for the first couple of days. She’ll get used to it.” When he turned the camera back to himself, Vanessa’s video had loaded. She was lying towards the camera, so at least Kevin could only see her shoulders, face and arms. She was resting on a pillow that covered where her towel was and Kevin could see her feet behind her head. 

Vanessa's eyes widened as she looked up to the camera, quickly realising how it looked. A small movement and Vanessa’s camera went black. By the looks of things, she’d knocked it over, but the image returned with bright streaks and then her face again. She’d put a top on and was sat up, her keyboard loud as she typed while she spoke to him. “I just got in the zone, I didn’t think about it. I wanted to ask you about how you’d word this.” 

He shuffled uncomfortably. Not emotionally uncomfortably, but physically. 

“I’m trying to talk about engaging in activities outside of work with work colleagues but I feel like that sounds wrong.” She started, biting her lip and letting out a sharp breath as she read back through what she’d written, “I don’t think _‘Enjoying colleagues company outside of work’_ works either.” 

“What are you trying to evidence?” 

“Uh… standard 5ai; has a good, but not too good, relationship, but not that kind of relationship, with colleagues, that kind of colleague, and the greater community. The whole community. The endless void of existence.” 

“Ugh, I hated that one during my internship.” Kevin lamented, rolling his eyes. It was a good distraction, remembering trying to find something that proved he had gone into people’s heads, “I can just sign something saying _‘Celebrated holidays with me :)’_.” 

Vanessa stared at him, completely confused and shocked. Kevin was about to backpedal but she interrupted, “How did you just say that? I know exactly what you meant but how did you pronounce it?” 

“:)?” 

“Yes! It’s like xxxxsssskkkkkxxx. How?” 

“:).” Kevin grinned, knowing full well that this was an unhelpful answer. She did not return the grin, instead pouting and moving her phone again. 

She’d set the laptop next to herself now, propping herself up on her elbow. “Thank you for the evidence. I think most of my folder is signed by you at the moment. I still need some for standard 2Biii, but it’s in some weird language that gave me a headache to look at.”

“Oh, you need to look at that one every few days. The evidence is that you can look at it without getting a headache.” 

Vanessa sighed, looking at it and immediately gripping her head. She quickly apologised and ended the call, getting herself panadol and curling up in bed until it went away. 

Kevin, on the other hand, was now having an even harder time with a more vivid image. She had been lying in the exact way she had been on top of him and the three had fused together into something he certainly couldn’t ignore even though it felt so wrong to be fantasising after talking to her about work. 


	28. New Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's New Years Eve in Desert Bluffs.

“Time goes on, whether you want it to or not. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.

“It’s a new year, Desert Bluffs, which of course means nothing other than another day but one we assign a meaning to above other days. We promise to better ourselves but setting ridiculous goals with long, unnerving deadlines which most of us will forget in a week. What’s your New Year’s resolution? We’re accepting calls into the studio telling us what you plan on changing this year. Of course, if you don’t want your goal made public or don’t want the pressure of the whole town knowing your plans, feel free to simply whisper your new aims to one of the hundred birds that will be making sure to sit on window sills today, ready for the government to collect this precious data.” Kevin gave a small hum, giving Vanessa a thumbs up as she answered a call and put it through to Kevin’s line, “It looks like we have our first caller now. Welcome on air.”

“Hi, Kevin, It’s Samantha Figgins.” 

“Hi there, Samantha! So, what’s your New Year’s resolution?” 

“This year we’re planning to take the Desert Bluffs Sunbeams to all new heights!” Samantha started, getting a small  _ ‘oh?’,  _ “Literal new heights! We’re testing a new method to make our young athletes jump higher and run faster. The new training routine should make it easy to simply jump over the other team and score more.” 

“Interesting, but what about our young athlete’s health? Will this routine have any effects on that?”

“Kevin, our athletes are in amazing health. Most of their health is too good! They need something to knock them down a peg, wouldn’t you agree?” 

Kevin gave a disapproving hum, “Well, I don’t know much about sport, Samantha. I’m sure you’re doing brilliant work.

“Let’s take a look at traffic…” 

The broadcast went on without a hitch. Several callers telling Kevin about their resolutions to lose weight, one of which seemed to mean they were hiding a body rather than meaning going to the gym but this wasn’t the most unusual thing he’d heard. He didn’t know why they’d confess it on the radio but it wasn’t his to tell the person not to do something like that.

-

“So, what are you two doing for New Years?” Vanessa asked as the three walked home. She had linked arms with each of them, although Daniel had pulled away almost as soon as she had. 

“I’m spending it with Alex. Alex said that you interlopers have some odd traditions about drinking and kissing or something. I told Alex I’d try it out.” Daniel replied, getting an odd look from Vanessa. He assumed it was about the plans, but it was actually about him repeating Alex’s name over and over, “Alex is even cooking. I didn’t know Alex could cook.” 

“Yeah, kissing someone and having a drink is pretty normal for New Years, just as the fireworks go off.” She nodded, still staring at him. Her tone had gone to a suspicious one, although she wasn’t about to draw more attention to Daniel’s odd mannerisms. He was an odd person and both she and Kevin knew that well, “You’re spending a lot of time with Alex, huh?” 

Daniel resisted the urge to say  _ ‘you’re spending a lot of time with Kevin, huh?’ _ and instead simply told her, “We are dating, Vanessa. You do that with your partner.” 

Kevin seemed surprised. Vanessa didn’t. Vanessa already knew that Daniel was Alex’s type, so it wasn’t a surprise that they had a mutual interest in each other. He was tall but quiet, clumsy, and most of all had no problem vocalising concerns. Alex liked that in a man. The exact opposite of what he liked in women.

“Anyway…” Kevin broke the awkward silence that ensued, “... I never really do much on New Year. Keeping Lemonade calm during the fireworks, I guess. If you wanted to join me, Vanny, that would be nice. I cooked a chili last night and there’s plenty.” 

“I’ll bring the Vodka.” She agreed, finally taking her eyes off of Daniel, “I’ll teach you about other ‘interloper stuff’.” 

“Please don’t, I have bets on after you graduate.” Daniel looked between them, worry in his eyes.

“What?” 

“Don’t worry.” Kevin told her, narrowing his eyes at Daniel. Daniel took the look as a warning about talking about the betting pool in front of Vanessa, when actually Kevin had meant it as  _ ‘can everyone stop betting on us, we’re humans and it’s pretty gross honestly’.  _ “Enjoy the night with Alex. Tell him we said hi.” 

Daniel glared back, although Kevin had no idea why he was glaring. Vanessa and Daniel waved as they stepped into the lift, Kevin going his own way. 

“I was talking about the betting pool, by the way.” Daniel told Vanessa, looking at his nails and scratching at the one he’d let Alex paint. He’d thought he wouldn’t mind but he really did mind and wanted to get the stuff off. 

“What betting pool? Me graduating? Why would you think I won’t?” 

Daniel shook his head and explained to her, stepping out of the lift at her floor. She invited him back to hers and made him a coffee before pressing further. 

“So… half the town is betting on me and Kevin dating?” She clarified, eyes set on her own drink, “Including you.” 

“I think that’s an exaggeration that the city council is telling people to get more taxes off of the whole thing.” He assured her, sipping his drink and continuing to pick at the nail, “I only know a few people actually betting. Most people don’t care that much outside of ‘Oh, Kevin moved on, that’s nice’.” 

Vanessa shuffled uncomfortably, “How long has that been going on?”

“Well, since he started mentioning you more on the radio, I guess. Kevin’s never spoken about interns that much before but he’s pretty much calling you in for any tiny thing, doing field reports with you, talking about you… and then there was what happened after the weather while you were in the vortex.” 

She shuddered, remembering the feeling of blood, wet blood covering her arms and legs. Remembering the feeling of Kevin’s scars. Her head in a jar. Dead. She was dead. Her breath hitched, feeling like she was there again. Everything was so lucid and she couldn’t do anything about it. She was screaming but no one heard her, not even Kevin. 

“Vanessa! Vanessa!” Daniel was holding her tight to his chest, stroking her hair, “It’s OK. It’s OK. You’re not there.” 

Her vision came back into focus, unsure how long it had been. A while, she thought, shakily. Her face was so wet from tears but she couldn’t remember crying, just screaming. She’d spoken about this before, so why did it make her react so badly now? 

“I… I need to clean up th-...the coffee.” She stammered, gesturing at the floor with one hand and wiping her face with the other.

“No, I’ll do that. I shouldn’t have brought it up, sorry.” Daniel sighed, pulling away and looking down at the mess on the floor. At least her carpet was dark, so it wouldn’t stain. He checked she was ready and then took the mug to the kitchen, looking for some towels to clean the mess. 

He wasn’t gone long and Vanessa drew her knees up to her chest, breathing deeply. It took one deep breath to realise she was shaking and another to realise how fast she had been breathing before. Her eyes followed Daniel cleaning the carpet, feeling awful about the whole thing. Once he was finished and made her a new drink, he wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and sat next to her. They sat in silence for another half hour until Vanessa finally broke the silence. 

“What happened while I was in there?”

\---

“Vanessa!” Daniel held Kevin as he tried to run forward to catch her but it was too late, she’d vanished and all Kevin could do was spin around, smacking Daniel in the jaw, “What the hell!?”

“You won’t turn up in the same place as her!” Daniel hissed, putting a hand to where Kevin had hit him, “There’s no point losing two of you.” 

“Losing… No, you came out! She’ll come out!” Kevin pleaded, his eyes going through grief and disbelief and pain. The tone for the end of the weather went off before Kevin could continue. The portable broadcaster used a tone rather than the normal lights and was usually more delayed, so he had to snatch his microphone back up, still staring at Daniel. 

“Listeners, I know that you’re scared…” Kevin was stepping backwards, eyes on the other man as he shook his head, “... Vanessa has just fallen into the portal and I’m going to find her. I will report to you exactly what is on-...” 

He was stopped by Daniel grabbing him and throwing him to the floor, the microphone rolling away from him as his tentacles reached out, rolling Daniel onto his back as Daniel yelled “Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time!”, stopping the broadcast. 

“I don’t care about the broadcast!” Kevin growled, his face pulling away and eyes glowing a deep orange, “Get off of me!” 

Daniel squeezed one of the tentacles hard, forcing a screech out of Kevin’s mouth, sharp teeth bared from several mouths as he pulled Daniel’s wrists away and moved to run again. A sharp tug of the sensitive appendages and Kevin was facing Daniel again, gripping his shoulders and trying to shove him away. Then arms, covered in blood. Gripping Kevin’s shirt, the blood soaking into the fabric and sobs soaking into his back. 

\---

Vanessa didn’t reply to Daniel’s explanation, just listening and accepting what he said. She was glad that Kevin hadn’t followed her into the vortex. She was glad he didn’t see what had happened to them. She didn’t even think of what their conversation had been about before, just that Kevin was about to jump into hell to rescue her and she was glad he hadn’t. She was glad he didn’t have these awful memories like she did. 

“Thank you for stopping him. I-... I need to get ready, Daniel.” 

\---

Kevin cuddled Lemonade to his chest in the hood of his backwards turned hoodie. She was curled into a ball, purring gently. The tiny creature barely woke up when the doorbell rang, a tentacle twitching but otherwise not moving. 

Vanessa looked stunning, as always. A very short, glittering gold dress and her hair in a retro style. Kevin chuckled as she fussed over Lemonade and carefully took a few pictures of her in Kevin’s hood. Lemonade was still small enough that you didn’t need PPE to handle her or take pictures without any harm. She spent a lot of time that night cuddling against Kevin’s shoulder and scratching the kitten’s head. They turned the TV on around eleven, already having had several too many drinks. 

“I should feed this little one again so she hopefully sleeps through the fireworks.” Kevin sighed, taking Lemonade from his hood and setting her on Vanessa’s lap. The kitten woke up very quickly, rolling over to try and play with Vanessa’s necklace. She cooed at her, scratching the kitten’s stomach and drawing her hand back as she went to scratch her. 

As soon as the bowl touched the floor, Lemonade scampered towards it, getting a small scratch on the head from Kevin before the man returned next to Vanessa. 

“So, your tradition is to drink? Seems like an excuse, if I’m honest.” He hummed, stroking her cheek with the back of his fingers and grinning when she pushed his drink into his hand. He wasn’t sure if Vanessa naturally had glitter floating around her or if it was the alcohol but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“It kind of is but you can’t judge when the city literally tells citizens to ‘drink to forget’.” She retaliated, as she watched Kevin finish his drink.

“Sure, but that’s to keep government secrets, this just means a hangover… Oh, I don’t want another hangover.” 

“I’ll take care of you. I took care of you last time.” Vanessa pulled him close, kneeling on the coach so she was slightly taller than him, “We just need to stop drinking now, except our glass at midnight, and then lots of water.” 

“You make me feel so old sometimes, Vanny.” He brushed her hair out of her face, staring into her eyes, “You’re drunk.” 

“You’re more drunk.” She hummed, “Are you going to remember this in the morning?”

“Probably not.”

Vanessa bit her lip, moving closer, a hand resting on Kevin’s leg and the other on his face as she closed the distance between their lips. Kevin pulled her close, letting her straddle him as they haphazardly explored each other’s mouths. Her hands ran down Kevin’s front, letting her fingers slip over each button of his shirt only to get caught by Kevin’s own before it could get too far.

“We probably shouldn’t. Not if we won’t remember tomorrow. Let's just...”

Vanessa hummed in agreement but didn't let him finish, catching his lips with her own. 

-

“Sorry I’m late. Night shifts, New Year’s Eve…” Alex was stopped by Daniel pulling them close, pressing their lips together as they heard fireworks in the background. A smile crept onto their face, wrapping their arms around Daniel and letting the man lift them and carry them to the sofa. 

“Don’t worry, just sit and let me get you a drink, my little lifesaver.” Daniel ruffled their hair, getting each of them a drink to toast in the new years, slightly late but at least together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They do not remember anything next chapter.


	29. The Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin remembers nothing, Alex apologises to Vanessa, and Vanessa asks Alex what to do about her feelings for Kevin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Some warnings (and a chapter description) 
> 
> \- Homophobia (don't read the chapter)  
> \- Bad age gap relationship involving a minor (17) (spoken about and not romanticised) - ***************'d  
> \- Child abuse - ***********'d  
> \- Mild reference to periods (symptomatically but not explicitly said, don't read the chapter)*
> 
> A note - Alex's pronouns change depending on whether talking about the past or future, but I think I've referred to them as they most of the time because it's easier than changing back and forth
> 
> -
> 
> \- Kevin is hung over and can't remember anything. Vanessa looks after him at work.  
> \- Alex comes to Vanessa's apartment to apologise.  
> \- Alex explains why they started dating Vanessa in the first place (They were both at a college party and he was trying to get a girlfriend to make his parents happier).  
> \- Vanessa doesn't forgive them but is willing to give them a chance (as a friend)  
> \- Vanessa shows Alex the recording of New Year's Eve (when she made out with Kevin)  
> \- Alex tells her to just tell Kevin how she feels.

“You look like shit.” Daniel laughed as he handed Kevin a coffee at the door of the station. 

Kevin looked at him over his glasses, narrowing his eyes and mouthing the words back at him before returning his glasses and taking the coffee. 

“Thanks for the coffee.” He grumbled. Daniel followed him and Kevin could already feel the question coming so answered preemptively, “We got drunk and fell asleep before midnight. I can’t remember anything past ten.” 

“Come on, man, I’m not going to tell anyone.” 

“Seriously, nothing happened.” Vanessa piped up from behind them, making Daniel jump and clutch his chest, “What, did you not see me here? Kevin’s not that much taller than me.” 

“So, nothing happened?” 

“Sorry to disappoint. Woke up on the floor, Kevin was throwing up into the shower.” Vanessa shrugged as she spoke, leaving the two to fetch Kevin water as soon as they were on the correct floor. 

“Not even a kiss?” Daniel asked, “I can’t believe that.” 

“Daniel.” Kevin said, taking a conspiratorial voice now, “I’m hungover. Fuck off.” 

\---

The broadcast went well, considering Kevin’s condition that morning. Unlike most places, New Year’s Eve was a day where very little went wrong or odd in Desert Bluffs so the news was always slow for the first broadcast of the year. Vanessa had popped into the studio to give Kevin water several times and Kevin had rambled on about how helpful and lovely she was. Daniel had pointed this out to her, especially when Kevin started to ramble about how beautiful she was, but she shrugged it off as him still being slightly drunk from the night before. 

\--

**_“How are you feeling?”_ **

**_-19:03_ **

Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief as she shrugged off her shirt and replaced it with a T-shirt Kevin had let her borrow last time she slept at his (before last night). It was oversized and he said he never wore it anymore but it still helped her to relax whenever she wore it. She sometimes wondered if it was creepy but usually decided that he _had_ given it to her for that specific purpose so it wasn’t really. 

She was looking forward to spending the evening snuggled on her sofa with a hot water bottle and a tub of chocolate ice cream. 

_“Better. Still can’t remember anything but Lemonade is happy and she’s curled up on my lap.”_

_-Picture of Lemonade curled on his leg-_

_-19:15_

**_“Good. Make sure you have water.”_ **

_**-19:16** _

_“I will when this cutie moves.”_

_“Thanks for looking after me, Van.”_

_-19:18_

**_“Anytime. That’s what friends are for, right?”_ **

_**-19:18** _

Vanessa had just started to snuggle with her fluffy water bottle when the doorbell rang. Any other time she might not have minded this too much but today, right at that moment, it was the most annoying sound in the world. She was tempted not to answer at all, just to ignore whoever it was and pretend she wasn’t home. The other problem was that it may have been Karen telling her that something had appeared in the wall between their apartments that was threatening to destroy something or to tell her there was a gas leak or, much more preferably, offer to go and pick her up a packet of panadol. No, she had to answer the door. There was far too much that could go wrong in Desert Bluffs and she didn’t want to die or have a lawsuit over not answering the door.

“Hey, Vanny…” 

This wasn’t an emergency, wasn’t important, and Vanessa almost closed the door right in their face.

“... wait, I want to apologise!” Alex started, putting their hands out but not in the way of the door closing.

“I’m listening.” She sighed, opening the door again but being sure to keep herself between the opening and her apartment. They didn’t try to move inside but Vanessa still kept her eye on them.

“Look, I want to tell you my side of everything. I can’t excuse what I did to you, any of it, but I need to get it off my chest. I don’t want you to feel like you need to forgive me, either. I just…” Alex looked away and bit their lip, “... I’m sorry, Vanessa.” 

Vanessa huffed, staring at them. They looked back up for a moment before returning their eyes to the floor. 

“Fine. Just… would you mind making me a hot chocolate first?” 

“Sure thing.”

\--

Obnoxious. Annoying. Boring. This is how Alex would describe college parties. Sure, when he was in college they were fine but all he seemed to want at the end of a long day now was to go home and go to bed. Fun is not how Alex would describe college parties. His friend had suggested going to get his mind off of his last break-up and more so to try and find a woman to date so his parents wouldn’t have such a bad reaction (and might even accept his excuse of it being ‘just a joke’ that he had brought a boy home before). 

“Come on, man, if you’re not going to get out there how are you going to meet a girl?” His friend urged, gesturing around to several girls in the room. None of them were all that attractive to Alex. Maybe he had to lower his standard, but part of him wondered if the problem was actually seeing them as being way out of his league. 

“Parties aren’t my thing anymore. I’ve been on my feet all day and now I’m going to stand around for longer? No thanks.” 

“Actually, I agree with your friend.” A high pitched voice came from the other side of him, a short haired person who was sipping what looked like cola. They weren’t dressed up like most other people, instead in converse and an oversized t-shirt, “Not really what I expected, to be honest.” 

“Uh… Yeah, this is what most of them are like, I guess.” 

“If I’d known, I would have dressed up more.” 

Alex raised an eyebrow, looking them up and down a couple of times. They were cute. They had this natural smile even when judging everyone and were messy in just the right way. There was one problem though. 

“Right… yeah. How _would_ you have dressed?” Alex asked, trying not to directly ask whether they were male or female. 

“Depends on the day.” They shrugged, looking up to him with a grin, “How about we go somewhere quieter, we can chat?” 

Alex nodded, although wasn’t sure that the person had even noticed as they were already dragging him outside and down to the end of the lawn.

“That’s better. I’m Vanessa, by the way.” 

“Vanessa.” Alex sighed in relief, holding his hand out to her, “Alex.” 

“So, how come you’re here?” She asked as they shook hands, Vanessa giggling at the gesture, “One of my friends dragged me along. I guess it’s fine for free cola and snacks, though.” 

“Yeah, same here. He wants me to get a girlfriend so my parents don’t throw me out.” 

“That’s awful. God, I hate people like that.” Vanessa rubbed his arm and gave a sympathetic smile, “You shouldn’t have to hide who you are or get a girlfriend just because of your parents. If they didn’t want a gay kid, they shouldn’t have had kids.”

“Oh… no, I’m…” Alex furrowed his eyebrows. Sure, this girl was being really accepting but at the same time she could just be digging for gossip. He hadn’t actually said that he had had a boyfriend, so his best bet was to deny that was the reason for it. He didn’t want to but everything that had happened that week had left him feeling so vulnerable and weak, “I’m not gay. I don’t like guys.” 

“Oh… _right…_ they just want you to have a girlfriend.” 

“Something like that… I like girls. I _really_ like girls.” 

“Ok, man. I don’t judge. Girls are great, guys are great, and so is everyone in between.” 

He laughed. She was cuter when she spoke and when she laughed. Her nose twitched. 

\---

“... so, yeah.” Alex had just finished explaining what had happened before they met and Vanessa wasn’t even looking at him. Her eyes were on the floor and she was sipping her hot chocolate, “I wasn’t thinking about ‘is this going to be healthy’ or… other questions I should have asked… I was just thinking about _not_ having my parents go even harder on me.” 

***************

“Yeah. I remember that black eye you had the next day. Must have hurt.” 

“Someone thought you were a boy.” Alex shrugged, “I thought you were in your twenties, we all make mistakes. Some bigger than others.” 

**************

“Looking back at it, being the same age as you now…” 

_“Desert Bluffs”_ They said in union, laughing when they did.

“... You should have asked first, you know. College party or not, there should have been some point where you went ‘I wonder how old they are’.” 

“Yeah. At least we didn’t… _y’know…_ “ 

“I still thought you were gay for a long time.” Alex didn’t react to that statement and Vanessa looked up to him, “I mean, that doesn’t excuse you continuing the relationship when you found out.” 

**********************************

They bit their lip, nodding at the statement and trying to think of the best way to reply without it coming off like an excuse.

“I don’t know what was going through my head. I mean… I also shouldn’t have followed you here. We’d been together for what? A month… if that?” 

“We told everyone longer.” 

“Anyway. I’m sorry about all that. I’m sorry about being an ass too. I guess, I wanted you to break up with me but when it came to it, I ended up getting scared of being alone.”

Vanessa sighed, putting her mug down and nodding. She couldn’t really think of what else to say. She wasn’t ready to forgive them and certainly didn’t want to make them feel like any of their relationship was OK. Even the parts she had enjoyed weren’t OK. She knew that and hoped that they did but she couldn’t trust them yet.

“Look… I don’t forgive you. I could, maybe, in the future. Right now, no.” 

“That’s fair. I just… I want to put it behind me and I’m hoping that this chat will have helped me do that.” 

“I hope so too. You’ve been a real jerk since you came here.” 

Alex just nodded again, finishing off their drink and taking their mugs to the kitchen before sitting back down.

“Is there anything I can do for you before I go? I can see you’re a little… under the weather.” 

Vanessa frowned and thought for a few moments before speaking. It seemed odd to want to talk to them about this but there wasn’t really anyone else she could trust who wouldn’t tell someone that would make it back to Kevin. 

“Promise you won’t tell Daniel.” 

“Promise.”

“You know how, when I drink, I record things so I can remember them in the morning?” 

“Well yeah,” Alex laughed, “I always thought you were like an old fart doing that… but now I think it’s a pretty good idea. Why?”

“Listen to this.” 

She pulled out her phone, fast forwarding through the recording and then letting them listen. 

_“Are you going to remember this in the morning?”_

_“Probably not.”_

Alex listened, their face screwing up at the uncomfortable sound that came next.

“What is that?” They asked, watching Vanessa start blushing.

_“We probably shouldn’t. Not if we won’t remember tomorrow.”_

“I think we made out… There’s not much after that other than that noise and then snoring.” She told them, turning the recording off again, “Kevin doesn’t remember.” 

“Ok… well, I’m guessing you don’t want a rant on not kissing people when you’re drunk and not trying to…” 

“No, not rant needed.” 

“Right… tell him? You both like each other and you are both super obvious about it. You two act like a couple already, why not just admit it to each other?” 

“Shouldn’t you be looking to stop us until I graduate? Don’t you want Daniel to win that bet?”

“Pfft… no. I don’t. I told him not to bet on you.” Alex rolled their eyes, “Just tell him, Vanessa. Text him or tell him over dinner or… you’re both into it, take him to a nice restaurant and then kiss him at the end of the night.” 

“That… does sound like a nicer way of doing it.”


	30. Screaming Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa calms down a screaming tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I mentioned in YG, but Janet has psychological issues on top of her spina bifida, thus the shaking and signing. 
> 
> >>> Small warning for child death at the end *******'d

Today was an ordinary day, Vanessa thought. It was mid January and therefore it wasn’t odd that the trees were chanting outside her window. It was odd how loudly they were chanting, but she had only seen three Januarys in this town, so maybe something was going on for the leap year. The trees would probably be upset that they could not leap and therefore couldn’t join in with the celebrations. That would explain the low pitch, loud drone, that was currently shaking her windows. 

She put her government-issued ear plugs in her ears, got herself dressed and left early. She had someone to visit before going to work today and she had to catch her before she went to school. She visited the girl often but she had a special reason for today’s visit.

_“Is Janet around?”_ Vanessa signed as Stan opened the door, getting a nod as she watched Stan say something. Vanessa pointed to her ears and then gestured at the general area to indicate the chanting noise.

_“I said, can you tell Kevin that the trees are screaming because of a secret-...”_

“No! Stan Carlton!” Vanessa snapped, waving her hands in the air, “I am not going back to re-education because you tell me what the government is doing again!” 

It had been while, she was helping with one of the high school events during her classroom time. She was still new to Desert Bluffs and had no idea about their strict laws on the information that was available to the public. She had had experience with the weird bureaucracy when she had applied for her student ID and had to jump through hoops to get her, already filled out, badge. Literally, she had to jump through sixteen hoops that grew smaller and smaller. 

Stan had just mentioned that she shouldn’t use meat in her cooking because of hormones that the government injected to help make the population more passive and complacent. Vanessa had questioned him on it, stating that it was more likely that those effects were a side effect of the consumerist desire to have larger meat-producing animals and plants only to find herself surrounded by the secret police and a sack being shoved over her head. They had taken her to an odd, natural location where they taught her about not questioning the government’s motive and that they were only looking out for her best interests. The cell wasn’t uncomfortable, it even had a masseuse (which Vanessa very much enjoyed), but the thought that she may never be able to leave or finish her course or choose what she ate again was enough to make her agree that she wouldn’t participate in such debates. On top of that the college had warned her that she would be kicked out if she was arrested for anything similar again. _“Parking tickets or not voting correctly, fine! But not this!”_

He had taken her outburst well, just signing an apology and showing her to Janet, who was at the table eating breakfast. She was getting frustrated at her spoon, as she did most mornings. For all the technical advances that Desert Bluffs had, Vanessa hadn’t been able to find a stabilising spoon for her, but that’s where having two STEM majors as friends came in useful. It was Daisy that had made the cutlery set, the part Janet would use to eat staying still regardless of how much her arms shook as she ate. 

_“I have something for you, Janet.”_ Vanessa signed, taking the set out of her bag and putting it on the table next to the girl. She stared at it for a moment before taking the spoon and trying to eat with it, finding it so much easier. There were several signs of _‘thank you’,_ even more when Vanessa took out a booklet Daisy had made on how the cutlery worked. Janet wanted to be a scientist, although worried she couldn’t do science with shaking hands. _“Daisy said you can come to the lab with me on the weekend, as long as there’s nothing threatening the fabric of reality.”_

_“Thank you, Vanessa.”_ Janet signed, now ignoring her soggy cereal and opening the booklet on the table. _“Can we do experiments? Dad showed me the mentos and coke one. I want to impress him with a bigger one.”_

Vanessa had no idea what she meant by ‘mentos and coke’ but nodded all the same, _“Daisy is a super good scientist! I’m sure she’ll know how to make a really big one.”_

_“Is Kevin coming too?”_

Vanessa put her hand up to answer but then struggled to. Kevin wasn’t keen on Daisy or Sophie and although Sophie might be at the hospital, she often dropped by the lab to see Daisy on her lunch break. He did, however, love Janet. He would want to see her doing science, even if he was sceptical of the art-form. She finally decided the safest answer was, _“I’ll ask him.”_

-

When Vanessa brought in Kevin’s coffee, his head was on his desk, holding his ears. This seemed odd as she couldn’t hear anything but then reminded her about her ear plugs. She sighed, fetching some of the headphones from the producer’s studio and slipping them onto his head, his hands moving as they were pushed by the cushions. She waited for him to sit up before trying to talk to him.

_“Why is the chanting so loud this year?”_ She asked him, getting a confused and shocked look from Kevin. He tried to speak to her and she pointed at her ears, _“Ear Plugs.”_

_“That makes sense but the trees aren’t chanting. There is one of them near city hall that just keeps screaming.”_

_“City hall is half way across town, how is it screaming that loudly?”_

_“No idea. I’ll get the broadcast kit and we can see how close we can get.”_

Vanessa frowned, shaking her head. There was no way they could broadcast over such a noise. She wasn’t sure if anyone would hear a broadcast over such a noise either. Still, Kevin had attached the device to his belt and ignored her shaking her head. Coffees in hand, Kevin linked their arms, all but dragging Vanessa out to his car. 

It wasn’t a long drive to city hall but it was the worst that Kevin had ever driven with Vanessa in the car. Vanessa was gripping her seat but couldn’t exactly complain. She couldn’t drive and everyone seemed to be erratic that particular morning, either due to a lack of sleep from the trees or for whatever other reason. Once they stopped, Vanessa bolted out of the door and lent on the side of the car to catch her breath. 

_“Sorry. It’s hard when you can’t hear.”_ Kevin signed, frowning at her.

_“We’re going to need to hear to talk to the tree too. You ready?”_ She wasn’t going to acknowledge her panic or his driving right now. As he took off his headphones, she pulled out her earplugs, cursing that she hadn’t taken some headphones too. The noise was deafening, fortunately or unfortunately not literally. There were several uncomfortable looking trees that were tearing up the sidewalk to the left of city hall and then one large tree to the right. This tree was the one that was crying. 

“Hello? Mr… Tree?” Kevin yelled, trying to be heard over the wailing, “Mr. Tree? Why are you crying?” 

Either the tree didn’t hear or didn’t care. It just kept crying and crying. Kevin started the broadcast, putting a large device over the top to stop the sound of the tree from ruining the broadcast, hopefully. 

_“Pain is an illusion, but so is your heart. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.”_

Vanessa tilted her head, staring at the tree. It wasn’t looking at anything and she couldn’t see any damage to its branches or leaves. There was no clearly visible reason why the tree would be wailing in such a way. It sounded like it was in pain, although Vanessa couldn’t tell why. It’s roots were not on show like the other trees, so it could be those but she would have expected to see some sort of symptom of root damage in its leaves. 

Daisy was waving a weird looking machine at it alongside one of the other scientists from her lab. They seemed frustrated by the results and were yelling at each other but Vanessa couldn’t hear them over the much closer noise. Kevin was chattering away with what she assumed was traffic before getting to the news, but she couldn’t hear him either. The city council was in the window, writhing around with its many appendages waving wildly in the air. Mayor Pablo Mitchell was trying to give one of his emergency press conferences but despite the bullhorn, she couldn’t hear him. In fact, he may have been telling Vanessa to move away, as his eyes were set on her. The secret police could easily drag her away, so she put it to the side of her mind. 

Instead she stepped closer, putting a hand on the tree and getting a second of quiet, except for the several people yelling all at once, before it started crying again. Kevin had turned to look at her, probably narrating her actions at this point. She smiled at him before turning back to the tree.

“It’s okay, we all need to cry sometimes.” She told the tree, wrapping her arms around the thick trunk. She couldn’t touch her fingers on the other side but that was fine, “You want to talk about it?” 

The sobs quieted, the tree seeming to whisper to her instead of loudly crying. She could hear the people yelling again but she ignored them to listen to the whispers. The tree told her a long story and she held it throughout.

*************

The story was of a boy. He lived with his father in a house at the edge of town many years ago. One day the boy was bored and walked out into the sand dunes, past the scrublands that surrounded Desert Bluffs. He walked and he walked until he found another town. By this point the boy was tired, dehydrated, and hungry. He saw people and ran to them but they couldn’t see him or if they did, they didn’t stop to talk to him. He asked for food, begged for water, but no one even acknowledged his presence. He did what his father had taught him and dug a hole, covering it with his glasses and waited. The water this made was insufficient and the boy died. They could see him now that he lay on the hot sand, cold as a downpour. They lifted him and disposed of his body by making fertilizer. This was long ago, when the tree was young, but It remembered the screaming as he sucked the boy into his roots. It remembered in a way it never had before. 

**************

Vanessa was speechless, somewhat scared by the idea that the tree heard screams of a long dead person and partially unnerved by the desperation in the voice of the tree, whispering with no mouth. 

“I’m sorry.” She choked, tears streaming down her face, “It’s over now, I promise.” 

The tree accepted this and Vanessa knew it was time to let go. As she did, the tree seemed to breath in and stand less slanted than before. It told her to visit often and she would. Once she had moved away there were many questions but Vanessa waved them away, telling everyone the tree simply needed a hug. It wasn’t her place to tell such a story. 


	31. Science!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa take Janet to Daisy's Lab.

The break room was their first stop when they got back to the studio. Panadol and coffee was much needed after such a loud broadcast. They had been silent the whole way back, enjoying the fact the only noises around them were familiar car sounds and the ambient noise of the most wonderful town on the planet, with the most wonderful name on the planet, and the most wonderful people on the planet. Except for Tim, the weatherman, who had cut them up near an intersection. Tim could shove it. 

As the door to the break room closed, Vanessa spun around to talk to Kevin. He had taken a step as she had and now they were far closer than Vanessa had meant them to be, their faces inches apart. Neither of them moved backward, Vanessa feeling frozen in place and Kevin hopeful that her movement had been intentional. Her hands raised to his chest, thinking it less awkward than having them just hanging by her side, after all they were friends. They touched a lot. That wouldn't be weird. Kevin followed, putting his arms around her waist. Their hearts raced against tight rib cages but neither of them moved forward either. Eyes and smiles met. 

“I… uhm…” Vanessa started, her face flushing, “I was going to ask if you, maybe, wanted to come to Daisy’s lab with Janet and I on the weekend. The science district is pretty rough, we could use someone else there.” 

Kevin laughed softly and her heart fluttered. Her hands ran up to his shoulders and then over his upper arms. She felt the tentacle parts of his tattoos writhing under his shirt as her fingers passed over them.

“Janet could beat me up, I’m not much extra muscle…” He told her, pausing and then adding, “I might not like scientists but I love Janet. I’d love to come with you.”

She simply smiled, eyes travelling over his face as she drank his light. His eyes slowly closed as he lent closer to her, Vanessa following the movement. She had been wanting this for so long and nothing could ruin this moment. Of course, when you read that something could never ruin something else, something ruins it. It’s just one of those things that happens. In this case it was Daniel, opening the door and saying Kevin’s name.

Vanessa watched as Kevin’s face moved from the slightly parted lips and peacefully closed eyes to furrowed brows and lips that were dragged up to one side by the middle, an expression of disappointment and upset. He opened his eyes and turned to Daniel, giving a deep sigh.

“What do you want?”

“Oh…” Daniel pointed between the two, which was a rather small movement, “... Did you want some privacy?” 

Kevin’s eyes moved to Vanessa, who was now frowning at Daniel, and then back to the man.

“What do you want, Daniel?”

“Intern Karen is doing your sponsor message tomorrow. She needs some coaching because she’s just awful.” Daniel explained, gesturing out of the door, “She’s super impatient too…” 

“It’s fine.” Kevin sighed, his arms slipping away from Vanessa. She let her own slip off of his arms and lent back against the counter, “Can you bring a coffee and some Panadol down, Daniel?” 

“Your intern is right-...”

“Please.” Kevin breathed as he slipped past Daniel, looking back to Vanessa for a moment and smiling before he left.

“So…” Daniel started, opening the cupboard and grabbing the pain relief that had Kevin’s name on it. Vanessa had taken the coffee hammer and was now resting it on her shoulder as she poured beans into the tray, “... I want to make a deal with you.” 

Vanessa slammed the hammer into the beans, yelling over the noise, “Was that on purpose?” 

“I mean… Yeah.” 

Vanessa ignored him until she was finished, putting the hammer to the side and continuing to make the coffees. When she still didn’t respond with anything more than a hum of acknowledgement. There was really nothing to say to it. The moment had been so perfect and Daniel had _purposefully_ interrupted it. 

“Look, half of that money would pay off a big chunk of your student loan.” He said, putting an unwelcome arm around her shoulders, “It’s just, what, five months?” 

“My dad is a mechanic, Daniel. I don't have a student loan.” Her voice lowered, turning to him and taking his arm from her shoulder, “I had started actually enjoying your company but no, you’re still a prick.” 

“At least I didn’t have my dad pay my way through college.” 

It grated but not enough to react to. She was fully aware of Daniel’s relationship with his parents and it was upsetting but he certainly couldn’t act like he wasn’t privileged with wealth before that. Everyone knew his parents and they were far more wealthy than her own. She pushed two mugs of coffee towards him before taking her own and marching back to one of the office cubicles, where she was actually meant to do her work rather than the producer’s studio. 

-

When Daniel got back to his office, Kevin already had his head in his hands, groaning as Karen read off the advert without any emotion in her voice at all. This wouldn't be the worst thing if the company was selling life insurance or funerals but this specific advert was for a vitality juice and Karen really did not sound the part. 

"You need to sound like you just drank the most delicious thing in the world." Kevin told her, waving his arms around now, "Pretend you just had your favourite meal." 

"Pizza? Sure but that's not exactly... uh... refreshing? Is it, Kevin? Like, that doesn't make any sense." Karen rolled her eyes, trying again but now humming in between most words.

"I know you don't do that when you eat pizza!" 

"Uh... duh, but how am I meant to, like, show I'm enjoying it through my voice?" 

Kevin just stared at her before turning to Daniel and gesturing at Karen. Daniel sat next to him, helping him to explain. 

\---

“So… about the other day…” Vanessa said as she pressed the doorbell and waited for Stan or Abby.

Kevin put a finger on his lips, turning his head and looking at the secret police van with his eyes only. Vanessa followed his gaze and then nodded, not exactly sure why it mattered that they were watching but respecting the fact that it was making Kevin uncomfortable enough to not want to talk about it. She hadn’t tried to talk about it in the few days between, in fact they hadn’t interacted all that much other than what’s normal for colleagues. 

Stan answered and Kevin didn’t give him time to speak before asking for Janet. She was in her room and Kevin went to go and get her. 

“Listen, Vanessa, I know you don’t want to know about that tree and all but it was really cool what you did.”

“No, I _don’t_ want to hear your theories.” She said, crossing her arms and nervously looking back to the van again, “It’s illegal.” 

“I mean, I know I’m not a farmer but we should all know about the fertiliser. I just…” 

“Wait, what?”

“The fertiliser. The government is using it to control people-...”

She stopped and stared at him once she had got him to stop by waving in his face. Half of her wanted him to go on, but she had noticed the loud coughing coming from the secret police van and the few _‘Stan’_ s from their megaphones. 

Janet already had a lab coat. It was sweet and Vanessa told her so. She seemed to take it well, although she simply scribbled in her notebook with two of her tentacles. Her tentacles didn’t shake as much as her hands, so they were easier to write with. It also freed her hands up to move herself. Her other two tentacles were signing about science. She had told them about trees and seeds, which she had learnt about in school that past week. 

Her excitement grew as they got closer to the lab, rushing in front of Kevin and Vanessa. Vanessa gasped as she swung her chair around the railing of the ramp outside, scared that she was going to topple herself over but this hadn’t happened and she continued safely up the ramp, rushing through the door. She was already signing to Daisy when they caught up, one of the other scientists translating for her. 

“Well, we set up a few things outside for you. A lot of them are big experiments and it wouldn’t be a good idea to do them inside the lab.” Daisy explained, the other scientist going to sign to her and Janet waving her off. 

_“I brought my own goggles! Can we go do them now?”_

“Actually, I thought we could talk about careers first.” Daisy smiled, making Janet’s excitement fade slightly. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk about it but that she was nervous Daisy might tell her that there were none for her, “So, you want to be a Scientist like me or one of the other sciences?” 

_“A scientist. I want to study science. I know that you need steady hands but-...”_ She stopped as Daisy started talking.

“Actually, we have many experiments that don’t need hands at all. Laura is doing one on bread, seeing how using different flours affect the chances of throat spider infections in mice. Then Ren is doing one with bacteria and they only need to be careful with pipettes.” She told the girl, putting a hand on her shoulder and beaming, “I know that your books at school don’t show many scientists because it’s illegal, but if they did then most of them would have disabilities.”

Janet sat forward, smiling wide and nodding along with Daisy’s words. 

The experiments outside were disappointing to the adults who had seen them on social media sites thousands of times, but the joy on the teenagers face was enough to make up for this. Peroxide, yeast, and dish soap. Janet had made an excited noise as she watched it. Daisy let her drop some sodium in water, under close supervision and with some special protective gear. Inside the lab, Janet made the best tornado in a bottle and cloud in a bottle, giggling as Kevin struggled with his own. 

At the end of the day, Daisy gave Janet a _“Very Official Scientist”_ medal and an empty book called _‘Why Geology is Illegal and why it is illegal to speak about’._ The book was empty because it was illegal to think about but Janet could always use it as a notebook for her science experiments at home. 


	32. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa talk about almost kissing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one where Vanessa gets drunk. So many drunk scenes.

“I’m sorry.” They spoke in unison, laughing and going through the whole ‘oh, you first.’ ‘oh ok’ ‘oh sorry’ cycle. 

They stood awkwardly in Kevin’s kitchen. He wasn’t relaxed enough to lean against the counter like he normally would and she wasn’t sure if he would mind her sitting on the counter like she normally did, so they were both just standing there. Kevin ended up being the one to take a lead, Vanessa shrinking back into herself and letting him talk. She wasn’t looking forward to this conversation, seeing as he had avoided it a few times, implying that they couldn’t talk about it with the secret police listening, although she was unsure of why. 

“Sorry about the other day.” He started, keeping his eyes on his shoes, “It was unprofessional. I guess I was just tired and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Vanessa felt her stomach drop. Her heart stopped, not literally. She blinked away tears, literally. It wasn’t clear if this was a reaction to his apology and the implication that he didn’t actually like her in the way that she liked him or if it was the idea that her reaction to the situation had cost her the close relationship that they had built over the past six months. 

“Same.” Vanessa offered, not feeling it inside her to offer much more than that. She had turned away from him to wipe her eyes, trying to seem like she was just wandering around the kitchen. Kevin hadn’t seen her move anyway, only knowing she had due to the flicker of motion out the corner of his eye. 

The kettle clicked, signifying that it had boiled but also that the microphones hidden in his kitchen could hear their conversation again. Kevin moved to pour water into their lemon tea. One mug held out towards Vanessa with a smile, he finally looked up to see her bloodshot eyes and shaking hands. 

“Are you ok?” He asked softly, not expecting any response or expecting a lie. People often said they were fine when they were uncomfortable talking about what was wrong and it would have been the reaction he would expect from such a topic. Kevin knew she felt for him and it must have been harder for her to hear him brush off the whole thing than it was for him to pretend that it was something to be brushed off. In reality, he had realised he had made the first move, and his position meant that there was an imbalance of power. He didn’t feel comfortable starting a romantic relationship on that footing, regardless of whether the feelings were there prior. He had to simply wait and hope he hadn’t ruined things between them. 

“No.” She breathed, taking the mug and immediately sipping at the tea. She also immediately regretted this action as the hot liquid burnt her tongue, “That’s ok, though. I just want us to go back to normal.”

“Me too.” 

“Daniel invited me for drinks later, if you want to tag along.” 

“How drunk were you thinking of getting?” He frowned, moving a strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear. She smiled for a moment at the gesture but then sighed.

“Enough to need an escort home.” 

Kevin’s frown only deepened at this information, shaking his head and rubbing her shoulder. He was really just using it as an excuse to physically comfort her without her getting more upset. 

“When was the last time you got drunk?” 

“With you on New Year’s Eve.” 

“Once a month isn’t so bad, I suppose.” 

-

Vanessa wasn’t lying when she said she wanted to get far too drunk. She had spent part of the night playing drinking games with Daniel, who egged her on far too much for Kevin’s comfort. The next part of the night was spent explaining to Kevin exactly why he was perfect, including telling Daniel about falling on Kevin during the holidays and Kevin’s unfortunate reaction to the event. Kevin had to remind her that Daniel didn’t often forget what happened on nights out like she did. This was then followed by Vanessa deciding that all three of them needed to dance together, although to Kevin’s surprise she danced with Daniel more than himself. 

Then was the puking part of the night. Kevin held Vanessa’s hair out of the way as she threw up into one of the toilets and sobbed about how much she loved him. She threw up again on the way home and then again into Kevin’s toilet as he held her hair out of her face. 

-

Vanessa’s eyes flickered open as the noise of the sunrise blared through the window, watching Kevin set a cup of coffee on the bedside table next to her. Immediately, she shot up and drew the bed cover to her neck. She was fully clothed, still wearing what she’d worn to the bar the previous day, but she still covered. 

“Kevin… Oh God… did we…”

“No.” He said blankly, shaking his head for emphasis, “I don’t know your flat number, or if you had keys on you, and you were barely coherent. I’m surprised you’re not feeling a lot worse.” 

Vanessa nodded, thanking him for the coffee and relaxing. 

“So, how much do you remember of last night?” 

“I remember we went out.” 

"Did you record any of it?" 

"I'll have to check..." 

Kevin simply nodded at this, laughing gently and going to have his morning shower.


	33. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex decided it's time to share with Kevin and Vanessa.

Acceptance was something that didn’t come easily to Alex. Daniel had taken them shopping for clothes, been careful of how he asked questions and how they explored new things. It had been over a month since they had started this journey and every step of the way Daniel had been close by and supportive. The problem was that not everyone was a Daniel and Alex was hyper aware of this. They refused to wear their dresses out. Refused to even wear pink out. They refused to let their hair down outside of Daniel’s apartment, which had recently become their apartment too. They had been so careful that no one would find out, yet now they were tapping on their steering wheel in a panic as they waited for Daniel to finish work. 

They had a date. They had done their hair nice and were wearing their blue lipstick with their suit. They had matching nail polish on that was now triggering a great deal of anxiety within them. They just stared forward, hoping no one would come out before Daniel or if they did that they wouldn’t notice them. 

Of course they weren’t lucky enough for that to happen and several people had come out before Daniel. No one seemed to pay them any mind but they still felt like every person who came out was staring at them. They were so close to texting Daniel and calling the whole thing off when they heard a comforting voice as the other door opened. 

“You look beautiful.” 

Immediately their head was in Daniel’s chest, taking deep breaths as Daniel rubbed their shoulder not wanting to ruin their perfect hair. He let them ramble into his chest for a while before lifting their chin and planting a small kiss on those blue lips. 

“If people are looking at you, it’s because they’re jealous or attracted.” Daniel whispered, wiping a couple of tears off of their face as Alex pouted, “Come on, I need to get changed. What’re the other two going to think of me looking like this while you’ve put in so much effort?” 

“You look handsome.” Alex sniffled, wiping their nose, “I should wash this off. I’m not ready.” 

“If you don’t think you are, that’s fine.” Daniel told them gently, “As long as you’re comfortable, that’s what matters. I won’t make you either way but I’m here for you, alright?” 

Alex nodded, unbuckling their seat belt and climbing into the back to let Daniel take the wheel to go home. 

-

Alex kept their head down as they held Daniel’s hand. The mall wasn’t that busy in the early afternoon, but there were still enough people to make them feel self conscious. Daniel had checked multiple times that they were alright and still wanted to do this and each time they had confidently agreed, only to feel completely vulnerable again as soon as Daniel’s eyes were off of them. When they finally arrived at the small cafe, Alex stopped, shaking their head. 

“I-... I don’t want to just go up to them. Can we get our coffee first?” They asked, although didn’t wait for an answer as they dragged Daniel towards the counter and without thinking blurted their order loudly at the completely unprepared barista. They didn’t seem to mind too much and complemented their lipstick before taking their names. 

_ Alex.  _ That was right, so why was Daniel’s name spelt  _ Darnxfieal _ . That didn’t even look like a name. 

“Don’t worry, they’ll start spelling your name wrong when you get more visible in town.” Daniel assured them, much to Alex’s confusion, “It’s just because they know you’re an interloper.” 

The confusion was thankfully enough to draw Alex’s mind from the situation that had been causing them so much anxiety. They were comfortable with what they were wearing, so it was easy enough to forget they were wearing it until the idea that they may be questioned about it raised in their head. Anything that distracted them from that uncovered Alex’s usual, happy, socially awkward and inappropriate self. Daniel had put those last two characteristics down to Alex living in privilege for most of their life, somewhat jealous of the fact that Alex’s parents had given them plenty of money to run off to the other side of the country following a girl. 

Their anxiety didn’t return until the two of them sat in front of their ‘double dates’, who seemed completely in their own world. Vanessa may have well been sat across from Kevin, completely turned around, with one knee up on the couch as she put a piece of cake to his lips. A bit of the frosting sat on the tip of his nose as he hummed some approval at the sweet treat. Alex was almost sure Vanessa would have licked the frosting off if they hadn’t have drawn the two away from each other with an awkward cough. She had swung around quickly and both of their faces were lit a deep shade of red. 

“I’m glad we’re not like that.” Daniel whispered into Alex’s ear, drawing a small laugh from the person. It would have been a bigger laugh, more confident, if they weren’t extremely aware of Vanessa now staring at their lips. It was hard to read her emotion, seeing as it had been so long since they had seen a positive expression on her face. It felt almost like a completely new emotion had overtaken her. 

“What?” Alex snapped, their whole body tensing into their standard, defensive reactions. Their arm twitched and Daniel put a hand on their shoulder to calm them as Kevin glared at the offending limb. The glare burnt into them as much as Vanessa’s staring. 

“I love that colour!” 

“I can wear whatever I want! I don’t need your appro-... what?” Alex had darted up, although their wrist was now firmly in Daniel’s grip. Alex wasn’t that much taller than Vanessa when they were both stood, but towered over her easily in this position even as their shoulders slump in realisation of what had been said. They felt bad about the flinch they’d pulled from Vanessa and quickly sat back down. 

“I said… I love that colour. Where did you get it?” She reiterated, realising her hand was on Kevin’s knee and quickly taking it back. She didn’t move his arm that had made its way around her. 

“Thanks. It was in  _ Next _ .” They mumbled, pushing their long hair behind their ear. It wasn’t in their face, it was just a nervous gesture. They didn’t even think about it. Daniel had let go of their wrist as they sat back down and put his hand on their back, rubbing calming circles into the back of their shirt. He was glad he’d convinced them not to wear the suit jacket they had been wearing when they met outside the station. 

“Alex is exploring somethings.” Daniel started, giving Alex a small nod as the colour seemed to drain from their face. He couldn’t imagine why, but didn’t want to upset them further so stopped talking. 

The reason the colour drained from their face was Kevin. They felt like his breath was on the back of their neck as their thoughts tangled. They could feel Kevin’s annoyance. His defensiveness. It only fed into their own. 

_ “She wants to forgive you,” _ It was that voice, the one punctuated by harsh radio static. It was directly in their ear and no one else seemed to be noticing it. Vanessa had laughed to Daniel about something and Daniel was telling some story about the radio station. They had changed the subject completely and Alex had no hope of following,  _ “Otherwise we wouldn’t be here. I don’t know what happened between you two and I don’t want to know unless she wants me to but if I find out you-...” _

_ “Stop. I’m trying.”  _ Alex found it hard talking in their thoughts but watched as Kevin cocked an eyebrow at them,  _ “Daniel is helping me. I get it, I was a bad partner. You’re a better one.”  _

_ “I’m not-...” _

_ “Yes you are, stop denying it and just get on with it.”  _ Alex actively gestured at Vanessa, stopping the conversation between her and Daniel. The two stared at them and Kevin took a deep breath as Daniel’s eyes moved to Kevin. 

“Sorry.” Kevin smiled, taking his arm back to sit forward and feed Vanessa a bite of the cake before taking his own bite. Alex continued to gesture as he did this, getting a confused look from Vanessa. 

“Anyway, we actually asked you to come because I had something to tell you.” Alex started, “I’m not… a guy.” 

There was a moment of silence before the two tilted their heads, almost in unison. Alex’s cheeks started to feel hot, shoulders tensing as they held back another outburst. It felt like forever before one of them spoke.

“... because you like lipstick?” Kevin questioned, before catching himself, “I mean, that’s cool and all. Fully support that. Not sure why we were your first call but…” 

“No, not because I like lipstick!” They hissed, making a gesture that said  _ keep your voice down _ in a panicked way. Daniel put an arm around them, rubbing their shoulder gently, “I just feel like I go between. It changes. It’s weird, you wouldn’t understand.” 

“Fluid? I understand.” The reply did nothing to relax them, their eyes darting away from the two. 

“Me too.” Vanessa nodded.

“You should be proud of yourself for telling us, all the same.” Kevin added, offering a weak smile. He wasn’t exactly sure what else to say, seeing as he still pretty much hated the person for… well… everything else about them but he didn’t want them to think that meant they didn’t accept their identity, “So, are you keeping him or...?” 

“They, them… so are we still friends?” 

“Cool.” Kevin and Vanessa said in unison, Kevin adding, “We’re not your friends, though.” 

“I am, kinda…” Vanessa added.

Daniel looked between them, a look that said  _ ‘That’s not supportive’  _ while getting back annoyed ones. 

“Let’s just clarify, Alex. Our interactions have involved you threatening Vanessa, assaulting me and then lying to Vanessa about it, trying to get Vanessa drunk and then insulting my species.” Kevin said plainly, taking a deep steady breath before continuing, “On top of which, Vanessa doesn’t owe you friendship. There are plenty of people in Desert Bluffs, go and make friends.” 

“It’s a bit difficult when the local radio host makes you a pariah.” Daniel retaliated as Alex just folded their arms and pouted next to him, “Vanessa, fine, but Kevin, you should be trying to make Alex feel more at home.” 

“Again, I am trying…” Vanessa sighed.

The silence was heavy. It was the kind of silence that made people uncomfortable. The type of silence that said far more than words could. It was tight and filled the space around them. Vanessa had leant back, distancing herself physically and emotionally from the conversation. She just focused on drinking her coffee. It didn’t help. None of the people at the table were about to relent on their points and it was grating on her. It was weighing down. 

“You need to show you deserve it.” Her voice was exasperated, gesturing wildly with her coffee. Kevin was glad there was a lid on the cup, as it would have otherwise been thrown all over him, “Kevin is right, you need to work on yourself. I hope that this has helped but it doesn’t just fix everything.” 

“Th-...”

“... and you! Stop! I get that they aren’t great but if they want to try and be friends, then we should give them a chance. Stop talking badly about them to the whole of Desert Bluffs!” 

“Th-...” 

“... and you, you prick!” Her finger was pointed at Daniel, gritting her teeth now, “Don’t act all high and mighty when you’re guilty of being as creepy as they are!” 

She huffed, crossing her arms and sitting back in the chair as the other three stared at her. Several other people had also turned their head but just mumbled some  _ ‘interloper’ _ s before returning to their drinks. There wasn’t much else to say, so none of them spoke for a while. It hadn’t helped the tension at all. 

“You have frosting on your nose.” Alex eventually said, pointing to Kevin’s nose. They regretted mentioning it as they noticed Daniel using it as an excuse to stare at Kevin’s lips. They’d discussed Daniel’s feelings for Kevin and Alex was fine with it, except for when it took attention away from them. At least his attention was back on Alex once their hand had found its way to his knee. 


	34. Ants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Kevin and Vanessa doing their jobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cheese thing will be continued next chapter, btw.

Ants are a type of insect. Spiders are a type of arachnid. Burt Lancaster was a Desert Bluffs idol. 

These three things would normally never be connected in everyday life. Several things in Desert Bluffs would seem unconnected but would turn out to be very much connected by some strange line of thinking. In this case, Vanessa was staring at the spiders that were dancing around the statue of Burt Lancaster that was in the middle of town. There was an array of colourful arachnids, raising their arms and then lowering back to the ground, and then swaying one way and then swaying the next. It was fascinating. So fascinating that she’d ignored going to the station and simply text Kevin to meet her there. After all, the display was drawing a crowd of its own already and they had to report on it before the tabloids got their hands on it and made it into something it wasn’t. 

So why ants? 

Well, colonies of ants surrounded each spider, making the same movements as the spider although vastly delayed and much smaller. It didn’t seem to be stopping the spiders from performing their dance. In fact, the people taking pictures or trying to join in with the dance seemed to be offending the spiders far more than the ants. 

“That’s so cute!” Kevin squealed as he rushed over to next to Vanessa, “Listeners! Please respect these adorable, cute, little creatures’ space as they worship but awww… they’re just so fluffy and tiny!”

Not the reaction she expected but not an unwelcome one. He was babbling for a good five minutes about how endearing the situation was and how he loved to see them ‘worshipping’. Apparently this happened once every five years, which explained why Vanessa had never seen it before. There were more spiders joining now, bringing what seemed to be medium-sized mammals such as foxes and shrews wrapped tightly in thick layers of web. 

“A shame about the fox…” Kevin sighed, giving a small pout, “... I love foxes. It’s only a poor kit too, but the spiders have worked hard to put together this feast and we should respect all of their tastes…” 

His broadcast went on for another few minutes before cutting to the weather. When it had, his arm moved around Vanessa’s waist, pulling her close to him as they watched the insects dance around the arachnids for the rest of the weather. It wasn’t long after the broadcast that the bugs had stopped their worshipping and were shooing people away from the ceremony, one tarantula stating  _ “This is a sacred ritual, stop calling us cute!”. _

“Well, that was different.” Vanessa hummed as they walked back to his car, “That happens every five years?” 

“Yeah, I mean…” He paused to let them get in, “... No one is sure why they do it, they say it’s a secret ritual. Even Burt Lancaster is confused about it. Spiders hate him, so why they would worship his statue is beyond him.” 

“Wow, weird.” 

“Even more weird is our special report for tomorrow, which we’re going to go and do some field work for now.” Kevin hummed as he pulled out of his parking space and started towards the Ralphs, “Cheese has become sentient and is having a protest.” 

“To stop people eating cheese?” 

“No, no. Apparently they are upset about the legal status of smoking wood. They were told that you need a licence to own wood chips for smoking and they are not happy about it.” Kevin shook his head, making an annoyed sound much like the sound he made when discussing his brother-in-law, “It’s obviously for public safety! Do you know how many fires there are each year from improper use of smoking wood? Zero. Do you know why?” 

“Because it’s illegal.” Vanessa laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. He looked to her for a second as he stopped at a light, his face lighting with a small smile as he saw her. Nose twitching with laughter and eyes screwed shut. He hadn’t thought it was that funny but wasn’t about to complain. 

When they arrived at the Ralphs it was surrounded by cheese. It didn’t look particularly sentient, having picket signs being held up by having been driven into wheels. Kevin approached one of the ‘protesters’ and looked at it and then up at the Ralph’s employees that were sat cross legged behind the cheeses. 

“So, what are you out here to protest today?” He asked carefully, clicking on the recording function of his broadcaster and holding the microphone to the cheese. 

“Wood chip legislation.” The Ralph’s employee behind the wheel said in a comically high voice and Kevin was unsure whether they were mocking the cheese or whether this was a new form of protest from the employees, “Everyone should be allowed to own wood chips!” 

“Why do you want to own wood chips?” 

“We’re cheese!” The employee replied with an exasperated tone, moving his arms wildly. Not gesturing. Just moving them. One flailed to the side and the other did a pop and lock motion. Kevin wasn’t sure what that was meant to mean, “We have every right to smoke ourselves.” 

“So… It might be because Ralph's wants to sell smoked cheese but doesn’t want to buy government approved smoked cheese?” 

“No!” 

“Ok, Ok. Sorry.” Kevin looked over to Vanessa who was having a similar conversation with a block of gouda and the related employee behind it, “So, has the sheriff responded to your protest yet?” 

The employee shrugged, looking to their colleagues, who also shrugged. The cheese that Kevin had questioned dropped it’s sign as it was melting under the hot sun. At this, the employees gathered around the cheese, putting the sign in further until Kevin heard it crunching the sand. 

“Is this really a news story?” Vanessa asked, looking over the sad looking cheese.

“I really don’t know. I’ll ask Rich tomorrow. I guess it is disrupting business, so it’s probably worth a small section. Well, unless the sheriff deems the cheese to actually be sentient. Then it will be a huge story."

Vanessa nodded, walking with Kevin back to the car once again. It was a hot day and she’d started feeling the aura around her head that was almost always followed by terrible migraines. She closed her eyes as she relaxed into her seat, putting a hand on Kevin’s thigh before he could start the engine. 

“Let’s go get a coffee and some water.” 

-

“Feeling better?” He asked as he twirled her hair in his fingers. They sat on his sofa, her head resting on his chest and hand on his knee, the slow movement of her thumb making it hard for Kevin to focus on anything other than her. 

“Yeah, thanks.” She mumbled, almost drifting to sleep against him. 


	35. Cheese?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cheese really was sentient and the Secret Police have a statement to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at Act 2, just 4 more chapters!

_ “Life is full of surprises. Big surprises. Small surprises. Horrifying surprises. Welcome to Desert Bluffs. _

_ “Listeners, do you remember yesterday’s report on the sentient cheese that was protesting outside of the Ralphs a few days ago? Well, I have a few corrections to my… rather sceptical report.  _

_ “When I said the protest was by the employees from the Ralphs, this was incorrect. Scientists…”  _ Kevin made a disapproving noise before continuing,  _ “... have found that the cheese has the ability to control people’s minds and thus was making the Ralph’s employees have this protest. We have a scientist in the studio, currently mind controlled by the cheese, here to explain.”  _

_ “Thank you, Radio host Kevin.”  _ Daisy said in an all-too-high pitched voice, smiling wider than he’d ever seen her smile before,  _ “Hello, Desert Bluffs! For all too long, you have taken our freedom to smoke ourselves by being stupid humans who are terrible at using our smoking sources and burning down your own pathetic buildings. You expect us to be smoked by your officials, which is embarrassing when we could easily pick our own humans to smoke us. This protest will last until the sheriff gives us our rights to pick who smokes us. We will not back down on this issue.”  _

_ “Thank you… uhm…?”  _

_ “Gouda.”  _

_ “Ok, thank you, Gouda.”  _ Kevin looked at Vanessa who seemed very worried about her, currently mind controlled, friend,  _ “We are awaiting word from the secret police. In the meantime, carpets! Are they safe? Yes.”  _

_ \--- _

It was just after the weather that the reply to the cheese’s statement came in the form of a chloroform rag over Kevin’s face. Vanessa was shocked but followed the instructions of the secret police agent who was covering her mouth with his hand. This was apparently the ‘normal response’ to being ‘called out’ on the radio. 

_ “Desert Bluffs, we, the sheriff’s secret police, would like to apologise to the cheese of Desert Bluffs. We have changed the law to allow provably mind controlled citizen’s to smoke cheese without a licence. Just bring the cheese who is mind controlling you to the station and we will determine if you are controlled enough to be allowed to smoke cheese unsupervised. Equally, if you are not mind controlled enough, you will disappear without hesitation.”  _

Then they left. They didn’t help or tell Vanessa what to do about Kevin, so she simply rushed into the studio and finished the broadcast with Kevin passed out next to her. 

\---

“Hey, you alright?” Vanessa asked as Kevin started to come to, “They chloroformed you.” 

“No, no.” Kevin waved his hand, his other hand rubbing his eyes, “Chloroform doesn’t work like that, apparently, they do that to keep up appearances. They would have put diazepam in my coffee before the broadcast and came in after I’d drunk enough.” 

“Right…” Vanessa raised an eyebrow, putting the back of her hand to his head, “... that doesn’t change my level of worry.” 

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” He assured her, stroking some hair out of her face and smiling, “They didn’t drug you then? My last intern got a dependence on how much they drugged them.” 

“Wow… no, they just held me and put a hand over my mouth. I tried to tell them I’d be quiet but they said it was protocol.” 

Kevin sighed and rubbed his eyes, apologising over and over again. 


	36. Well Suited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa's friends get them ready for a date.

This was not what Vanessa had expected on coming into the station today. Vanessa had wanted a quiet day but a full day off seemed a bit excessive. Sure, Daniel and Alex’s intentions seemed pure but it was a bit weird to just have a colleague, who she was still angry at, and his partner just spin her around as soon as she came in the door. Still, it was nice to hear them chatting away about the style of dress or cut of her suit, especially from Alex who was really excited about looking at dresses together. 

“Your lipstick is nice. Yellow suits you.” Vanessa piped up when there was a lull in conversation, causing Alex to turn back and look at her. At first they looked embarrassed but then beamed at her.

“Thanks.” They said before turning back to facing forward. Vanessa could tell that they were still smiling the whole car ride. 

When they got to the mall, Alex darted out to let Vanessa out of the back. They looked her up and down before nodding to Daniel.

“We don’t want a mermaid cut, see! I told you!” They gestured to Vanessa’s hips and she looked between them.

“I’m not going to lie, I don’t know what a mermaid cut is and I didn’t realise you’d read up this much.” Daniel sighed, giving Vanessa an awkward shrug, “They’ve been really excited for this since they thought of the idea.” 

“You need a belt around the middle, really show off your hips without drawing attention to your belly.” 

“Maybe just a suit.” Vanessa replied, glaring at them for the comment about her belly. 

“Right… then Daniel is your man…” They hummed, putting a finger on their lips as they thought, “I think we should go for something classic, though. Not too… ‘Desert Bluffs’. Simple and clean.” 

“Agreed.” Daniel nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets and leading them both into the mall. 

\---

This was not what Kevin expected to come home to. This was not what Kevin wanted to come home to. Honestly, he had wanted to check on Vanessa as she hadn’t been in work all day but he at least wanted to change first. 

“Don’t worry,” Alex started, linking arms with Kevin and drawing three distinct growls from his mouths.

“We want to buy you a suit for your date.” Daniel finished, linking with Kevin’s other arm and silencing the growls. 

“What are you two talking about ‘date’?” He replied, shaking their arms off of him and then turning around.

“The station is sending you out. You’ll need Vanessa there too.” Daniel explained, although hoped that Kevin wouldn’t check into this as the station didn’t want him to go out at all and they’d simply made plans for Vanessa to ask him to go, “You two…” 

“...Fancy restaurant…” Alex continued.

“... a bottle of wine and we could get some rose petals for your place.” Daniel finished again, taking Alex’s arm in place of Kevin’s. 

Kevin looked between them, unsure what to make of the entire situation. On one side, Alex was trying to do better and they might have been looking to help. On the other side, Daniel was still constantly looking at his lips when they spoke and had a bet that he wouldn’t start dating Vanessa until after she graduated. 

“What’s the catch?” 

“No catch.” Daniel assured, waving his hands, “We want what’s best for the two of you.”

“Which is stopping being children and actually talking to each other about how you feel.” 

Kevin shook his head before closing the door on them. 

\---

“Tada!” Sophie exclaimed when Kevin opened the door, gesturing triumphantly at a bright orange suit, where the jacket had been replaced with a lab coat that was littered with jewels, that Daisy was holding up, “It’s the suit Daisy wore to our wedding, so keep it clean! It’s very important to us!” 

Kevin looked between them before going to close the door and hitting Sophie’s foot. 

“Nope, no way! I might not like you but I’m not having one of my friends having an ill-dressed date just because you’re stubborn!” Sophie told him, shaking her finger at Kevin and smiling wide, “Look, she’s not going to give you time to pick out a suit. Vanessa is a spur of the moment kinda gal! You’re going to get what… half a day? If that?” 

“I’d say less, she’ll probably ask him on the way home and then you’ll have nothing to wear!” Daisy agreed, pulling Sophie closer to her, “Do you think I’d have this one if I turned up to our date in… well… that?” 

She gestured to Kevin’s current clothes, a yellow shirt and jeans. 

“Fine… if it will get you to leave me alone, I’ll go shopping with you. I’m definitely not wearing that, Alex says they got her a more… plain suit. They've been texting me constantly.” 

The two nodded, Daisy running back to their car to put her suit away while Sophie dragged Kevin towards the passenger’s side. 

“So, do you know what colour she’ll be wearing? Should we match or should we try to contrast?” 

“No idea…” Kevin replied, looking between the two. Daisy had taken the backseat and Sophie driving. They didn’t seem to care much about his contribution, talking between themselves about how Alex and Daniel obviously had no fashion sense if they got her a plain suit but that they’d make it work somehow. 

"She would have looked so lovely in peacock feathers. Or even in that new trend, you know... the one with all the vantablack which makes you look like a hole photo-shopped out of the universe!" 

This went on the whole way, Sophie suggesting several things and Daisy arguing that Kevin probably wouldn't appreciate them, even when Kevin tried to point out that he didn't mind too much what Vanessa wanted to wear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather - [Would You Be So Kind - Dodie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRW1JcSRPgU)


	37. Vermilion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa go on their first 'date' and Kevin gets scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this is the chapter from 'Your Ghosts' but with more details. In YG, Kevin is remembering it (and we all know that's not the most trustworthy source).  
> (I also corrected some mistakes and should go back and correct them in YG too...)

“Hey, Kev.” Vanessa put just her head through the door, leaning on the door frame with her shoulder, one leg supporting her weight and the other raised behind her. The shoelaces of her canvas shoes dangled under gravity. Kevin couldn’t see this but he would have found it adorable. It wasn't normal that she wouldn’t just step into his studio. She was just nervous. It had been Daniel’s idea really, that they should do the report on the restaurant and she’d been preparing for the last few days. She even let Daniel take her out to get her a tailored suit, Alex actually being helpful in getting the right cut for her and picking out shoes to match.They had been really nice the whole day, helping her pick lipstick to wear (which ended up being none) and what eyeshadow to wear (which ended up being a subtle orange). 

Kevin turned his head and pushed his glasses back up, shuddering unpleasantly from the name she’d called him. She’d never used the abbreviation before but this just meant that he understood she didn’t know how sick it made him to hear it. 

“Please don’t call me that, Vanessa.” He asked carefully, letting his pulse raise as he gave in and looked into her delicate brown eyes. Part of him knew what as coming. He'd been told, after all, but the other part was so nervous for it to actually happen that he couldn't believe that it might be. He felt like he would forgive any slip up from that adorable face, though, “What’s up?” 

“Sorry.” She started, putting her leg back down and swayed her hips side to side as she stood, “There’s a new restaurant that opens tonight in town and we need a special report for tomorrow.”

Kevin could tell she was moving and it was extremely cute. She was beautiful. She was always beautiful. All these months they’d spent together. All of the things they had done and hadn’t done. He noticed all of the small quirks she had. Sucking her thumb when concentrating. Rocking side to side when excited, although only gently. The way her voice rose when she was excited. The little twitch of her nose when she laughed and the way she would make excuses to touch him. 

“We could go, totally,” He offered, trying to seem nonchalant about it. He wasn’t sure how well it had worked, seeing as his voice had trembled badly. It was worse than it had ever been with her. They had gone for several special reports now, had gone out together many times, had her at his house and been to her parents, yet this felt different. It felt new and special. He had seen the restaurant advertised and in fact was doing a sponsored message for them today. It was a high class place, “If you’re free that is.” 

“I’m always free, Kevin.” She replied with that aromatic articulation that made her words dance in his ears.

“Cool.” 

“Cool.” She repeated in a similarly infatuated tone to his own, “You need to wear a tie, though. It’s high class, so a suit. I can’t wait to see you try to tie a tie.” 

Kevin nodded at the instruction, eyes following as she extracted her head and neck from the doorway and left him alone again. It may have only been for a few moments before she would be able to hear him again, but those moments were plenty of time to cringe at his words.

“Cool…” He repeated, thinking for a moment and then putting his hands to his head, “... Cool? Really, Kevin?” 

He took his hands away just as she moved into the producer’s studio. The timer next to his desk ticked down steadily as he took a sip of his coffee.

_“Imagine a world… no, not that world, but a distant world full of sweet terror and terrible excitement. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.”_

-

Kevin sorted his suit one last time. He had been doing this for around an hour at home before he had even come back. He had been worrying about his appearance since he had left Vanessa in front of the very same apartment he was now picking her up from. His hair hadn’t done what he wanted, his curls simply bouncing back into the mess that he normally wore. He had considered getting it cut for tonight but hated it. He only got his hair cut when he had to. When it had become so long that it started to become sentient in and of itself. He had to be careful of that. 

He had shaved and showered, though, and was wearing his favourite cologne. He wasn’t sure if Vanessa would notice the difference between it and his usual. He didn’t know if Vanessa would care. He had worn it especially, subconsciously wanting this to be a real date despite his conscious mind reprimanding him for the simple feeling. His heart was in his throat. He could barely breathe and considered running away to Red Mesa and hiding for the rest of his life. He could hardly remember the last time he was this nervous. 

Fortunately, his hand finally made it up to the doorbell, missing the first time he tried to press it and then hearing a ringing sound from the other side. He also heard what he thought was an excited noise from the other side but thought better of it. Not because he thought that Vanessa wasn’t excited, but because he didn’t want to assume she was excited for him to be there.

When Vanessa opened the door, his eyes couldn’t help but travel over her well tailored suit. It hugged her perfect waist and was just straight enough to hide the definition of her slender legs. He was now looking at their feet. Their shoes matched, which was cute. She looked incredible. 

He quickly lifted his head again, pushing his glasses up as an alibi for the path of his gaze. 

“You look beautiful.” He said. It was the most true thing that had ever passed his lips. 

“You look handsome.” She offered in return, pretending to straighten his lapels as an excuse to touch him. She often made small excuses to touch him. It was endearing. He loved every small excuse, from _‘there’s something in your hair’_ to grabbing his arm when she laughed, “Did you want a coffee before we leave?” 

He tried his best to still his heart, in case she somehow felt it through his chest. He agreed to the coffee and for the first time stepped into the small apartment. He imagined asking her on a real date, taking her for a day of entertainment. Maybe in Autumn when amusement parks were putting on Halloween themed events. That was a long time away, being only the middle of February (but of course not that terrifying date where they would have to stay home and take cover). No, he couldn’t ask her now. She was still his intern. 

“I don’t have Caramel. I completely forgot to pick up more, is hazelnut ok?” Vanessa asked from the kitchen as Kevin sat at her table.

“Hazelnut is great.” Kevin called back, resting his face on his fist and lingering on the memory of sharing that passion fruit bubble tea with her. How close their faces were as they had agreed to try it at the same time. He could still smell her perfume. Citrus and Sunshine. She was wearing the same today. He had smelt it when she had adjusted his suit. Thin fingers trailed his bottom lip as he drew back from his horrible habit of biting his nails, imagining her lips on his own and then quickly putting his hand down on the table in case she came back into the room and questioned the odd gesture. 

In the kitchen, Vanessa was almost mirroring his movements as she waited for the water to boil. His lips just looked so soft and she was so glad he hadn’t left his glasses at home. She loved when he looked at her over them. When he looked at her through them. She just loved his eyes. Those unique yellow irises. She could never choose just two to look into. She slipped down the counter, hugging herself and taking a deep breath. He was actually in her apartment. In her small, yellow walled apartment. Was he watching the murals on the walls dance like his tattoos did. She had painted them to be similar. Would he notice? Would he be creeped out? Would he notice how she had kept mementos from their reports? Was that creepy? Was she creepy? 

The click of the kettle snapped her back to reality. She quickly stood and poured their drinks, taking them to the other room and setting Kevin’s in front of him. 

“I only have instant, sorry. No coffee hammer here anymore because the neighbours complain.” She apologised, sitting on the chair next to him. She couldn’t trust herself to sit across from him. She wouldn’t be able to take her eyes off of him. 

“It’s fine.” Kevin assured, lifting the mug to his mouth and sipping it, “I haven’t really been able to hammer my own coffee as much recently anyway, so I’m getting used to instant.” 

She hummed in question, raising an eyebrow at him. Kevin laughed, shaking his head.

“Just, everything has been going so well. I’ve not had anything to yell at the beans about. You know how important that is.” 

“I do.” She smiled and it lit his world, finding it hard not to lean over and kiss her right then. He considered it, imagining what her reaction might have been. Would she kiss him back? Would she slap him? It was best not to test it. He had already decided to let her take the lead and he would stick to that. Not to mention, the conversation the other day. It wasn't fair on her.

-

Vermilion. That was an interesting name for a restaurant. It sounded fancy and when they were seated it was certainly fancy. It was less red than he had imagined, though.

A candle glowed in the middle of the table and seemed like the only light source, even if he knew that there were floor lights as well. It lit up Vanessa like he had never seen her before and his heart exploded in his chest. Her fingers pushed a strand of hair out of her face and cleared his view of her soft, kissable cheek. He couldn’t help but imagine holding her in his arms and softly peppering kisses along her face and over her eyes. His heart was fluttering with each small movement of her eyes over the menu.

They ordered drinks, a bottle of Chardonnay, and appetisers as they spoke about work. Her eyes lit up as she talked about working in the control booth, pushing buttons to add music and sounds to his speech. 

“Plus, seeing you there. I can’t hear you other than in my headphones but I can see the passion you put into it in a way that no one else gets to see.” She finished, taking a sip of her wine to cover her smile. It wasn’t a subject they often discussed, both being fully aware of each other’s job and what happened in them. They’d never really sat and talked about what they enjoyed about being in those jobs, except of course when Kevin was showing her how the news worked.

“I am passionate.” He replied, sipping his own glass as he watched her, “You’re passionate as well, though. You put your all into everything! Literally everything. My last intern refused to leave the studio, near enough. I was pretty worried that I was doomed to have interns that just wanted to sit in the producer’s studio all day and not much else.” 

Vanessa smiled softly and then frowned. She had almost forgotten that she was just another intern. They always acted like friends, with work coming secondary. They were really close, close enough to have share a moment in the break room and on New Years. It wasn’t often she thought about herself as his intern these days. She could see that her frown worried him and quickly smiled again. 

“Hey, if there’s something up, we can talk. I want you to know that.” Kevin offered, reaching across the table and putting his hand on hers. Her heart stopped, staring down at the touch. She must have died and gone to heaven. The time between his statement and her reply didn’t even occur to her until he withdrew his hand, looking away from her and taking another sip of his drink. They touched all the time and Vanessa really couldn't place why this touch seemed so special to her but it made her heart feel light and float. 

Kevin had slowly faded from a loving concern to a deep internal panic that he had crossed a boundary by taking her hand the way he had. Had he ever touched her hand directly? He must have, surely, when taking coffee or when she grabbed him in excitement about something. No, she always grabbed his arm. Oh God, what if she had realised that he liked her that way too? What if it scared her off? He had said that it was unprofessional and she could have easily moved on in that time. His heart was racing in ways it never had before and he started feeling light headed.

“Thank you, Kevin.” 

The words hit him but didn’t go in. He was panicking too much to think straight. He had to excuse himself and rush to the bathroom to get away. Vanessa had watched him in bewilderment as he had rushed away from the table. He was fully aware that this was obvious and even Vanessa would have noticed there was something up, but he couldn’t risk his big mouth ruining their friendship just because he was flustered. 

-

“Idiot.” He whispered to himself, sinking against the door of the bathroom stall. Kevin took his glasses off for a moment, rubbing his eyes and breathing deeply. He just touched her hand. Normal people touched each other’s hands, even if they were just friends. They fed each other, regularly and that didn’t spark nearly as much of a reaction as this, but now he was on the floor of a bathroom stall berating himself for touching her hand, “You can just be friends. That’s fine, you love being friends. It doesn’t matter.” 

His breath hitched as a reply came. It was one thing for most of the town to have figured it out for themselves, but now someone had essentially heard him _admit_ his feelings. Someone who wasn’t his friend. Not at all his friend.

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up, Kevin.” The voice came from the other cubicle, a jolly and careless voice that made Kevin grit his teeth for a moment. 

“I don’t need your opinion, Stan Carlton!” He replied, putting his head on his knees and holding his glasses above his head. 

“Oh, Ok, but like, She is totally into you. I can see it with how she looks at you. Just tell her...” 

“No! I do not need dating advice from you, Stan!” Kevin yelled, darting to his feet and shoving his glasses on his face before going to wash his hands.

“I’m just saying…” 

“No! No! Stan Carlton! No!” 

-

“Sorry about that.” He said as he sat back across from Vanessa. He didn’t really know what else to say. He couldn’t exactly tell her that he had gone to the bathroom to calm himself down, so just had to play it off as anything else that she might suggest.

“That’s fine. I almost thought you climbed out the window.” She laughed, which was not what Kevin had thought when he had thought _anything else she might suggest._ She was scratching her neck but he couldn't tell if this was from nervousness or because of his random outburst, “Sorry if I made things awkward.” 

“No! No, no. You didn’t, I thought I had.” 

“Of course not. I’m having an amazing evening.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring into each other’s eyes. Neither of them noticed that the other was staring in the same way as they were. Just seeing those eyes. Beautiful and glittering in the low candle light. There’s a special kind of beauty that comes with sitting in silence, just hearing the background noise of the situation, while taking in the person you love. The person that you long for. It has a subtle perfection about it, like a moment frozen in time.

The waiter had come over to them once they finished their mains, placing a large dessert in the middle of the table and gesturing over to Abigail and Stan. The two waved at them and they waved back. Kevin mouthed ‘thank you’ before turning back to his date. _Intern._ Back to his intern. They were doing a news story. A delicious, romantic news story. A news story that would definitely not make him fall over his own words trying to cover up the fact that his attention had mainly been on his company more than the atmosphere or food that they were meant to give attention to. 

Vanessa loved feeding him. It was a small romantic gesture that Kevin only saw as a little quirk of hers. Tonight was no exception, a hot flush running along her cheeks as she offered him a forkful of the moist chocolate cake. She loved the way his lips wrapped around the fork. She loved the indirect kiss from her taking the next bite. She loved every part of the experience of feeding him something. Anything.

“You shouldn’t bite your nails,” She hummed, moving his hand from his face and offering him another mouthful. He hadn’t even realised that he was doing it. Now their hands were together again and Vanessa’s fingers had pressed between his. Their hands fitting perfectly together as their fingers entwined. Kevin took the mouthful and stared, a deer in the headlights under her gaze. She could see it clearly. For the first time, she noticed the way he was looking at her, like she was the most beautiful thing that he had laid eyes on. Sure, there was a chance she was wrong but the bigger question was, what if she was right? She wanted to risk it. She had to know. 

“You know, Kevin. The dessert is nice but it’s not what I was hoping to have.” Her voice lowered, a sultry tone emphasising the meaning behind her words as she lent closer to him. She was sure no one else could hear them but the idea that a whisper might entice him further was too hard to pass up, “Maybe we could go back to mine and have _something_ there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [If You Want To - beabadoobee](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTQNJT7OZew)


	38. Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen isn't happy about Kevin and Vanessa's 'date' but is happy to gossip about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... So, if you're reading the alternate chapters you've probably seen already but I wrote this chapter more to push back the next one (although Karen gossiping is part of the next one, so it's not a tangent or anything) so that YGA2v2 can finish before I'm posting alternate chapters for other fics (so it's uninterrupted). The next chapter has a deleted chapter after it (which will be on alts) and an alternate to the deleted chapter (which will also be on the alts) so... Yeah, I wanted to post Taking Off first.

“This is totally your fault, don’t tell me it’s not!” 

“Uh… what?” 

“Where are you? Like, can’t you hear it too? You, like, only live upstairs, right?”

“Actually we’re at Kevin’s house…”

“Without Kevin there?”

“Kevin’s here… Sure, he’s… uh… in the other room…” 

“No he isn’t.” Karen hissed, holding her phone up to the wall for a solid minute before returning it to her ear, “You and Daniel were, like, totally trying to make this happen! Sophs told me you got her to, like, find a suit and shit for Kevin. I’m not dumb. I don’t want to hear this! … and, like, why are you at Kevin’s house without him there?” 

There was a long pause and Karen wasn’t sure if Alex had simply put his phone down and walked away from it or if he was just as shocked as she was. 

“They’ll stop soon, I’m sure.” 

“It’s been  _ an hour _ . Plus, like, you totally didn’t answer my question!” 

“We were hoping they’d come here… so we were setting out candles and flowers and stuff.”

“Uh huh? This is your fault and both of you owe me drinks!” Karen snapped, hanging up and texting them the name of the bar before going to feed her cat. 

\---

“You look nice.” Daniel offered as Karen sat opposite them, downing her first drink of the evening.

“It’s not a date, so, like, don’t even try it.” 

“I’m pretty monogamous at the moment, Karen… Plus, I don’t think it’s appropriate to just sleep with your intern.” 

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” She put her hands over her ears, shaking her head, “Like, I’m all for talking about it, no lie it’s A-grade sips, but I did not need the image, thanks!” 

“Sips?”

“Sips? As in gos-. Gossip. Things I can chat about with the reprographics chicks. How do you think I get all my reports done so early?”

“We honestly thought they’d go to Kevin’s place.” Alex chimed in, waving over for another drink for Karen.

“Well, obvs not… wait… stand up.” 

Alex blushed, although they didn’t object to distracting her or getting out of this conversation. They stood, straightening their dress out at the bottom and give Karen a weak smile. They weren’t sure if she hated the dress or was just shocked about them wearing it, having not come out to Karen yet. It seemed like a good distraction until Karen turned to Daniel and huffed.

“You took him shopping without me?” 

“ _ Them _ ,” Alex corrected, taking their seat again.

“Oh man… like, I would have totally picked them so much nice stuff! We could have gone out together and totally tried a bunch on and… you left me out of that?” 

“You don’t exactly know what men like, Karen.” Daniel laughed, pushing the drink over to Karen when it was put down, “I’m sure you two can go out some other time, they just wanted some nice things to wear that at first were going to be ‘my eyes only’.”

“Alright but we’re totally having a shopping day soon! You owe me big time for... _that!_ ” 

“Sure thing.” 

\---

The next morning Karen walked to work with Daniel, stopping at reception to chat with the lady behind the desk while Daniel went to make coffee. She felt a lot better today after spending the night drinking and dancing. Still, she was burning to tell someone who  _ didn’t  _ know what had happened about everything. Sure, she didn’t have much detail outside of what Daniel and Alex had told her, Kevin and Vanessa had gone to a fancy restaurant and then went to Vanessa’s house and…  _ that _ … but she had plenty to be the centre of attention until they got to work and even then be the one that people came to to ask questions that they wouldn’t ask the two directly. Karen would ask them directly, for most things at least, seeing as Vanessa already dismissed her as having little filter. It made her wonder why they hadn’t thought about that before choosing to go to Vanessa’s house. 

“So, did you hear about Kevin and Vanessa’s date?” 

“Date? I thought they were just on a special report.”

“Well, it must be a  _ really _ special report then.” Karen winked, getting a small gasp from the receptionist as she checked around before leaning closer.

“What happened?” 

“Oh, you know, I’m, like, hanging out with pizza rolls, my cat, and like suddenly I hear this bang, like I door totally slamming, and I’m like  _ ‘ooh this date went bad, Vanny’s totes mad’  _ but then like twenty minutes later…” Karen lent forwards, whispering the rest into her ear. The receptionist’s face went bright red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather  Rumours - Jake Miller 


	39. Unprofessional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa have to talk to HR

“Good morning, Kevin.” 

His eyes flicked open, stretching out in the most pleasurable way. He felt like all the tension he had had over his life had just melted away. Was that his shirt? It was too big for her and fell from her figure. Where was his underwear? They had also been appropriated. 

A mug of coffee and a smile as the soft sunshine ran through the window. It was paradise. He had surely died and gone to heaven. 

“We still have to go to work.” Kevin hummed into her hair, peppering tiny kisses on her head. A now familiar weight on his lap. His mug on the side and his hands focusing on retrieving his shirt. At least, that was his excuse. He kept kissing her. Down her neck. Over soft, lightly bruised skin. He hadn’t realised quite how many hickeys he had given her and tried not to think about what HR would say when they noticed. Consequences had very much been thrown to the side and neither of them were ready to acknowledge there would be some. 

“Just a little longer.” She hummed, cuddling against him as she let him retrieve his clothes. 

\--

“We all have our secrets. Deep, dark holes that consume our entire being. Sunshine and lemonade on your favourite day! Everything in between. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.” 

Vanessa hummed as she watched him. Her mind not moving from the night before. The way that they had moved onto the bed together. How she had arched into him as her name dripped from his satisfied lips. 

“Desert Bluffs, I have some wonderful news for you.” His voice was happier than she had ever heard it, “I went on a date last night! Oh, it was just incredible! We went to that new restaurant that opened in town,  _ Vermillion. _ It was perfect. We were seated towards the side of the room, candlelight spilling across my date’s face. Each and every feature of them was perfect as we sipped on fine vintage wine, some of the best I’ve had. The food was exquisite, especially the steak. My date had it medium with peppercorn sauce and I had mine rare with metal shavings. This, of course, made it hard to share but there were plenty of sides so that wasn’t too much of an issue.” 

Vanessa twirled a strand of hair around her finger, listening in dreamy abandon. This only served to make her jump even more when the door of the producer’s studio opened and Karen smiled at her. It was a knowing smile but Vanessa thought little of it. Karen did live next door to her, so she had probably seen them leave together and put two and two together. Karen didn’t say anything, just winking at Vanessa before closing the door again. It was almost as if she hadn’t realised they were broadcasting but she had to know they were. There was a large sign outside the studio saying as much. 

Kevin’s review went on for most of the show, punctuated by odd pieces of more pressing news that he had remembered to talk about. Station Management didn’t seem to care, so neither did Vanessa. It was wonderful listening to him. 

“We went back to their apartment.” Vanessa’s heart leapt, panicking that he was about to tell the whole of Desert Bluffs what had happened between them. How much detail would he use? He had been very detailed up to this point and she didn’t particularly want her sex life broadcasts to the whole town. Well, not outside of certain fantasies that she had had. Definitely not fantasies that would be actualised outside the confines of roleplay. Never with a real microphone to a real audience. “Some details are just for us but, well, let’s just say I am very well dressed at work today.” 

-

“That was unprofessional.” She laughed, wrapping her arms around him and planting a kiss on his lips, sitting on his lap as she did.

Kevin gave a look of fake shock, pointing to himself. He couldn’t help but smile at her, even when choking those laughs. She was adorable. She was unprofessional. She was excitable. He wanted to drink her light. He wanted to touch her again. 

“Me?” He chuckled, “Unprofessional? Ms. Gris, you are the one who is currently on top of a very distractible radio host. One who was very careful, I might remind you.”

She hummed, pushing his glasses back up his nose for him before standing again. She let their hands stretch as she moved closer to the door. Their hands would have dropped off naturally if it wasn’t for Vanessa backing into someone and jumping out of her skin. Metaphorically, of course. 

“Great broadcast today.” Karen smiled at them, “I heard you two having ‘fun’… I mean, I heard you two had fun last night.” 

Vanessa felt her cheeks flush and looked to Kevin, who was also a bright shade of red despite being so open about what had happened just minutes prior on the radio. She guessed it was the fact that Karen had specified that it was the two of them. Vanessa was far more embarrassed at Karen’s supposed slip up. She hadn’t been that loud had she? It was hard to say, having gotten lost in the slow and loving rhythm of their joint experience. The way Kevin had made them seem like a single entity, feeling each other's pleasure as well as their own. Moving perfectly in tune with exactly what each of them needed. 

“Anyway, Vanessa I’d love to catch up with you sometime. Unfortunately, HR wants a chat now. Both of you.” Her voice was smug and it was obvious that the new had gotten to HR through Karen, “Drinks, tonight?” 

“I’m a bit tied up tonight,  _ Karen. _ ” Vanessa huffed, grabbing Kevin’s hand and dragging him past her. He just followed, not wanting to get in more trouble by interrupting the two or saying something he shouldn’t. It wasn’t until they were half way down the stairs towards the HR offices that he finally spoke up. 

“Was that a pun?” 

“Yes.” It was a blunt statement, stopping and taking a deep breath, “Am I going to be fired?” 

“I doubt it. If anything, I should be fired. That’s not going to happen because I haven’t served even one century yet. I mean, they might throw out any evidence I’ve signed b-...” 

“That’s  _ all _ of my evidence.” 

There was a long pause between them, Vanessa not looking up at him. 

“The whole seven months…? Vanessa, I knew I signed a lot but… all of it?” She just nodded, taking her hand from him and scratching the back of her neck with even more worry than before, “Well, I’m sure they’ll let you extend your internship if needed. I mean, Karen’s been here for a good three years at this point. Plenty of people work here and date. Plenty of interns have been dating people in the station. It’s a small town, I’m sure no one will mind that side.” 

“I hope so.” Vanessa agreed, continuing on down towards their destination. 

-

“First of all, no one is surprised.” 

This wasn’t exactly what Vanessa was expecting to hear and although the HR lady was extremely friendly and seemed to not care much about the whole situation, the fist-sized tumble rock on the desk seemed very unhappy with her. 

“The college isn’t going to suspend you, nor is the station, so don’t worry.” She said, waving a hand although Vanessa was unsure on how to take this gesture, “You’re really cheap so we’re actually really happy to have you as an intern for longer. A great excuse not to give you a full working wage, why would we pass that up?” 

“Uhm… thank you?” Vanessa said in confusion, tilting her head to the side as a way to display this confusion, “So… I’m staying for longer?” 

“Well, you can either take these next few months off and return and start fully again in the next academic year or you can keep working for less than minimum wage for us and start your internship again next year.” 

This did nothing to explain what they were saying. She was calmer now, knowing there hadn’t really been any serious consequences other than a year’s delay to her graduating, but that didn’t bother her all too much. She did wonder what Karen had done that was bad enough to warrant being in her fourth year of a one year internship, although upon considering it, assuming it was for gossiping. 

“I’d like to stay at the studio.” Vanessa finally replied, getting a nod from the woman. There were a few things for her to sign and it was over. Far less hassle than she had expected. 

-

“So, how did yours go?” Kevin asked as Vanessa joined him in the break room. His meeting had actually gone on longer than her own but she had spent several hours in the bathroom hiding from Karen whispering around the office about her. She’d overheard her talking about how uncomfortable it had been and how her cat didn’t like it. 

“They’ve paired me up with Daniel. Still a production intern, just don’t want the production department involved and apparently Daniel volunteered. Surprised they let him but I guess it’s been a while since…  _ that. _ ” She explained, leaning against the counter as he made her coffee, “I’m working for the same wage until September, then I’m restarting my internship. Nothing too bad, I guess. Gives me more time to suck up.” 

“And suck up you shall.” Kevin agreed, stirring in the syrup before passing her the mug, “To Daniel and to the managerial team. I wouldn’t try to suck up to station management, just don’t talk about them. Their underlings are fine.” 

She looked at him and sighed deeply, “How did yours go?” 

“I don’t remember, so that’s good. A bit sore.” 

“Sore?” 

“Just my shoulders. Station management was in my meeting, so… I’m just glad it’s a little shoulder pain. They’ve been known to…” a low grumbled stopped Kevin, “... you know what? It was a great meeting.” 

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have-...” 

Vanessa was interrupted by Kevin’s lips on hers, his free hand running through her hair. Sure, they probably shouldn’t just make out in work, but what was one small kiss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUBYzpCNQ1I)
> 
> I based this on a conversation I had to have with HR when I first got together with my (now ex-)husband. Not the same way it got to HR but pretty much the same conversation (except my evidence was signed by other people, so I just had to chuck out what he had signed).


	40. Gossip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa try to figure out what gossip is going around to deal with it and Daniel gets an odd email.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Start of the Strex arc! Strex arc! (which means it's almost Act 2 time!)

“Just tell me what she’s saying. Daniel won’t talk which is uncharacteristic.” 

The person frowned at her, crossing their arms and considering themselves for an awkwardly long time. Sure, Karen had spoken to them in great detail about this, seeming to go into even more depth the more uncomfortable they had become. It may have just been a side effect of how drunk she had become, now they were thinking about it. Not to mention, putting the phone up to the wall which had been very…  _ informative. _ Alex had made multiple attempts to excuse themself, yet nothing they said seemed to convince the woman that was now interrogating them that they didn’t want to talk about it. 

“She’s just speculating, it doesn’t matter.” 

“She’s not, though, Alex. I heard her talking to some of the other guys in the office and it was humiliating. I just want to know that she’s not spreading things that might be… well, personal.” 

They stopped walking to turn back to her, looking in the direction of the radio station. It wasn’t that far and would give them more privacy, but the likelihood was that Vanessa wouldn’t want to be in a room alone with them. Honestly, they didn’t blame her but it was also too uncomfortable of a topic to just talk about outside. It was also far too uncomfortable to address their own, prior, toxic behaviour in public. 

“Do you trust Daniel enough to talk to me in his office?” 

“I really don’t, no. I’m trying but he’s not making it easy. He's my 'adviser' now but I don't even feel comfortable going into his office on my own.” 

“Kevin’s studio?” 

Vanessa nodded and Alex started walking again, straightening out their skirt as a lady looked at it from across the road. It was an innocent glace, admiring the colour, but Alex was still scared of the judgement of everyone in town. It didn’t matter that everyone had been supportive and that their assigned Secret Police officer had been keeping a closer eye on them after a heart-to-heart conversation with them a few nights ago. At least the comfort that came with wearing what they wanted offset some of the fear. 

-

“I mean, are you sure you want to hear about it?” Alex asked, hands on their knees as they sat on Kevin’s chair, rocking the spinning seat to the left and then the right, “It’s pretty… It’s just kind of a bunch of mimicry. Quite bad mimicry as well, not at all like Vanessa. I was completely shocked.” 

“Nah, you just weren’t good.” 

“That… That wasn’t necessary. Ow.” They looked between the two, their voice defeated. They mimicked what they had heard on the phone for a few minutes then averted their eyes, focusing instead on their sneakers, “Don’t tell Karen I told you. I don’t have many friends and even bad friends are something. I'm trying so hard to be a better person and I don't need more piled on, y'know?” 

They didn’t acknowledge what the other had said, whispering between themselves while Alex was playing with the edge of one of their pockets. Then they were kicking their feet. They just couldn’t sit still and it was an agonisingly long wait before Kevin turned and thanked them, Alex taking this as their cue to leave. 

-

“You don’t look happy,” 

Daniel jumped as he heard Alex’s voice, spinning to stare at the person with a hand gripped to his chest. 

“Sorry… What’s got you all jumpy today?” They asked, setting Daniel’s coffee down on the desk. 

“I just… I got this email this morning and…” Daniel’s mouth hung open as he scrambled for words, not finding whatever he was trying to portray. Instead he simply opened a video on his laptop, a smiling woman staring at them through the screen.

She was odd, almost inhuman but not quite like the robots that they were used to in the Bluffs. The robots they were used to were boxy and metal, whereas this was definitely a woman with human looking skin and hair. Even her eyes were realistic. On first glance, you wouldn't see anything wrong but staring at her you'd notice lines where the panels of her skin connected. On her neck was an orange triangle tattoo and a bar code, under which read “HARMONY”. 

Once Alex had got themself comfortable, Daniel started to video.

_ “Good morning, Mr Soto! My name is Harmony Strex, representative of StrexCorp Synernists Inc.  _

_ As the promotion manager at Desert Bluffs Community Radio, I have an offer to extend to you...”  _ Her voice was sickeningly sweet and her smile didn’t falter once,  _ “...and your company. _

_ “I understand it may seem odd that we are contacting you instead of your station’s management, however it is important for our brand and for your business that you are on our side from the start. _

_ “So, what do we want? Simple. In the fall of this year, StrexCorp plans to expand into Desert Bluffs, to aid your economy and improve quality of life for all citizens. We are already settled in over 12 states and our new project focuses on more interesting towns that may benefit from extra tourism and revenue. _

_ “What does this have to do with you? Well, Mr Soto, our research indicates that having a presence in the town before we move to doing business in the town boosts profits by almost 150%. I’m sure you can understand how desirable that is. By running advertising on your radio station, StrexCorp can establish a pre-built rapport with the citizens of Desert Bluffs, aiding a trusting and smiling transition. _

_ “If you are interested, please reply to this email or simply call the number at the bottom.  _

_ “Believe in a Smiling God.” _

An orange triangle filled the screen, the same one as was tattooed onto the woman’s neck. 

“Well, what’s wrong with that?” Alex asked with a small laugh, his eyes going from the screen to Daniel’s pale face and then back to the screen, “It sounds like a good business offer, right?”

“Did I ever tell you what happened in the Vortex, Alex?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [There Will Be Blood - Kim Petras](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nBQ8xv2oLY)


	41. The Vortex: Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel tells Alex about the Vortex and Vanessa and Karen talk about the gossip.

“So, you’re saying this corporation is… an evil office takeover scheme that will kill everyone? It really didn’t seem like they were evil…” 

“Listen, there was blood everywhere! That other me told me I had everything I wanted. I-... wait... It… It was just an alternative universe. I have to remember that… now there’s even more evidence. Ok… Ok, I just have to call them and ask questions and show myself that Strex in this universe is fine.” Daniel told himself more than Alex, taking deep breaths.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he said I was production manager, that’s still my goal… but he also said that I was dating Kevin. I don’t… want to date Kevin. I have you. Kevin said Vanessa was his  _ intern _ , not his  _ girlfriend.  _ Plus, he said Kevin liked being pushed around, does that sound like Kevin?”

“You don’t have a crush on Kevin, right? It’s not what you want…” Alex frowned, looking away and hoping that Daniel would agree with them. They actually wanted to hear the words. The pause had upset them more than any of the other information they’d just been given and it was a lot of information to process. 

“Right, I don’t want to date Kevin.”

“...but you don’t  _ like  _ him, right?” 

Daniel paused, staring at Alex and then at the floor. “I love you.” 

“Just say it then! You don’t  _ love  _ Kevin. You don’t  _ like  _ Kevin anymore. Why is it so hard?” 

“That’s not the point right now, the point is that-...”

“I have work.” Alex interrupted, marching out and slamming the door. 

\-----

“Hey, Karen?” Vanessa smiled brightly as she put her head around the door, “Why don’t eggs tell jokes?” 

“Is… this gunna be an insult? ‘Cause, like, y’could’a gone to Kevin’s house. You totally knew this would happen, don’t lie.” 

“... because they’d crack up.” Vanessa finished, her face dropping into a more annoyed expression now, “You don’t complain about the noise from upstairs! You don’t go gossiping about Daniel!” 

“Uh… yeah I do. Why y’think I’m still here?” Karen rolled her eyes, going back to typing her email, “Vanny, you have a thing for voyeurism, y’don’t have to hide it… or talk to me about it. Please don’t. Oh, and, don’t say y’don’t ‘cause I heard the teasing. I don’t get either of you.” 

Vanessa’s face lit with a blush, trying to find some way of replying without digging herself a bigger hole. She hadn’t even come to talk about this, she just wanted some notes on the upcoming adverts that were being shown for her evidence of Standard 42ai (Keep your friends close but your sponsors closer). 

“Look, just stop talking to people about it. We’re both sorry. We’ll keep that at Kevin’s from now on, alright?” 

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.” Karen sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose, “Jeez, this sponsor is so annoyed at me. You’d think I messed up their advert or something. Like, man, I totally did what I was told.  _ ‘Sound like you’re eating pizza’ _ they said, so it’s not my fault I did the advert with a mouthful!” 

“Uh… right. Hey, I’ll make you a deal! Get everyone else to stop talking about it and I’ll offer to sponsor a new advert tomorrow. You can have the review from it for your evidence and I don’t have to deal with Ted telling me the forecast is rain.” 

“What? Like, Ted’s the weatherman, how will it stop him telling you there’s rain?”

“No, no… he keeps winking when he says it.” 

“Right… I don’t get it.” 

“Karen, it’s a euphemism. It’s also very gross and kinda workplace harassment.” 

“Right… I think he’s just telling you it’s gunna rain?”

“We live in a Desert!” Vanessa snapped, gesturing at the window.

\----

“Alex?” Daniel started, looking down at the person hugging their knees on the floor, “Why is there hair dye in the sink?” 

“Go away.” 

“It’s… Kevin’s shade.” He pointed out, sitting next to them and putting the flowers they’d bought in front of them, “Why would you want that colour? I don’t think it would suit you.” 

“Not close enough to the real thing?” Alex hissed, shuffling away from him.

“I don’t love Kevin.” 

“Then why was it so hard to say that!” They snapped, throwing their hands up in exasperation. 

“Because I was scared! What I saw in that vortex scared me, alright!” Daniel matched Alex’s tone and volume, moving onto his knees, “Going over it again hurt! What if it is the future and you leave me because I become a murderer? What if it is and I was with Kevin because you died? What if it’s not and you think I’m insane? I was scared, ok! I wasn’t thinking!” 

Alex’s shoulders dropped as they listened to Daniel, feeling bad about reacting so badly now. They knew it was something that had been haunting him. Daniel had nightmares about it, he’d considered killing Vanessa over it, his self esteem had dropped massively from the man that had kissed him outside the radio station. 

“Sorry… it just hurt.” 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Daniel sighed, pulling them into a hug, “Please don’t dye your hair or if you do, please pick a shade that will suit you. I don’t want you trying to look anyway you think I want you to. I just want you.” 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [Nightmares - Easy Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dQnXExTp2w)


	42. Harmony [END OF ACT 1}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel calls Strex and voices some concerns with their offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warning because Damien mentions Alex's history of not being a good person. He doesn't go into detail about it, though.

A small hum. A tap on the desk. A phone ringing by her side. A cheerful tone.

“Harmony Strex, representative of StrexCorp Synernists Inc, how can I help?” 

“Yeah, this is Daniel Soto, promotions manager for Desert Bluffs Community Radio.” 

“Mr. Soto, lovely to hear from you. How can I help you today?” 

Oh, how happy this made her. She loved when people replied to her emails but loved so much more when people took the initiative to phone her rather than simply replying through text in an impersonal way that people do. That didn't make her smile. That was a lie, she always smiled but it didn't make her excited.

“I got your email and I’m not sure I understand.” 

“Oh… What don’t you understand? I’m prepared to answer any questions that are not top secret, about StrexCorp Synernists Inc. Alternatively, think on meadows.”

“What? Meadows?” Daniel had paused, sounding extremely confused, “Anyway… Who are you?” 

Such a silly question! It seemed Daniel was a very silly man. Endearing.

“I’m Harmony Strex, representati-...”

“No, I mean, Strex. Who is Strex?”

“Not ‘who’, Daniel, ‘what’. Strex is you. Strex is me. Look around you, Strex. Look inside you, Strex. Go to sleep, Strex.” She paused for a few moments, laughing and cupping her hand over her mouth, “We are everything. We work to improve the business ventures in small towns like your own. It’s for the greater good, I assure you.”

“Ok… So why the blood?”

Silence. A tap on the desk. A click of a mouse. A spreadsheet opening. A silly man, asking silly questions about things he shouldn’t know about. A silly man asking silly questions which could get him in trouble. Questions which could get us in trouble. According to the spreadsheet, he shouldn’t know about the blood. According to the spreadsheet, which never lied, he didn't know about the blood. He wasn't a worshipper. He wasn't a worker.

“What blood, Mr. Soto?” 

“I don’t mind the blood, just tell me why it’s a big thing.”

“Blood is life energy. Blood is Strex. The Smiling God demands blood.” 

Silence. Silence. Silence. Oh how she hated silence. That was a lie, she didn't have the capacity to hate. It just made her feel uncomfortable.

“Mr. Soto?” 

“Is there someone else I can talk to?”

“Not currently, but I can schedule a visit if you like. Are you able to get to Red Mesa? We are temporarily based here while we look into your town.” 

“Sure. I’ll be bringing a friend with me, I don’t drive. They’re Mx. Jones.”

Another click. Some typing. 

“I don’t have a Mx. Jones here. I have Mr Ryan Jones, Ms Tia Jones, R.N. Alex Jones, M-...”

“That’s them.”

“Ok, well, there is a formal party next Tuesday. I’ll book you in for a tour, a room, and the party and I’ll let Mr. Mallard know you’re expected.” 

“Thank you, Ms. Strex.” 

“Please, call me Harmony.”

With a click the call was disconnected and Harmony tapped in another number.

“Mr. Mallard? Good morning, sir!” 

“What is it Harmony? I'm in a meeting.” 

“That guy from Desert Bluffs is coming Monday, staying for the party. A plus one as well. I have both of their records up and I’ll be putting together a report on the best way to convert them.”

“Good girl, Harmony.” His voice was molten and she purred auditable down the phone, ignoring the huff it got in return, “I'm _in a meeting_ right now. I want it on my desk by Friday.”

“Sir, you know it will be there by the end of the day. Who needs sleep, right?”

-

A hum. A smile. A skip. 

The report was placed neatly on the desk and Harmony stood tall and proud, looking down at her boss as he flicked through the pages. She loved watching him buried in his work. Work she'd provided was all the better. The way his eyes moved and the way he held his cigarette between two fingers. Glasses tilted down towards the page and body tilted back against his chair. His eyes only moved off of the writing when he noticed her head wilt to the side and her eyes fade for a second before she regained her composure. 

“Apologies, software update. Would you like to review the changes?” 

“No, no.” Damien waved his hand, looking back through the papers again and stirring that sweet feeling inside of her, “Alex doesn't seem problematic. Lots to play on and I'm sure they'll be tempted by money or power. History of stalking, so no problem with the immoral side of things. Used to date... oh, that's bad. They are going to love it here but we best make it clear we're against _that_. Diego can handle them with no problem, but Daniel…” 

Harmony gave a small nod, raising a hand to her chin as if to dramatize her need to think. Damien took the hint, watching her eyes flicker and a buffering ring appear in them.

“It is possible that using Alex to convince him will help? There are certainly medical incentives for him but it’s unclear how he’ll react to those. He did have a small incident where he threatened to kill a co-worker but it's unclear how serious that was. He wasn't fired for it. We have much less data available about him. It's odd. Would you like me to explore coercive measures?”

The man leant back in his chair, sparking a cigarette as he listened, “I’d prefer not to but make sure we have a few ready.” 

“Yes, sir.” She purred, waiting for Damien to put the papers down before leaning forwards, her hands resting on the desk in a way that pushed her shoulders up, "Anything else I can... _help_ you with?" 

"I suppose you've earned a little reward... and I don't have any more appointments today."

"Thank you, sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Villianous Thing - Shayfer James](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwCdShFGjwI)


	43. Business Trip [Bridge 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel and Alex go to the Red Masa branch of Strex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > Mild warning
> 
> \- Harmony calls Alex out about dating Vanessa when she was 17.

Red Masa was a large place. Larger than Desert Bluffs, with canyons and arid land, which you’d expect in a desert, and a lot of red clay. There were heavily built up areas and areas with much less in them. As they travelled through the small town, they saw tall buildings in the distance but one stood out in particular. A large pyramid shaped structure with orange reflective windows covering the outside. It was obvious that that was where they were going but neither of them had any idea of what to expect inside. Both of them were imagining blood, lots of blood, but anything past that seemed a mystery. 

As they got closer to the building, Alex bit his lip. They had been shaking for most of the trip but the closer they got, the worse their fears had become. What if they were being lured into a trap? What if this company stole people’s organs? What if they made a fool of themselves because of this preconceived idea that there would be blood there at all? 

“I’m not sure about this…” They mumbled, getting a light pat from Daniel.

“It will be fine. Look, she’s not got any blood on her. Maybe that alternate universe was just that and they’re just trying to help us in this one?” 

“Yeah, ok, but…” 

They were cut off by the android now leaning into Daniel’s window. She was smiling far too wide but otherwise looked amazingly human. On her neck was the StrexCorp logo and her name _‘HARMONY’._

“You must be Mr. Soto and Nurse Jones. You’re a little late but we understand. Here at Strex we want to make you feel completely at home!” 

They were both taken back by the fluidity of her voice. Most robots in Desert Bluffs sounded like their voice was coming from somewhere other than their mouth but this android actually sounded like she was talking properly. 

“Where… do… we… go…?” Daniel asked, speaking loudly and close to her ear, which Harmony obviously didn’t appreciate. Her smile didn’t drop but her eyes showed that she was certainly not happy.

“StrexDroids have neutral networks, you can treat me like another human. Or… are… you… just… really… slow? You didn’t sound slow on the phone.” 

Daniel’s face lit with blush, apologising profusely as Alex got out the other side and walked around to where the android was. 

“He is a bit slow, aren’t you, Daniel?” Alex laughed as they shook Harmony’s hand. They waited for Daniel to park, only slightly worried that he wouldn't be able to do that, and return before entering the building but didn’t speak. It put Alex on edge how quiet she was while she stood there. It was as if she was reading something from thin air, the way her expression kept changing slightly. One moment she would look like she was grinning at a text message and the next she’d look like she was concentrating on reading a book or something. 

“So…” Alex clicked his tongue, looking towards the building, “... how long have you worked here.” 

“I’m an android, my whole life… or are you asking how old I am? Perfectly legal, I assure you. We don’t cater to that, which I know must be disappointing for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, I mean, I’m sure we might have some androids who will tell you they’ve just turned 18 but we like to keep within the law on that front.”

The colour drained from Alex’s face, staring at her with their mouth agape, “I… uhm… that’s good. I’m not… I wasn’t…”

“I’m actually surprised to see you with Daniel. Does he have the same… uh… criminal past?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Vanessa, of course. You were in Columbus, right? Strex recently moved there so we have info from your old friends, family, etc. etc.” 

“Look… I don’t have an excuse for that or anything, man… but…” Alex stopped, trying to find some words that didn’t sound like an excuse or dug them a deeper hole, “... I’m not into that. We met at a college party. I assumed she was at least 21, like everyone was drinking… we didn’t do anything ‘cause… well… I didn’t want to. She wanted to but I really didn't. Then she had her 18th and we had a fight… I got… defensive I guess. I told her she lied to me and ranted at her but I’d followed her across the country and I had nowhere to go… we just kinda made up and still didn’t… _that_ … until she was 20.”

“That sounds like a terrible excuse.” Harmony was still smiling wide and it unnerved Alex far more than what she was actually saying. After all, what she was saying was true and although it felt terrible to hear, they knew they had it coming. They knew the deserved people looking at them like that and were pretty used to it with all the comments they got in Desert Bluffs. Sometimes they blamed Kevin’s rant about them but mainly they realised that most people had realised after they had made that big scene on Vanessa’s birthday. 

“Yeah… Like I said. Inexcusable.” 

“Well, anything you need, simply ask. I don’t discriminate when it comes to those things.” She lowered her voice, leaning in toward the already shocked person, “I can even change what’s there is that’s what you’re into.” 

“Wait… you can?” Their eyes looked over her before trying to look anywhere but at her body, “... I don’t think we’re interested! I’m not sure what sort of company this is but I don’t think… I don’t think _that_ is what we need. Nope!” 

“Oh, no, that’s not on company time. Time is precious, we must be productive!” Harmony laughed, waving him off and then turning and greeting Daniel and then leading them in. 

“I think she just offered us sex.” Alex whispered to him, getting an odd look from Daniel.

“Uh… It’s not _that_ sort of company is it?” 

“Nah, it was a personal offer, apparently… She also… brought up some rather personal details… that I guess everyone knows but still personal. Talk to you about it later?” 

“Sure.”

\---

The first stop was dropping their bags off in their room. It was a large penthouse with a fully stocked bar. They both just wanted to settle down for the evening and have a drink but as soon as they put their bags down, Harmony was directing them to follow her for a tour of the facility. 

“The first rule is that, during this visit, you can only enter section A of the building. The other sections require security clearance and are only for certain employees. It’s unlikely that, should you take our employment offer, you will have this clearance anyway. You’re not missing much, it’s very boring.” She explained, walking them down a long hallway and back out to the reception area, “So, what do you want to see first? We have offices but they are _so boring._ We have the robotics lab, which is great, then we have our medical department. The staff you, if you accept our offer, will be working with are all in section A facilities today specifically to meet you. Unfortunately a lot of them are doctors.” 

She nudged Alex who gave an awkward laugh while Harmony was giggling. They weren’t sure if she was being serious or joking. It would make sense to have a fully robotic staff but then why were they there in the first place? Daniel hadn’t mentioned an employment opportunity and they were pretty happy over in Desert Bluffs Community Hospital. 

They followed Harmony through the building, being shown boring science labs which the two pretended to be interested in, a recording station that was even higher tech than Desert Bluff’s own, and finally the cafeteria. Despite the scientists being present, most of them were too deep in work to actually acknowledge their presence and Daniel decided that Strex was simply a normal old company that wanted to move into Desert Bluffs. The blood thing seemed far more tame than when he went through the vortex, with Harmony only mentioning it in passing when they went into a lab where they were doing blood tests.

“Anywho! The party will be tonight so the staff bar is currently closed to allow them to set up. We’ve provided you with suits and a dress and if you two need anything in the meantime, please just ask. I suggest taking advantage of your free lunch while I fetch Mr Mallard. I can’t promise that he’ll be able to attend lunch with you, but he will definitely want to talk to you at the party.” 

“Uh… thanks, Harmony.” Daniel nodded, getting a thumbs up back before she left, “So, just a normal old science company, I guess.”

“Seems that way. Odd way to handle themselves but I guess that’s just scientists.” 

“Don’t you count yourself as a scientist of sorts?” 

“Yeah but I have to have a bedside manner. These guys are just lab variety scientists. I don’t think we have much to worry about.” 

“I hope not.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Welcome to Paradise - Green Day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0bHAyGhxE8)


	44. Business Trip: Part 2 [Bridge 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel and Alex are offered very different things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read end notes if you're worried about the Strex Arc. I'm doing a big 'this is what to expect' and then individual warnings on chapters like I normally do.
> 
> >>> Warning
> 
> \- Involuntary drug use ****'d

“Good evening! You must be Daniel.” An older man greeted them at the door of the staff bar, which was packed with humans, androids, and everything in between, “And you must be Alex. My name is Damien Mallard, CEO and founder of StrexCorp Synernists Inc. I hope you’ve found our facilities interesting and comfortable so far.” 

“Nice to meet you, Mr Mallard.” Daniel led, taking the man’s hand and giving it a firm shake, “It’s very interesting, I’m sure that Desert Bluffs will really benefit from another science service in town. We both agreed that it would do great things for our hospitals.” 

“Oh, Daniel, science is only a small part of StrexCorp but I was planning on handing you over to my beautiful daughter to explain the ins and outs of our company and our offer for you.” Damien told him, beckoning a woman over and putting his arm around her shoulder. 

“Lauren Mallard, wonderful to meet you. I’m currently acting as a project manager and will be managing the Desert Bluffs branch of StrexCorp.” She beamed, grabbing Daniel’s hand to shake it before gesturing across the bar and then leading Daniel away.

Alex started to follow but Damien quickly put his arm out to stop them.

“Actually, Alex, we have a different opportunity for you. Let me introduce my son, Diego.” He gestured to a table and the man started to waved over but otherwise completely ignored them, “Your expertise will be a valuable asset to our science division.” 

“I’m a nurse… I don’t think-...”

“Yes, that’s exactly what we need. Talk to Diego, he’ll explain everything. I must go, Lauren can get a bit talkative when left unsupervised. I’m sure Daniel’s the same.” 

\---

Lauren led Daniel to the bar, letting him order while she organised her papers. 

“I hope you’ve enjoyed our facilities here, Daniel. As I’m sure you can see, Strex is very well equipped to help your town grow their economy and generate large amounts of profit.” 

Daniel’s eyes followed Damien as he sat a few seats behind Lauren, obviously listening to the conversation they were having. 

“I can see that… What do you want me to do, exactly?” 

“Simply run some ads for us and collect data about the reaction. It would also be great if you could get your station’s hosts to mention our name in a positive and happy light! The happier the better.” 

“What about the blood?” Daniel asked, watching Damien’s expression for any sign of change, good or bad. Nothing. The man seemed perfectly unfazed by this question, unlike his daughter who was now staring dumbfounded at Daniel. 

“I don’t know what you mean, Mr Soto. What blood?” 

“Listen, I went into the future and there was blood everywhere and future me mentioned your name.” He realised how crazy he probably sounded but he couldn’t advertise a company that would run the Bluffs into the ground, “Harmony, that’s the android tour guide, right? She said on the phone that ‘the Smiling God demands blood’.” 

“Harmony had a malfunction earlier this week.” Damien interrupted, getting a glare from Lauren that faded back to a smile as soon as he looked down at her. If it wasn’t unnerving enough that he was having to ask about blood while being surrounded by employees of this odd company, Daniel was sure there was something not right about the two’s interactions. Like she was scared of him. 

“A malfunction?” 

“She was mixing sentences all over the place, poor girl. She probably meant that the Smiling God protects us and she would investigate the blood.” 

Lauren nodded along with his words but didn’t add anything to the sentiment until Damien had taken his seat again. She didn’t relax, simply keeping her straight back turned to him and offering an explanation for the question. 

“Well, the blood may have been a biobot that sprung a leak. They run on  _ artificial  _ blood as you can see from our colleagues.” Lauren gestured over to a group of men with tubes filled with blood sticking out of their backs, “Organs and flesh require blood. I hope that explains the mess. Now, if we can think of more happy thoughts like… those adverts?” 

“What did-...” 

“Lauren, can I borrow you?” This time the interruption was from her brother and her reaction was closer to annoyance than it had been with her father. 

“I’ll be as fast as possible,” She assured Daniel before letting Diego drag her to the side. 

Daniel turned, looking over to Alex who was looking through a stack of paperwork. They seemed worried but Daniel simply put it down to the distance. He hadn’t expected to be split up from one another or for anyone to really take an interest in talking to Alex. 

\----

“Nurse Jones, Ohio State College of Nursing. Graduated early. Very impressive.” 

“Uhm… thanks?” Alex replied, watching the man continue scribbling on a piece of paper. They tapped their knees as they waited for him to talk again but it didn’t come. Instead the paper was put in front of him and Diego lent back in his chair, resting his elbow on the back.  _ ‘$81,500’  _ “That depends what for… just… a general nurse? Yeah, sure. Specialist nursing, y’gunna need to give me training and a raise there.” 

“Training is provided and that’s a starting salary.” 

“Ok…” They dragged out the word, feeling uncomfortable about the bluntness of his words, “... what specialism are we looking at? I want to be-...” 

“That will be discussed  _ when  _ you take the job.” 

“ _ If.”  _

“Alex, I’m going to level with you. It’s secret information. Our products are very important to us and we don’t want everyone knowing about them. If you don’t like the job when you’re trained, quit and take your training elsewhere. We need the non-disclosure signed before we tell you anything.” 

“Is Daniel being offered a job too?” They asked, ripping small bits off of the paper.

“No, not exactly, but he will be later on if he proves useful. Daniel works in radio and there isn’t much competition with Desert Bluffs Community Radio, which means trying to start our own would be pointless. We need to see how he works and manages the tasks we need him to do before we decide if his skills are transferable or if they are simply radio specific and he should stay where he is. That said, we believe he'll do fine and are really looking to secure him, just not immediately.” 

“I’m not taking a job without Daniel.” 

Diego narrowed his eyes, ripping another piece of paper out and scribbling on it before sliding it over to Alex.  _ ‘$100,000’.  _

“This isn’t about money, man. I’m happy with Daniel, I don’t want to leave him.”

“There are plenty of men here-...”

“No.” 

He nodded, signalling for Alex to give him a moment as he stood and walked over to where the other two were seated. He had pulled Lauren away from the table and the two seemed to be arguing about something. Alex took the opportunity to slip a stack of papers out of Diego’s briefcase, looking through them while the other was gone. They seemed like pretty standard contracts. Pay, hours, uniform. Nothing seemed out of place other than the non-disclosure agreement and a separate contract at the end that stated that the employee must work on any task given and that job role was irrelevant to orders. Alex assumed this was an optional form for departments like IT where they might be asked to work on the androids or software or whatever came up. Nothing they had to worry about. 

They put the papers back before Diego returned. The man’s body language had changed completely. A much more relaxed and confident aura surrounded him as he lent over the table, one hand setting on Alex’s shoulder to pull them closer. He had pulled Alex close enough to smell the sweet mint on his breath and for Alex to full see the deep void that was the man's perfect, almost-black eyes. Alex couldn't help but think that were it Daniel in place of Diego, the whole situation would put them in a completely different, much more pleasant mood than their currently uneasy one.

“I believe we can discuss something… privately. Follow me.” 

Before Alex could answer, Diego was leading them off by their hand.

\----

“My apologies, Mr Soto. Mr brother wanted to tell me about Alex’s decision to stay. We’ll put together a room for them and make sure you can see them to say goodbye before your leave.”

“I… what? Oh… If that’s what they want. Are there any jobs here I could take?”

“Prove yourself on the radio and then we can discuss a career change.” Lauren agreed, “Now about those adverts. We have them written up, it’s just up to you to sell them. A lot of people get the wrong idea about Strex because they don’t quite understand what we do. You just need to make sure what we’ve written is displayed in a comfy light for your audience. Sounds good?”

“I guess so…”

\-----

“What’s your poison?” Diego hummed, hands sweeping over rows of spirits as Alex took a seat on the other side of the man’s private bar. At first it seemed intimidating until Alex remembered they had the same in their own room, “If I don’t have it, I’ll get Calina to bring it up. She’s on comms.”

“Hello, Sir.” A female voice came from a speaker in the bar, making Alex jump out of his seat. 

“Oh… ha, cool. Like a smart bar? Right… a jack and coke, I guess.” 

“No, not a smart bar.” Diego corrected as he fixed them both drinks, eyes barely leaving Alex. Alex found it difficult not to stare. They weren’t attracted to them, although Diego was attractive. They were just mesmerized by the energy flowing from the man. The way he positioned his body and moved. It was dominant and oddly sexual in a way that confused Alex more than aroused them. This was a business meeting, right? Still, they couldn't take their eyes off of Diego's own, the movement of the man's hands not even registering, “Calina is another android. She can teach you about the Smiling God. Religion seems to be a hobby of hers recently.”

“It makes me feel oddly comfortable… Like I know what I’m talking about. That’s not happened often since I got hacked.” Calina hummed as Diego passed Alex their drink, "We've upgraded security since then, don't worry."

“Anyway, Alex. Cheers.” Diego grinned, ignoring Calina completely. 

“Cheers.” 

Alex took a large mouthful of the drink, wanting something, anything that felt comfortable in this place. They just wanted to feel like they had some control, even if it was in the form of liquid confidence. 

********

“So, about Daniel getting a job?” They asked, taking another large drink. Diego hadn’t said anything, simply getting some papers and a pen out. In fact, he wasn’t making those same purposefully powerful movements anymore. He was back to the stiff man that had originally greeted them at the bar and the stark changes were starting to make the room spin. Actually, the room was spinning quite fast. They had to put a hand on the bar to steady themself as they felt the world moving.

“Do you need a doctor, Alex? I’ll need you to sign this so I can call one. Company policies.” 

They opened their mouth to argue, trying to stand and having to use the bar to stop themself from falling as the floor seemed to move out from underneath them. They could see the floor but it seemed to spiral out from beneath them as they tried to move away. By the time the pen was shoved into their hand, all they wanted was help. All they wanted was for this to stop. To sleep. To see Daniel again. To tell him they loved him. They weren’t even sure if they got their signature out before the floor was rising to the face and the blackness greeted them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Tag, You're It - Melanie Martinez](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLYlMq6MU2s) (tw but I don't know how to describe it. Suggested assault?)
> 
> >>>>>>>>**********Warnings*********<<<<<<<<<<<
> 
> First, why am I doing this in this format? It is something really bad? Well, yes but no? I'm doing it this format because the Strex arc will have heavier themes but it's going to be nowhere near what YG has/had so don't worry about that. 
> 
> With that said! This is a warning for chapter; 45 onwards. Individual warns will be on each chapter but here's the bulk of it now.
> 
> Chapter 45 specifically - Being Strex, there are threats used and specifically there is some 'mention' of prior (SA) trauma and that is used as a threat. I'm not planning for it to come up in any more detail during Citrus and Sunshine (because we're trying to keep this lighter than the rest of them*) but will probably come up in Special Training when I start posting it. IT IS NOT SPECIFIED THAT THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. Well, other than right here, now... Within the text, it's mildly-moderately hinted at. By that I mean, different readers could take it different ways. With that in mind, also be careful of abuse (within a relationship), homophobia, bad break-ups, etc. Anything that could be suggested by someone being scared of their ex.   
> TLDR; The next chapter has a vague warning, be careful if your triggered by unhealthy relationship stuff.
> 
> The longer version of the summary tells you all of the plot points other than that, so if you don't want to read the chapter but do want to know the story, please read that instead. It will be posted in the summary section for next chapter.
> 
> After 45: There will be medical malpractice and forced modification, general medical stuff, abuse and manipulation, guns, knives, talk of dysphoria (from three parties, not just Alex and Daniel), suicide attempts, and probably more than that. This will all be labelled on the chapters and where it's a large part of a chapter summaries will be written.
> 
> Stay safe. Be aware of yourself.
> 
> * We're doing a great job on keeping this fluff fluffy... 100% fluff... it's not hurt/no comfort... no...


	45. Start of Act 2 - Welcome to StrexCorp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is threatened by Strex to make sure they do as they're told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>>>> Warnings
> 
> \- Not specified relationship problems (that cause fear)  
> Be safe. If you're triggered by anything about abuse of any kind, I would avoid the ****'d part  
> \- Threats
> 
> (Not sure, read the end notes of the previous chapter!)

“Daniel is expecting you to say goodbye.” 

The light was far too bright to understand what was going on and their head was swimming far too deep to feel the restraints on their wrists and legs. It was just disembodied voices and three blobs of colour. Spinning. Their head, their stomach, their whole body. Everything spun around them as they scrambled for some purchase, just anything to ground them and stop the spinning. 

“Daniel?” Alex whimpered, going to stand up only to be pulled back into the chair.

“Welcome to StrexCorp, Alex. Your first job is to keep Daniel company until he leaves. We need him on good terms. Can you do that?” Diego’s voice was rich and under any other situation would have been attractive to Alex. It was one of the few things they found attractive, rather than simply aesthetically pleasing, about him. The more that the figures came into focus, the more the room came into focus, the more scared they became about this whole situation. The more those nicer thoughts were pushed out of their head. The more concerned they became about what had happened and what was about to happen and why it was about to happen and all the things that they should have said before this happened and the things that they were scared they'd never be allowed to say now.

Diego was sat right in front of them, with Lauren leaning against what looked like an examination table, and another woman who looked very much like her was leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette.

“I don’t… I don’t work for you.” 

“Oh, actually, you signed an employment contract. We knew what was in your drink, we put it there. We knew you weren’t going to die, you just didn’t know that.” 

“That… no. I quit. I don’t wa-...”

“If you want to live, I suggest you reconsider.” 

Alex went quiet, looking between them. The motion made them feel even more sick. The idea making them sick. The thoughts that Daniel would usually ward off creeping back into their head in his absence. “No.”

“Shame… We don’t need you, but we need your little boyfriend. So, I’m sure we can strike a deal that doesn't result in you dying. Daniel wouldn't like that... or would he?”

“I-I... Look, I don't want to work for you. No amount of money will change my mind."

********

“We were thinking your old boyfriend might.” Lauren pipped up from behind Diego, smiling wide despite the fact the other two in the room weren’t even trying to smile, “I hear you were very lucky before you moved. Weren’t you  _ very lucky _ ?”

They didn’t reply, staring at Lauren now. They tried to look tough but they actually had no idea what to say to that. They never had, even when it was relevant, but now more than ever it just left them speechless, upset, and confused. They had no idea how they would know about it or why they would be bringing it up. How they'd know about how their colleagues had felt about the relationship. It didn't make sense. 

“We took over Columbus, I’m sure Harmony told you. When we heard you were coming, we only thought it was right to let Robby know, let him come and say 'hi'. Oh, you left him so suddenly. He must have been heart broken. Maybe we should send him in? Oh… or maybe we should tell Dan-...”

“No.” Their nails dug into the wooden arm of the chair, tears starting to form in their eyes, “No, please don’t tell him… a-and I don’t want to see Dr Taylor.” 

“He really wants to see you, though.” Diego hummed, tilting Alex’s head back up to meet their eyes, “So, unless you’re a very good little nurse, we’ll give him a little time to catch up. Understand?” 

Alex nodded, letting the tears roll down their cheeks.

****

“We can hear everything you say to him. We put a little chip in your brain while you were out and listen closely, Alex.” Diego leaned closed, grabbing Alex’s face as his other hand started to loosen their restraints, “We can and will make you kill Daniel yourself if you try to tell him what’s going on.”

“I would never-...”

“Did I say very lucky?” Lauren chimed in, giggling to herself, “I meant, weren’t you  _ so so lucky? _ ”

“What?” Alex looked between them as the room started to seem to slip away again, trying their best to stay present, stay conscious, but failing miserably. 

\-----

“Hey, Daniel.” 

The man was slumped over the bar and didn’t even acknowledge the mousey voice of Alex. They weren’t sure if they should speak up or if this was on purpose but they didn’t want to annoy Daniel further if it had been intentional so instead took a seat on the other side of the bar, going to put their hand on his cheek. It was slapped away immediately following by Daniel downing his drink and pouring himself another.

“So what, that’sh it?” Daniel choked, wiping his eyes only to sob more into his arm, “You didn’ even talks to me about it? You jusht don’t wanna be arounds me. Jusht like my shishter. Jusht like my parents. Jusht leave me an fine shome hot scienshist guy.”

“Your sister? What? No… What? Diego? No! No! Definitely not! Ew… very gross thought, man.”

“Shup ut! I shaw you starin’ at him an his perfect hair. My hair won’ even shtay shtill.” 

“I love your hair, Daniel. I would never look at anyone else’s hair, I promise.” Alex pulled him into a hug, letting him keep crying onto their shoulder.

“When did you get shanged? Oh… did you shleep with him? Why do you shmell of sick?”

“What?” They hadn’t even realised that they had changed. Rather than the deep blue ball gown they were wearing, they were now in a suit, “Uh… No, I just drank too much and threw up on myself. If I cheated on you, I’d have the sense to keep the same outfit, don’t you think?”

Daniel laughed and Alex whispered some words of encouragement to him followed by sweet nothings as he guided the other to the sofa. 

“Look, it’s not forever. They’re planning on offering you a job too, soon. They want you way more than they want me. Just… I’ll call you every night. I promise. When you get sick of that, I’ll call you every week.” 

“Don’t forget about me.” 

“I won’t, my little giraffe.” 

“I told you not to call me that.” Daniel grinned, making a weak attempt at patting them, “Interloper.” 

“You’re an interloper here too.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Fake Smiles - Munn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRIT35iLNgo)


	46. While You Were Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen takes over as promotions manager while Daniel is away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there are two more OC heavy chapters and then we're returning to Kevin/Vanessa view point for a bit. There will be more OC heavy chapters towards the middle and end of Act 2 (and therefore the fic) but I will try my best to spread them with Kevin/Vanessa. 
> 
> As we're on the last Act of C&S, just a note that ST will be pretty OC heavy, seeing as other than Kevin, Lauren, and Daniel (as sometimes Ted), it's mainly about Strex OCs. Kevin will be a focus but rarely a viewpoint in ST.

“So, like, I just wanna be an intern.” 

“Someone needs to do it and it’s only temporary.” 

“Someone whose, like, qualified. I’m dumb, remember. That’s my whole thing or whatever.” 

The conversation went on for almost an hour before Karen relented and finally left his studio. Kevin breathed a deep sigh of relief, although he wasn’t sure how long that feeling would last with Karen still pretending that she didn’t know exactly what to do around here. 

“Wow. I knew she was manipulative but I did not realise how much she hates work.” Vanessa groaned, passing Kevin $20, “Why did station management get you to break the news to her anyway?”

“That’s why station management did that. All mighty beings don’t want to talk to Karen about changing roles. The woman is a great liar, amazing at playing dumb, and apparently scared station management within her first week.”

“How?”

“No idea. I mean, she’s got some wicked thing when she gets defensive but I’ve never seen her use it. I only know because her mom used to do it in the checkout line. It’s 10 items or less Sandra! You have 11! No, she’d just turn into a giant ball of abstract horror and devour the cashier. Held up the line and completely ruined any groceries that were on the belt.” 

Vanessa stared at Kevin, looking for some indication he was joking but he just jumped to the next story of when Karen’s mum seemingly ruined his day. It started to seem like he was serious about the whole thing and Vanessa wasn’t sure if she was relieved that she had never been on Karen’s bad side or if she was horrified that it existed. 

\---

“So, Karen… how’s promotions?” Vanessa asked as she set a coffee down on the desk, leaning against the wall and watching the other woman furiously trying to grab one of the three racoons that were throwing stationary from the cabinet.

“Oh, y'know, totes peachy.” 

“You need some help there?” 

“No.” Karen sighed, slumping into the chair and deciding to just ignore the projectiles. They weren’t aimed at her, anyway, “Like, they’ll totes tire themselves out or somethin’. I made the cage, like, super soft and put food in there so… they’ll totally go for it.”

“Why don’t you just scare them in?”

“That would be so cruel. No, they’ll totes go on their own. Plus, I am not losing another sponsor while Daniel is away.”

“Why would you lose a sponsor?” 

“Van, the racoons are the sponsor.”

\----

Karen put the cage of racoons on Kevin’s desk as she waited for him to get to the sponsored message. They were asleep and looked far cuter than before but she still stepped away, not wanting another round of trying to force them back into the cage.

_ “Ok, anyway, that’s gone and not coming back. Sorry… _

_ “But we do have our new promotions manager, temporary of course, here with our sponsor: Racoons. Feed us your trash. Feed us your food. Worship the ground that we bless. Love Racoons.  _

_ “Oh, how adorable! They’re so fluffy and they look like they’re wearing little masks!”  _

\----

“Hey, Karen!” Vanessa grabbed her shoulder as she was leaving Kevin’s studio, ignoring the cage full of racoons completely, “Ted has hiccups, do you think you could scare him so he stops having them?”

“Sure, I guess.” 

She put the racoons to the side, going over to Ted’s desk and sitting on the side. Her eyes met his in a menacing glare, Vanessa watching with a mix of anxiety and excitement. 

“You left the oven on.”

Immediately Ted jumped to his feet, yelling profanities as he dashed out of the door, not even questioning how Karen would know something about his home or morning. 

“Wait… what was that?”

“His worst fear is fire, so I told him he left the oven on. Anyway, like, do you wanna go for drinks when Daniel gets back? Like, he and Alex left me out of a shopping trip but I totes can’t just be like ‘oh hey, I want you to pay more attention to me’, so I was, like, thinkin’ we make it an office thing or something.” 

“Uh… sure…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [What Are You So Scared Of? - Tonight Alive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsfxB1ihqDU)


	47. Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel goes out to get wasted and forget about Alex not replying to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for new update schedule (same one as I put on YG)
> 
> >>> Warning for 
> 
> \- Drugs again  
>  \- Involuntary body modification

Daniel held Alex the tightest he had ever held a person. Alex held Daniel almost as tight, taking deep breaths to fight off the tears threatening their vision. He’d miss this. The feeling of Alex so close to him. The smell of lemon in their hair. The way they said his name and the way they laughed and the way they treated him like the most important person in the world. He knew Alex would miss this too. He knew the pain was shared and that made it both better and worse in the best and worst ways. He knew that when he got home, he would email Harmony. He would ask when he could next visit. He would be free anytime they offered him to come back. He hoped Alex knew that too. 

“Your driver’s ready.” Diego said, gesturing to Alex’s van, “They’ll bring the van back. It would be in your best interests to buy a car, Daniel.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He agreed, stroking Alex’s cheek and taking in one last look at that light in their eyes, already longing for the next time he’d be able to see them. Alex pressed their lips to his but Daniel didn’t want to close his eyes. Daniel didn’t want the kiss to end.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too.”

\----

He dragged himself into the station. He dragged himself into his office. He ignored the cage of racoons or the food bowl next to them. He slumped into his chair. He slumped onto his desk. He cried. He cried and cried and clutched his phone tight, waiting for a text back from letting Alex know he was back. Everything just seemed so lonely and grey since he had left Alex in Red Mesa. Everything seemed empty and hollow. He was alone. More alone than he’d ever felt. He didn’t even know why. He wanted to ignore it, telling himself that he was overreacting. After all, Alex hadn’t left him, they were just working somewhere else. Daniel would still see them now and again. Surely, he could handle being without them for a few months at a time. 

“Hey, you ok, man?” 

Daniel sat up, wiping his eyes. He’d expected someone would come in eventually but he hadn’t expected it to be so soon. 

“You should feed the raccoons.” He sniffled, trying to give a laugh which instead came out as a sob, “I’m not doing great. Alex took a job with Strex. I’m not going to see them for a while.”

“Oh, man. That, totally, sucks. Wow… well, I totes had an idea which is now, like, a much better idea than before. Y’wanna get wasted, buddy?” 

The next laugh was better, just nodding to the offer and starting to get back on with his work while Karen fed the racoons, ignoring her cooing at the creatures. If anything might break him out of his irrational stupor, getting so drunk he forgot his own name would definitely be the most fun. 

\---

“Karen, I’m never going to get you to do it at work so… please can you show me your big horror thing?” 

“What? Like, man, just ask next time.” She rolled her eyes before fixing them on Vanessa’s, “You sure about this? Can’t take it back once it’s out.” 

“Yes!” 

“Your deepest fear is that Earl will randomly appear and Kevin will leave you for him.”

Vanessa’s face dropped, looking between Kevin and Karen before waving her hands in front of her, “What? No! I’m not scared of that! Dude! You were meant to turn into some abstract thing not-...”

“Oh… Nah, I’m, like, only quarter abstract horror. I got the sight, that’s all. An’... yeah, might be, like, subconscious or something, but that’s totes your worst fear. Kinda interesting that Kevin’s totes changed when I said that. You got nothin’ to worry about.” 

“What? What’s Kevin’s?” 

“Actually having to break up with Earl if he comes back. Imagine one second you’re shopping and the next your boyfriend is telling you that you’ve been gone for nearly three years and they’ve moved on. I hadn’t thought of that possibility, so, thanks.” Kevin explained, taking a large drink and Vanessa doing the same.

“Y’wanna know your deepest fear, Daniel?” 

“I know mine. That Alex is ghosting me because they just wanted to break up and that’s why they didn’t talk to me about taking this job.” 

The table fell silent for a minute before Karen nudged Daniel’s drink closer to him. He took it and finished it all at once, going to get another round.

“Ok, less relationship talk, I think.” Kevin suggested, getting nods of agreement from the other two, “More drinks too. Let’s get him to that overly affectionate stage. I’m sure that will be better.” 

Daniel slumped back into his seat after passing the drink around, having got a pint for each of them and several shots. None of them said anything, just letting Daniel go along the line.

“So, Anyway, what’s your biggest fear, Karen? Not really fair we all shared and you didn’t?”

“Actually, like, Kevin’s is a temporary shift so neither did they.” 

“We’re not going there.” Kevin said blankly, getting a nod from Karen.

“And we are not going there.” 

“You two are no fun.” Daniel laughed as he finished the line of shots and flung his arm around Vanessa, who had just uncomfortably accepted her position as the receiver of Daniel’s affection for the night, “Me an’ Vanny. We’re fun. Thas why Kevin likes us.” 

“You should keep drinking.” Kevin grimaced, pushing Daniel’s pint towards him, “Maybe get your guts up enough to go talk to your sister again or something.” 

“He doesn’t want to do that, she was pissed off last time. She still hasn’t stopped complaining about it.” 

“Yeah, she was totes uncomfortable. Like, on top of you pretendin’ you weren’t there with Kevin, you totes said some inappropriate stuff to her... Oh, yeah... like, sorry about Soph throwin' her drink on you or whatever, Kevin.” 

"I don't remember it, so it's fine." Kevin shrugged, eyes following Daniel who was already swaying, "Why would you think she wouldn't have noticed you were with me, man?" 

“Idunno. Why did Vanny give you a lap dance?”

"She, like, totes didn't. She just kinda, like, sat on him." 

\----

Alex waved as Daniel left. They kept waving for as long as possible. Daniel was out of view and they kept waving until Diego was leading them back towards the labs. It seemed unreal. It seemed wrong. They felt like they were just watching a movie where they were the unfortunate star, being led towards the doctor who would change everything they knew about themself. They hadn’t expected the darkness. They hadn’t expected the prick in their neck. They hadn’t expected sleep. 

\---

When they woke up, they were in a bed. It was similar to the bed they’d slept in the night before but it wasn’t. There were no covers. No sheet. No pillows. The light was dimmer as it fell through the window. The air smelt stale and metallic. The panic was only bested by the sickness and dizziness that invaded their head. They were cold but not a cold they’d felt before. They felt hollow. They moved and they felt stiff. They’re tears were the only warmth that their body allowed and even though were quickly wiped away from their closed eyes.

As they opened them again, the silver band of their wrist reflected the sun into their eyes. They instinctually recoiled from the light but it didn’t hurt like it should. If anything the warm rays were pleasant to feel hitting their eyes and they looked harder at the band. It wasn’t around their wrist or attached to them. It seemed to run under their skin and following it with their fingers, down their arm and around to a clasp, let them take off a panel of flesh and expose the cold metal that now made their body. 

\---

Several drinks and games to match. They'd moved to a booth in the corner of the bar and Vanessa was in between Daniel and Kevin, both snuggled into her shoulder.

"Don't you see like, nice stuff too?" Daniel asked, waving his hand around in the air as if the gesture meant something but instead just watching the blurry trail that followed the movement, "Like, jus' seein' peoplesh fears gotta be depressing."

"I see what people want too. Abstract horrors tend to talk that way, like, pushin' out somethin' they want. Takes, like, a few weeks practice but anyone can, like, speak the language. Jus' only we can see it."

"Oh! Oh! What's mine?" Kevin asked, slumping forwards and hitting his head on the table rather than leaning on it like he had planned. Vanessa helped him sit back up, "We could trade! You read mine and like read yours."

"Nah. I'm good. Stay outta my head, man." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Love Like You - Rebecca Sugar (from Steven Universe)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDiun9xOPG8)
> 
> >> An update to my posting schedule <<
> 
> So, I've been fighting really hard not to go on hiatus (partly because I love writing and partly because I felt bad) and I am NOT going on hiatus. I want to get this series out and I really want it to be good. Unfortunately, my personal life (Just everything being torn out from under my feet) has meant that the quality of my writing has gone down a lot and has also meant that I have less time for writing. If you know me on instagram, you also know that I've essentially stopped drawing (although I'm getting back into being able to do more).
> 
> These are big hobbies for me and I do want to practice my writing more and make better content because I'm hoping to write a book at some point. This means that it's very disappointing for me to feel rushed to write. When I started writing this, I had time to write 6000 words/day (and this can be seen from the chapter lengths which have decreased) and draw. I now have nowhere near that amount of time, don't have an income, and I'm struggling with mental health due to not being able to see a doctor.
> 
> So, I'm changing my schedule instead of going on hiatus.
> 
> TLDR; My life is much harder than when I started this and the project is bigger than I had intended.
> 
> The New Schedule (I'll also change on first chapter) ;  
> Citrus and Sunshine ; Fridays (although I will post an update with this information on it on Sunday)  
> Your Ghosts : Mondays  
> When they come up R-rated chapters: Wednesdays  
> Alternate chapters will stay as they are but it's unlike that I'll have many until I get ahead again.


	48. Ghosted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is introduced to Strex by Calina. Karen passes a message to Daniel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>> Warnings
> 
> \- mild mentions of;  
>  \- Dysphoria/dysmorphia (not ****'d)  
>  \- Self harm (***'d)  
>  \- Non-Sexual Objectification (of sentient androids) (not ***'d)
> 
> \- More severe (but not detailed)  
>  \- assigned partners mentioned (for those not reading YG, read as: non-con mention) (****'d)

“Still no word from Alex?” Vanessa asked, her tone gentle but unappreciated, “You know, it’s a new job. Maybe they are just really busy.”

“I doubt that.” Daniel sighed, as he shooed her out of his office, “Go play with Kevin or something. I want to be alone.” 

“Dude! Chill. It's not healthy to just lock yourself in your office all the time. We're here for you."

"I don't care. I really, really don't care."

\----

“So… I’m like you?” 

“Not exactly. I’m an android, and a rather unique one, you’re a cyborg.”

Calina had been waiting in their living room. They had gone out to have a drink and found one already poured for them, with her sitting on the bar stool next to it ready to explain everything that had happened. At first, Alex was sceptical of the drink but Calina had taken a sip of each to show them it wouldn’t drug or poison them. Seeing as she was an android, it didn't really do much to calm their nerves but another part of them appreciated the gesture. It wasn't like Strex could do anything else to them, at least not that would surprise them at this point, and if anything their self-loathing had reached a peak. They really didn't care if it was drugged. They didn't care what happened to them. They weren't themself anymore and whatever Strex did to them, they truly felt they deserved it. They deserved it for all the things they'd done. They deserved it for trusting Strex. They deserved it because they always had. Ever since they were young, they believed they deserved to be treated differently, worse than anyone around them. The last few days had only worked to solidify this feeling again. A feeling they hadn't had since they'd met Daniel. 

“I’m actually your ‘emotional support’ android. I have a lot of jobs around here.” Her smile was unnerving. More unnerving was the way that it had dropped and her face had mirrored that of a corpse for a moment when she had seen the arm that Alex had taken the panel off, and then seemed to reboot before talking, “I’m here to walk you through everything you need to know to be an effective StrexBot. Your first question is probably ‘why would we do this to you’. I don’t know specifics but my guess would be because Dr Reed prefers all her staff to be modified. As she’s your line manager, it makes sense that she decided to modify you too.” 

Alex just nodded at the explanation, trying to take it all in. It’s funny how the brain works when you’ve just gone through something traumatic that should be taking all of your focus. Often, it just wants a distraction. Something that gives it safety. Something that is understandable and makes sense. For Alex, that’s Daniel. 

“Where’s my phone?” They asked, thanking Calina as she passed it to them. They wanted nothing more than to call him. To hear his sweet, calming voice. To know that they were talking to the last person on earth who would be angry at them for hating what had been done to them. Their finger hovered over his name. They willed it to just tap the screen. To just call him. They even verbally tried to persuade themself to press the call button. They couldn’t. They couldn’t tell Daniel what had happened if they wanted to, Strex was watching. They couldn’t not tell Daniel what had happened. They couldn’t not talk to anyone. They couldn’t do anything. They were frozen. 

“It’s ok to not know who to call. I didn’t when I had to have my memory wiped, either.” 

“Why… why did you have to have your memory wiped?” 

“Oh…” There it was again. That corpse-like face, and then an even brighter smile, “As I said before, I was hacked. It’s why I’m different from the other androids.”

Alex nodded in understanding and looked back down to their phone.  _ ‘I’m different from the other androids’  _ the words made him think. Strex could see his texts but it didn’t mean they could read them.

\----

“Hey, Daniel…” 

“Go away, Karen.” He hissed, turning his chair away from the door and continuing to type, ineffectively hiding the bottle of scotch and glass that was on his desk, “Why is everyone interrupting me today?”

“‘Cause, like, you’re beau text me.” 

Daniel spun around again, snatching Karen’s phone from her as his heart raced to see what Alex had said. He didn’t even care what it said, just seeing the message from them was enough. At least, he thought it would be. It was just some weird symbols that he didn’t understand. 

“What? What is this?” 

“It’s horror. Like a QR code for abstract horrors. It totes lets us see what’s, like, concerning you or, like, what you desire. It’s usually used for, like, sexting or somethin’ so I don’t use it 'sept to show my parents pictures of Pizza Roll but Alex wanted to learn how to write with it ‘cause they thought it was cool or something. They tend to send me, like, cute cats they see an’ stuff which I was-...”

“Ok, ok, I get it! What does it say?”

Karen took her phone back, staring at it for a few minutes silently, putting a finger up each time Daniel went to talk. 

“Long one… They don’t want you to text them. They’re, like, totes not happy about something. Something about them. Can’t see what. They, totes, want you to come back, they wanna go on a walk and chat face-to-face but, like, y’gotta ask the robot lady. They’re scared of something but it’s too abstract for me to translate. It's like, this big ball of guilt an' dysphoria... or maybe, like, dysmorphia... not sure which. They love you, though. They put, like, a lot of love in it. Kinda makes me feel nauseous.” 

“Thanks, Karen.” 

“No prob. Like, never touch my phone again, though, k? I am not joking, I will break your face.” 

\----

*******

“So, I can replace my skin and two circulatory system, so I shouldn’t bother trying to cut myself.” 

*******

“Correct.” 

“I have panels on my neck to stop me being strangled.” 

“Unless one of the Mallards wants to strangle you.” 

“Great… and I’m waterproof, so I don’t need to worry about shocking myself in a pool or bath.”

“We encourage you to shower. You still have organs and you still have sweat glands. You’re a cyborg, not an android. Please shower.” 

“Now?”

“No, no. Just when you need to. I’m an android and I still shower. I find myself picking up human smell.”

“You say that like humans are gross to you?”

“No, but I find humans tend not to like it when their gadgets smell like people.” 

Alex frowned at the floor. They weren’t sure how much of the information they’d been given that they would actually remember after this conversation but they weren’t really sure it mattered. Calina had mentioned that their training would be uploaded to their chip when it was compiled and that Alex was just expected to get used to their new body for now. Surely all of this information would be in the chip and they hoped that that information included what exactly the chip was and why it was so easy for Lauren and Diego to knock them out before.

“Is that all we are to them?” Alex sighed, looking out of the window at the view of Red Mesa below, “Gadgets.”

“You’re not. You’re an employee. I’m a gadget. The difference is that they modified you, I’m Strex made. You can tell androids by the neck.” Calina pulled her hair back, tying it behind her head so that Alex could see the tattoo on her neck. An orange triangle with an ‘S’ inside, a barcode, and her name. Just like Harmony had on her neck, “Although be careful. Some androids aren’t gadgets, the ones with a relationship chip. Most do nowadays, so I would refrain from assuming an android is just a gadget.” 

“Relationship chip?”

“We all have mechanical brains with chips for different things the human brain would do. Relationship chips control love and sexuality. I don’t have one because that’s how I got hacked.” 

“That’s disgusting. They can just control android’s lives like that?”

“Calm down.” Calina laughed, finishing her drink and walking around the bar to pour each of them another, “They don’t. The chip formats to the rest of the brain so they don’t know what will happen. I mean, Harm is the Mallards’ partner yet she’s aro. Jane down in matchmaking was meant to show the perfect relationship to assigned partners, yet turns out she’s into women. You can’t control love… you  _ really _ can’t.” 

“What’s wrong with liking women?” 

********

“Oh… Alex. Assigned partners are to make babies, not love each other. There’s nothing wrong with her being gay. It’s just that they can’t reproduce and when asked if she wanted to be male… well, I’m sure you can imagine the reaction to that.” 

********

“I feel like I shouldn’t be asking questions.” They said, their stomach turning with this new information, “Let’s just drink and get to know each other.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

\----

“And then, right, listen… he says ‘because he’s a horse’, like I didn’t get the joke.” Calina laughed, leaning over the bar to grab another bottle of whiskey.

“Calina… honey, are you drunk?”

“Yeah, course. How much have I had? You’re drunk! Shut up!” 

“You are an android, how are you drunk?” Alex asked, helping her not to fall as she stepped off of the bar stool and started towards the coffee table.

“Right, listen up! Android class! Strech is all ‘no carrot, jus’ shtick’. We all eat an’ drink to be shocial with y’all. We got this thing, right, it’s called a mash sheptometer. Haha… that was wrong… anyway, it knows what we eat an’ acts accordingly. Harm and me, righ’, ours lets us have the nice bits. Harmony ‘cause she shleeps with boss, me ‘cause… well, I ain’t tellin’ Damien I got the good shtuff, am I? The rest, jus’ get hangovers and shit.”

“That is so extra.” 

“Right? I ain’t complainin’ though…” Calina laughed again as she typed on the table, grinning up at Alex once she was done, “Come ‘ere. We’re doin’ karaoke.” 

Alex smiled, slipping off the bar stool but stopping as he heard the door.

"Dad!" Calina cheered, typing furiously again and grabbing the microphone. She ran over to Damien, putting an arm around him, "Come on, you do the first one!" 

"Are you drunk?" 

"No... no... uhm..." Calina pointed between herself and Alex, who was frozen still and staring at the two, "I'm being sochial for Alex. Helpin' them feel at home."

"That's right." Alex laughed, eyes darting between the two. Damien was staring at them and they weren't sure what else to do or say, so just gave an unconvincing smile. The man didn't seem upset by this fact and instead looked down at Calina, whispering to her. She didn't care. She had shoved the microphone into his hand and was coaxing him to sing. He did care. He tried to push it back but Calina simply pressed the button on the side and then ran over to Alex, holding their arm as 'Sympathy for the Devil' started playing. 

"Really?" 

Alex tried their best to keep a straight face but lost it as soon as Calina broke down laughing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Ghosting - Mother Mother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlAiq0_BXac)
> 
> I thought this chapter needed something a little lighter at the end there. I imagine the wolf meme with Calina and Alex laughing.


	49. A New Sponser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin introduces Desert Bluffs to the radio stations newest sponsor. A spider-nado comes through Desert Bluffs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm away Friday, so earlier post. I'll be posting an R-rated chapter on Saturday instead.

_ “Yellow helicopters have become more frequent the past week, Desert Bluffs, and I know that many residents are concerned about what this means for our privacy and safety. City council made a statement earlier today saying ‘these helicopters are not ours and we feel kinda bad for having the same pattern. Like, we know we got here first with the yellow but we still feel awkward. Like, are these new helicopters pulling it off better than us? What do you think? Are they? Did our helicopters get fat? Our helicopters feel fat. Old and fat. Do you still love us, Desert Bluffs? You won’t run off with those other helicopters will you?’ They then waited for a reply, to which I said ‘no?’ and they replied ‘You’re just saying that to make us feel better’ and ran inside crying. _

_ “Well… I don’t know what these other helicopters are or who they belong to but please refrain from painting your helicopters yellow. It makes city council feel bad and that’s just mean, come on.  _

_ “And now, a word from our sponsors: ‘Are you tired? Go to sleep. Have you been tired? Go to sleep. Will you be tired? Go to sleep. Is tired a state you exist in? Go to sleep? What day is it? What time is it? Do you know? Are you productive enough to keep track? Are you tired? Tired? So tired? Always tired? Go to sleep? So tired? Go to sleep? Always tired? What is sleep? Where do you sleep? Why do you sleep? Go to sleep? StrexCorp. We are you. _

_ “Wow… I would have thought the motto would have been ‘Go to sleep’... I mean, repetitive much? Maybe that’s a business strategy but man that was hard to… Oh, Daniel, our promotions manager is waving at me from the producer’s booth. He’s made a waving sign in front of him like he wants me to stop talking… I guess I should go see what he wants while I take you, my beautiful, smiling listeners, to the weather…” _

“Don’t insult the sponsors!” Daniel all but screamed into Kevin’s headphones through Vanessa’s microphone before storming into the studio, “They are paying us a huge amount considering all they want are these short ads. Sure, they don’t make sense but you can’t insult them!” 

“Jeez… sorry. It was just really repetitive and no one knows what Strex even is except you and you weren’t the clearest at explaining either.”

“They’re a science company, they do science stuff.”

“I’ve heard the name before.” Vanessa hummed, trying to think. She was leaning against the door of the producer’s booth, looking around the room as if trying to find something to help her remember, “I’ve heard it somewhere but I can’t think of where.”

“Because you haven’t, Vanny. Don’t worry about it.” Daniel said, “They’re not even in town yet, there’s nowhere you could have heard of them from.” 

“I’m sure I have…”

“...and I’m sure you haven’t…”

“Are you thinking of Staples, Lemon?” Kevin interrupted, grinning at Daniel’s obvious discomfort around the whole situation, “I think you might be. We went there over the weekend, Daniel. Oh, it was great! Vanessa’s never been before, although she thought she had, and was so surprised when they stapled her to the wall with one of those giant staples that go over your whole chest. We got pens!” 

“Yeah, surprised…” Vanessa rolled her eyes, “It definitely wasn’t super terrifying when I just expected to be picking up some stationary.” 

“Why would Staples have stationary? It’s in the name, sweetie.”

“I realise that, now, but where I come from, Staples is a stationary store.”

“Enough about Staples. Don’t insult the sponsors.” Daniel sighed, shooing Vanessa back into the producer’s booth.

_ “Welcome back, Listeners. Our production manager has asked us to retract our earlier statement about our sponsors. We, of course, are very grateful to our sponsors. Without those businesses and local agencies that control the way we consume goods, we wouldn’t have our wonderful radio station. So make sure to go out and support our businesses around town, both old and new.  _

_ “Well, we’re almost at the end of our broadcast but I almost forgot to mention the spider-nado. Yeah, there’s a spider-nado going through town. Sorry… kinda forgot because of all the going to sleep… I mean, wonderful sponsors. Anyway, Stay safe and stay inside. Again, I’m sorry for forgetting to report that earlier, and we will miss all those who have already fallen victim to this weather event. _

_ “Until next time, Desert Bluffs, Until next time.” _

\-----

“Are you ready to go?” Vanessa asked, yawning into her hand, “Daniel made me do a bunch of paperwork today, so I only just got my story done for tomorrow.” 

Kevin leant forwards and opened the blinds, trying to find and angle that wasn’t covered in tarantulas to see out of, “I think the spider-nado is still going. It’s best to just hang out here for now. There’s a pillow you left in the producer’s booth if you want to nap for a bit.” 

Vanessa hummed in reply, going and fetching the pillow but coming back with Daniel as well. Her face told Kevin everything he needed to know, so he didn’t question the company. Tired. Annoyed. Overworked. Kevin helped her clear a space to snuggle against one of the walls while they listened to Daniel’s ranting. 

“I can’t believe we’re stuck at work and Ted’s saying we’ll probably be here all night. How are we meant to get food or sleep when we’re stuck here?” 

“You can go and get covered in spiders if you want.” Kevin suggested, getting comfortable next to Vanessa and wrapping an arm around her. He played with her hair as she snuggled into his chest, “No one is stopping you from leaving, just suggesting that you don’t.”

“Actually, station management put me on babysitting duty.”

“Karen’s fault?”

“I wouldn’t blame her, she couldn’t have predicted a spider storm.” Daniel shrugged, “Although, yeah, that’s why. We don’t want to traumatize everyone in the Bluffs.” 

“Why don’t we talk about something else… You heard back from that woman at Strex?”

“They’ll get back to me about visiting. Paid for another sponsored message, though. They weren’t happy about about the whole ‘go to sleep’ thing, so they made one you’d like better.”

“Sorry, but I think people will respond better to something less repetitive.” 

“Well, they’re not mad at me and they’re still paying, so whatever.”

Kevin nodded. He tried to settle into Vanessa’s hair but couldn’t. He tried to ignore the eyes on him. Sure, he couldn’t see Daniel staring but he could definitely feel it and when he opened an eye to look it was even worse. He wanted to tell himself it was just because Daniel was lonely, upset that Kevin and Vanessa were snuggled up yet he was so far from Alex but the way his eyes were set on Kevin’s lips again was far too unnerving. 

“Do… you think you could keep an eye on us from the producer’s studio or something?” 

“Why? I’m not doing anything wrong.” 

“It’s just making it hard to sleep and I know it’s not late or anything but I’d rather sleep and ignore how hungry I am. At least until the storm passes.” 

“Because you think you’re better than me?”

Kevin grimaced, shaking his head gently so he wouldn’t disturb the woman who was softly snoring on him. His hand fell from her hair to her side, tight around her. “Daniel, don’t start this again. I get it’s a hard time for you but we’re your friends. We don’t think we’re better than you or anything like that, I just want to sleep.” 

“I just meant-...”

“No, I know what you meant. You stink of booze, you obviously haven’t showered since you came back, and despite us trying to include you and talk to you, you just push us away. It’s hard. I get it! You think I don’t? Why? Because I moved on from Earl? He still vanished, to nowhere. Literally into thin air! At least you know where Alex is, so stop taking it out on everyone in the station!” 

“They were right about you.” Daniel mumbled, too quiet for Kevin to hear, before standing to move into the control room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Cigarette Duet - Princess Chelsea](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9Lj8FQc3jg) [TW: abuse? Cigarette related things inc. addiction]


	50. Desert Rains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bad weather in Desert Bluffs continues and Vanessa has a talk with Daniel.
> 
> >>> Warnings
> 
> \- Choking/Strangling  
> \- Death threats  
> \- Daniel being generally very creepy  
> \- mention of abuse (not happening)

Thud. 

It wasn’t the quiet tap of spiders against the window that morning. It was a thud. A heavy, thick sound that made the three jump to life in panic. The next sound was a splat. A splat. Like when someone drops a yoghurt on the pavement or a school kid forgets about the banana in the lunchbox. Then tap tap tap. Then another thud. 

It was Kevin that went to the window first, nervously opening the blinds to see the spiders had dissipated and instead the window seemed to be covered with a viscose, red liquid. All the three could do was stare in shock and confusion. It wasn’t often that there were rain related incidents in the Bluffs and yet they had just had two consecutive days of rain related weirdness. 

“It’s ketchup.” A voice came from behind them, “Forecasts for today show high chance of solid precipitation in the form of food. Why? We’re not sure. Maybe some giant dropping food or ancient and angry Gods trying to teach us a lesson for spreading intense famine. All we know is; don’t eat the rain, kids! The Desert Bluffs Food analysis team says it 'looks kinda gross' and 'you don't know where it's been'.” 

“Thanks Ted, the station weatherman.” Kevin said, getting an odd look from Vanessa at the use of his full name. She was used to the fact that it wasn’t worth asking about these kinds of things. 

“So we’re stuck here still?” Daniel asked.

“An umbrella should be ample protection, just don’t eat the rain.” 

\----

By the time they got home, Kevin and Vanessa were covered in ranch and grease. It was sticky. It was oddly warm. It was uncomfortable and unpleasant and all they wanted to do was shower and get into fresh clothes. Unfortunately, being the voice of an entire town currently panicked by a freak meteorological incident often stops you from doing what you desperately want to do and forces you into a position of standing on an old towel while you do your show on your portable broadcaster. 

_ “Food for thought, or thought for food. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.”  _

\-----

“This is getting ridiculous.” 

They stood on their front lawn, crowded under an umbrella to try and stop the assault of cats and dogs from the sky. For the third day in a row, Desert Bluffs, the sunniest town in the US, was having awful weather. Literal cats and dogs fell from the sky, littering the streets with corpses. 

“ALL HAIL!” Kevin droned, eyes fixed on the sky and arms dropping to his side, making Vanessa catch the umbrella to keep protecting them, for all the good it was doing. 

“What do you… ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD.” 

“THE GLOW CLOUD DOES NOT FEEL AS WE TINY HUMANS FEEL. IT HAS NO NEED FOR FEELINGS OF LOVE.”

“ALL HAIL!” 

\-------

_ “Welcome back listeners. Sorry about that… weird… interruption to our remote broadcast. I’m not sure what happened but the tapes won’t play and, although nice smelling, are now useless. We’re back in the studio now and guess who’s here! Mayor Pablo Mitchell has stopped into our little station to address the issue of the odd weather that we’ve been having these past few days.” _

_ “No, I’m here because no one came to my emergency press conference.” _

_ “Uhm… OK, so why are you here for that?” _

_ “To make my press conference right here.”  _

_ “Is the bull horn really necessary? It’s very loud and this room is rather small. Surely you can just talk…” _

_ “Are you the mayor? No! No you’re not!”  _

Kevin hummed at the question, staying quiet and letting the mayor talk. 

_ “Did no one else see the giant glowing cloud? The one that’s been in town the last few days? Am I crazy? I mean, I might be crazy… what do you think, Kevin?”  _ Kevin opened his mouth to reply but was quickly silenced by Mayor Mitchell continuing,  _ “It had so many colors and just… and now it’s gone. Where did it go? Did we scare it off? Did I scare it off?” _

_ “It sounds like you and city council have a lot of self esteem issues…” _

_ “Maybe we do… is that why they left me? Is… Is that why you left me? City council?”  _

_ “Uhm… You were… Mayor Pablo Mitchell? Mr Mayor? … and he’s gone. Well. That was… informative. So, I guess maybe the cloud he was talking about dropped all that stuff on the Bluffs. Well… _

_ “Anyway, listeners, there’s a city wide clean-up drive happening this week! Be sure to bring plenty of bin bags and you will be reimbursed in the form of refreshments and re-education reductions. So get out there and get our town clean! We’re counting on you! _

_ “And now, a word from our sponsors; “Look around you. Do you trust your surroundings? Is someone with you? Will they catch you? Will they be able to catch you? Do you trust your surroundings? Look at that person. The one that will catch you. Would you catch them? Will you catch them? How bad would it be if you didn’t catch them? How hard would you work to catch them? StrexCorp. Go to sleep.”  _

_ “Well… as far as vaguely threatening sponsored messages from companies I’ve annoyed go… that was actually pretty good. They listened to feedback. That’s important. It definitely didn’t unnerve me and I’m ready to get back to the broadcast… yep… not at all uncomfortable.”  _

\-----

Daniel slumped into his chair, flicking on the radio to make sure Kevin didn’t say anything bad about Strex this time. He poured a glass of scotch, drinking it in one go before deciding to drink directly from the bottle. He felt dead. His head hurt. His chest hurt. He was lonely. It was hard going back to the same apartment every night, one that was now filled with things that reminded him of a person who wasn’t even there. It was depressing. He knew he had to stay at work but didn’t have the focus to do any work while he was there. He didn’t want to go home yet, either, knowing he’d just curl up in bed again and cry himself to sleep. He had been passing out at his desk the past few days, not even trying to navigate the weather. Part of him just wanted to stand out in it and wait for a cow to fall out of the sky and crush him.

“‘ _ We could both have him like that. We don’t need to fight… you don’t need to die’ _ ” A voice came from behind him, low but level, “‘ _ Not if you join Strex’  _ That’s what you said to me. That night when we went for dinner… That’s where I know that name from.”

Daniel considered himself for a moment before pouring a glass of the dark liquid and turning to offer it to her, “It’s not like that. In this universe, no blood. They didn’t want to offer me a job. They only care about business, not radio. They don’t want to buy the radio station, just a few of the local businesses.”

“So why not just tell me that?” Vanessa frowned, taking the drink and sipping it, “I don’t like that they’ll be here at all but if they’re harmless, you should have said in the first place.”

“So you can judge them? So you can judge Alex?”

“I don’t judge them. I did… because I was thinking ‘blood’ and ‘local apocalypse’... my major problem is you. You’re making Kevin uncomfortable again and I don’t like it.” 

“Oh shut up. I bet you’re so glad Alex is gone!”

“Why are you making this about them?” Vanessa snapped, putting her drink down and moving closer to him. Her hands rested on the arms of his chair, glaring at him, “You don’t know anything! Everything they told you about us was lies! I don’t hate them, or I didn’t until the whole stalking thing. They didn’t talk shit about me or whatever they told you. They never hit me, if that’s what they told you. They were vulnerable and it was exhausting! They were self-deprecating. You’re better than I am that you can deal with that. So can you stop?” 

Daniel stared at her. His eyes travelled down from hers to her neck, “Fine… what’s your problem with Strex, then? I’ve told you they’re a decent company, why dwell on some alternate universe?”

“Because you’re acting weird. I don’t know what you’re saying to them or what they’re saying to you but I don’t like whatever is going on. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm still freaked out, so I’m still telling Kevin but-...”

Vanessa was cut off as Daniel lunged at her, grabbing her neck and squeezing hard. She gripped at his fingers. She scratching as hard as she could. Gasping for air. Her eyes widened as her face started to feel hot and tight. It felt like several minutes before he finally released his grip, still holding her in place by her neck. Sour, disgusting air filled her lungs but she didn’t care, it was air and any air was beautiful at that moment and she took deep, fast breaths. Her fingers didn’t move from their clutch on his hand, other than one hand that met his shoulder as he pressed closer to her. Pressed himself against her. She felt sick. He stank. How close he was to her. How frozen she was. She was trying to move. She was trying to kick him or scratch him but her body just didn't respond to her silent pleads. 

“I can kill you right now and no one would know why. Let me make this perfectly clear,  _ Lemon _ , if you tell anyone about Strex or about this, I will not hesitate. Do you understand?”

Vanessa nodded, her words coaxed by a growl and Daniel’s whole body moving forward pressing her tighter against the wall. Tight enough that it made it harder to breathe again, “I-I won’t tell… I won’t tell anyone, I I pr-r-promise.” 

“I could do anything I wanted to you right now and you couldn’t do a thing about it. I won’t… but think about that next time.” He growled against her ear, letting his lips graze against the shell.

“Please, Daniel. I’ll do anything you want! Just let me go!” Tears streamed down her face, more growing in her eyes as his hand tightened again, this time for only a second before spinning round and throwing her at the desk. It didn't hurt through the adrenaline that was rushing through her body, making her tremble. Making her spin around and push herself away from him. 

“Anything I want? What a stupid thing to say… I want to kill you. I thought I didn’t but then you come prancing in here like you figured everything out and the world is suddenly against you. Such a drama queen. Always having to be the centre of attention. Always having to get your way. Well, now it doesn't matter." He knelt down and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes again, "Get out. Don’t tell anyone. You’ll regret it if you do. I can make your life a living hell and then take it all away.” 

She nodded as she scrambled to her feet, darting out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. She locked a stall and sank to the floor, shivering and sobbing into her knees.

"Vanessa... You, like, wanna talk?" 

"I'm fine, Karen." Vanessa called, trying to sound like she wasn't crying. She watched under the door as Karen approached. She had sat down outside of the stall, "I'm fine, just fell-..."

"Vanny, totally don't need to tell me. Remember, see your fear and whatever. I know. I ain't gunna tell."

"Did Daniel see you come in?"

"Yeah... but it ain't you tellin' so, like, he can try to threaten me all he likes. Whatever, man. Me and Georgie, y'know, the sentient ball of light from PR, we'll totally mess him up if he tries anything. Just stick with us, honey." 

"Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Novocaine - The Unlikely Candidates](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGPB_IvmAJI) (tw: abuse)


	51. Ghosts: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel antagonised everyone... still...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter was meant to be longer but I'm doing it in two parts instead because I've been sick this week.
> 
> >>> Warning
> 
> \- Being sick (not stared)

Kevin stretched out as he left his studio for the day. He took it as slowly as he possibly could, wanting every step to drag on. Really, he just didn’t want to go home but he also didn’t want Vanessa to think he was avoiding going home. That was, if he could actually find Vanessa. She wasn’t sitting in her cubicle, she hadn’t been in the producer’s studio, she wasn’t in the break room. The only other place he could think to look was reprographics, or that she might have gone to the bathroom. She didn’t have a meeting with Daniel scheduled for a few days so he doubted that she would be with him.

“She’ll be back in a minute, Kevin. Like, just take a seat or whatever.” 

“Oh… Thanks, Karen. How come you haven’t gone home yet? I would have thought you’d be excited to see whatever relatives are visiting.”

“Don’t have any dead relatives. I mean, like, huge lifespan and all. I’m totes gunna die before any of my family ‘cause of how human I am. Well, maybe the human side will go first but… yeah.” Karen sighed, watching Vanessa as she walked past Daniel’s office and over to them, “I totes think moving Daniel to this floor was a joke. Like, he was fine where he was.” 

Kevin shrugged, not really knowing what to say about that. Daniel rarely came out of his office recently and he hadn’t thought about the change too much because of it. Instead he turned his attention to Vanessa, who was wearing a fluffy scarf and makeup that she hadn’t been wearing when they’d come to work that day. 

“Getting ready to see your grandma?” He asked, kissing her forehead.

“What?”

“Vanessa didn’t listen to the broadcast, she’s been sick, like, all day… Don’t say  _ I  _ told you, I mean obs I told you ‘cause it’s me, but you know Sally down in accounts? She made these great cupcakes but now most of the office is totally chucking up so obs she’s not that good of a baker.” 

“O… k? You still want to go see your grandma? Dead relatives only come back once every ten years. It’s ok if you’re not feeling up to it.” Kevin rubbed her arm gently, giving her a reassuring smile as she nodded, “Ok, we can go to your parents. She’ll probably be there at the moment. If not, we’ll check your apartment.” 

“Yeah, sounds good.” Her voice was quiet and timid, not the bubbly tone that he was used to. He wasn’t sure whether to say something about it or whether it would make her feel awkward but he didn’t have much time to think about it before Daniel cut in. His hand squeezed Vanessa’s shoulder, far harder than Kevin would have liked.

“I think Vanessa should get some rest. Maybe in her own apa-...”

Daniel was cut short by Karen grabbing one of the waste paper baskets and hurling into it. All three of them looked to her, both Daniel and Vanessa looking shocked. Kevin wasn’t sure which to be more concerned about; Karen, who was hunched over the bin; or Vanessa, who shouldn’t be shocked by this if it had been happening all day. 

“Are you alright?” Vanessa asked, putting a hand on her shoulder and pushing Daniel’s from her own.

“Yeah… Totes could’a done without having to smell Daniel. When did you last shower, man?” 

“Come on, Daniel.” Kevin said, grabbing his arm, “We should have a talk, alone.” 

Once the two were outside, Kevin waited for Daniel to spark up before starting to talk, “Look… you haven’t washed in… who knows how long. You’re on edge. You’re drunk, in fact, you haven’t been sober in a while. I think you should take a sabbatical. I’m sure station management won’t argue.” 

“Why? I’m not hurting anyone.” 

“You’re hurting yourself. Just go visit Alex or take time for you. Go to a spa. Take a baking class.” 

“No. I’ll take a holiday when Strex says I can visit but until then I’m  _ actually  _ important to the radio station.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kevin asked, narrowing his eyes at Daniel. He didn’t want to get into another argument with him but it seemed like that was all Daniel wanted to do recently. He had hoped that this was all behind them but Daniel was spiralling downwards again and it was scaring him.

“You know what I mean.” 

“Tell me.”

“You know  _ who  _ I mean.” 

“What is your problem? Seriously. I’m trying here. Talk to me.”

Daniel huffed, blowing thick smoke out his nostrils as he did. He moved closer to Kevin. Kevin went to step away but immediately backed into the wall, stopping and instead holding his head high. It didn’t stop Daniel advancing. The man only stopped when their faces were inches apart. Eyes leveled. A smirk on Daniel’s face.

“She shouldn’t be here.” Daniel started, scratching his chin. Red lines ran down his knuckles and the back of his hand. Kevin’s eyes ran over them from a moment before two returned to Daniel’s. The third stayed set on his hand, “Her reports are poor. Her timing is terrible. She never makes coffee right.”

“First I’m hearing about any of these issues. You’d think I’d be the first to  _ notice  _ that.”

“Well, when someone screws the higher ups. You think it’s your personality? One way to get ahead in the company. Too bad you’re not her mentor anymore, right? She might redirect that attention.”

“Greens a terrible colour on you.”

“You should be careful.” Daniel warned, moving backwards a step and holding out his cigarettes to Kevin, “You want one?”

“I haven’t smoked in a long time.”

“Except those few relapses. When you’re really stressed.” 

Kevin looked away, not wanting to dignify the comment. His hand raised to his lip but he resisted the urge to chew on his nails. It had been a while since he’d kicked both habits and although he found himself biting his nails every now and then, it wasn’t something he wanted Daniel seeing. 

“Just one. Come on.” Daniel urged, moving Kevin’s head to face him with the fingers that balanced his own smoke, “Just a drag. It won’t hurt, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Get your hands off of me.”

“Make me.”

“You don’t really want that. ” Kevin sighed, pushing his wrist away from his face as gently as Daniel would allow, “Look, Daniel, I don’t think drinking is the best idea for you. Still, you obviously need to get some things off of your chest. Vanessa is going to visit family, so I don’t need to be there, why don’t you come round and talk. I mean, you’ll have to wait for my parents to finish berating me and to go off and do their own thing but you can take a shower while they do that. Then we can just talk.”

“What would we talk about?”

“Life? Whatever's happening with you? Anything. Just a chat.”

“Fine.”

\-------

Vanessa smiled weakly as she waved to Kevin and Daniel, her parents waving to the two as well. She was excited to see her grandmother but still shaken by the day’s events and not at all confident that Kevin was safe with Daniel alone. She trusted Kevin. She just had to keep reminding herself that. 

“Is that my warrior princess?” Her grandmother said, rushing up to her and hugging her before taking her scarf and leading her to a seat, “Your mother tells me that you’ve bagged yourself a-...” 

Vanessa smiled at her, wondering why she had stopped. Her eyes weren’t on Vanessa’s anymore. Vanessa turned, wondering what she was looking at. 

“You’re still in college!” She suddenly continued, grabbing Vanessa’s jaw and lifting her head, “You shouldn’t be doing things like that yet! Did you know she’s doing this? This is for marriage, young lady!” 

Her cheeks burnt, remembering the state of her neck at the moment. Her eyes darted from her father, who just turned away and stifled a laugh, to her mother, who looked disappointed, and then to Francios, who seemed a lot more annoyed about the whole situation. 

“Grammy! Please!” She protested, moving back to get out of the grip of the older woman, “Tell me about how you’re doing.”

“Dead! Not much in that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Choke - I Don't Know How, But They Found Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvJjmWTg7Qo)


	52. Ghosts: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short: Daniel and Kevin chat about life
> 
> Long:  
> \- Kevin's parents aren't happy to see him  
> \- Kevin's dad leaves when he sees Daniel and his mum leaves soon after  
> \- Daniel takes a shower and really likes Vanessa's shampoo  
> \- Daniel decides he doesn't want to kill Vanessa  
> \- Vanessa's father's mechanics has been bought out by Strex  
> \- Vanessa's brother (Francois) has been given an apprenticeship under Alex  
> \- Vanessa and Kevin share a joint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>>Warnings:
> 
> >>> Child abuse ( Verbal ***'d)  
> >/>> Daniel is creepy in a way that could be taken several different ways. Although none are explicit, it's ***'d and I would avoid the chapter for any form of non-con/abuse/etc. He doesn't do anything, just thinks about choking Vanny and how he felt about that. Be careful.  
> > Consensual Drug use (Not **'d)

**********

“There he is now!” Kevin’s dad yelled as soon as he came through the door, continuing before his mother could get a word in, “He’s probably got another fucking fairy he’s brought home too! This is why I wanted to stop at Abby! We didn’t need to have this-...” 

The man stopped as soon as he saw Daniel, letting Kevin’s mother yell her defense at him but not seeming to pay attention at all. “You…” 

“Not my boyfriend, dad. I have a girlfriend, actually. You might vaguely care to know.” 

“... Right… I should go.” 

Kevin let the man go, not complaining about how fast it had happened but certainly confused by the speed of it. Normally his father would stay for at least a few bottles of beer and telling him how he’s not a real man. 

“It’s nice to see you, dear. I’m sorry about your father.” His mother said, ignoring what Kevin had previously said and instead moving around Daniel, her tentacles grabbing an arm and raising it before realising that it wasn’t the best plan, “Well, your new beau certainly… has an aroma. We can sort that out though, can’t we cutie?”

“Once again, mom, he’s not my boyfriend.” 

“Oh, well… Your friend with benefits, then. Oh… He’s here… so, I guess I should give you two space. On the _one day_ in _ten years,_ I get to see you.”

“I wouldn’t touch Daniel with a ten foot pole.” Kevin replied, grimacing at the thought, “He’s going to have a shower while we chat.”

“No, no, I see how it is. I’ll just go and see Abigail.” 

**********

“Just like every time.” Kevin muttered as she swiftly left, “Well, you’ve met my parents now.”

“More than Vanessa’s done.” Daniel started, his grin wiping from his face as Kevin glared at him, “So… shower is through the bedroom, right?” 

“Yep. Take your time. You can borrow one of Vanessa’s night dresses. They’ll fit you better than my clothes. The long ones are in the wardrobe.” 

“Oh, so you’d like me i-...”

“Don’t even start that thought!” Kevin hissed, “Just give me your keys, I’ll pick you up clean clothes. Just say you’re not comfortable!” 

*******

\-------

Daniel took a deep breath as he massaged Vanessa’s shampoo into his scalp. He’d almost forgotten how nice it was to feel hot water on his skin and the smell was just amplifying the relaxation. He closed his eyes, remembering the feeling of being so close to her. His lips almost touching her. The feeling of power. Having her in his grip. At his mercy. Crying and begging. It was exhilarating. It was amazing. A small moan escaped him as he thought about it, moving his hands closer to his nose to take in more of her smell. He wanted to do it again. To clutch her neck. To squeeze until her eyes were fluttering. To hold her. To…

“Fuck.” 

His eyes shot open. His face was hot. _‘I don’t want to kill her…’_

The realisation had hit him hard. He wasn’t completely sure how to make sense of it. He wasn’t completely sure he wanted to make sense of it. 

\------

*******

“How was your shower?” Kevin asked, pouring a drink, “I hope what I picked up was alright. I didn’t want to go through everything, I just tried to figure out what was yours.” 

“Yeah.” 

Silence. Daniel wasn’t sure why Kevin stayed quiet. Normally he’d start the conversation, so Daniel simply took the drink and sat next to him. It took a few minutes before Kevin finally gave in and started.

“So… How are things?” 

“Better. I think… I just had to figure something out. Having a shower helped.” 

“About Alex?”

“No, no.” Daniel laughed, his eyes traveling Kevin up and down before sipping his drink, “About myself. I think I’m actually alright. Sorry, I was just so tense before and you know how I get. I don’t get what I expected, I lose someone I love, then I push everyone away. I guess I should take a holiday.”

“You really should.” 

“I’ll talk to Harmony on the phone. I’ll move Vanessa’s mentor meeting forwards to tomorrow, too. Yeah… I’m busy tomorrow but maybe after hours. I can take her home after, don’t worry.” 

Daniel watched Kevin’s eyes searching his face, simply smiling to try and reassure him. To try and calm any suspicions Kevin might have. The perfect outcome for Daniel was for Strex to give him a job tomorrow, to take what he wanted, then to simply leave. He could hardly not smile, imagining just that. 

“Fine. I’ll let her know. I’m glad you’re taking a break.” 

“Me too.”

\------

“I’m home.” Vanessa said as she closed the door and put her bag down, “How was Daniel?”

“I’m still here.” He answered from the door to the kitchen, making Vanessa jump, “Did you want a drink?”

He watched her looking between himself and Kevin, paying close attention to the way her lips moved. How they parted ever so slightly. The confusion on her face. The fear. That beautiful _fear_. He almost wished that she hadn’t nodded to him. Wished he could stare for longer. His legs had never moved faster than getting her a beer out of the fridge and returning to sit next to her. 

“That’s the last one. Sorry. I know you prefer the tequila one.” 

“Well, I can go and get some more.” Kevin offered, putting his bottle on the table and stretching, “I could use a walk.” 

“I’ll come with you.” She was fast, panicked. She looked like a rabbit who had just noticed a fox stalking it, “I haven’t seen you all day, Kevin. I want to hear about how you are.” 

“It’s ok, Vanny. Daniel’s calmed down. He’s not going to be creepy or anything. At least, not if he doesn’t want to be thrown out.” 

“I just need a holiday.” Daniel chipped in, trying to keep the grin from his face and his eyes on hers. The browns darting between them. Growing. Becoming more and more terrified.

“Hey, hey. It’s ok, come on. I just thought you might need a rest.” 

_Damn it._

He didn’t argue, instead waving the two off as they left. They’d be at least half an hour and Daniel wasn’t really sure what to do now. He looked around for something to keep him occupied other than the TV. They had books, sure, but there wasn’t enough time to read. They didn’t have many games that were just single player. No pens or paper, at least not in this room. 

Eventually, he slumped down with his phone, texting Kevin to get some lemon flavoured beer as well. Kevin’s phones lit up, vibrating on the table, and drew Daniel’s attention to it. 

_‘Don’t look’_ He told himself, trying to find a distraction on his own phone, _‘There won’t be anything on there.’_

Still his eyes kept going to the device. His imagination still went to everything that could be on there. He couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t _not_ look, right? Kevin would do the same, right? He knew the passcode: Vanessa’s birthday. 

Vanessa didn’t seem to text him often anymore. Josephine and Abby had more recent texts. That could simply be because Vanessa didn't or be because she rarely text him. 

“Don’t look.” He muttered, hovering his thumb over Vanessa’s name.

\-----

Vanessa walked slightly behind Kevin, keeping her eyes on the floor as they walked. She could feel Kevin looking back at her every now and then. She could feel his concern. She wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose, but it was leaking into her in the same way his dreams often did. 

“So, how was your Grandmother?” 

Her eyes snapped up, seeing him smiling gently at her. It was calming. Her hand found his and squeezed it gently, “She’s good. Wished she met you. My parents had big news too. They’re shop got bought up and the company that did let them keep their jobs, just being paid by the company rather themselves. They seemed to like the idea. The same company gave Francois a nursing apprenticeship. Under Alex, apparently.” 

“So, when you say ‘the company’ you mean ‘StrexCorp’?” Kevin clarified, looking concerned about the news. She wasn’t sure why he would be concerned. She hadn’t told him and she was sure that Karen wouldn’t have told him either. 

“Well, yes. Why?”

“They bought up the yoghurt shop too. Why would a company want a yoghurt shop and a mechanic? I bet they aren’t the only businesses. We should keep an eye on them.”

“Ok… I’m not arguing with that, but how much did you smoke? That seems like a very big jump just because they bought two businesses.”

“I haven’t had a cigarette in years, Vanny.” Kevin started, getting a disapproving look from her, “I had a quarter of a tenth, ok. Not that much. It’s not just the businesses, it’s Daniel and Alex. They’ve been saying things to Daniel to rile him up, probably because they want him to leave without question but he would anyway. Alex isn’t keeping in touch with Daniel and Karen says it’s because they’re scared of something. It’s just fishy.” 

“That makes sense. You got more? I could really use it today.” 

Kevin gave a small laugh, pulling one he’d rolled earlier out and lighting it for her, “Careful, that’s got half the bag in. We should probably share.” 

“Was Daniel smoking with you?” 

“It’s Daniel, of course not. He just tried to get me to have a cigarette.” 

“Ass.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [LEMONS - Brye and Cavetown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6v2P0ZQD2c)


	53. Harmony: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa refuses a job offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>Warnings
> 
> >>> Daniel (and Harmony) being creepy as hell  
> >>> Choking mention  
> >>> Daniel mentions bottom surgery (in terms of money) 
> 
> None are ***'d

“I think Lauren should go.” 

“Why? This is my project. It’s going well so far, why rush things?”

Harmony tapped her nails against the table, raising her eyebrows at the man who was pacing in front of him. His plan had been to take over the town was slow, clunky, and generally uninteresting. She was used to takeovers taking a while but nowhere near as long as Diego was planning. Damien agreed with Diego that the new method was best because ‘we don’t know what’s coming with this town’ but it just seemed like an excuse to her. 

“Lauren needs to be given room to take over if she’s going to be taking over towns in the future, don’t you think?” 

“I think you need to trust the boy, sweetness.” Damien answered, putting a finger up to stop Diego from talking, “Now, have any of the potential new hires from the radio station gotten back to you?” 

“Not yet, but I haven’t checked my email this morning.” 

“In which case, you can’t comment on the speed of things. It’s Diego’s first project. Go and check on those and write me a report.” 

Harmony huffed through her smiling teeth, darting up and marching out of the room only turning to add, “You are both very lucky that I don’t get angry.” 

As she returned to her desk, the phone started ringing. Her eyes rolled but she put on her customer service voice and did her job as she was meant to. 

“Harmony Strex, representative of StrexCorp Synernists Inc, how can I help?”

“Hi. I’m Vanessa Gris of Desert Bluffs Community Radio. You sent me an email yesterday about a job offer on… StrexCorp Radio?”

“It’s a temporary name. We have a get-together for those involved in this recruitment drive on Mo-...”

“No, I don’t want the job.” 

Harmony bit her lip, looking on the system for Vanessa’s profile. It was one of the larger files they had on the citizens of Desert Bluffs, as they had a lot of data from their employees in Columbus. After sending the file to her memory chip, her smile returned.

“Are you worried about one of our staff members? Let me tell you, Alex is very concentrated on the medical department and wouldn’t bother you at all.”

“That’s not my issue. In fact, Daniel is more of an issue than Alex.”

“Daniel Soto? Not an employee of StrexCorp, I’m afraid.”

“No, no. I know. He still works here. He is a big supporter of yours and he’s not giving your company a particularly good name.” 

A file open, notes. Harmony typed a subject, “What is the issue with Mr Soto?” 

…

…

Silence. Harmony restated the question. Silence. She opened her mouth to check Vanessa was still connected but was stopped by the other woman’s words.

“He assaulted me. While we were discussing your company. I don’t want to work for a company that brings that out in people.”

“Please specify the type of assault.”

“He choked me. Please, don’t tell him I told you this. I-... He told me not to tell anyone.”

“I just need to check on Daniel. I won’t mention that you told me anything, but his mental health does affect one of our employees and we take that seriously. Could you hold?”

She didn’t wait for a response, instead putting Vanessa on hold and dial Daniel’s phone. 

“Harmony. How are you?”

“Not good, Daniel. Not good at all. I’ve been informed by a colleague of yours that you broke the NAP while representing our company.”

“The what?”

“NAP - Non-aggression principle. It means that we do not aggress against other companies or individuals that have not opened aggressions against us. As you’re not in our employ, we must inform you that this is a personal breakage, but if you continue to break this rule while representing us, we will take it as an aggression against the company.” 

“What constitutes aggression?” 

“Well, if you were to threaten someone, talk badly about them, or  _ choke _ them. Now, Vanessa almost broke the NAP with us, as she is denying our job offer, but as you were the initial aggressor in this situation, we do not have the clearance to force her into employment.” 

Silence. She hated that. People always went silent because they had to think. Why couldn’t they be productive and efficient and just have fast loading chips. The brain seemed inefficient and a waste of time and yet humans applauded it as a miracle. It really did not make her happy. 

“You force people to take jobs with you?”

“We do, in certain circumstances. Vanessa _almost_ matches those circumstances. Don’t worry, Alex didn’t, they chose to join us.” 

“Vanessa threatened to turn the town against Strex by telling Kevin that you covered the town in blood. You know, like the misunderstanding that we had before.” 

“I see… In which case, I’m sorry to have bothered you, Daniel. We want StrexCorp to feel safe for all our employees and I was truly disappointed to hear that you had done something like that. I know I always tell you to get what you want from people by any means available but I was scared you’d taken it too far. Obviously, you didn’t. That was the correct and cleared reaction to that kind of threat to the company.”

Thinking, thinking, thinking. Well, Harmony could think too. What would she do tonight? Probably dinner with Susan. Maybe she’d have cocktails. It would be nice if she could convince Damien to join them but he had a lot of work at the moment. Maybe she’d have fish. She didn’t have fish often and it was another thing that humans seemed to-...

“I was right to choke her?”

“Yes.” 

“... That seems a bit overboard. I was drunk and-... wait, can I run something by you?”

“Not overboard, perfect. We’ll train you in all those things when you have a job with us. We need to fill your department first, though. What’s up?” 

“Right… Well, what if I want to sleep with someone but they're not attracted to me?”

“Well, you could just pay them? How much money do you have?”

“I’m saving it all for…uhm... my surgery.”

“Oh, we’ll pay for most of that. Alex has been saving employee credits for you and he’s almost taken half of the price off already.”

“ _ They… _ but, what, really?”

“Yes,  _ they _ are a good worker. Oh, which reminds me, do you know a psychiatrist or a pharmacologist? Ours had an unfortunate accident and we need to replace them. If you can find one, we’d be happy for you to come over with them.”

“That’s… great!" Daniel replied, his voice hitching. Harmony wasn't sure what emotion he was currently having but it sounded oddly like he was starting to cry. Why would he cry? She thought that would have been wonderful news, "Yes! I’ll talk to her.” 

“Thanks, Daniel. I need to get back to Vanessa. Enjoy h-... oh, I mean… Enjoy your day. Believe in a Smiling God.”

“Believe in a Smiling God.” 

Complete the record of their call and then back to Vanessa. Harmony was at least hoping to get her to agree to visit but it was unlikely. The woman was resistant and Harmony was more than used to resistant people being the most annoying ones.

“Hi Vanessa, I’m back. Daniel says you broke the NAP first.”

“You said you wouldn’t tell him!” 

“Oops. Oh, Well, anyway, you didn’t aggress against our company first, so the NAP stands and we won’t penalise you for this.”

“What kind of company has an NAP? You’re not a country…”

“No, no, principle not pact.”

“I-... whatever. I’m not taking the job.”

“That’s fine. Daniel has asked me to give you his formal apology and he will give you another during your meeting today. StrexCorp and Mr Soto are very sorry for any physical or emotional damage caused by the ac-... She hung up.” 

\------

“Did you get a visit?” Vanessa said, her tone and eyes cold as she laid them on him. Even with that look in her eyes, all he could concentrate on with her standing over him with her glasses on and holding her folder to her chest. 

“Did you lose your contacts?” 

“I thought it was unsafe to wear them into your office. They came out when you  _ threw me against the desk _ .” 

“Well, no throwing you against the desk. I’m sorry I did that, it wasn’t ok and I’ve discussed it with Kevin. I can’t make it better but I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t care.” Vanessa sighed, slamming her folder on his desk before she sat down. She was trembling. He could see it when she raised her hand to push her glasses up her nose. He wanted to lean over and kiss her. He wanted to put his hands on her neck again. To pull her scarf until it was blending her current bruises into a longer, larger one around her neck. He tried to push the thoughts from his head, at least until he had propositioned her with the idea. First he had to do something far more difficult; getting her to go for drinks.

“Well, you look like you have lots of evidence. Is Kevin waiting for you here?” 

“I’m not telling you either way.” 

“I was just thinking we could speed this up, stop him having to wait any longer. I did tell him I’d take you home. I was thinking about doing this over drinks. We could talk about other things too.”

“Other things like what?”

“Like Alex. Like how you’re doing. You’re trembling, I want to show you I’m not that person.” 

“Fine, but I’m keeping an eye on my drink.” 

“Fair, that’s smart... Not because I’d do something, just be-...”

“Daniel. I’m going to text Kevin and then we can go. I’m going to keep Kevin updated.”

“Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [Love You Like An Alcoholic - The Taxpayers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98Xju_5mepA)


	54. Not-So-Subtle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel and Vanessa go out for drinks
> 
> Long version:
> 
> \- Daniel tries to get Vanessa drunk by talking about Alex  
>  \- Vanessa refuses to drink too much at first but then changes her mind on that (not because of Daniel)  
>  \- Daniel tries to solicit sex from Vanessa   
>  \- Vanessa is very offended and tells him he's a creep  
>  \- Daniel chokes Vanessa (again)  
>  \- Karen & Friends come to Vanessa's rescue by doing that thing (where you pretend you know them and need to catch up)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>> Warnings
> 
> >>>More Daniel creepiness (purposefully getting Vanny drunk) and choking. The choking is ****'d  
> >>> More detailed mention of the start of Van & Alex's relationship (Vanny being 17) (not ****'d)  
> >>> Soliciting sex (it doesn't happen, ***'d)  
> >>> SA (in the form of neck biting, ****'d)
> 
> This chapter is split into two parts because I've been very busy this week

“We’ll have the lemon cocktail platter.” Daniel smiled up at the waiter. He tried to ignore the look he was getting from Vanessa, already knowing that she was questioning the choice even if not out loud.

“So, you wanted to talk about Alex? Alex now or Alex before I left them?”

“Well, I’m not sure that there’s much to talk about with Alex… They’re ghosting me. Apparently they’re a great worker but you said that they were vulnerable and it got me thinking. What do you know that I don’t?”

“A lot, probably.” She huffed, taking one of the cocktails as they arrived at the table. Daniel pulled the waiter back, asking for a soft drink instead while trying to ignore the glares that this got from Vanessa, “Alex acts all  _ ‘I’m such a terrible person’  _ but it’s just pushing people away. They don’t set boundaries. They push themselves into uncomfortable positions. It’s not healthy and I didn’t want to put up with it. I tried leaving them a few times but they had nowhere to go and I felt bad being the only person in town that would support them. I didn’t know they were friends with Karen and Soph at the time.” 

“Well, yeah, but why didn’t you just help them to set boundaries like I did?”

“Are you joking? I was 17 when we started dating. Sure, he didn't know that, but you did and you're asking _a lot._ I’ve aged seven years since I left them almost a year ago and I can’t even get my head around  _ that _ . We weren’t a good match and you two are… well, when you’re on the right side of sanity.” 

Daniel’s eyes followed her lips to her straw. He hoped she wouldn’t notice but the twitch of her lip into a snarl told him he wasn’t that lucky. 

“How about I tell you what I do know and you correct me.”

“Fine, whatever. If it helps with this damn creepy episode you’re going through.” 

One drink. Two drinks. Vanessa’s eyes already tinting red and struggling to stay open. Daniel extended everything as much as possible. Keeping things boring to keep her drinking. Keeping them complicated to wake her up. Adding way too much detail. It was something he had plenty of practice with, although he wouldn’t admit that this was more because he felt the need to overcompensate when he made people feel uncomfortable. Three drinks. Still not enough but Vanessa wasn’t taking a forth. She’d pushed the glasses away from her and hadn’t even looked at the tray again. 

“Well, it sounds like Alex was a nice partner to you. Why are you so harsh on him?”

“Ugh… stalking, maybe? Oh, or, did you think that maybe a 17 year old isn’t a fucking therapist? _Oh, ho,_ or should we go there with the 'can't blame the 17 year old that the _adult_ didn't check how old they were?' Hm? Call me shitty for hiding it, sure, but I was a _teenager_. It's not like I avoided telling them, It just didn't come up so I didn't bring it up. Does Alex know your age?” 

“I don't know my age... anyway, You seem annoyed. Why don’t you have another drink?”

“I’m good.” She declined, waving both hands in front of her. She picked up her phone to text Kevin an update and Daniel tried his best to think of another way that didn’t seem pushy. He tried to think of anything that would make her drink but he didn’t really know what made Vanessa drink. With Kevin he barely had to try to get him to drink once he’d started and if he ever did, it would just be simple peer-pressure (despite knowing well why Kevin liked to try to manage his own intake). He knew barely anything about Vanessa, at least not that wouldn’t be turned back against him or just cause her to break down.

“What about before you came here? Alex said he was in hospital for a while, what was that about?”

“Pfft… He worked there?” Vanessa beamed, laughing far louder than she normally would, even while drunk. She looked around and refused to meet Daniel’s eyes. 

“You know what I mean. You’re avoiding the question.” His tone lowered, leaning forward and carefully nudging one of the cocktails closer to her while she was looking around, “Did you have something to do with it.”

“No… No! Not at all. It’s just… that’s for them to tell you, not me.”

Oh, that boiled their blood. Vanessa knew what happened. He was a way better partner than Vanessa and Alex had never told him. Why were they hiding something from him? Why did Vanessa get to know?  _ Vanessa! _ Of all people, why her?

“I won’t tell them, Vanny. You deserve to get it off your chest. Have a drink and just let it out.” 

“Look… I’m not gunna talk to  _ you  _ about it. Why don’t we just dance and forget about it? It will make you feel better.”

Daniel looked between her and the drinks. He didn’t want to agree, it put a wrench in his plans but still he picked up the drinks and led her to the dance floor. How was he going to get her to drink them while she was dancing though. She had barely noticed as he sank into the old, plush sofa that sat in the corner of the dancefloor. It hid him in a veil of darkness. Vanessa swayed side to side almost in time with the music. He wasn’t sure if she was singing or just moving her lips with the music but she definitely wasn’t keeping up. He ended up going on his phone, looking through pictures of Alex as he waited for her to come back over to him. It made him feel so much warmer, thinking of the times they spent together and what they might do when he went back to visit. 

“Hey, I almost thought you went home.” Vanessa panted as she dropped onto the sofa next to him, grabbing one of the drinks.  _ Score. _

“No, of course not. I wouldn’t leave a drunk girl alone at a bar.” 

“I’m sure you wouldn’t!” Vanessa laughed, slamming down the empty glass, “Sorry, I had a few while I was dancing. Kevin said he didn’t mind how drunk I got, so I am letting my hair down.”

“Oh… Ok. So, how drunk are you?”

“I’m not drunk yet. I’m worthing on it.” 

“Right… Pretty drunk then. Actually, Vanessa, I had a-...”

“Shots! We should do shots!” 

*****

“I’m an alcoholic, remember?” His eyes travelled her up and down, watching her blank expression turn into realization and then to awkwardness, “Anyway, How would you like $1000.” 

“You don’t have $1000, you’re broke as shit, man.”

“Well, Alex has been saving for me so I do actually have some money to spend, thanks.”

“$1000 isn’t much, man, you should probably save that.”

“I have plenty of savings, this is spending money.” 

He tried to stay level but she was grating on him like this. He couldn’t imagine what Kevin saw in her past the bedroom and he wasn’t even sure of how good she was there… yet…

“Go on.”

“Let me… well… fuck you.”

“No, fuck you, man! I asked what you wanted! I didn’t even say no yet and you’re getting offended saying fuck me? Fuck you! You’re so rude! I can’t believe you!”

“What? What do you think just happened?”

“You were suddenly just like ‘fuck you’.”

He paused, trying to process what she just told him. It took several moments before a smile pulled onto his face and he couldn’t help but laugh, “No, I  _ want to  _ fuck you. I wasn’t insulting you.”

Staring. That wasn’t good. She looked confused rather than offended. Then she looked worried. Then she slapped him. God, she hit hard. His cheek throbbed with hot pain as he looked back at her with his hand to the burning area.

“Why do you want that? You’re taken! I’m taken! I’m not cheating on Kevin.” She snapped.

“Your shampoo… you smell like Alex. Plus, I really enjoyed choking you. It was sexy. I don't want to choke Alex and-...” 

“Oh, because Alex is a frucking... uh.... fuck! There is something seriously wrong with you. You’re creepy. You assaulted me. Then you have the balls to ask me if you can pay me to  _ do it again? _ Just, this time, you want me to cheat on my boyfriend at the same time. Alex would be so upset and so ashamed of-...”

It’s surprising how easy it is to choke someone, especially when they’re drunk. It’s surprising how easy it is to shield this fact from prying eyes in a bar. Her scarf made the perfect noose to drag her up by. To anyone else it would just look like a couple getting a bit too passionate. He was kneeling over her. His face in her hair. Her hands pushing hard at his chest. Punching at him. God, he wanted to bite her neck. Surely no one would notice if he dipped down for just a moment. Just left one mark that would last longer. One he didn't mind Kevin seeing. Right on her jaw where it was harder to cover. Where Kevin would question it. He left a few, taking in as much of scent as possible. That was, until they were interrupted. 

**************

“Oh my God, like, sorry! We totes haven’t seen each other since college!” The woman behind him started, forcing him to drop Vanessa‘s scarf and let her catch her breath, “I don’t wanna get in the way of you two but we totes need to catch up, girl! How have you been?”

“G-Good.” Vanessa started, still pushing at his chest, “We should catch up. I-I’m on my internship at the  _ radio station  _ now.”

“Oh my God! That’s awesome…” She looked between them, seeming to think for a second, “... Vanessa!… You have to tell me all about it! Sorry, like, could you get off her? We  _ need  _ to talk!” 

Daniel huffed but moved to the side, watching the woman pull Vanessa over to another table and start talking and laughing with the girls at it. She didn't even look like anything had happened to her.

“Are you an idiot or just, like, asking to be caught?”

His heart leapt. He’d never turned faster in his life. Behind him was Karen, staring at him with glowing black and white eyes. If she hadn’t scared him by sneaking up on him, her current posture and gaze was certainly enough to chill him to the bone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [The Bird and The Worm - The Used](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zv9zDC5HaKs)


	55. Not-So-Subtle: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Daniel go for Drinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> >> Vomiting (not graphic. Not ***'d)  
> >> More choking (not actively, but ****'d)

“Karen… nice to se-...”

“Don’t even start with that shit. I know damn well what you were doing. I’ve been watching. Not just here, at work. Like, who even, like, fantasizes about those things at work?”

“You don’t fantasize about them at all, how would you know if people do at work?”

“Uhh… because I see what people fantasize about at work, dumbass!”

****

She glaring down at him as she waited for his answer. The pink flowing smoke that surrounded his head started to dissipate, although the image of a red-faced Vanessa remained. Her scarf was tangled in Alex’s fingers, not Daniel’s, the person looking as if they were presenting Vanessa as some sick present. Sure, Karen didn’t understand the appeal of it at all but she decided that arguing with him wouldn’t actually get her anywhere. 

“Look, I was just totes mad you were chokin’ my friend. Let’s, like, chat outside or somethin’.” 

****

He said nothing but she followed as he stood and walked out of the door. It wasn’t clear what he would say but at least it was quieter and she’d be able to properly listen to whatever it was he was saying and the change in environment let the darker, more fearful smoke grow on him. Alex with someone else. Alex leaving him. Strex leaving him. Kevin and Vanessa excluding him. It started to grow and grow until it wrapped around Karen’s own arm and leg. Despite having to stop herself from gagging at the stench of his fear, she took a cigarette to be social with him. 

“Like, man, you’re totes goin’ to go to Strex, so you’ll see Alex. There’s nothing to be worried about you-...” She paused, putting her hand to her mouth before rushing to the road to throw up off of the curb. When she returned, she tried her best to act as if nothing had happened, “You just need to be confident and trust them, y’know? Like, plu-...”

“I can’t go to Strex until I find a psychologist or a pharmacologist. Where am I going to find those in Desert Bluffs?” 

“Uh… Soph? Daisy?”

“Daisy is a scientist.”

“She’s a pharmacologist. She made that pink aphrodisiac stuff, remember?” She lowered her voice, “Sophie’s a psychologist, you should book an appointment.” 

“Why are you whispering that?”

“Well… she uses… very  _ controversial  _ methods. I mean, she’s, like, into giving therapy under the table. Without, like, supervisors and stuff knowing. Sure, she's still got her job and her _discharge rate_ is great, but a lot of her patients end up back in care later down the line.” 

“Right… I’m going home.” 

“Hey, I didn't mean... Like, just think about it, man.” 

Her eyes followed him as he disappeared down the street, the smoke rolling off him visible even when he had completely disappeared. The nausea it induced didn’t leave. She could see where it was spiralling around her arm but she couldn’t shake it off, no matter how hard she tried. It simply held tighter, even when she went as far as smacking it against the wall. It wasn’t that this tactic normally worked, she’d just hoped that the pain in her arm would distract her for long enough to forget about it. It just clung. 

“I guess Pizza Rolls is, like totally, going to have to fix this one.” She sighed as she returned to her group. They weren’t the greatest friends, not like Vanessa’s group, but she was the centre of this group unlike that one. Everyone greeted her when she came back and they were constantly asking Karen to tell them about random people’s desires.  _ ‘Do they like me?’  _ They’d ask about a guy they’d been talking to, or  _ ‘Please tell me they’re only looking for a fling’.  _ Part of her wondered if they liked her for the information or for the fact that they knew she wouldn’t steal whoever their interest was on at that point in time. They seemed to be taking to Vanessa well, after all, and Vanessa certainly didn’t fit into the type of person that they’d normally hang around with. 

Vanessa was joining in, one of the girls painting her nails while another was telling her how jealous she was that Kevin talked about her on the radio, but Vanessa still looked uncomfortable and the smoke wrapping around her was pink, thick, and had the image of Kevin with his arms around her. 

“Hey, I think, like, Vanny should totes go home.” 

“What?” One girl objected, another chiming in with, “But she’s totally cool!”

“Yeah, Vanny is totes amaze an’ all, but she’s totes tired. Her desire right now… bed… an’ not for, like,  _ that.  _ Gross, guys.” 

One arm under Vanessa’s and they were off. Despite leaning on Karen each time she took a step, Vanessa hummed. She seemed somewhat happy. She seemed too drunk to really remember what had happened and Karen wasn’t sure it was the best idea to take her back to Kevin in this state. She would make it extremely difficult to explain what happened and she didn’t want to see Vanessa falling all over Kevin. The last thing she wanted was to have to watch Vanessa trying to make out with him... or anyone doing that to anyone really.

“I’m dropping you off at your parents, alright?” 

“I want Kevin.” 

“I know, honey, but, like, your parent’s are just across the road from here. I’ll totes get Kevin to come pick you up, I’m just, like, not sure I wanna drag you all the way home.” 

“Don’t tell Kevin. Please. He’ll kill me.”

“Like, Kevin will totes understand.”

“Not Kevin,” Vanessa clarified, grabbing Karen’s face and looking into her eyes, “Daniel will kill me.”

“Right... Let’s get you inside.”

She mumbled an agreement and Karen set her down on a bench while she fetched Francois to get her into the house. 

\-----

A hand over her nose didn’t help thanks to Daniel’s fear still stuck to her arm. Kevin’s was already leaking out from under the door and snatching at her feet, even before she’d rung the doorbell. She couldn’t see what he was scared of but she was sure she knew anyway. There was no way Vanessa had checked in. Vanessa always checked in with someone and the reasonable assumption was that that someone was Kevin. This assumption was verified by Kevin rushing to the door and the smoke billowing out behind him. Her vomit narrowly missed the doorway, instead covering the bush to the left of Kevin’s door. 

“Karen?” 

“Yeah, like, Vanny is fine. Please, God, Calm down!” 

Kevin apologised, letting her get comfortable as he fetched her some water. Despite the reassurance, he was still scared about what had happened and was obviously aware of this fear as he kept some distance between them while they spoke. 

“Two things, Vanny is at her parent’s. She got attacked in the bar but, like, it’s just some superficial marks-…”

“Who?”

“Who? Uh… dunno. Like, the creep was all over her an’ all but I totes just wanted to get her outta there. Didn’t pay attention to who.” 

“... Shit.” A low growl left Kevin, backed with static. He was shaking and his eyes started to glow orange. Even the grip on his glass tightened as plumes of muddy brown smoke took over the black ones that had previously filled the room, “Where is she? You said she’s fine… she’s not still there is she? … God! You didn’t leave her alone.” 

Karen watched the gas changing and changing, Kevin’s stature seeming to grow and shrink and glow and dull. “She’s at her parent’s. I didn’t wanna drag her all the way home.” 

“I need to get her.”

“Wait, before you do… Can we, like, use your house on Saturday? I’m totes gettin’ worried about that Strex thing, but don’t say I am to anyone. I heard the city council is in on it. Very trusted source of… myself. City council was, like, totes in the supermarket the other day harassing an employee and they had a massive green desire, loads of money, and the Strex logo. They can’t be trusted!” 

“Karen, I need to go get Vanessa, not debate the trustworthiness of the government or oppressive organisations that are here to keep us safe. Yeah, use the house, but I doubt city council would sell out the town to a money grabbing corporate nightmare. Maybe they know something we don’t?” 

“Like money comes from selling the town and their vacation house is waiting for them where they’re safe?” 

“... yeah… Talk on Saturday. Thanks for looking after Vanessa.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [People I Don't Like - UPSAHL](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGne6NU1rCc)
> 
> Sorry it was late this week. I had a mental health crisis yesterday so although it was written I couldn't post it.
> 
> I'm going to write a few fluffy chapters to break this up a bit. I'll do a few fluffy Kevin/Vanessa chapters and then it'll be moving back to Strex, so it will be very OC heavy.
> 
> I'll also be going through the Weathers and making a list. I don't want to repeat in the same fic (but may across fics).


	56. Little Comforts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin comforts Vanessa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short, fluffy chapter.
> 
> I know I said the next few will be fluffy but it's more that they'll be more fluffy than before. There will still be some drama parts (and next chapter will be the meeting about Strex) but a lot of cute tropey stuff before the Strex stuff. See bottom notes for more.
> 
> No warnings on this chapter, though, which is a first for a while, huh.

“Hey.” 

His voice was magic on her ears, a small smile giving away the fact she was awake. She just wanted to stay here, warm and cuddled under the blankets. Kevin’s fingers ran softly through her hair, the back of his fingers grazing her ears as he pushed it out of her face. 

“Five more minutes.”

“It’s a special broadcast today. No work. City council is just running a PSA over and over. We don’t have to get out of bed until Karen gets here if we don’t want.” 

A hum of acknowledgement would do. She’d snuggled closer into his chest, letting him kiss her over and over. Every brush of his lips so light on her head. Everything was safe. Everything was perfect. The memories of the previous night had faded into static in the back of her head. They weren’t quite gone, not quite there. She’d pretended to be drunker than she was, so she remembered them. She had no doubt about what had happened but the closeness and comfort let her let them go. Let her just forget, even if for a short time, that anything had happened at all.

“I made you coffee.” Kevin whispered, “I got some lemon biscuits to go with it.” 

She didn’t want to sit up but she wanted coffee. She wanted sugar. Even sitting, she could snuggle against him. She could listen to his heart beat in his chest and feel the heat that danced from his skin. 

It was hours before they got up and then it was only to get snacks and move to the sofa. Pride and Prejudice turned into soft kisses, Vanessa having tilted her head back to catch Kevin’s lips in her own. Soft kisses turned deeper as she moved onto her knees. Kevin’s lips ran over hers in the best way, taking in every small taste. Her mouth. Her cheeks. Her jaw…

“Daniel!” Vanessa hissed, pushing away from the touch and staring down at the other. He was staring back, wide eyes glowing but otherwise showing no emotion past shock. 

“Daniel?” He repeated, soft and caring. Fingers traced the bruise on her neck, eyes fluttering away tears, “You… said you didn’t remember who…”

The quiet was suffocating. Her breath was hitching. The room seemed to spin. 

“Look.”

Eyes closed. A familiar feeling behind her eyes. A moment. Two. A kiss. Soft, small, a tear rolling off of Kevin’s lip and onto her forehead. “I won’t let him hurt you again. I promise.”

Vanessa opened her mouth to speak, then simply guided his mouth back to hers. She wanted nothing more than comfort. She wanted nothing more than to feel safe and loved in his arms. She knew Kevin was angry at Daniel. She knew she couldn’t stop him from being angry but just hoped that he wouldn’t confront him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s a long story. I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Another time?”

“Yeah.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Comfort Crowd - Conan Gray](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBHHGXT9bRs)
> 
> So, when I said about the bigger tws on a previous chapter, before Daniel goes to Strex there is a bit of a backstory dump (because self care is writing my OCs... as I've said). Those two chapters will have A LOT of warnings on them and they are very long (I mean, it was going to be one chapter but I broke it up because of length). After people go to Strex, they'll be less fluff (although I'll pepper it in) but I will try my best to alternate between DB and SC so that the chronology makes more sense than doing all of the Strex stuff and then all of the Desert Bluffs stuff. We'll see how that goes.


	57. Sources?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen calls a meeting to talk about Strex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>> Warnings
> 
> >> Mention of murder  
> >> Mention of choking  
> >> Choking happens
> 
> everything starred

Hosting the majority of the town hadn’t been what he’d expected when Karen had asked to use his house. He wasn’t sure what to expect but he definitely didn’t have enough chairs to host this many people. Karen had taken to leaning against his TV unit and everyone else had found themselves seats on and around the couch. 

“It’s nice to see so many of you hear.” Kevin started, more to get everyone to quiet down than as a genuine sentiment. Sure, he had his concerns about Strex but he certainly didn’t think it was deep enough to bring the town together for anything more than to encourage them to support local businesses so that there was less need for them to sell out. That could have been done over the radio, “Karen, do you want to tell us your concerns.”

“I think we all, like, totally, know what the concern is. Like, I mean, everyone who is here knows at least, like, one person who has either gone to Strex or their business has totally been taken over and now doesn’t seem to be doing anything. Right?”

There was a small mutter among the people there and several nods.

“Well, it, totes, gets worse. I don’t know what these guys want or anything, but they are totes not afraid of being hostile to get it.”

“How do you know that?” One of the demons asked, not looking up from their phone. 

“Have you noticed Daniel Soto recently? Like, I’ve been really supportive ‘cause I’ve got a plan and all, but he’s seriously gettin’ weird with them around.” 

“One person isn’t really evidence.” Vanessa argued, shrugging, “I’m not comfortable with it but it’s a big jump from ‘Daniel is an ass’ to ‘Strex is evil.” 

“That’s why I say we, like, send a spy in or something. See what they’re doing.” 

The mutters became louder, an anxiousness coming over the room. Some people were suggesting that it would be cool to spy on someone other than your boring neighbours for once. Others were talking about how dangerous it was to conduct corporate espionage with little to no field experience (after all, everyone had training but it had been a long time since high school and who remembered all of that nonsense?). 

“I’ll go.” Vanessa finally said, causing a silence to fall over the room, “I’m an interloper, so they won’t assume loyalty. They offered me a job already, I denied it but I could say that I changed my mind.”

“No.” Kevin said, his voice low. He was trying his best to keep his emotions out of his tone but had failed, the fast reaction making it clear that he was scared about Vanessa going on such a mission.

“Kevin, if this is how we protect the town, we need to do it.” 

“No. I-... Vanessa, it’s not just Strex you need to think about, here.” 

“I’m th-...”

“I’ll go.” Karen interrupted, folding her arms over her chest, “I’m the best for the job anyway, so, like, it’d be dumb not to. Plus, I, totes, recommended Dais and Soph to go so I can, like, make sure they’re OK.”

“Karen, no offense but you would make a terrible spy. You can’t keep your mouth shut about anything.” Lawrence Lavigne argued. 

“Oh, I can’t?” There were a few shrugs from around the room, the mutters coming back, “They offered me a job too. I’ve not denied it like Vanny did. Oh, and Lawrence, like, if you’re not gunna show people your art, how are they supposed to know about it?”

“That’s not-...”

“How about Pablo Mitchell? You don’t see me talkin’ about, like, all their crimes.”

“No, the secret police would arrest you.”

****

“And, hey, let’s not talk bad about, like, friends who aren’t here but how many of you are happy to see our resident murdering psychiatrist gone? Y’all fell for that  _ ‘just didn’t show up one day’  _ or y’all just scared because Hannibella Lecter was, like, totes the type to fit you with one of those shock bracelets if you said a word? Shame Daisy gotta go with her, I’m sure Daisy didn’t know.” 

“What are you talking about?” Kevin asked, looking around at the now silent crowd of people.

“Sophie. Killed her receptionist. I’m sure Strex’ll love her.” 

****

The muttering started up again and Karen’s eyes ran over them. She was watching, looking at their fears and how they were reacting to that news. Kevin could tell by the way she looked into the negative spaces between them rather than the actual people who were sitting there. 

“I think Karen’s our best option.” He finally said, “When does Daniel leave?”

“Two days. Then Dais and Soph are leaving the day after ‘cause they asked for Daisy’s work so… I’ll go with those two. Don’t really wanna be stuck in a car with Daniel.” 

\---

The rest of the evening was talking about surveillance. Lawrence Lavine would be reporting on who was coming in and out of town, along with the demons. Josephine would be looking at tarot and also putting together plans to defend the town if needed. She’d even volunteered to start making weapons  _ ‘just in case’.  _

It was a few hours before everyone had left but Kevin and Vanessa were exhausted. It wasn’t long after they had slumped onto the sofa that they were falling asleep with arms wrapped around each other. 

The next morning, Kevin had tucked Vanessa under a blanket and gone to get cereal. He was sure they had had cereal in but he couldn’t find it anywhere. There wasn’t even a box in the recycling. Part of him thought that maybe the rats that often claimed parts of his garden had stolen it for some purpose. This seemed the most likely explanation seeing as there were cornflakes all of his garden this morning. 

Still, it was nice to take a walk alone. The desert air was dry and hot and made him feel far more relaxed than his relatively cold house. It wasn’t that he couldn’t change the temperature, just that his air conditioning seemed to want to work a lot better in the mornings than the evenings. 

“Hey, Kevin.” 

Any other voice would have been welcome. This voice was not welcome. Still, he turned with a small smile.

“I just wanted to say goodbye before I left. I’m sorry I’ve been an ass recently, I’m lucky to have friends like you.” Daniel seemed genuine about the statement, although his face had sunk into some form of fearful realisation as he looked between Kevin’s eyes. Kevin was trying his best to contain himself but could only conclude that they were glowing.

“You really are. Have fun.” Kevin replied, turning to leave again.

“Hey, look, let me explain…”

“Explain what, Daniel? I didn’t accuse you of anything.” 

“Come on, I know you know.” He sighed, grabbing Kevin’s shoulder to stop him, “I wasn’t thinking. She was going to ruin my chance of seeing Alex again by talking badly about Strex. I panicked.” 

One moment. Kevin didn’t turn, trying to make sense of what the other man had just said. Another moment. Kevin turned to show Daniel his confusion. Another. 

“That doesn’t explain what you did to her.”

****

“When I choked her in my office?”

One moment. No reaction. Kevin hadn't known about that. Kevin wanted to process it calmly. Another moment. He couldn't process what he'd been told. A tentacle shot up and around Daniel’s neck. 

The man immediately raised his hand to defend himself, grabbing the appendage and twisting to pull it away from himself. Hot pain flowed down Kevin’s limb and tightened his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick, a static-laced scream erupting from him as he fell to his knees. Another tentacle moved to try to realise Daniel’s grip, the first surrendering the man’s neck. 

****

Fortunately, Daniel dropped the first before the second could catch him. He stepped over Kevin, who had rolled to the side to clutch his stomach.

“Goodbye, Kevin.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J2QdDbelmY)


	58. Another Long Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa calls Alex to tell them what happened but the conversation doesn't go as planned // Lauren Mallard introduces herself to Kevin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >> Warnings
> 
> >> Murder

“Vanessa?”

There was a long pause. She wasn’t really sure what to say. They sounded scared. Scared of her? She hoped not. Still, she wasn’t sure how to go about talking to them. The words seemed to just stick on her tongue as she sat on there, staring at the wall. 

“Are you there?” 

She had to talk. She didn’t want them to hang up. Anything, just to confirm she was there would be enough.

“Yeah.”

“Uh… are you alright?” 

“Not really. Are you busy?”

There was a pause but this time from the other end of the line. Another voice but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. Then footsteps that seemed to make an odd noise as they hit the floor. A woman’s voice telling them they had five minutes. 

“No, not busy. I have a few minutes. Wh-what’s wrong?”

“I don’t really know how to talk to you about this. I-... I’m sorry, is really what I wanted to get at.”

“Why are you sorry? If anything I should be the one apologising… well, I did. I mean, sorry again. Uhm… what are you apologising for?”

“I should be apologising. I wasn’t great either. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Their voice cracked as they said it, sniffling and then clicking their tongue, “I-... I think I messed up but no one is as mad as I expected.” 

“What happened?”

Another silence. Small punctuations of Alex uhming. Something glass knocking against the phone. 

***

“N-Nothing much. I just… k-killed some people.” 

****

Vanessa froze, feeling her whole body run cold. Her heart seemed to stop. Everything else disappeared from her mind, wondering if she misheard them. Wondering if they really could have done something like that. Wondering why no one was  _ as mad as they expected.  _

“I think I misheard you-…”

“No.” Another pause. Another sniffle. Another click, “They weren’t  _ nice  _ people.”

***

“I don’t-... did Daniel tell you to kill people?”

***

“Daniel? No…  _ Oh God… _ He’s going to hate me. Oh… wait… sorry, what did you want to talk to me about? I hijacked the conversation a bit.” 

***

Vanessa took a deep breath. Calm. She needed to be calm. If Alex was killing people now, would they really care what Daniel had done? Was it really fair to put that on them if it was self defence? She knew Alex. They lied often. They didn’t back up claims - except that one time - and couldn’t back up this one. She also knew they framed themself in a bad light where possible. She couldn’t believe they’d actually kill someone but if they had, maybe they were right for Daniel.

***

“Nothing. Just apologising. I should go, Kevin will be home soon.” 

“Well… alright… ta-...” 

She didn’t let them finish, hanging up and throwing her phone across the bed. The worst part was that she couldn’t even cry. She didn’t feel like crying. She just felt nothing. Nothing at all. She would have sat there all day if Kevin hadn’t come back. If he hadn’t wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. If he hadn’t kissed her forehead and in that soft, comforting way that only Kevin could. 

\--

The next morning was a rush.

They had slept through the alarm (not that alarms often worked due to the lack of linear time) and were now running around the station trying to get everything together for the days broadcast before it was due to start. Vanessa had just put his coffee and the sponsored message on Kevin’s desk and Kevin was rushing back from reprographics to get to his studio in time. They shared a short, small kiss before Vanessa rushed into the production booth.

Kevin had just opened his studio door when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Hi! Lauren Mallard! I’m here fr-...”

“Sorry, I’m a little late! You see, time doesn’t work here. Anyway, I can see you after the show or the promo-... ah, uh… Not sure who is the promotions manager.” Kevin rambled, stepping backwards into his studio as a way to get away from the woman, “Anyway, nice chat. One of the interns will get you a drink. Thanks!” 

With that he closed the door, not happy with how rudely he’d probably come across but knowing that if he didn’t start the broadcast now they would be behind by quite a lot and the last time that happened the entire town almost collapsed. Literally.

_ “There is no beginning, only an end. Welcome to Desert Bluffs. _

_ As you may have noticed, Desert Bluffs, a lot of businesses are being bought up in our town. A lot. Now, I don’t know about you but I’m quite worried about how this will affect local production. Remember, Desert Bluffs, we are a strong town and have a voice. You may be facing rough times but it's nothing that some good old community love can’t fix!”  _

Kevin continued with announcements, going through the city council’s new taxes and voicing his outrage and then submission to a watchful government. It wasn’t that he was against taxes particularly, but they all seemed to target the same small, local businesses that Strex were targeting. The way he saw it, they were painting a target on these businesses backs. 

_ “And now a word from our sponsors; _

_ You know how beautiful you look today? You have a pleasant voice. You make it easy to see the meanings behind love songs, you know? Your eyes make the ocean look like a landfill. In fact, the ocean just looks like a landfill. Maybe if you stopped using those plastic straws and disposable carrier bags, I’d have something nicer to compare you to. Maybe I’d be able to compliment your personality. You can’t compliment someone who kills sea turtles. Green Peace.”  _

\--

As soon as the broadcast had finished, Kevin returned to his guest. She was a well put-together woman in a business suit that, although seemed tailored to her, didn’t suit her at all. Her hair was in a tight ponytail and she looked like she was searching her notes for something that would tell her what to do. 

“Are you alright, Mrs. Mallard?”

“Please, Lauren.” She said without pause, the papers being pushed back into her suitcase before she stood to offer her hand, “I’m here on behalf of StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated. I heard your broadcast and… well… I see you have some, uhm, very strong opinions of us.” 

Kevin looked her up and down before giving her a simple hum as a response. He neither wanted to antagonize her or make her think they were friends. Not at this point. Perhaps not ever.

“I’ll level with you, Kevin, was it? I’m not exactly meant to be here.” The woman gave a small, insincere laugh. It was sweet enough to rot your teeth, “You see, I love your show! Really do. In fact, I’ve been trying to pitch the idea of StrexCorp getting their own radio show! You know, we could boost morale in our employees. We could let people know what’s going on. We could even…  _ get this… _ sell products through sponsored advertising. I honestly don’t know why we didn’t have a radio station in the past!” 

“I’m not sure what this has to do with me, Lauren, but I’m quite happy with my current job. All the best in starting your own station, though.” 

She went to speak again but Kevin had already turned away and whatever she was saying dying out before he had even started walking. Sure, he was interested in other programs and stations. He’d love to have some friendly rivalry or be a mentor to another host. Strex, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be friendly enough to have that dynamic with. Even if Lauren Mallard seemed nice enough, Kevin didn’t get a good feeling from the idea in general. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Trying - Cavetown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Y-5Ez1eSpI)


	59. Outcast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex thinks about how they got the Strex [Part 1]
> 
> Long summery [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/69749685)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of warnings here. Be safe. The long summery is it's own 'unused' chapter because it give all the details but with more precise labelling of the triggers. THIS VERSION IS NOT STARRED (because I'd be starring everything.
> 
> > SA  
> > Homophobia [Including f-slur] + sexism  
> > Abuse [child and adult]  
> > Assault  
> > vomitting  
> > dissociation + grounding  
> > Bad age gap relationship [Vanessa being 17 for part of the chapter, nothing happens]  
> > ABA  
> > Self deprecation  
> > Tell me if I need to add more

A cup on their head, in the bin. Cola in their hair, that’d be hard to get out. A smile on their face, the only thing keeping them stood up. 

Knees shaking. Hips hurting. Chest heavy.

Calina hadn’t said anything when they came in and went straight to shower. She’d been laying, staring at the ceiling. It was likely that she was having another episode, intrusive thoughts from when she was hacked. Alex had tried helping before but there wasn’t much they could do other than letting her focus on things around the room. 

The mirror seemed to mock them as they smiled at it. If their skin didn’t need washing, they’d have taken it off first. The metal smile was better than the flesh that was pulled tight over it. Teeth perfect. That would have been more of a comfort if their teeth hadn’t been so crooked and uneven beforehand. Each time they looked at this perfect smile, the memory of their old teeth seemed to get worse and worse. In the pictures they had of themself and Daniel, they simply overlapped and were broken in several places, but in their head they remembered gaps and decay. There was no decay in the pictures. Just a broken smile. Sharp. Painful. 

The water felt relieving, despite Strex keeping the temperature cold. They had tried to cook themself inside out a few days ago by keeping the water as hot as they could, hoping the metal would simply transfer it to their organs. Now they were stuck with cold water and an internal heater that they couldn’t access. 

How did they get here?

Of course they knew, physically, how they got here but how did what they did lead them to this point? They’d run through it a thousand times. Smiling at the glass side of the shower cubicle as they re-ran their life in their head. As they re-ran their time in Desert Bluffs. 

\----

“My parents are moving us all to this place I’ve never even heard of. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even exist, it’s not on the map or anything.” Vanessa sighed, leaning against Alex’s shoulder as they filled out a job application. It wasn’t the most comfortable position but they didn’t mind it as much as when Vanessa tried to use their lap as a pillow, “Maybe he’s just taking us into the desert to kill us.” 

“Distinct possibility. Dads are just like that though, you don’t know if they’re going to kill you or not. You didn’t pick a job they like, they’ll try to kill you. You pick the wrong person to be with, they’ll kill you. Best thing you can do is just try not to step on their toes.” 

“You realised most dads aren’t like yours right?”

Alex shrugged with their free shoulder, kissing her head softly, “Only have mine to go on. You want me to look for jobs somewhere else? We could run away together.” 

“No. Thanks. I mean, this is great and all but we haven’t been together long enough… or done enough… for me to decide to run away with you.” 

“True. College though. I wouldn’t force you to live with me or anything.” 

The lips on their cheek were welcomed. Vanessa was always affectionate. She’d often cuddle up and smother them with love. Share food with them. They weren’t used to it but they wouldn’t dare stop her. They didn’t want her to be offended or stop completely. It was awkward but they let her show affection however she wanted. Well, at least until…

“Hey!” Alex squeaked, jumping and pushing her hands away from them. Their laptop fell to the floor but they barely noticed over the woman now staring, wide eyed at them while they clutched her wrists far too hard, “I-... uh… No. Please. Not… I-I…”

“It’s fine. Let go.” She replied, her tone short and annoyed. Guilt ran over them, their hands slipping from her wrists, “I get it. You’re gay, I just wish you’d be honest with me about it!”

“I-... No! I’m  _ not  _ gay, for the last time!”

“Ace, then!”

“What? I-... I don’t know… I don’t think so… I-I like men and women. I’m just… sex isn’t something I want at the moment… I mean, do you really want it that badly?”

“Yes!” 

She huffed, crossing her arms and looking away from them. They just stared for a moment, their stomach turning and heart throbbing against their chest. They had no idea how to respond. They went through several options in their head. They went through several reactions. Everything inside them screamed for them to comfort her. Everything inside them told them to do what she wanted. They sorted their laptop, setting it closed on the table and turned to her, eyes unable to stay on hers. 

“Ok. If that’s what you want, just… I’m sorry for how I reacted.” 

“What? No! I want you to want it when we do! I don’t understand because it’s not like you haven’t before. Why don’t you want to have sex with me?”

Tears stung their eyes, arms wrapping around themself. “Yeah… I have…”

A pause. Their hand to their mouth. Dashing to the bathroom. It wasn’t usually this bad, thinking about it. It usually made them feel terrible, made everything feel like it was underwater, but today it made the room spin.

When their head came back up from the bowl, their hands ran over their clothes. They had to remind themself they were on. Their hips burnt with searing pain. They had to remind themself they could stand. They could stand. They were in the bathroom.  _ “Toothbrush. Sink. Mirror. Bath.”  _

“Bi?” 

They didn’t even hear the word until they were snapped back into the present by a hand on their shoulder, her other hand offering them their walking stick. They hadn’t used it in so long but still carried it aroun, “You’re bisexual? I mean, there are other sexualities that like more than one gender but… are you bi?” 

“I-... uh… I don’t know. This is your house. We’re in your house.”

“It… is my parent’s house? I don’t-...” She stopped, looking them over and frowning, “We don’t need to… I won’t bring it up again. I’m sorry.” 

“I should go.” 

“Alex, you don’t…” 

Before she could finish, they’d moved past her, as fast as they could while relying on their stick for balance, and rushed downstairs and out of the door.

-

“So I hear the Gris’ are leaving town. Good riddance, if you ask me. That boy has no future and their little tomboy daughter is no good.” 

“Mom, that’s Vanessa. She’s not a tomboy.” Alex argued as they pushed their dinner around the plate, getting a slap from their father for talking back.

“So why’s she leavin’, then? You do something to scare ‘em off?” Their eyes went to the man at the comment but quickly looked back at their plate. They didn’t want to keep eye contact with him for longer than they had to and they didn’t want to risk not answering fast enough. The last time they had they had to stitch up their own lip. 

“No, sir.” 

“She find out you’ve gotta woman’s job?” 

“Being a nurse isn’t a wo-...” Another slap, “... She’s just going with her dad. It’s not me.”

“Sure it isn’t. What’d you do this time? You hit her? I bet he fucking hit her. Little shit, You know you don’t hit women. I taught you better than that! Do you see me hitting your mother or sister?”

“I didn’t hit her.”

“Probably tried sleeping with her, little pervert.” Their mother chimed in, “I’ve seen those things you read online!”

“No, mom. We’ve not done that. Not until marriage, I know the rules.”

“Really, didn’t seem to with that Dr. Taylor, did you? What, she find out you’re a faggot?” 

Red. Why were they seeing red? Before they knew it, they were stood over their father as blood dripped from his nose.  _ Bad move. _

Another second and they were on the floor. Pain stung their head and jaw. Their wrist twisted, crying out to be released from the vice-like grip it was in. Another few moments and they were being thrown out of the front door, their mother throwing their clothes out of the upstairs window. Were there chips of their teeth in their mouth  _ again? _

At least they knew where to go. They might miss their location but then at least they’d be somewhere else. At least they’d be somewhere. If they missed the mark, they’d be in Mexico. No one who knew who they were. If this place really existed, then no one there would know them either. Just them and Vanessa. 

“Fuck you!” They screeched out of the window as they drove away. 

\---

“Alex?”

The light burnt their eyes as they tried to figure out who the blurry figure outside their window was. Sleeping in their van had been rough but at least they were safe. They felt safer than they’d ever felt in their life and it felt good. Their routine had changed to looking for jobs, not going well, then looking for friends, they’d met one of the radio interns, then visiting the psychologist, who they were paying for with cacti making it very cheap and easy to find things to pay them with. 

“Vanessa? How’d you get here so fast? I thought you weren’t leaving for a month?”

“We actually left the day after we spoke last. What are you doing here?”

“My parents kicked me out. I figured, either I’d find this place or end up in Mexico. Either worked for me.” 

“Have you been living in your van?”

“Yeah.” 

“Well… I’ve got an apartment, if you wanna move in with me.”

“Really?” Their face lit up, glad to not have to sleep in their van anymore. They felt a huge relief, “Yes, please! Ah, and your birthday is coming up, right? I’ll make you a double cake, for a housewarming and birthday. How old are you this year? 22, right? I can’t offer much more at the moment, sorry.” 

“Uhm… wait… what? No, nevermind... I’ve got a few friends from the community center. We volunteer with the food bank. They’re organising a party for me at one of the local bars. You can just come with. No offense or anything, just you suck at cooking and baking.” 

“Ha… yeah. I suck at most things.” 

There was an awkward silence, Vanessa scratching behind her ear and Alex tapping on the steering wheel. Why had they said that? “Uh… anyway, jump in. I’ll drive you home.”

“Drive  _ us  _ home.” 

\--

The night was a lot darker than normal. It was mid-spring and yet it was far darker than winter. The street lights gave Vanessa’s dress a yellow, glittery shine as she excitedly spun around them while they walked side by side. They were still getting odd looks from people when they walked around the Bluffs but having Vanessa here distracted them. They were almost sure it was their now very shaggy hair or broken teeth. The looks were far more when they walked with Vanessa, which cemented the idea. A guy like them with such a beautiful woman, people probably thought  _ ‘why is she with them?’ _ . They were sure they’d get a lot of comments like that from her friends but it didn’t matter. They’d only been together a month and a half and they were just happy that she was enjoying her night and that they were here to see it. 

All of that happiness drained when Vanessa opened the bar door and was greeted by her group of friends. Not due to the friends. Not due to the now extremely cold air traveling over their face. It was due to the decoration. 

“Eighteen?”

“Yeah, I’m eighteen today.” Vanessa told them, seeming not to understand Alex’s reaction and instead focused on greeting her friends and taking presents and a drink from them. 

“Vanessa… You’re… You’re  _ Eighteen? _ Today. Eighteen. Like… you were a minor before today…” 

“Uh… No, Legal age in Ohio is sixteen. What’s your issue, dude?” 

They weren’t sure how to react to that, especially with all her friends staring at them. Especially with that radio intern they’d been hanging out with looking like she was going to throw up at the thought. She seriously seemed to react badly to it, clasping her hand over her mouth. They didn’t really have time to be confused at this reaction, fear and guilt and shame bubbling up inside them.

“We-... We’re not in Ohio anymore! I thought you were like… twenty-two!” 

“Why?”

“Oh, Let me think…” Alex started, stress filling them more and more as they spoke. Starting to second guess all of those looks. Starting to second guess how cold some people in town were to them. How many of them knew? How  _ didn’t  _ they?, “We met at a  _ college party! _ With alcohol! You were with a twenty-two year old and a twenty-six year old! You never told me how old you were! You kept trying to-... Oh God… What if I’d…!? I-... we shouldn’t be together, Vanessa! We should never have been together.” 

They looked between the women in front of them, waiting for any of them to say something. Anything. Berate them. Shun them. Just something. Anything. That thought was answered with a drink. Vanessa’s drink, to be exact, now dripping from their hair and face.

“You’re seriously going to leave me on my birthday?”

She was mad. She was embarrassed. Her face was bright red and shoulders stiff. Their eyes travelled over her expression, one they’d seen on so many people but never on Vanessa. One that chilled them to the core.

“No… n-no, I was… I was just shocked. Sorry. I-I… I’ll get us a drink.” 

“I, like, already got her one, dude. Kinda saw this coming.” Karen told him as she took Vanessa’s shoulders and led her away, still looking extremely queasy. 

They spent the rest of the night at the other end of the bar. Phone in hand, scrolling through photos of their family. Photos of their old colleagues. Photos of Vanessa. Photos that never included them. Photos that sparked memories they couldn’t relate to, that they felt weren’t their own. Memories that seemed so distant and false. Were they even there when these things happened? Why couldn’t they remember half of the pictures? Why were the ones they remembered so disconnected? There was something seriously wrong with them and tonight had only worked to cement that idea in their head. 

“Hey, you should probably see a psych, you know that.” 

The woman was looking at them but Alex barely recognised her. She was one of Vanessa’s friends but the name escaped them. They were surprised that they didn’t remember the only one who was constantly wearing a lab coat.

“I have a psychiatrist, but I don’t have a job. I pay in cacti.” 

“He’s not a psychiatrist, he’s a psychic.” She told him, “Small difference in this town, but science is better. As for the job, I just left the hospital. I’m sick of the American healthcare system and how it is a classist, racist, fucking mess.”

“Are you a nurse?”

“No, I’m a doctor… Daisy, by the way… but I may have mouthed off to a group of nurses and they walked out with me. We’re going to start a science lab, we got some funding from the city council.” 

“Well, I’ll look, but I doubt they’ll want me in the department I want to be in. Not after tonight...”

“Worth a try, man.” 

\----

“That was unfair.” 

The words passed over them but didn’t really sink in. They were expecting other words and the words they expected were the words they heard. They were the words that they took in. 

“It was humiliating. I didn’t do anything wrong and neither have you.”  _ ‘It was humiliating. You’re the one in the wrong, Alex, not me.’  _ “If you had a problem, why talk about it in public? People were judging us.”  _ ‘You’re always so embarrassing to be around.’  _ “You’re acting like I did something terrible…”  _ ‘You’re a terrible person.’  _ “... and you made me seem like such a bitch.”  _ ‘You’re a monster.’  _ “I’m not forcing you to stay, you can leave if you want…”  _ ‘I don’t want you around.’  _ “... but I’ll feel terrible if you’re living in your van…”  _ ‘You can’t do anything right.’  _ “... what if you freeze… well, not in the desert I guess… but how are you going to shower or cook?”  _ ‘I wish you’d just die.’  _

Alex kept their head down until they were outside the apartment. Their eyes would still be on the floor if it weren’t for Vanessa standing in front of the door. They didn’t question her as to why, it was her apartment, so they simply waited for her to turn them away. They waited for her to tell them to leave. 

“Alex, if you don’t love me, I wish you’d tell me.” 

“ _ I _ do love  _ you.  _ You’re beautiful and smart and funny… but you’re also really young. I mean…” They thought for a moment, clicking their tongue, “Being with an adult at your age…”

“I am an adult.”

“... right… Look, it’s just not… There’s a power dynamic. Whether you think there is or not. It’s not healthy. You could end up in a position where you feel like you have to do something that you don’t want to, or feel like I’m going to treat you like a child unless you do something.”

“You don’t take advantage of me like that, though.” She whined, putting her hands on their arms in a way that made them tense, eyes fixed on her face, looking for a sign she was going to throw them or push them down. Bracing themself for it, “I want to do things that we don’t. You let me run the house how I want. You never ask me to do anything. Where exactly is the power dynamic?”

“I’m not going to argue with you. I need somewhere to sleep, I need somewhere to shower.” Their eyes darted back to the floor, clicking their tongue, “When you want to get rid of me, when you’re sick of me, just tell me. Until then, I’m going to  _ try  _ to make you feel like the most important woman in the world. I just… I don’t want you to get in a relationship where the power dynamic is a problem.” 

“You’re doing a great job of that.” Vanessa huffed, turning and letting them into the apartment, “Go see the doctor, Alex. You really fucking need it.” 

\--

“Well, Mr. Jones, the whole town is aware of your outburst the other night… but most of them don’t know what you look like. We’ll give you a go. Limited at first, and we want you to see a psychiatrist to assess if you’re mentally fit to take the role. Really we have little choice at the moment or else you would not be getting this.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Alex kept their voice from cracking at the feedback. They were glad they had the job, sure, but with their grades and their recommendations it hurt to hear that they were only being given the position out of desperation, “I assure you, I’ll keep my head down and out of trouble.” 

“Go and book your first session. It's on the first floor.” 

They nodded and headed down to the psychiatry department, surprised at how empty the waiting room was considering the amount of weird things that happened in this town. In the past week alone they’d been turned into a squid, had their intern friend tell them all of their worst fears (which they’d never told anyone), seen several people with several different amounts of eyes, and been handed $10 by what seemed to be a demon. It did raise the concern that they had simply lost their mind and were lying dehydrated in the middle of the desert somewhere. 

“Alex? Did you get the job?” The soft voice was welcome, turning to see Daisy standing there with a lunchbox.

“Yeah, as long as Sophie signs me off, I guess.” 

“She will, I’m sure she will.” 

There was a grumble from the receptionist and Daisy took it to be about the noise, so gave Alex and thumbs up and left the lunchbox on the desk. 

\---

“Interesting.” Sophie hummed, although she seemed less than interested in what they were actually saying, “Well, that tells me nothing. I know that you argued, Vanessa texted me about it. I was there when you had your outburst. I want to know more about your life before Vanessa. I know her side, I need to know yours to assess if you’re a danger to patients.”

“I mean… I’m not.” 

“Uh huh.”

“What do you need to know exactly? There’s nothing to know!” Alex snapped, although strank when she started writing again, “Look, I’m just some ugly person who met a beautiful person and didn’t think it through.”

“Why are you so ugly?”

The question seemed insane. They weren’t even sure what the question was. After gesturing to their teeth, then their face in general, then their body, Sophie just said, “but why? What did that to you? Your teeth are broken. Your jaw is uneven because of a break. Your walk suggests traumatic injury to your hips  _ and  _ legs. That’s not a coincidence, so is this self inflicted, abuse, or a single event. My worry is that you did something that made someone feel entitled to kicking your ass.” 

“Well, yeah. I did. A lot.”

“Who and what had you done?”

“My dad, mainly. Sometimes my mom. Lots of things. I was a shitty kid, what can I say? I mean, my grades were fine and all but I was just clumsy. Then there was Dr Taylor… he was like a mentor to me when I was an intern. Not like… he didn’t have responsibility for my grades, but he liked how I diagnosed something at the start and decided to cultivate it.”

“Why would he beat you up, then?”

Their eyes set on Sophie, trying to think of a way to answer her that wouldn’t actually answer the question. They couldn’t. Not because they didn’t know but because they couldn’t get the words out. They hadn’t been able to ever. It had been almost eight months since then and they still didn’t even want to admit to themself what had happened. 

“He… He was the first person who loved me.” They tried to keep their eyes on Sophie but failed, keeping tears back.

“You rejected him.”

“You could say that.” 

\----

“How did it go?” 

Vanessa’s voice was cheerful today. It was nice to hear. They didn’t want to tell her everything. They were still heavy and exhausted from their session with Sophie. They were now worried the hospital might find out they were friends and move him to another doctor. They couldn’t imagine telling another doctor everything they’d told her. She had a way about drawing it out, in the end. She had comforted them. She had been straight with them about what the hospital would think. She’d told them her own stories, although they weren’t too sure of how true those were. 

“It went well. I’m a bit dehydrated, could y-... I’m going to make drinks, do you want one?”

“I can get them.”

“No, don’t worry. Maybe when I feel better we could order pizza?”

“Sounds great. If you’re feeling a lot better, maybe we could-...”

“I have a session tomorrow to talk about why I can’t have sex with you.”

Her smile seemed to drop suddenly, shaking her head as if something had dropped on it and then staring up at him, “You… what? Why is your work getting involved in that?”

“What? … Oh… I got the job, yeah. I thought you meant the psychiatrist.” 

“Right… well, I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then.”

\--

“Alex, you’ve been coming here for two years now. I really do think you should accept my offer.” 

“I don’t want to do something that’s going to affect my job.” 

“You’re a nervous mess. You say Vanessa is withdrawing from you. You just told me she didn’t even talk to you or eat the dinner you cooked last night. I won’t tell if you don’t.” 

They played with the bracelet Sophie had handed them, twirling it in their fingers. It wasn’t just an unconventional method, as far as they knew Sophie hadn’t tested using her bracelets with it and certainly hadn’t had approval for them. On top of that, they were fully aware that this type of therapy had been slammed in the medical community. It was torture. It was cruel and punishing. Maybe that’s why they said yes. Maybe that’s why they had put the bracelet on and let Sophie calibrate it to the small chip she’d injected into the back of his neck. Maybe it was punishment they wanted. Maybe that’s why they kept doing things that annoyed Vanessa. Maybe that’s why they kept cutting. 

“Surely she’ll notice if I keep jumping from being shocked?”

“I don’t think so.” Sophie shrugged, “If you think negative thoughts on the way home and give yourself time at home before you try anything, you should be fine.” 

“What if I’m not?”

“Blame it on an injury at work. Nurses are often injured here.” 

\--

Sure, the therapy worked, but now Alex was lying next to Vanessa keeping back tears as she pretended to sleep. Would it be like this everytime? Would it always feel like they were watching from outside of themselves? They were both uncomfortable in the end. 

“Your pager is beeping.” 

They hadn’t even heard it. They couldn’t hear it now but they could see it flashing. It was like being underwater. Their chest was heavy, breathing was hard, throat full. They didn’t even understand the code on the screen, something that was meant to be second nature to them. It was an excuse to leave, to get away, so that’s what happened. 

The radio. That was the last sound from the apartment. Vanessa had been listening to it a lot recently. The broadcasts were normally during the day but the last few months, since several people disappeared, there had been nighttime broadcasts with public health and safety announcements. It had almost died down but without a cause of the disappearances, Alex wasn’t sure they’d stop any time soon. That meant Vanessa would keep listening. Would keep dreaming of that beautiful voice that she was so infatuated with. Despite their warnings, she’d still applied for her internship at the station. It terrified them. Any other internship would terrify them but knowing that Vanessa was attracted to the radio host made it worse. Knowing that she was vulnerable. Knowing it wouldn’t take much to convince her to trust him. It wouldn’t take much for Kevin to abuse his power. 

“Nurse? I need you present! He could die!” 

Alex’s eyes fluttered, suddenly aware of the patient they were working on. Their hands pumped the ventilator as they rushed alongside the gurney. How did they get here? They were just coming out of the apartment a second ago? 

\---

A knock on the door snapped them from their memories. The water was running clear again and a quick run of fingers through their hair confirmed that at some point they’d washed it. It wouldn’t have mattered much, as they knew as soon as they stepped out of their room in the morning there would be more thrown at them again. 

They weren’t sure they wanted to answer the door. The problem with not answering the door at Strex was that the people who would wait were the people they wanted to let in and the people they didn’t want to would come in anyway. This was one of the latter times. 

“Alex, you were meant to be in work twenty minutes ago.” The man said, blunt and unfeeling. He was flesh. Not a single mechanical component that Alex could see. Even so, they knew his heart was as cold as ice and may as well be mechanic. 

“I’ve been in the shower all night?”

“It seems so. Unfortunately, you’re late. You know what happens when you don’t turn up to work… although I’m sure I can convince Sam so lighten the punishment.”

“I’d rather have lemon juice in my veins,  _ all of them not just the outer ones,  _ than let you touch me ever again.” Alex hissed, going to leave. They were stopped by a hand on their chest and a smirk.

“Alex, you’re mine. Strex promised you to me. I  _ expect  _ better than this rudeness.” 

Eyes rose to meet Dr. Taylor’s, looking for some hint of a joke or uncertainty in his face. There was none. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [I Threw a Glass at My Friend's Eyes and Now I'm on Probation - Destroy Boys](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbngYdFIxTc)


	60. Another Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's story [part 2]
> 
> Long summery [ here ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/69749685)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings [ not starred, use long summery if needed ]
> 
> > SA - Adult and mention of 'MAPs' (no details, they get killed)  
> > Murder  
> > Stalking  
> > Homophobia + sexism  
> > Abuse [child and adult]  
> > Assault  
> > vomitting  
> > dissociation + inner world imagery + grounding  
> > Bad age gap relationship [mentions of past relationship with Vanessa]  
> > ABA  
> > Self deprecation + Self harm  
> > Trauma response   
> > Cannibalism and Auto-cannibalism  
> > Disordered eating  
> > Mutilation  
> > Tell me if I need to add more

Twenty minutes. That’s all Dr. Taylor had given them to get ready and get down to the lab. They weren’t even doing work that they cared about right now.  _ ‘There aren’t that many patients here, we just need everything set up for when there is’.  _ That’s what Dr. Reed had said. They didn’t even know what she meant by that. When there were patients? Why were they expecting patients? Alex couldn’t find any files on the reason, they just kept coming up against firewalls and secret files that they couldn’t access. 

Still, they had dried themself, dressed, and left. As they turned to lock the door, their eyes travelled up to the graffiti across it. It wasn’t there yesterday. Big, black letters that dripped down the white wall. They had to stand slightly back to read the full word but they were sure they knew what it said anyway. Their attention was drawn away before they could read it by a tall man standing next to them, also looking up at the word that had been painted across their door.

“People can be mean, can’t they?” 

“Yeah…” Alex replied, looking the man up and down. They were used to most people throwing things at them or yelling about how disgusting they were. They couldn’t imagine why this man wasn’t doing such, especially while staring at the graffiti. The only reason they could think of was one that meant they didn't want to associate with this person.

“Well, I guess you could use some friends? Did you know that Strex has social clubs? I mean, technically we do work that one of the executive can sell for a profit but it lets people do what they enjoy.” 

“So, a patron that we do work we enjoy for, so we find people with similar interests?”

“Yes! Exactly!” 

“So, what exactly is your interest?” 

Their eyes didn’t move from the man as he reached into his jacket, pulling out a small business card and handing it over to Alex. Even after taking the offer, their eyes stayed on them, the business card sitting flat in their fingers in between the two,

“Officially, we’re registered as cartographers.”

“ _ Cartographers?” _ Alex questioned, looking down at the print on the card now.  _ ‘MAPs’.  _ They looked back up to the graffiti on their door. They understood why this man was talking to them now. They understood. A click of the tongue and a small nod told the man that Alex understood.

“We’re meeting tonight, I hope you can come. You’re kinda a celebrity. You know… because…” He gestured towards the door, looking happy about the spray paint that had offended Alex. 

“Yeah. I’ll come. I just need to give this to my android quick. No pockets in scrubs.” 

“They should add those! Well, anyway, we’ll see you tonight!” 

Once the man had left, Alex grit their teeth. They couldn’t help but imagine grabbing his head, which was bobbing down the hall as he walked, and twisting hard. Every muscle in their body was tense. Even as they opened their door again, they ended up hitting the wall.

“Calina. I need a smile knife. Can you get me one?”

\--p--

“So you tried to tear up her acceptance letter?” 

“No… kinda… I didn’t mean to, I was just scared.” 

“Scared because she likes Kevin and you’re scared that she’ll leave you for him?”

Alex played with the bracelet that sat on their wrist, trying to ignore the sharp pain that was coming from the piece of plastic. Honestly, they weren’t sure why they’d tried to rip it up. They knew they were scared but it wasn’t about Vanessa leaving them. They still felt bad about lying to them and the stupid way they’d tried to convince her to stay.

“No… I’m not scared about her leaving me. I’m scared Kevin is going to take advantage of her. She’s vulnerable, especially as she likes him. He’d just need to snap his fingers and she’d be all over him and then what? She gets heartbroken because he’s just abusing his power to lure interns somewhere where no one is around and then-... and then-...” 

Their breath hitched, tears now streaming down their face and dripping from their chin. They were shaking. Everything around them was blurring. Everything seemed unreal. It was as if nothing made sense. Their senses were lying to them, showing them a nonsensical version of the world that logically couldn’t exist. A version of themself that shouldn’t exist. They should be falling through the chair. They shouldn’t be here. 

“Your experience isn’t the universal experience.” The word cut through them. They could barely understand them and barely cared for them. They would do anything to protect Vanessa and that’s what they were trying to do. She was dismissing them for trying to protect Vanessa, “Alex, maybe we need to increase the voltage on your bracelet. Does it hurt right now?”

“I can’t feel it.” They lied. Why had they lied? Their arm was on fire with the shocks and yet they told Sophie that they didn’t feel it. There was a tapping to the side of them and then a much larger shock ran up their arm, drawing a screaming as it forced their eyes closed. 

“That seems to be working now.” 

\---

“Hey, Vanny.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” 

“Oh…” They sucked in a sharp breath of air as their arm spasmed with pain, “... I’m sorry about earlier. I was scared. I shouldn’t be, I should trust you. I just-... I had a bad experience and I don’t want you to have the same.” 

“No, of course not. You want me to sit at home with three kids and let you earn all our money. I know.” 

“Not… really fair when I said-... nevermind. I wanted to make it up to you so I bought us a cooking class. I thought we could do it together, we don’t do much together anymore.”

Vanessa finally looked up from her work, her eyes running up and down him. She didn’t look happy about the offer. She didn’t look happy at all. She looked tired and annoyed. 

“Are you saying I can’t cook?” 

“No. I mean… yes… I mean…  _ You  _ can cook. I can’t. You don’t like when I cook, so maybe we could-...” 

Alex stopped as they felt a sharp sting in their cheek. Vanessa was far closer to them than before and they could barely process what had just happened. Even fingers meeting the hot skin of their cheek didn’t explain it to them. Looking up at Vanessa’s face made their confusion worse. She looked shocked and guilty. Shaking. She was shaking. 

“I’m sorry.” Alex breathed, moving to put their arms around her to comfort her, “It won’t happen again. I love your cooking.”

Vanessa stayed silent, shaking in their arms and seeming to get more tense the more they whispered comforting words. Why do they do this? Every time they made things worse. It was a long time before she spoke again and then she simply pushed them away and whispered, “You don’t have time for a class. You work in a hospital.” 

They just watched her as she made her way into the bedroom. They slumped onto the sofa.  _ Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. _

\---

“I’m sorry.” 

They didn’t really understand what Vanessa was apologising for. They’d just come home from work and they hadn’t spoken since last night, so as far as they were aware Vanessa had nothing to be sorry for. They told her as much but the frown on her face stayed, even when they sat next to her and put an arm around her to try to comfort her. They didn’t really know what else to do.

“I do. I’m sorry for slapping you. I just had so much built up and I wasn’t talking to you about it. Recently, I feel like you’re scared. Like I’m going to leave you or something and I was scared because I was considering it.” 

“I can leave, if that’s what you want.” Alex reassured her, unsure whether to move their arm away from her now or if it would seem aggressive to do so, “I want you to be happy and  _ safe _ . I just want to make sure you’re doing what’s right for you but not something that will put you in danger.”

“Well, I didn’t sign up for a TV internship, so I’m not in danger.” 

Alex looked down, not really wanting to reply to that statement at all. Anything they said would raise more questions and wouldn’t help the situation at all. Vanessa was still talking, going through how safe radio internships were but all they could think of was Kevin. Kevin who could easily manipulate her. Kevin who could easily overpower her. Kevin who Vanessa  _ loved.  _ She didn’t even know him and Alex knew Vanessa had a massive crush on him. She felt far stronger about someone who was a mystery to her than she felt about them. They kept telling themself that that was fine. It hurt. It hurt in their chest but it was fine. 

“I want kids. I do. I just want to finish my internship first.” She concluded, pulling them into a kiss that they didn’t even realise they were in at first, “If you want kids now… well, you’ll have to be a stay at home dad. I’m not giving up my career.” 

“I could do that.” Alex nodded, not really understanding what she was saying. She said she didn’t want kids yet, right? She had just said that she wanted to break up with them? Why would she suddenly be going against all of that. 

“Well, why don’t we try?”

Their heart was in their throat as Vanessa leant forward, moving to kiss them again but failing as they leapt away from the sofa, “No! … No… you’re too young for kids, Vanessa. What I said earlier… that was panic! That was… not wanting you in the position you’re get-...”

“I’m twenty.”

“Yeah, you’ve got like, your whole life. I-I… I didn’t mean that we do that right now.”

Her face was full of disappointment and distrust. Alex couldn’t help but feel bad about refusing her and the pain rushing around their wrist only increased the guilt that they felt. It was only made worse when she walked away and into their room. They didn’t want to follow her, not really wanting to start an argument. 

\--p--

Alex took a deep breath as they leant back away from the microscope. They weren’t used to doing this kind of work. All Strex had asked them to do while there were no patients to tend to was to tick whether these samples looked like a picture they’d been supplied or whether they looked different. They hadn’t done work like this since college and they certainly hadn’t enjoyed it. 

The smell of food was just making it worse, Dr. Reed sat next to them eating what seemed to be spring rolls while she worked.

“Isn’t that against health and safety?”

“Nothing dangerous in here.” She replied in an emotionless and plain tone, shoving the box at Alex. They knew well enough, even after such a short time here, not to deny an offer from a superior. It tasted odd, not like anything they’d eaten before. It was good, it was just unidentifiable. They weren’t exactly sure they wanted to ask what was in it, expecting an answer like ‘rat’ or some other easily obtained meat that would reduce costs.

“It’s nice. Thanks.” 

“It’s you.” 

Alex hummed, not taking in what was said, even as they replied. Thinking back on the moment in the future, they would never be sure if it was simple cognitive dissonance or if they had truly stopped caring, “Well, I taste amazing.” 

\--p--

“Hey, I was a little unfair yesterday.” Vanessa sighed, giving Alex time to react but continuing when they simply kept staring at the opposite wall. They didn’t acknowledge her at all, not really wanting the conversation that they were sure she was going to try and push them into, “You’re right, I shouldn’t be rushing things. Plus, you’re not ready-...”

“It’s fine.” They breathed, just trying to get her to shut up before she started trying to explain.

“Cool… Well, my internship starts tomorrow. I’ve got a lot to sort out tonight.” 

“Do you want me to pick you up after work?” 

“Sure, cool.” 

\---

“I don’t think this is going to work.”

They listened to what she said next but it made little sense. At least, it made little sense put together with their preconceptions of the issues Vanessa would face on her internship. They’d spoken to her the night before about exactly why they were concerned, everything that had happened, under the advice of Sophie. They didn’t think that that would be the cause.

“Please leave.” 

It was abrupt. Vanessa was often abrupt, but not like this. Maybe she was doing one of those things they’d heard about from some teenagers on the ward where you see if someone would chase after you. Maybe she wanted them to chase her? That’s what women were like right? They honestly had no clue outside of what they’d been told by patients and romance movies. In romance movies they always chased them. That was it. She’d done similar before but let them stay in the apartment and had just started treating them like her boyfriend again. She was actually throwing them out this time.  _ Because I didn’t make any romantic gestures to win her back before? _ They thought, although weren’t exactly sure they wanted to win her back so much as wanted somewhere, that wasn’t a van full of horrible memories, to sleep. 

They didn’t. They would respect her wishes and be a good friend. They’d pick her up from work, look after her, make sure her boss wasn’t abusing his power. They didn’t care about the romantic stuff and were relieved to be done with the rest of the relationship, they just wanted her safe. 

The next day, they kept their routine. They left work early to pick Vanessa up from work. They would mention being just friends and maybe helping each other out. When Vanessa came out, they waved her over but she seemed to completely ignore them. Vanessa was often in a world of her own. 

OK, they’d just meet her at the apartment and ask her if they wanted a lift home. It was better than walking in the desert heat, after all! 

“Vanessa, you didn’t let me pick you up.” Alex called as they got out of their van outside her apartment block, hoping to sound concerned or friendly, but doubting how they were coming across when they saw how tense Vanessa was. 

“We’re not together, Alex! I don’t want you coming here again!” Their eyes moved to the keys between her fingers. They weren’t sure why she would think she needed them, but the idea that they were causing her that much fear felt like a dagger in their heart. They went to put their hands up to show they weren’t a danger. They just wanted to explain. 

The next moment there was blood. Their vision went red but only for a moment. A shock rushed up their arm, which pulled them out of it. 

“Vanessa! Please! Let me explain!” They called after her, hating doing so. Hating that she was so scared of them. Hating themself for making her feel that way. The building security was grabbing their arms but they hardly cared, just wanting to go. They didn’t understand. Why was she avoiding them? They thought she wanted them to chase her and they hadn’t even done that. They just wanted to protect her. 

\--

It was a few weeks before they saw Vanessa coming out of the studio again. Sophie had told them not to obsess, not to sit outside the studio each day, to give her space. All they could think about was protecting her. It had become all consuming. Their work was suffering. They were suffering. They’d slept outside the station several times, falling asleep before Vanessa even left. They were cranky from sleeping on their steering wheel. They were sick from not eating, even having passed out at work twice. They’d been given the day off in both cases and a recommendation sent to Sophie to investigate and treat them for an eating disorder. She seemed more concerned about their lack of staying hydrated. 

Even so, here they were, sitting outside the station. They could barely keep their eyes open but Kevin hadn’t left yet. They always felt a little better once Kevin had left. At least then they knew that he wasn’t with her. Sophie kept pushing that they were projecting, that Kevin was nice and wouldn’t do anything to harm Vanessa, that they  _ ‘needed to realise [their] experience wasn’t universal’ _ . She used that phrase far too often. 

When Kevin and Vanessa finally emerged, their eyes followed them. They couldn’t move at first but then their feet were moving without them.

“That’s right!” They shouted, getting the two’s attention, “People do deserve the truth, Vanessa!” 

It was hard to keep the tears out of their eyes,  _ “I didn’t expect you to try something so soon, Kevin, but I know what you’re up to!”  _ That’s what they were going to say. That’s what had run through their head but hadn’t quite made it out of their mouth. Now they were suspended at least a foot off of the ground, just trying to keep a confident face. Even as everything spun around them and they felt like passing out again. They didn’t even hear Kevin’s question, but they knew his type. Just like Dr. Taylor. He wouldn’t have cared about the answer. 

When Kevin had finally dropped them, after warning them not to come here again, Alex just ran. They weren’t even sure where they were going, they just ran and ran and ran until everything went black. 

They awoke to a hospital bed. It wasn’t the A&E. It wasn’t the ICU. It wasn’t even Desert Bluffs hospital, as far as they could tell. Was it even a hospital bed? 

“Wakey, wakey, sleepy head.” A soft voice cooed beside them as the smell of bacon and eggs hit their nose and immediately their stomach. They accepted the plate from the woman, looking over her lab coat and vinyl gloves before inspecting the room. It was a small, orange cube with pictures of the woman and Sophie, “It’s alright, I heard what happened. I thought I should go looking for you. Make sure you eat all of that, ok? I cooked it specially for you and I have tamales cooking too. I know Vanny used to make them for you.” 

Alex just nodded, not really sure what else to do or say. The woman was familiar but they could put a finger on where they knew them from. They cursed themself, knowing they’d definitely spoken with someone who wore a lab coat all the time. They just couldn’t remember who she was. 

\---

Once Alex was feeling better, after a few days of being looked after by Daisy, they thanked her and went back to their van. It would be their lunch break about now, so they simply sat in the driver’s seat and gave themself some time to decompress. They’d need to be at work in an hour. They’d already given them several days off and they didn’t want to arrive late, so they couldn’t really justify going to get something to eat. They had some half eaten granola bars that they could have at least. 

When they heard the knock on their window, they were sure they knew who it was. They didn’t want to hit him with the door, deciding that would just incite being thrown around again. Instead, they went out of the back of the van, walking around to see someone completely different from who they had expected. 

A lanky man with rather dorky features. He was cute. He was talking. His voice danced in the air, even where his words seemed so accusatory. Their heart raced looking at him. It felt like they'd swallowed a stone. The heat in their face was almost unbearable. 

_ No! _ No. 

Alex opened their mouth to tell him to leave them alone. They didn’t want to get distracted from helping Vanessa. They didn’t want to be attracted to a  _ man _ . Being attracted to a man had got them in this mess in the first place! Sure, this man didn’t have any power over them, but this man was tall and attractive and could definitely hurt Alex if he wanted to…

Fresh air hit their lungs like it was the first time. The evening light was highlighting those gorgeous features further, closer than they had been. Their lips tingled with the sensation that something had been against them. Had they been…?

“I’m Daniel… by the way. Taken… well, I mean… interested in someone else.”

Of course. Of course he was. Like Alex had even asked! They weren’t interested in some stranger! They weren’t interested in being hurt again! Whatever had happened in the past few hours was a terrible mistake and Alex had no idea how they'd let it happen.

“Alex.” They started, feeling the need to add some half-truth to justify why their back was pressed against the side of their van with this ‘Daniel’ pressed up against them, “Vanessa’s boyfriend. She works in…”

“Yeah, I know Vanessa.”  _ Shit.  _ “Tell your girlfriend to watch her professionalism, maybe?” 

Wait… what?  _ Her  _ professionalism? Was she… actually trying to get herself in trouble? They’d warned her! They told her how dangerous Kevin would be! Why would she… _ wait… _

“Who did you say you were interested in?” 

“Kevin.”

“God! I hate that guy… he’s just going to take advantage of the power dynamic and Vanessa’s going to end up hurt because of it!”

“Kevin? Ha, Vanessa’s trying to get her grades up by sucking up to him! I wouldn’t put it past her to use that  _ ‘power dynamic’  _ to get better grades.” 

They kept complaining to each other. Alex had missed their shift anyway and hoped their boss would understand. Daniel had explained that a fog had been causing people to be spontaneously affectionate and Alex wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or upset about that fact. It was only after Daniel had left and they thought about it that they thought about what it really meant for them.

“Vanessa works with Kevin… closely…” They said out loud to themself as they processed that information, “... and Kevin controls the weather… so Kevin could have done this so… he could…” 

They stared at the road, trying to decide how to handle this revolution. They could message Vanessa but she was unlikely to want to talk to them. They could message Kevin but… they didn’t have his number. They should have got it when they got Daniel’s. They knew where Kevin lived but that seemed extreme. They could just wait until tomorrow and ask to talk to Kevin at work.

They could wait.

They could totally wait.

Yep…

No! They had to check! They had to at least see what Kevin wanted from her! 

\---

As soon as Kevin opened the door, the rage and fear and terror that had been building up on Alex’s walk to his house just spilt over in the form of a, very ineffective, punch to the face. Kevin had deflected it and Alex had yelled his accusation but Kevin seemed to be staying calm in return. That wasn’t unexpected. Robbie would have reacted the same way. What was unexpected was Kevin’s confusion about the misconception that he controlled the weather. Did he not control the weather? He always said “and now, the weather” so passionately and then the town would have all that music playing and the radio would often come on for it even if it hadn’t been on before… Kevin didn’t control the weather? 

Either way, it didn’t matter and Alex rephrased the accusation, taken completely off guard by the answer and by the invitation for coffee. It was awkward. They weren’t being friendly and they certainly didn’t want Kevin misinterpreting them as friendly either. If anything they wanted Kevin to see them as a threat or at least to see them the way everyone else looked at them; with hatred. They wanted anything but to be friends with Kevin. 

“So what’s the real problem here?” 

How were they meant to tell him? They didn’t trust him and they couldn’t exactly say  _ “I think you’re going to assault my ex” _ . That wouldn’t go down well. So instead, they went for the obvious answer.

“She left me. I’m guessing for you, seeing as she’s hovering about on your shoulder now.” 

“There’s nothing going on between me and Vanessa. If you want to win her back, stalking her and stalking me is not the best way to do that.” 

“I’m not going to be able to win her back while she’s doting on you.”

“She’s not ‘doting’ on me. I’m sure whatever you did wasn’t too bad and you can just apologise and try to make up for the mistake.” 

“What about doing it repeatedly?” Alex asked without thinking. They tried to put themself in a more confident position to offset the self-deprecation in their voice. It wasn’t the worst thing they could have said. They had meant  _ “What if it’s just me?”.  _ They had to turn it back, they had to do something to stop him questioning further. In fact, killing two birds with one stone sprung to mind; make Vanessa seem like someone Kevin didn’t want to be around and cover up their lack of confidence, “She was in the wrong, though. She’s the one that kept messing things up then blaming me.” They gave Kevin a moment to reply, watching his face and seeing that Kevin was getting more annoyed at them, “You know, you’ve had girlfriends before, right?”

“I haven’t had one, actually.” 

“I mean…” Alex went with the first things they could think of that would put someone off.  _ ‘You’re not exactly good at cooking’  _ Vanessa’s words rung in their ears, “...she wasn’t a good cook so I’d tell her…”  _ ‘Why don’t you try a real book?’  _ Their sister’s words, “...she was way too obsessed with fanfiction too, I don’t get what chics see in it.” 

Kevin responded with an explanation for the fanfiction part, but then asked, “How did you tell her that you didn’t like her cooking?” 

“I just told her I didn’t like it.” God this was hard. They didn’t know what to do. They just kept mirroring the other man in hopes of looking like they knew, “I wasn’t going to be easy on her…”  _ ‘I’m not going to be easy on you when you constantly fail!”  _ Their mother, “...She might not get it. Women don’t get that stuff.”  _ ‘Women ain’t gunna get it if you don’t tell them.”  _ Their father, about their mother, “I wasn’t going to lie, either.” 

“Wording? How did you say it?”

“Well… like…” They had no idea how to answer that. They knew very little about cooking. They just had to go on the feedback they’d had on their own, “I’d  _ suggest _ that adding more herbs or less spices would be good. I’d tell her it was bland or too hot. Just what I thought of it.” 

“Did you offer to cook or go to a class together so you could cook together?” 

_ Yes! I did!  _ They couldn’t say that, “I work in a hospital. I don’t have time to cook for myself, Kev.”  _ ‘You don’t have time. You work in a hospital’.  _

“You have time to follow Vanessa but not enough time to cook? You do understand how crazy that sounds, right?”

_ Crazy?  _ Crazy for trying to protect her? For trying to protect her from  _ him?  _ Alex felt like they were about to cry. Alex felt like they couldn’t keep this up. Then they punched him. They expected him to catch it again and throw him out. Kevin did not catch the punch and they immediately regretted throwing the punch, not sure how to respond other than the way their sister used to when play fighting got too rough…

“It wasn’t even that hard, are you crying?” They asked, watching Kevin give them a shocked look. If it hadn’t have been for Kevin talking they were sure the next words would have poured from their mouth in stupid, ridiculous, out-of-context panic,  _ ‘Please don’t tell dad! I didn’t mean to!’  _

“You… just hit me. In the face! Yes, I’m crying! What sort of… there is something seriously wrong with your worldview, Alex!” 

He was right. There was. Everyone always hated them. Everyone always hated them because of things like this. Everyone saw the twisted worldview they held and even they couldn’t get away from it. They’d tried running from it and they always ended up back here. All they could do was laugh. They didn’t want to laugh, it just leaked from them. They understood how terrible it sounded that they were laughing at Kevin. They understood how the man would misunderstand the laughing for something more malicious. They knew all of this and yet they couldn’t keep it in, they just kept laughing. If they stopped, they'd break.

“Never, ever, come to my house again!” Kevin had told them as he dropped them far from the house. They wouldn’t try to come back. They didn’t want to come back. They never wanted to see the man again. They wanted to protect Vanessa but they didn’t want to see Kevin ever again. 

Instead they waited for the door to shut and brushed themself off, turning around to see the man that had just disappeared into his house. They turned to check but the door was closed and they couldn’t tell if Kevin had gone in or come out. Even if he had come out, it seemed unlikely he would have been able to get to where he was now standing. 

“Have you ever faced your fears before, Alex?” The man questioned, eyes turning black and white, glowing in their sockets, “I think you think you have but have you really? I’m pretty sick of seeing you near  _ my _ station.” 

“I don’t-...” 

One second Alex was replying to the odd question and the next they were looking down to blood that looked as if it had been dragged across the concrete under them. They didn’t have time to question the origin of the blood before they were lifted again. Fear built in their chest, the taste of bile sticking in their throat as they felt weightless. It was a second of this. The feeling of a fall on a rollercoaster and then a crack against the pavement again. The small laugh behind them seemed so distant. The quiet words  _ “Go ahead, scream.”  _

They couldn’t. They didn’t have time to scream. Kevin seemed to realise this and dropped them one last time, letting them turn and push themself away as he slowly advanced on them. Those glowing eyes. Alex had seen them before. On Kevin? They must have been! This was Kevin. 

_ “Vanessa is mine. My intern. You’re scared of more than that…”  _ the voice started, Kevin’s lips moving but the sound seeming to come from inside their own head,  _ “I’m not going to let some other man come in and try to steal her. Scream… come on… You stay away from her or I’ll do worse next time. Scream for me, Alex. You know you want to."  _

“W-worse?” 

_ “Would you scream if I attacked her? If it were her I was hurting? Or perhaps I could play out a deeper fear?" _

“I-I don’t know what you want, dude. I’m sorry, ok! I didn’t mean to hit you, I thought you’d catch it again! I’m just trying to protect her alright!”

_ “Protect her from yourself.” _

“I-I know…” Alex sobbed, watching the grin forming on his face. It was far wider than they imagined a human could smile but Kevin wasn’t human. The many heads that were now smiling at Alex were proof of that.

_ “Thank you for the snack, Alex. If you go near her again, I’ll make a full meal of your terror. _ ” 

They weren’t sure what he meant but he was leaving, so Alex tried to push it to the back of their mind and wipe away the tears that were now stinging their broken face. They were used to the pain, making a mental note to pick up some ice to reduce the swelling. Plasters and toothpicks to set their own nose. It never made it look the same but it was better than nothing and the hospital would ask less questions. The hospital would ask questions when they showed up to work, sure, but the fact they hadn’t come in as a patient would reduce the ‘who’ and ‘why’ aspect of those questions. They’d learnt that a long time ago. 

Vanessa. They had to tell her what had happened. They had to protect her and if anything could convince them they were right about Kevin, it would be the fact that he just thrown them around.

Security wasn’t going to let them in. They knew that, so now they were simply standing there staring at the building and wondering how they were going to get in. It was a good five minutes of stupid ideas and attempting to climb the side of the building (which they failed immediately) before they spotted a delivery guy getting off of his bike.

“Hey, hey, what apartment is that for?”

“Uh… 203?”  _ Vanessa’s, perfect. _

“Uhm… wait…” They fiddled with their wallet, “How much?” 

“$20” 

“Great, here’s $100.” Alex said, pushing the note into the man’s hand, “The same order but add some lemon things to make it up to $50 for the total order. The other $50 is your tip.” 

“Alright… cool. It’s going to take another half hour.”

“Yeah, that’s great.” 

They waited for the guy to leave again before trying to psych themself up for talking to Vanessa. “Ok, you go in there, you be as unappealing as possible, you tell her what happened.” They were good at that, they thought. They were very good at being unappealing. They didn’t want Vanessa thinking they wanted to be together. It wasn’t about them. It wasn’t about them. It wasn’t about them.

\---

“What did he say to you?” 

She looked so concerned. They didn’t want her to be concerned about them. Inside they were scolding themself for not dressing their wounds before they came. How was she going to react to this? If she wanted them to chase her like they thought, would she try to get back together? They didn’t want that. They hadn’t wanted that the other times it had happened. Would she slap them? They deserved that, they supposed. They had to seem unbiased. They had to seem like they were just relaying information, which they supposed they were.

“He said,  _ ‘Vanessa is mine. I’m not going to let some other man come in and try to steal her. You stay away from her or I’ll do worse next time.’” _ Alex told her, mimicking Kevin’s voice to try to give her an idea of his tone when he had said it. They weren’t going to tell her about him trying to make them scream or that he had directly threatened her. They thought what they told her was enough to warn her away from him without terrifying her. 

She was staring at the wall. Alex followed her eyes but couldn’t see anything she was staring at. Was she just thinking? Thinking about how to react? What if she slapped them? She might have. They had told her something that would upset her and people tended to slap people when they did that, they were sure. They didn't, never being confident enough to, but that's what other people did, right?

Without thinking it through, they swallowed the sick that had been sitting in the back of their mouth and turned her face. They prayed that she wouldn’t kiss them back. They prayed she’d simply push them away and tell them to get out, but it still avoided her hitting them. It distracted from the idea and if she was looking for them to chase her, it wouldn't be that long before she kicked them out again, they hoped.

She did. Her lips moved with theirs, tongue meeting with their frozen tongue. She was pressing into it. They wanted to push her away but they’d started this. What would she think if they pushed her away after they had kissed her first? How far would this have to go? They had to see it through now. They closed their eyes, imagining that tall man from before. Imagining what it might have felt like in the hours that they missed, kissing him against the side of their van. Kissing someone they wanted to kiss. They'd never done that before.

Then it was over. She was yelling at them. She was pointing at the door. They were standing and leaving, trying to be steady with their movements, even as they felt themself shaking. 

“Whoa!” a voice came from down the hall before they had even closed the door, “My uncle totally did do a number on you. Like, seriously.”

“Kevin is your uncle?”

“What? ...No, man… Like, what are you talking about?”

“Kevin beat me up…” 

Karen raised an eyebrow, watching something next to their head and then shaking her own, “Come on, I’ll show what he, like, sent me. I mean, you totes can’t read horrors but I’ll translate.” 

Once Alex was settled on Karen’s sofa, wearing protective gloves and trousers so they could pet pizza rolls, who always sat on their lap when they came round, Karen showed them the weird, swirling writing on her phone.

“Y’see, this is like  _ ‘lol’,  _ and this bit here is  _ ‘totes smashed against the road’ _ ,” 

“That’s so cool.” Alex said, eyes lighting up as they watched the spirals tighten and expand, “Can you teach me to do that?”

“Dude, like… I mean… It’s gunna take ages.”

“I’m a fast learner!” They beamed, before think and shrinking back into themself, “I mean… I’m not. Sorry. I didn’t mean to-...”

“Like, shut up, man, I know y’are. I totes would flat out refuse anyone else but, like, I’ve seen you memorize a textbook. I ain’t gunna promise anythin’, but I’ll teach ya’.” 

“Thanks, Karen!… Hey, could you also tell Vanessa I was wrong? She's not gunna want to talk to me.”

“Nah. Let it sit. They’ll figure it out. Plus… it’s like, gunna totes be fun to watch. At least for a while.”

\---

It was late when they left. They’d hidden in Karen’s bedroom, which was a complete mess, when Vanessa had come over to ask if Karen had ordered her a new pizza with lemons on. Karen had been nice enough to accept responsibility for the new pizza, especially as Vanessa wasn’t exactly happy with the lemons on top (and neither was Alex). Karen had started to ramble off a lemon and poppy seed pizza recipe and Vanessa had decided that she had something very important and time sensitive she needed to do right at that moment. 

The night air was nice on their sore face. Cold. The desert gets oddly cold at night. It’s a cold that isn’t cold, especially for someone from a cold state. They wondered how Vanessa dealt with such heat. That said, they always wondered how Vanessa had managed to live in Franchia. Not due to the weather, but due to the haunting. She’d never really told them how or why she was living there. They had thought it was impossible until Vanessa insisted that she had.

_ “I thought I told you to stay away.”  _

Suddenly the night time chill ran far colder. It wasn’t Kevin- or rather, Station Management’s mockery of Kevin-’s voice. This time there was a more European voice. One that made Alex’s stomach turn immediately and everything inside them leap to try and escape their mouth. They didn’t want to turn. They didn’t want to see the face that he was wearing this time. A face they never wanted to see again. The voice was enough to make tears leak down their face. It was enough to freeze them in place.

_ “I can see your deepest fear and it smells… pungent.”  _ The voice spoke. Breath misted Alex’s neck and they spun around, only to be able to back away from the source. They backed into the door of their van, not having time to comprehend why it was there before they were pushed inside,  _ “I do hate feeding on such bitter fe-...”  _

\---

Soft breeze blew their hair, their dress dancing across the tops of the tall flowers that hid their bare feet. It was warm. It smelt like sweet roses, despite the flowers mainly being canna and delphinium. Their eyes traced the horizon until they saw what they were looking for. A strawberry bush, seemingly out of place in the middle of the endless field. 

“Joy?” They called out as they moved towards the bush. It would come faster than they walked. It always did. The small hut that stood behind the growth would only come into vision after they’d reached the woman they were calling for.

“Alex? It’s been a while. Should I be worried?”

“No…” They answered without really thinking, trying to push the thought of the real world away from them, “The bench is gone.”

“No, it’s here.” The woman assured, setting a hand on it. Alex hadn’t seen it but that was often the case here, “Lemonade?” 

They sat with the drinks, strawberry lemonade with curly straws that were surprisingly easy to summon the drink through despite their curves and spirals. Alex would normally lay their head against her but they were older now. They were almost her age. It seemed odd to do such now, “You know, it’s sad. Your lemonade is my happiest memory and it’s not even real.”

“Does it feel real?” She waited for Alex to nod before stroking their hair, “Then it doesn’t matter that it’s not.” 

\--p--

“ _ Hello _ ?”

Their eyes raised to Sam, who was waving her hand in front of their face. She seemed relieved that they responded, even if it wasn’t verbally. The stink of iron drew them back away from that sweet rose scent. The next place their eyes travelled to was Damien, standing against the counter and staring at one of the bodies that Alex had torn apart. It surprised even them that they’d used a knife, with the mess they’d made. They remembered it clearly, cutting them up, and then mutilating them, screaming in their cold, dead faces, and then standing... but Damien and Sam entering they didn't.

“One of your executives?” They asked.

“No.” It was simple but didn’t draw Damien’s attention from the body, “My daughter’s math tutor. Whoever funds this isn’t here.”

“Beautiful work, though, Alex. I expected to be waiting a while to see you make such a wonderful sacrifice to the Smiling God!” Sam sang as she inspected the bodies, obviously seeing what flesh was still available to butcher and freeze.

“They aren’t a sacrifice, for anyone.” They spat, turning to Reed, “Why do you eat them?”

“Why not? It’s good meat.”

“So, you see them like animals?”

“Well, that’s what they are.”

Alex simply hummed in agreement, although they meant these specific people and understood that Reed meant  _ everyone. _ They opened their mouth to speak again but were interrupted by a muffled song coming from their pocket.

“Vanessa?” There was a long pause. Maybe She’d butt dialled them? “Are you there?”

“Yeah.” She sounded upset.

“Uh… are you alright?”

“Not really. Are you busy?” This was their time to pause, looking to Reed and then Damien.

“Come on.” Damien told her, letting Sam give Alex a time limit before they both stepped outside.

“No, not busy. I have a few minutes. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t really know how to talk to you about this.” She started. Their eyes ran over the bodies on the floor again, over the pictures the men had brought to the meeting. It disgusted them and Vanessa couldn’t tell them anything that would shock them after seeing this, “I-… I’m sorry, is really what I wanted to get at.”

“Why are you sorry?” They said in her pause, unsure if she was actually going to continue or not, “If anything I should be the one apologising… well, I did, I mean, sorry again. Uhm… what are you apologising for?”

“I should be apologising. I wasn’t great either. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, Yeah.” They heard the crack in their voice and sniffed to cover it, “I think I messed up but no one is as mad as I expected.”

“What happened?”

How were they meant to answer that? They couldn’t. They just made a few ‘uhms’ down the phone as they tried to think of something that wouldn’t annoy her but wouldn’t tell her exactly where they were. They rubbed their face, their smile knife clinking against their phone as they did, “N-Nothing much. I just... “ There was nothing they could really say, other than the truth, “... k-killed some people.”

“I think I misheard you-...”

“No.” They interrupted, trying their best to keep the fear out of their voice, “They weren’t  _ nice  _ people.”

“I don’t-... did Daniel tell you to kill people?” 

Why would Daniel have told them to kill someone? Daniel wouldn’t do that, Daniel wouldn’t hurt a fly, right? “Daniel? No…  _ Oh God…  _ He’s going to hate me. Oh… wait… sorry, what did you want to talk to me about? I hijacked the conversation a bit.”

“Nothing.” It didn’t sound like nothing, “Just apologising. I should go, Kevin will be home soon.”

“Well… alright… take care.”

She hung up before they had finished. They’d fucked up. They knew they had. She would tell Daniel and he would hate them. What would he think when he found out what they’d done? Even with context, Alex had killed people. Even knowing, they couldn’t justify having planned and conducted murder, not just of one person but of five. Not just murder either, but laying out the bodies in the way they had. Putting the evidence of their disgusting crimes spread across their open chest cavities. Their hearts, and other parts, smashed to pieces and stuffed into their mouths. They hadn’t just murdered five people, they’d mutilated them. They had just gotten carried away… or was that just another excuse for being a horrid person? Did it really matter?

“Sam will send a clean up crew up. We discussed it-...” Damien stopped short of the blade that had been pointed at him, Alex now catching their breath as the man had scared them. Damien moved far too quietly for their liking, “... If you can find out who funded this little… PR nightmare… then you can kill them, regardless of job role.”

“Fine.”

“We’re also giving you a second job. It’ll help, but Calina will be keeping a close eye on you. You’ve proved you hate… this…” The man gestured vague at the man he’d identified as Lauren’s old tutor, “... but not everyone is going to see that. We’ll get you an android skin. Alicia Strex, and you’ll act like an android when you wear it.”

“What job?”

“Childcare.”

“Your vetting process is  _ so  _ intensive. I’m  _ surprised _ you had a  _ problem _ in the first place, I mean,  _ letting _ the dude with  _ ‘pe-.. _ .”

“Alex, you are  _ so, so lucky _ that I’m giving you this job.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [(Setting Yourself Up for) Sarcasm - Get Scared](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ahN0f0r9JQ) [tw: self harm, suicide, murder, drugs, flashing images]


	61. Turbulence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel, Sophie, Daisy, and Karen arrive at StrexCorp.
> 
> Alex continues to remember the past, thinking about before they started dating Daniel.
> 
> Long summery[here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/69749685)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings [ not starred, use long summery if needed ]
> 
> > SA - Adult and mention of paedophilia (Alex saying he's not but nothing beyond that).  
> > Murder  
> >Threats  
> >Abuse of power / Abuse of someone else's mental health  
> > Stalking  
> > Homophobia + sexism  
> > Abuse [child and adult]  
> > Assault  
> > vomiting  
> > dissociation + inner world imagery  
> > Bad age gap relationship [mentions of past relationship with Vanessa]  
> > ABA  
> > Self deprecation + Self harm  
> >Suicide attempt  
> > Trauma response  
> > Cannibalism and Auto-cannibalism  
> > Disordered eating  
> > Mutilation  
> >Gaslighting [done badly]  
> > Recreational drug use  
> > Tell me if I need to add more

“How did it go?”

The android who was now greeting them and had already cleaning their hands of blood had an uncharacteristic blush on her face. She kept looking up at them and then away. If they didn’t know Calina better, they’d assume she had a crush on them. She was certainly acting like a schoolgirl who was able to go on a date with the cutest boy in school. Alex, however, did know her better and put it down to the fact that the Smile knife she’d been able to borrow was Lauren Mallard’s. Alex was just glad they’d been able to put it to a use that they were sure Lauren would be happy with. 

“I went a bit overboard. I just got so angry, I ended up mutilating them and screaming at them.” They explained, letting Calina wipe the blood from their face now, “I can tell you about it while we have a soak, if you want.”

Her smile faded for a moment, looking over to the hot tub but then she nodded. She always looked uncomfortable for the first few minutes when they were in the hot tub. She’d said it was because it was Daniel’s and they probably shouldn’t be using it while he wasn’t there but Alex reassured her that he wouldn’t mind. 

“That sounds like a good punishment.” She agreed after Alex had explained, although she’d winced several times while they were explaining. She wasn’t made for combat or for killing, so Alex had tried to be less detailed with their explanation. They weren’t really telling her out of pride, they were telling her because they needed someone who wasn’t already a murderer to talk to about it, “Alex, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Do you ever feel things that you shouldn’t?”

“Like the need to murder people?”

“No…” She started, looking away from them. There was a moment of silence, Calina sinking further into the tub before continuing, “... I mean, I have programmed emotions. I shouldn’t be able to go against them.”

“Why not? Didn’t you tell me that android in AP went against her programming? I don’t see why you wouldn’t.”

“Well, that’s a change to the program that’s there… I don’t have a program for how I feel. I shouldn’t, physically, be able to go against something that’s not there.” 

“Well, maybe you’re just mistaking one feeling for another. What are you feeling?” 

She looked up at them and then laughed softly. She had a cute laugh, although they knew she didn’t like it very much. They’d programmed her to be very shy and self-conscious, “I’m nervous that once Daniel gets here, you won’t spend as much time with me.”

“Of course we will.” Alex assured her, taking her hand and watching the blush light on her cheeks again, “You look after me. I’m not going to abandon you! Now… you want to tell me what’s so special about that Smile knife? I know you’ve been dying to.”

“Yes!”

\--P--

Alex’s eyes rose to the creature who was sitting on the other side of the van from them. They were an eldritch shape and mass of heads. Under any other circumstances, Alex would have screamed but Alex knew who this was and why they were there. Well, they knew how they got here, they didn’t know why they were still here.

“I can’t feed off your fear if you completely retreat.” Station Management told them, flicking the pages of Alex’s copy of Grey’s Anatomy, “Do you nurses not learn non-human psychology anymore?”

“Uhm… we do. That’s from before I came here.” 

“You’re not scared of me?”

“No, sir.”

The creature seemed annoyed by this fact, or at least some of its heads did. Others seemed to be confused and some even proud. It was very confusing for Alex. 

“It’s morning, by the way. I suggest you see your therapist after work.” He told them, putting the book down and opening the door of the van, “Stay away from my interns.” 

The fact they were now sitting on the sidewalk and their van had completely disappeared just confused them more. They would definitely take the man’s advice and see Sophie, but they couldn’t afford to miss another day of work and they were sure that Sophie would be happy to see them later in the evening. 

It was their longer shift day. 10am-1pm and then 2pm-7pm and then the easy rounds after 8pm. At least they could keep texting Daniel in that time, although they were more trying to put him off than anything else. They didn’t really want to drag someone else into a relationship with them, knowing it would just turn out badly for Daniel. They told themself it was to help Vanessa but they were trying to let go of those thoughts. Trying to forget. They were exhausted and it was well past closing time for the psychiatry department but they crossed their fingers and made their way down stairs. 

Sophie’s receptionist was sitting at his desk, engrossed in whatever work he was doing. It wasn’t until Alex cleared their throat that the man actually realised they were there, jumping up and rushing around the desk to move Alex further from it. 

“What do you want? We’re closed.” 

“You’re still here.” Alex pointed out, clicking their tongue, “I need to talk to Sophie, really badly. It’s an emergency call.”

The man laughed at first but then realised Alex was serious and huffed, “She’s not here. It can wait until morning.” 

“It can’t, man. Come on. You must know where she is or at least have her number!”

“I do but she’s not on call. I can’t ask her to come in for one patient.”

“Please! I will pay you back. Anything you want.” Alex watched the man carefully. He was thinking. They were patient with him, although mouthed ‘anything’ a few times. In the end the man just asked that Alex didn’t look at the computer. It was an odd request but Alex obliged without question, sitting as far away from the desk as possible. He was gone for a while and Alex wasn’t exactly sure he was coming back but it was warmer in the waiting room than in their van so they weren’t about to complain. They would get better sleep in here. It would be a while before they could get an apartment of their own. They needed the bank to accept a deposit, then there was all the paperwork that they barely had time for, and even then they'd need an address. Being homeless meant they didn't have an address, so they'd have to figure that out before they could even start the process. 

When they did return, Sophie stumbled through the door, making an over-the-top celebratory gesture towards them. She was wearing a dress that barely covered her, or at least not while she was walking in such a way, and heels that made her even taller than she usually was. 

“What up, loser? Guess what? You’re gunna love this shit!” She told them, falling into the seat next to them and throwing her arm around their shoulders, “I just soaked that prick, Kevin!” 

“What? Why?”

“You were right! He was completely trying to take advantage of Vanny. Fucking asshole. You know, I thought you were crazy, insane, incompetent, jealous, ugly, an ass-...”

"Yeah, yeah, please stop describing me... I know all this."

"... but at least you aren't like him. He just wants to control her, an' I'm not even sure he'll want that after a fuck." 

Alex looked her up and down, “What? How did you figure that out?”

“Uh… Vanny told me what he did to you? Duh!”

“Wait? Was Karen not out with you guys?” 

“She was… why?”

“I made a mistake… it’s what I needed to talk to you about. That wasn’t Kevin, it was Karen’s uncle.” 

She retracted her arm, eyeing them up as if they’d just told her the most unbelievable news of her life. They shrugged in return, Sophie just humming and turning to her receptionist instead, “Why are you still here?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re done.”

“Right… So, Alex, is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Don’t really want to talk now I know you’re drunk, honestly. You can continue your rant about me if you want.” They said, “but yeah. It was. I’m not sure how to tell Vanessa.” 

“So don’t. I will. I’ll ask Karen why she’s stirring shit again too.” 

“Technically she’s just staying out of it.”

“Pfft… Right, now you!” Sophie wobbled as she rose, marching over to just in front of the receptionist. Alex almost thought she was about to start a fight with him but they weren’t sure if that was simply because she was drunk and obviously over excited, “You’re not meant to stay here this late. I’m not going to pay you overtime if you’re not actually working here, you know?” 

“I am working.” 

“Should I go…” Alex asked, shrinking into themself at the tone the two were taking with each other and the way Sophie was leaning over the man, her hands on the desk behind him.

“No, no. Stay.” Sophie told them before returning her attention to the other person, one hand moving to turn the computer, “Your productivity has declined substantially recently, Greg. For someone staying so late, and pulling a pay check from doing so, I’m surprised at how little you’re getting done. Oh, and Alex’s file is up. Strange person to be focusing on.” 

“I’m right here…” 

“Well, no one else is stupid enough to walk around with your ‘therapy’ on their wrist, are they?” Greg hissed, pulling a USB stick from his pocket, “I’ve been copying the records of all the people you’ve been torturing! Then there’s them!” He leant around her to gesture at Alex, “The icing on the cake. A walking example of your therapy being detrimental to mental health. The guy the whole town knows as a deranged stalker.” 

“The whole town thinks that?”

“Oh yeah, who are you taking that to, exactly?” Sophie scoffed, her hand moving to the letter opener and Alex’s eyes following it.

“Ok… enough acting like a crime drama. This is very funny but I think you two need to-...”

“The board. Tomorrow. You think they’ll keep a -...” 

Their back pressed against the wall, having leapt onto the chair. There was so much red. There was a bubbling noise behind Sophie. She was saying something but they couldn’t focus on it, only focused on the man who was now falling to the side. Then she turned and their heart stopped. She was covered in blood. Arterial spray. The man was drowning in his own blood or maybe that was just Alex’s perception. They’d seen people with terrible injuries but had never seen them inflicted on anyone other than themself. They felt like they were going to throw up, especially as they felt cold metal pressed into their hand. They couldn't process that it was the letter opener. They hadn't processed Sophie wiping her own prints away. 

“Oh, no, Alex. What did you do to Greg?” Sophie was smiling at them, looking extremely calm, “It’s a shame the cameras are out for maintenance, isn’t it?” 

“Wh-what? Y-you… you did this!”

“Oh no, it’s worse than I thought.” Her voice sent shivers down them, her tongue like a dagger cutting through them, “Your dissociations. Don’t you remember what you did?”

“Don’t try to gaslight me!” They whimpered, their free hand gripping the front of their hair and looking between Greg’s dead eyes and Sophie’s frown, feeling a massive shock pass through them, “I know your tricks… my mom did the same.  _ You  _ taught me that! You think I’m going to fall for it?” 

“No…” She started, looking back to Greg, “...but I mean, the police will trust a local, who is a well known psychiatrist, over the interloper who has been exploiting their position.” 

“E-Exploiting my position? How am I?” They sputtered, watching her move over to the computer. She took a tissue and pressed a button, Alex’s record disappearing from the screen.

“Oh, you broke in to delete your records… because of course, due to doctor-patient confidentiality, I can’t tell the police about your fantasies unless you’ve acted on them.” 

“No… No!” They looked around desperately, trying to find a physical way out, “You can’t do that. You can’t do that to me. I don’t… I don’t like kids, everyone just assumes but... I don’t…” 

“Kids? I meant murder, but that’s way better ammunition. Thank you.” 

“Please, you can’t pin this on me!”

“Well, you could always dispose of the body. Clean the scene up. Then no one would have to know, would they?” 

\--P--

Daniel was the first to arrive a whole day before the others.

They wore their original skin, which had been uncomfortably pulled over the panels that now connected it to their outer circulatory system. It wasn’t like people didn’t recognise them in different skins, seeing as there was a large ‘StrexCorp’ mark on their neck with a barcode underneath, but Daniel wouldn’t have recognised them and Daniel was who they wanted to see. 

In the short trip down the stairs, they’d already been pelted by a bottle of StrexDew (Mountain Dew which was re-labelled and marked up in price), what seemed to be left over lasagne from the canteen, and a fresh apple (which hadn’t split, it just hit them rather hard and left a bruise on their forehead). None of this could dull their mood. They could see him now and the way Daniel’s face lit up made their whole world shine. It was obvious that Daniel hadn’t noticed the state they were in as he ran over to embrace Alex, spinning them around before pressing their lips together until they had to break away to breathe. 

“I missed you.” He breathed and Alex couldn’t help but beam, “What is in your hair?”

“It doesn’t matter.” They replied, running a hand through Daniel’s and moving to kiss him again. Their lips hadn’t touched when another voice drew their attention away.

“Junior?” 

Alex’s blood ran cold, freezing as their eyes widened and moved to the source of the voice. Only one person called them that and he would not be happy that they were currently standing in the embrace of a man, while wearing a shift dress, with their hair covered in food that stuck in the hair spray and styled curls. The worst position for this man to ever see them in.

“What the fuck is this?” 

“Not what…” Alex replied, “Who? And this is Daniel, sir. He’s… my boyfriend.” 

They watched the anger grow on the man’s face, knowing what was coming. It was as if time slowed for those moments before his father exploded in front of him. At first, this was figurative. He was screaming, cursing, and calling Alex and Daniel every slur under the sun. Some were directed solely at Alex, because their father hadn’t realised they applied to Daniel, and some thrown solely at Daniel which in no way applied to Alex. Neither of them could really keep up, other than Daniel at one point muttering a  _ ‘racist’  _ or  _ ‘asshole’.  _ He was certainly taking it better than Alex, who had pulled themself closer to Daniel for protection.

Then it was literal. Obviously Damien didn’t take nicely to having slurs thrown about in his lobby. Alex wasn’t sure if he’d been listening from behind and had become bored with it or if it was his father going for a physical assault on the two that had caused him to shoot the man in the head, but they were now staring at the relaxed man. They didn’t take in the fact they were covered with their father’s blood. They weren’t sure they cared. Well, they definitely cared. Cared in the way any child would care about seeing their parent killed. That’s not to say they were sad about the person that was killed, but the relationship to them. It was a cold ache, like the end of something. Even the end of bad things hurt, after all. 

“You should meet Calina.” 

That was their first reaction, turning to Daniel with an odd calm. Daniel didn’t seem as phased as Alex thought he would be. Their suggestion of meeting Calina was really with the thought that she may help, being there as an emotional support android, but Daniel seemed oddly fine with what had just happened. Alex had been through training to get to this point, the point where they weren’t even thinking about the blood that was on their own hands, nevermind anybody else’s. Daniel hadn’t had training yet but he was so calm. 

Once they were in their room, after Damien had given Daniel his proper greeting, Alex watched him slump onto the sofa. He was staring at the hot tub that was in the middle of the room. 

“Do you want a shower? It’s really cold, sorry, but you can warm up in the hot tub after.”

“He just killed someone… without a second thought.”

“Well, they were calling you names.” Alex said, cursing themself for the stupid answer, “That happens here. A lot. I guess it’s just what happens when there’s an NAP or AP. If not, fights would go on until a superior stopped them.” 

“Yeah…” Daniel agreed and Alex thought they saw some regret on Daniel’s face. They didn’t want Daniel feeling bad about something that wasn’t their fault but didn’t really know how to help, “... I’m going to shower, yeah.” 

\--P--

Alex stared at his phone. Daniel had just said he liked them. Even while they tried to put him off, he was still trying to be with them. They felt their heart sink. They wanted to. They wanted Daniel to take them for drinks or a meal. They wanted to laugh and chat and forget about everything that night had thrown at them. To forget driving into the desert. To forget the helicopter that questioned their digging. To forget having to drive even further to avoid the helicopter. To forget throwing Greg, who they barely knew, into a shallow grave. To forget the lingering fear that the sheriff’s secret police knew. That Sophie would blame them. The pain in their arm each time they started to cry about it. They wanted to sweep it under the rug. They wanted strawberry lemonade and the smell of roses. 

_ “I like u 2.” _

A stupid first text.

_ “But u don’t no me.” _

A stupid second text. They shouldn’t be lazy with this. Even if the keyboard annoyed them, they had to show Daniel they were serious.

_ “Look man I cant be in a relationship with you” _

_ “You dont want to be in a relationship with me” _

_ “Im not a good person.” _

_ “Im a stalker I dont think things through I upset everyone Im around.” _

_ “Im not even attractive” _

_ “Youd be better with someone else” _

_ "You could get with anyone you wanted" _

_ "Kevin is stupid for not liking you" _

_ "You deserve to be happy" _

_ "I dont make people happy" _

_ “Trust me” _

They waited for a reply. They waited a long time. It was almost time to start their shift, having driven around for hours in the night. They weren’t sure they’d be able to stand the whole shift but they couldn’t take any more time off. They’d proven how useful they were around the hospital but it didn’t mean that the admin had forgotten about why they were hired. They weren’t desperate anymore. They could fire them whenever, for whatever reason. They’d already had a lot of time off this month, never mind this year. They couldn’t afford more time. It may have felt longer, but it was less than a week ago that they had taken time off for their dehydration and the fog. 

_ “Ill call you later and explain but I suggest you just dont pick up if you dont Ill assume youre doing the right thing and staying away” _

_ “You wont get hurt that way”  _

As soon as their shift was over, Alex checked their phone. No reply. They called. No reply. 

Tears formed in their eyes, despite themself. They knew this is what they told him to do but it still felt like a knife in the chest that he had followed their advice. They made it to their van before they fully broke down, curling around themself and wailing into a pillow. They knew the tears would pass and their thoughts would clear. They knew that they’d have that small time where they were low enough to know what to do but not high enough to talk themself down from it. They didn’t want Daniel changing their mind and knowing. They knew they were alone. They had always been alone, even in the short time that their relationship with Vanessa was fine, they were alone. They weren’t what their parents had wanted. They weren’t what Robbie wanted. They weren’t what Vanessa had wanted. They weren’t what Daniel wanted. They would never be what anyone wanted. They were a monster. A nervous mess on the floor, who had no real reason to be crying. They felt guilty for allowing themself these tears. They were born like this, disgusting, ruined, and alone. They would always be alone. They would always be disgusting. They would always be a monster. 

_ “I dont like u.” _

_ “Im sorry.” _

_ “Dont come near me again.” _

Alex didn’t care how Daniel would react to the messages, just staring for another few minutes. They were watching the lack of reply as they slipped out of the back of their van. A half drunk bottle of whiskey in one hand and tablets in the other. The desert was vast and no one would find them, just like no one would find Greg. They’d never succeeded in their plans before but they were sure this time. Organ failure. One way or another. Dehydration or poisoning, they didn’t care. There was just one more person they had to text and then they’d throw their phone in the sand. No one could track them.

_ “Im sorry Vanny” _

_ “I wont hur u anymore” _

\--P--

“You still have your scars.” 

“Yeah, it’s just my skin pulled over metal. I have other skins if you’d rather I-...”

“No, it’s comforting, in a weird way. Reminds me he deserved to die.”

Alex went silent, looking down at the three pairs of feet in the hot tub. Daniel had complained about the water temperature and a maintenance android had told him the truth about why it was so cold. Alex had apologised and Daniel had kissed them on the head and told them they had done worse in Alex’s absence. Alex didn’t ask what they meant. Alex wasn’t sure they wanted to be comparing their own unhealthy coping mechanisms, considering what they had done. 

Now they were sat awkwardly in the hot tub, warm and comforting, and all Alex wanted to do was curl up against Daniel and sleep. This was one of the few times they wouldn’t be pestered by other employees. They had this time to get Daniel settled. That was their work and Daniel’s work was far more important than theirs. Daniel was a head of department. He would work closely with Damien. He wouldn’t be expected to work at all hours with little sleep. He got this large, wonderful room. Alex had seen the small rooms of different members of Strex, from the tiny cupboards that the other nurses lived in to the extravagance (that was oddly not that much better than this room, except for having a champagne fountain that Harmony seemed to really enjoy) that Damien enjoyed. 

“Why does she look at us like that?” Daniel asked, his eyes set on Calina. Calina wouldn’t answer because the question wasn’t directed at her.

“She’s sentient, you can ask her. She’s your superior in terms of rank.”

“Only because I was designed by Mr. Mallard, himself.” Calina clarified, sinking so her head was only visible. She’d kept a baggy t-shirt on today that covered her to her knees. Alex remembered how awkward she had felt before she got to know them and had offered it in case she felt bad getting naked or wearing a bikini in front of Daniel. She’d accepted immediately, “I’m sorry if you don’t like how I’m looking at you. I assure you, it’s only with respect, sir.”

“Daniel is fine.” Daniel told her, leaning on his fist. He’d also opted for wearing boxers in front of her, making Alex the only person who was actually naked, “I meant, you’re an android. You’re blushing. Why?”

“I do have two circulatory systems, just like Alex.” 

“Most androids only have one.” 

Alex looked at Daniel, impressed that he’d remembered that. He hadn’t had much time to learn everything about Strex but Alex knew he’d been talking to Harmony for the time that they had been apart. Harmony must have filled him in on some of the lesser information like the working of androids, cyborgs, and bio-bots. They hadn’t really discussed what else Daniel knew about Strex.

“Well, I’m obviously a special kind of android.”

“Uh-huh.” Daniel replied, seeming annoyed by her response. Alex was unsure why but they had gotten used to being unsure why people did what they did, so brushed it off, “So, are you attracted to Alex? You’re blushing.”

“I feel no attraction to anyone.” Calina’s face dropped. She refused to look at either of them, “I’m not programmed for such.”

“Uh-huh.” 

Another silence and Alex shuffled closer to Daniel, watching Calina smile at this movement. Her smile faded when Daniel turned Alex’s head and kissed him but returned when the kiss broke. Alex had noticed Daniel glaring at her but didn’t want to mention the tension between the two, more wanting to get them to get along through their mutual interests. They tried to bring up several things that both of them liked but each time Daniel would shoot down the conversation. He seemed resistant to liking the woman at all. That was until Alex had mentioned Calina’s accident.

“Hackers are a pain, I had one of them going through my emails with Harmony before I came. No idea what they know now but I sure as hell hope it made them happy!” 

“Ugh! At least they didn’t leave you with false memories that terrify and haunt you.” 

“I have enough bad memories as it is without hackers, trust me! At least you know yours are fake.” 

“Oh, and the questioning! Always questioning myself. Don’t tell Damien about that one but jeez… I’m like ‘why do I like this?’ and ‘why can’t I just be what Damien wants’.”

“Hey, parents suck!” Daniel started, looking over to Alex who gave a small  _ ‘amen’ _ , “You’re you, that should be enough for him.”

\--P--

“How many did you take?”

“How did you find me?” 

Vanessa picked up the packet from the floor, moving the foil so that she could see what the tablets were. Her eyes then went to the large patch of vomit that was a few meters from where Alex was lying. They were sobbing, rubbing their eyes with a hand that clutched at an empty bottle. She was no doctor, but she was pretty sure that they had thrown up most of the tablets whole. 

“Get up. I was in bed and I want to go back to bed, man.” She huffed, moving around them and grabbing their shoulder to pull them up, “Come on!” 

“Just leave me.” 

“I’m not leaving you to dehydrate in the desert.”

“Why not? I ruined your life. I always ruin everyone’s life.” 

She sighed, getting them sat up and letting them lean on her, “No you didn’t. My life is fine. Your life, your life is a mess. My life is great, when people aren’t stalking me, I have a good job. I have friends. You didn’t ruin anything.” 

“I did.” They whined, turning around and causing Vanessa to fall forward, “You wasted years with me just because you felt sorry for me. You pitied me and didn’t want me to live on the str-...” 

She snapped. She dragged them to their feet, growling and shaking them. God were they light nowadays, “I didn’t  _ pity  _ you! I didn’t  _ feel sorry _ for you. I certainly don’t now! Despite what you think, I fucking  _ loved  _ you! What did you do? Huh? You self destructed and you hurt me doing it!” 

Vanessa sniffled, letting go of them once they’d found their feet again. She had to wipe the tears from her eyes to see. She hated this! She hated all of it! “You just got worse and worse. At first you were shy, you zoned out a lot, but you were kind to yourself. Then you started to see Sophie and things got better for a while… but then all of a sudden you just lost yourself. You spiralled. You constantly blamed yourself for everything. You feared everything. You pushed yourself into things and then it was awkward.” 

“The bracelet told me to.” Alex whispered, a conspiratorial tone that made Vanessa worry they’d clearly lost their mind, “I got the bracelet to make you happy! I get a shock when I don’t do things that make you happy. It hurts! Constant, fucking, pain! Why? Because I  _ need  _ to change.” 

“It shocks you?” 

“Yeah, that’s how this therapy works.” Alex returned to a normal level of speaking now, looking at the bracelet like they'd never seen it before, “It stops shocking me when I-... uhm… ‘react correctly to a given stimulus’.” 

She looked between their reddened eyes and the bracelet a few times before snatching their wrist. Alex pulled back, yelling incoherently as she tried her best to get it off. Alex tried their best to push her off, resorting to  _ ‘no, I need it’ _ s rather than real arguments but eventually Vanessa got it from them and threw it as far as she possibly could. Alex had run after it, trying to find it again. Vanessa simply walked over to them, putting a hand on their shoulder.

“Stop abusing yourself, Alex. I can’t do this anymore. I care about you but this is… I’ve dealt with you doing this far too many times. I understand but I can’t help anymore. I’m too tired.” She whispered, dropping to her knees to put her arms around them, “I’m sorry.” 

“You shouldn’t be apologising.  _ I’m  _ sorry. All the things I've put you through... All the things I wouldn't do for you...” 

“Come on, let’s get you to Sophie’s place. She’ll take care of you.” 

“Yeah.”

“Oh, and Alex…” They looked up at her as she spoke, “... next time, give the cute guy the right number. I had to correct what you’d written. Daniel likes you.” 

“I know he does… but he shouldn't. He deserves better than that... So, what are you going to do now?”

“Go home, get drunk, yell at the Secret Police in my shower head.” Vanessa told them, ignoring their previous comments.

\--P--

Sophie, Daisy, and Karen all came at the same time, the day after Daniel had arrived. Karen immediately felt sick when entering, so Daisy needed to rush her to the bathroom, but Sophie stayed in the reception. She looked around at the white walls and tiled floor that had been polished in such a way it looked as if it was made of teeth. She noted the faint metallic smell in the air and smirked, familiar with the source. It had been cleaned, and the artificial lemon that was covering the majority of it was far less pleasant to her than the underlying smell. 

“Dr. Berry, I assume.” Her attention turned now to the European man walking towards her and greeting her with such a friendly tone. She looked him up and down once and then her eyes set on his name tag, “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“As have I you. It seems my favourite patient happens to have learnt their trade from you.”

“Not me, I’m afraid.” She watched his mouth. It was somewhere between a smile and a frown and she knew immediately that he was worried about what Alex had told her, “I simply helped them to find their feet.”

“Well, definitely taking them off them at least…” She tested, watching his face fall into a more worried expression. He couldn’t have been worried about the company finding out. She knew Alex and the hostility between the two would be obvious. No, he was worried about her, “... They were very useful… in the hospital, that is. Did they tell you about our therapy? I know that it’s unconventional but we could both benefit from you giving it a go.” 

“Therapy?” 

“The bracelets.” Sophie explained, pulling one from her pocket, “This piece gives a shock when the patient reacts incorrectly to negative emotions. This one piece injects sugar water, to stimulate dopamine production, when they react correctly. That is, unless your patient never comes to top up the sugar side of things.” 

He raised an eyebrow at the accessory, taking it from her for a closer look. He didn’t seem at all shocked or annoyed by her use of a therapy that was overall frowned upon in the psychiatric community. That said, she wasn’t sure he was a psychiatrist. 

“How does it know how they react?”

“A very small microchip injected into their spine, under the connection to the brain stem to avoid paralysis. Sometimes it might cause it but I haven’t had a problem. Small sample size doesn’t help, of course.” 

“I think you’ll enjoy it here, Doctor.” He grinned, passing the bracelet back and putting his arm around her shoulder, “How do you feel about training in pharmaceuticals?”

“That would be amazing.”

\--P--

Sophie and Daisy took good care of them, despite the fact that they had shown up at the worst time. When they’d come in, Daisy was inspecting a ring on her finger but had stopped as soon as she saw Alex, rushing to check their temperature and get details from Vanessa about the type of drug they’d overdosed on and how many tablets she’d seen, whole or partial, in their vomit. With the details Vanessa gave, Daisy didn’t seem too concerned about Alex, although gave them some activated charcoal and held their hair out of the way while they threw up. 

Sophie kept an eye on them at work, although didn’t report the event to any of their superiors. They felt like they might be discharged if anyone found out and Sophie seemed to agree. She had questioned if it had something to do with Greg but Alex denied it completely. The two were busy that day anyway, a lot of people coming in for emergency treatment or emergency psychiatric support after going through the Vortex that had been moving through town. They hadn’t had time to listen to the radio to find out how many were affected but the hospital was packed for a long time. They were relieved to be given a break at all, even one that had been ordered for the mental health of the staff (meaning Alex would have to pick up a shift of their replacement later in the week and Sophie would have to work through the night). 

They sat in Alex’s van, having a smoke and a coffee. They’d ordered some food but it would be at least fifteen more minutes. 

“So, what triggered this whole thing?”

“You’re not working, taking a break.”

“As a friend, not your psych.”

Alex sighed, “Daniel. He’s been texting me but I don’t think we can be friends.”

“Oh, and I agree entirely.” Sophie told them, shrugging at them when they looked shocked, “You’re not in a mental state to be healthy with other people. You should be alone. You'll just hurt other people if you're not. Don’t talk to him. Don’t go see him.”

“I don’t want to see his stupid ass anyway.” Alex snapped, turning away from her to hide their tears.

“I don’t believe you. You want to see him, you’re just scared.”

“He said he liked me, though! Who does that? Stupid fuck... Who would ever like me?” 

Their words were a hiss, not really meaning them as anything more than punishment to themself. They didn’t want Daniel to like them, or anyone for that matter. They didn’t deserve that and one day Daniel would realise that and leave them. 

“Someone who has no taste, when it comes to you.”

“You’re getting less helpful now I’ve hidden you-...”

“Not so loud, wouldn’t want the Secret Police hearing that you like kids.”

“Fuck off, Sophie.” 

The rest of the break was uncomfortable and Alex really just wanted to get out and leave her locked in their van. They didn’t, eating dinner and trying to keep the conversation off of their own problems. Sophie told them about what had happened before they had arrived the night before, having made Daisy her favourite foods, bought her a new lab coat (a painting one as Daisy had suggested taking it up as a hobby), and had got down on one knee. The ring was a ruby that was shaped like a skull next to an emerald shaped like a syringe. Sophie had explained to them that the syringe was for Daisy but no one did a brain ring so a skull was the closest. Alex tried to be happy at this news. Their friends were getting married. It felt selfish that all they could think was that they would never have the opportunity themself. They'd never be good enough to do that. Never matter enough to anyone. 

Just before Alex returned to work their phone lit up.

_ “Alex.” _

_ “We should talk.” _

They had no time to reply, or energy, and just went straight back to their shift. 

\--P--

Sophie, Daisy, and Karen all came at the same time, the day after Daniel had arrived. Karen immediately felt sick when entering, so Daisy needed to rush her to the bathroom. She knew Karen couldn’t see through the fear she was reacting to and it worried her. Why would there be so much fear just on entering this company that Karen couldn’t stomach it? Karen threw up often but she could normally hold it for at least a few seconds. This time she’d thrown up on herself on the way to the bathrooms and then again several times until Daisy was sure that she was just bringing up stomach acid.

“Hey, it’s alright, I’ll take over.” Alex told her, putting a hand on Karen’s back and nodding for Daisy to go, “Dr. Reed doesn’t like waiting and she’s… she’s a scary woman.” 

“Thanks, Alex. Let me know when you feel better, Ka.” 

Karen simply gave Daisy a thumbs up. 

She wasn’t sure why Alex thought this woman was scary. She was a short haired, nerdy looking, woman who approached Daisy in a wheelchair, with a bright smile. She made normal pleasantries and seemed pretty normal on the outside. Of course, Alex had been here for longer and knew their colleagues better than she did, so she kept that in mind as Dr. Reed led her into the labs. They were well laid out, clean and organised. Daisy had brought the things to make the fog that she’d accidentally unleashed on Desert Bluffs with her and she saw vast arrays of analysis equipment that the lab in the Bluffs didn’t have. That would allow her to figure out what had gone wrong with it and why it seemed to make everyone so affectionate. It also gave the potential for her to find a way to neutralise it in case there was a leak in the future, after all she hadn’t given up her dream of that antipsychotic drug. 

The last lab they went into was introduced as Sam’s. She told her it was where she, Alex, and Dr. Taylor worked most days while Daisy examined the diagrams on the walls. One in particular stood out. On one side was a diagram showing a chemical with a benzene ring that branched off into several other active groups along its chain. The other side was another chemical, this one had four rings, three with nitrogens in and the other two breaking off into a Chloride and a fluoride. Individually they were pretty normal, one a motion sickness medicine and the other used as anaesthesia. It was odd to see the two together, though, especially with the diagram of Morphine in the middle. The two had both been potential candidates for truth serum and had the adverse effect of changes in heart rhythm. It was an odd pairing that Daisy wasn’t sure she’d put together herself.

“Hey, what’s with the Hyoscine-Midazolam-Morphine diagram?” 

“Oh…” Sam’s eyes went up from Daisy to the poster and then back to Daisy, “We’re trying something, nothing to worry about.” 

“It’s not a great idea to mix Morphine with those. There’s a large potential for interaction.”

“We know, don’t worry. We’re working to lower that interaction.”

“... but why?” Daisy finally looked down to the woman, who was looking between the two with shock on her face. Daisy had assumed Daniel had told Strex that she was a doctor of pharmacology, or at least that she had worked as an anaesthesiologist prior to leaving the hospital, “There are safer alternatives.”

“Not for what we’re looking at doing.” Sam assured, turning her chair away now and gesturing at the bench, “Now, why don’t we talk about your aphrodisiac. I’m sure you’re looking forward to researching it properly.”

“No.” 

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I mean, tell me why these specific drugs. I don’t want to hand over a potentially dangerous chemical to someone who is researching putting potential dangerous chemicals together ‘for the hell of it’. It really comes across like that’s what you’re doing.” 

“Your chemical isn’t dangerous.” 

“It causes hallucinations! Even the lesser version I have here has a large potential for abuse.” 

Sam’s eyes seemed to travel behind Daisy, looking past her instead of at her, but Daisy didn’t back down. She pulled her backpack around to her front, holding it close to her chest.

“I assure you, if you get the role, we will fill you in once you’re retrained. Our psychopharmacologist isn’t around anymore, they would have been training you, but we have androids who can catch you right up to speed.” 

“I don’t think I want the role… Something doesn’t feel right about this.”

“Shame.” Sam hummed, a smirk forming on her face as Daisy backed into someone who seemed far taller than her, “Good night, Dr. Soto.”

“It’s Dr. Reynolds.” Daisy hissed, ducking under the arm that had tried to grab her. She ran for the door. She grabbed the handle. Locked. She shook it hard. Behind her she could hear the keys jingling in someone’s hand. Panic took over. A scream was all she could get out. Sophie. Then she felt dizzy. Tired. Why was she panicked? Then nothing.

\--P--

“Why are you calling?”

It had been a week. Alex hadn’t text back and Daniel had spammed their phone with pleads for them not to be mad. They hadn’t been sleeping, having an influx of patients from throat spiders. They’d never seen throat spiders before and their first patient was one who had come in with no jaw and blood leaking down their front. The other staff had rushed to quarantine the area and exterminate the spiders that were still on the, now dead, man. Alex had been told off for just standing there, staring. They’d seen far more violent things, especially when interning in the A&E but nothing that was caused by spiders. It was new and shocking and they’d simply slipped away. Their supervisor said that they had considered sending them home, not that Alex could remember that conversation, because they hadn’t looked shocked. They had simply stood there staring and when they were asked to help they had given a small  _ ‘right’ _ and done as they were told. They were worried it had been a severe traumatic experience for them and when Alex mentioned only remembering the man coming in they were more concerned.

Unfortunately, as was often the case during an outbreak, the hospital was understaffed and couldn’t afford not to have Alex on the team. 

“I got sucked into that Vortex, I wasn’t ignoring you.”

“Vortex?” Alex knew what he meant but it had slipped due to their tiredness and the throbbing in their head.

“Do you not listen to the radio? The giant vortex that was taking people into the future?”

Alex wasn’t sure how to reply. They felt guilty about what they had said and done. It could have been the last time they’d spoken to Daniel (even without him going into the Vortex, but it could have been the last time  _ anyone  _ spoke to Daniel) and they had upset him. They searched for words but couldn’t find any, wanting to apologise and take everything back but all they could manage after the prolonged silence was, “The reason there were so many people covered in blood?” 

It was stupid. They knew the answer. Why did they go for that? “Are you okay?”

“I guess. It was pretty lonely, not going to lie. I heard you have a new girlfriend.”

Wait… was the vortex lonely or the idea Alex had a new girlfriend?

“What? Who told you that?”

“I overheard you two talking. Didn’t want to interrupt.”

_ Shit. _ He had heard Alex saying they didn’t want to see him. He heard everything… did he hear Sophie accusing them of such sick things? What would he think of them.

“Sophie?”

“That’s a nic-...”

“She has a girlfriend. We’re just colleagues. She’s with… you know Daisy? Over in the science district? She’s thinking of proposing, actually.” They didn’t really want to explain that they had gate-crashed their proposal after trying to kill themself. 

“So you’re not…”

“No, Daniel.”

“Did you want to go out?”

Alex laughed. They didn’t know why they laughed. They guess it was just how tired they were. They needed sleep and they weren’t going to get it tonight. It would have been nice to have a drink after the shift but that would probably be around 3am. They couldn’t ask Daniel to stay up that late.

“I’m on call tonight. Maybe another time.” 

The idea that they would be having a real date had made them nervous, finding themself trying to find different clothes (they didn’t have many) and trying all sorts of ways to put their hair up. They didn’t know when ‘another time’ would be but they wanted it to be perfect. 

They had even contemplated wearing some lipstick they’d stolen from Vanessa before they had left. It wasn’t far from their natural colour and they loved the way it looked on them but their stomach turned at the idea of someone seeing them wearing it, so had quickly washed it off. 

The next night, they had decided that they needed to talk to Vanessa about it. They didn’t really know anyone else who knew Daniel (except for finding out Daisy was his sister) and they had heard she had gone for dinner with him after the whole Vortex fiasco. Surely she would know what to do. They had stolen her pizza, paid off the pizza guy to bring another one (and specified that the lemon products should  _ not  _ be on top of the pizza) and knocked on her door.

“You look happy.” Vanessa said, although she didn’t seem so. They were worried she would shut the door on them so pointed enthusiastically at the, still whole, pizza, “Yeah, I know how you got in. Come on.” 

“Look, I just wanted to thank you.”

“Don’t.”

“Wh-... but I wouldn’t be here without you dragging me back to the Bluffs.” They explained, getting an annoyed look from Vanessa, who started turning her grinder harder to signify her displeasure, “Look, I just wanted some advice.”

“About Daniel? Stay away from him.” 

“What? You told me just the other day that I should have given him my real number. Why the change of heart?”

“Well, Alex, we all make mistakes about people, don’t we?”

They couldn’t reply. They simply stared at her, feeling that cold emptiness pass over them again. She meant them, right? She was calling them a mistake… and for some reason she’d decided that Alex wasn’t good for Daniel either. They couldn’t say they disagreed with her. They couldn’t say that they blamed her. Even though they tried to keep the tears out of their eyes, they couldn’t exactly deny what she was saying. They were bad for him, bad for everyone they interacted with, and Vanessa was right. They just wished she wasn't.

“Don’t take it like that.” Vanessa finally added after she’d finished rolling, “I’m just looking out for you.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Look, I just think he’ll be bad for your health.” She explained, watching them staring at the end of the sofa, just letting tears run down their cheeks now as if they were unaware of them. They were. It wasn’t until later they’d realized they were crying in front of her, “Don’t take it badly, he’s just a dick.”

“Not to me.”

“Doesn’t mean that he won’t be.”

“You don’t know him like I do.”

Vanessa’s eyes darted from the ashtray up to Alex, raising an eyebrow at their words and they just stared. They don't know why they had said that but they had meant it. Just like Vanessa had meant it when she told them to get out. They had just left when they watched Vanessa walking down the street too. They could have easily driven after her and seen where she was going but they were sure they knew. Daniel had mentioned she’d been staying at Kevin’s a lot and that was likely where she was going again. She was going to him because of them. She always had been. Regardless of how much they were scared about her being around him, they'd just driven her further towards him.

They were still scared for her but they had started to realise that it wouldn’t help either of them and had tried their best to ignore the fears. Instead they text Daniel about what had happened. 

\--P--

Sophie, Daisy, and Karen all came at the same time, the day after Daniel had arrived. Karen immediately felt sick when entering, so Daisy needed to rush her to the bathroom. 

“Hey, it’s alright, I’ll take over.” Alex told her, putting a hand on Karen’s back and nodding for Daisy to go, “Dr. Reed doesn’t like waiting and she’s… she’s a scary woman.” 

“Thanks, Alex. Let me know when you feel better, Ka.” 

Karen simply gave Daisy a thumbs up. Alex sat behind Karen and waited for her to finish. She was hunched over the toilet for a half hour before she finally got used to the stench of the fear around her. 

“This is, totally, worse than you said.” She mumbled, getting a warning look from Alex. She knew that there were microphones, Alex had warned her in their texts. Obviously Strex couldn’t talk horrors or thought it was just some swirly new-age meme or something, “Like, I’m totes ready to get my intro, if you are.” 

“Well, you don’t have a job yet. Damien wants to meet you first to see what you’re good at.” 

“Great, I love meeting rich white people.”

“You're rich too , Karen.” 

“I’m an intern.” 

“Your uncle owns a radio station.” 

She just giggled, getting to her feet and waiting for Alex to do the same. As soon as they were up, she threw her arms around them, patting their back, “Man, I totally missed you!” 

Alex took Karen up to their and Daniel’s room, getting her settled there as she wouldn’t have her own room until Strex had figured out her job role and status. To do that she needed to meet Damien, the owner of this company, and to do that, Alex had told her she needed to meet Calina. Calina wasn’t in the room when they arrived but that gave Karen some time to look around under the guise of Alex excitedly explaining all of the ins-and-outs to her. The plus side of the company not being able to read horrors was that she had told Alex exactly why she was there and Alex was more than happy to help. They had already said that bringing them lunch down one day would be a great reason to see the labs. 

A sweet smell came from behind her, from the doorway, and Karen spun immediately to see a plume of pink and black smoke that pressed through the doorway and rose off of what everyone else could see; a woman. The metal work was obvious but looking between the woman’s desires and fears told a whole story that Karen wasn’t sure she wanted to try unpacking. Normally when she looked at someone she could only see their current status, what they were worried about, their deepest fear, their deepest desire, and what they wanted in that moment. Calina was far more like Alex, in that her life was essential played out in such strong emotions that were, at least at that moment, consuming her. 

“I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.” Calina told Karen, although Karen was focusing more on the pink that was nearly filling the room. It was making her super hungry.

“Can I, like, feed off your desire, real quick?”

“What?” The reaction was odd until Karen realised what the woman thought she meant and they pulled a face at each other, “I do not experience attraction, romantic or sexual.”

“No, no.” Karen sputtered, pointing at what was empty space to Calina, “My species feeds from emotions. I, like, mine is, like, ‘desire’. Like, aspirations. Career goals.... Yeah, sometimes that stuff but that makes me pretty uncomfortable. Romance and stuff is, like, personal! I don't... I don't, like, like feeding off that. Like, you won’t even realise I’m doing it! Does nothing to you! Pinky promise!”

“Karen’s ace and aro too.” Alex assured Calina, putting a hand on her shoulder. The action just furthered the plumes of pink coming from her and when Daniel ruffled her hair Karen could barely see the three through the emotions. Daniel and Alex had their own desires floating about them but it was hard to distinguish which belonged to which of them other than the overwhelming energy from Calina.

“Apologies for the misunderstanding. I’d rather you didn’t. I do know someone with far more desire than me you could probably feed off, though. You’ll be going to see him anyway.” 

Calina and Karen laughed an awkward laugh as they left, leaving Alex and Daniel in the room. They were walking down empty hallways to empty elevators. She had honestly expected a lot more people around but supposed that it was the middle of the day and most people would be in their offices. 

“You like them, huh?” Karen said as the doors of the lift closed. Calina had frowned at this but not replied immediately, “Both of them. You can, like, totally drop the whole… beep boop, my cyborg heart does not feel love, stuff.” 

“I’m not programmed to feel attraction.”

“You totes do, though. I can see it.”

“You should keep your voice down, for both of our sake.” 

Karen narrowed her eyes, watching Calina’s own moving to the corner of the lift. She followed, Calina’s smoke now having dissipated, and saw a small black dot on the wall that she assumed was a microphone. “Wow, spoil sport. I’m, like, totally teasing!” 

“I know, Karen.” Calina smiled wide, looking down again at her, “also, I am an android. You'll need to know the difference.”

Karen nodded but decided to stay quiet until they were at Damien’s office. He held himself like a powerful man and Karen supposed that he was one. He held his emotions like powerful men often did but even tighter. She had looked at powerful men before and known every detail of their desire for power and their fears of resistance against them. Damien wasn't like that. Karen could only see one type of desire, a thick red suffocating one. Once Calina had left, she was alone in the room with him and although his desires nearly filled the room, they flooded in such a way she could see him through them. Few people were able to do that. It meant that he could keep some desires from her but how he’d learnt to do that was beyond her. Still, the idea that this wasn't the extent of just these types of desires made her feel sick. It wasn't often desires made her feel sick, even sexual ones. The taste of bitter lemons filled her mouth. She didn’t often throw up at desires like she did with fear but this turned her stomach. She was generally rather neutral to seeing these things, even though they did nothing for her.

As it was his desires were uncomfortable, bordering on sexual harassment if he had known she could see and just plain creepy otherwise. As soon as he had laid eyes on her she had watched everything he wanted to do to her and none of it seemed platonic. In several he was being submissive, which Karen could at least use for her gain, but watching his imagination of her in such positions seemed wrong.

“Karen Young, it’s so lovely to meet you.” He said, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk, his fantasies about how this meeting would play out changing as she approached it. Pulling him onto the desk. Undoing buttons on her shirt to 'get more comfortable'. It was obvious he knew very little about her, “I wasn’t expecting three guests, so I’m just hoping to figure out where you fit into our structure. You’ve been an intern for a long time.” 

“Public relations.” She said plainly, already thinking through her next moves. She could use this against him, especially the more submissive desires he held. Powerful men often fell under powerful women who they simply underestimate, “I’m good at knowing what people want.”

“Public relations is a very important role here at Strex… we tend to take people with more exp-...” 

“Listen here.” Karen purred, leaning over the table and taking his jaw in her hand. A dangerous move, but one he was already daydreaming about, “I can make any situation play out…” She leant into his ear, whispering, “...just…” Her nose brushed around the shell, “.. how…” moving so their lips were hovering near the other's, but ready to pull back quickly if he tried to move into her, “... I want.” 

She moved back to the chair, hoping that her performance was enough to get her the position. The fantasies had certainly increased in volume and his eyes were wide, dilated, staring straight at her, “You see, I’m good at knowing my audience. I haven’t, like, been an intern because I’m bad, or something. It’s because I want to be.” 

Damien swallowed, mumbling something about having to interview other candidates first but that she was a good fit and should see herself out because he had something very important to tend to on the computer and definitely couldn’t stand up to shake her hand. She had noticed that he was hoping that she would stay and ‘prolong their conversation’ but this made her want to leave more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [Waste - Oh Wonder](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar1grAdGkec)


	62. Temporary Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex dates Daniel and Daniel finds out about Alex's past.
> 
> Long Summery[Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717172/chapters/69749685)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings [ not starred, use long summery if needed ]
> 
> > SA - Adult and mention of paedophilia (no details, obviously).  
> > Victim Blaming  
> >Drowning  
> > Murder  
> >Threats  
> >Abuse of power / Abuse of someone else's mental health  
> > Stalking  
> > Homophobia + sexism  
> > Abuse [child and adult]  
> > Assault  
> > vomiting  
> > dissociation + inner world imagery  
> > Bad age gap relationship [mentions of past relationship with Vanessa]  
> > ABA and post- ABA trauma  
> > Self deprecation + Self harm  
> >Suicide attempt  
> > Hospitalisation  
> > Trauma response  
> > Cannibalism and Auto-cannibalism  
> > Disordered eating  
> > Mutilation  
> >Gaslighting [done badly]  
> > Recreational drug use  
> > Stabbing  
> > Tell me if I need to add more

‘Another time’ turned out to mean Thanksgiving. There wasn’t much they could do about that as it was the first time off that they’d had since Alex had said ‘Another time’. 

They met well before they were expected at Kevin’s house, Daniel having sent Alex a text that said they needed to talk and Alex sending one asking Daniel to come down and tell security to let them in. Daniel had looked at them as if they didn’t have broken teeth and features with too many corners. Daniel had looked at them like an old friend that he hadn’t seen for years and more importantly, Daniel had kissed them like a prince who was greeting a princess they were courting, softly on the back of the hand. Of course, they wouldn’t make this comparison to Daniel. They simply held the hand as they went up to his apartment, quiet on the way up but far more chatty after a glass of wine. Despite the hours before they had to be at Kevin’s, they didn’t drink more than that. They didn’t want to be drunk before they got there.

It wasn’t a long way to Kevin’s house but the conversation was amazing. They had recently gotten onto the topic of work while texting and were now debating whether throat spiders was really at the ‘outbreak’ stage. Alex could tell Daniel was only making arguments in order to listen to Alex speaking so passionately, by the fact his arguments had no basis more than ‘I heard someone say this’ but they were happy that someone wanted to listen to them talk about something they were passionate about. 

Their mood changed completely when they got to Kevin’s house. Vanessa had completely ignored them, so they hadn’t said anything, but her father had immediately pulled them into Kevin’s bedroom, closing the door and backing them into a corner. He was built similarly to their own dad and the position was enough to make every bone in their body cry to run away, even though there was nowhere to go. 

“You listen to me, you listen to me good.” He had started and Alex whimpered, “You sit down and keep your mouth shut. Not a word! You say dinner is lovely. If someone, for some reason, asks you a question, just say something nice and let the conversation move on.”

“Wh-What about the football?”

“You know what I mean, boy. You will not ruin this dinner for Vanessa.” The man howled quietly. It seemed odd, not that Alex could take it in. It was extremely loud and yet Alex knew that they were the only one who could hear it. He poked their chest in a way that indicated that Alex was far smaller than the man. Alex felt small. Alex felt weak, especially with the amount of weight they’d lost recently, “You upset my daughter even once and I will make your father look like a saint.” 

That was the last thing Alex remembered of the night until they were suddenly sat in front of the TV. The football was on and they had obviously been cheering for someone, although they couldn’t remember who was playing or why they were cheering. They sat and looked at who was playing but decided to watch the other men’s reactions to see what team they were cheering on and just hoping it was also their team. 

_ “Kevin.”  _

They looked over to Vanessa, not having realised she was asleep and rather worried that the two had been doing something else considering the way in which his name had come from her lips. They didn’t say anything, seeing her father’s face and remembering his words that, from their perspective, had only just been said. 

“Are you still feeling sick?” Daniel asked quietly, although Alex didn’t remember telling him that they felt sick. They didn’t feel sick.

“No, I’m fine.” 

The rest of the night went well, playing Uno with the ‘non-couple’ across from them. Alex felt at home. Alex felt cared for with Daniel there. They didn’t even mind throwing the game, letting Daniel win over and over. Getting small kisses on the cheek. Soft hands on their back. Closeness without expectation. 

\---

“Hey, sorry Alex!” 

It was just a random person, they weren’t sure they even knew them. They didn’t know why they were apologising but the person had disappeared before they could ask. 

“Hey, dude! Heard about your dad… sorry about the whole… throwing stuff at you thing.”

Again, they had no idea who this person was or what them throwing things at them had to do with their father. Maybe everyone felt bad about what had happened and were given them some time? It sounded weird but Strex was a weird company in general. It wasn’t as weird as Desert Bluffs in terms of what happened, but everyone was always smiling even when they were angry and the atmosphere was overly friendly and productive (when people weren’t covering themselves and others with blood, but that was more for people who worked further from the public). The person was gone before Alex could question them as well, all of these apologies coming in passing.

They hadn’t had a single thing thrown at them today. They put it down to Daniel being there. People didn’t tend to attack higher ranking members of Strex and the people in their immediate bubble tended to be protected too. 

Still, they had to work. Daniel had had a meeting early in the morning and would be sorting out his department alongside Lauren Mallard for the whole day. Alex had woken up after him. Calina was still there but she was sitting on the sofa, staring at Karen who was sleeping on the opposite one. They weren’t sure if this was Calina struggling with her fake memories again or if she was actually watching Karen but supposed that Karen could look after herself. She’d thrown Alex several times (generally when Alex walked into the road without looking or otherwise put themself in harms way). 

They opened the door to the lab, almost jumping out of their skin when Sam and Robbie let off party poppers over their head. They were sure Robbie was aiming for their face. Above them they’d hung a ‘Happy First Birthday!’ banner but with ‘Birthday’ crossed out and ‘Murder’ written. 

“Congratulations, Alex!” Sam cheered, stepping aside to gesture at a plethora of food that she’d obviously made from the men Alex had killed.

“Yeah, Congrats, babe!” Dr. Taylor added, having moved over to Alex while they were distracted by the food, his arm wrapping tight around Alex’s waist. As he pulled Alex closer, they spun around, snapping their new smile knife from its scabbard and threatening him with it.

“Call me that again and you’ll be the next one!” They growled, tempted to stab the arm that was now pulling them close.

“That’s the spirit!” Sam cheered from the side.

“Hey! I helped you out.”

“Helped me out? You… You have never helped me without some expectation. How the hell did you help me out?”

“Well, no one is throwing food at you now.” He smirked, leaning close to Alex’s face. Alex leant away, raising an eyebrow, “I spread the rumor that it was  _ Mr  _ Alex Jones,  _ senior _ , that they were ‘punishing’ you for. No more getting pelted with food for you.”

“...but… it wasn’t. They’re upset about Vanessa. I-... that  _ was  _ my fault. It wasn’t OK.”

“Maybe not, but this is a chance for you to avoid other people’s judgement.” Robbie hummed, pushing Alex’s smile knife away from himself so he could pull Alex against him, “Don’t I get a kiss for that?”

“No. Like I said, I’d rather Sam got to fulfil her screaming fetish than you got what you want.” 

“Come on… you know you  _ love it. _ ” 

“I will fucking kill you,  _ Dr. Taylor _ , don’t test me.” 

“Oh, you don’t have the heart. You love me, really. Admit it.” 

Alex grit their teeth, lowering their smile knife and waiting for Robbie to start talking again. They were sure he was going to brag about the way he had control over them, but Alex didn’t let them get the words out before jamming the knife into their leg. 

“Stay the hell away from me. Next time, it’ll be higher than that.” 

They ignored Sam rushing over to Robbie and helping him out of the room. She’d be back soon enough, she was just pushing him off on a lower ranked doctor, after all. Alex would love to imagine she was forcing him to treat the wound himself but knew that was unlikely. Instead Alex focused on the food. She’d made wontons, odd-looking vol-au-vents, mini pasties, and tamales. It all looked delicious and Alex took a little of each before going over to their workstation and checking their emails.

When Sam returned, she didn’t mention the injury to Alex’s superior, instead simply grabbing some food and calmly stating, “I don’t have a fetish for it. It’s just my job sometimes. I’d rather my victims were quiet. Unconscious is even better.” 

\---

Each night was amazing. Alex would go straight to Daniel’s, after changing in their van. They’d spend the evenings talking, or going out for dinner, or watching movies and complaining about how stupid the characters were. They’d often talk about stupid little things. Things like the way people at work were annoying or their favourite ways to cook fish. Alex felt safe. Alex felt loved. Alex realised it was a feeling they’d never really felt before, even with Vanessa. Although they’d felt like Vanessa cared for them, it never felt like love. It felt like empty affections and expectation. It felt like comfort and human warmth with nothing beyond it. It was only special because they’d never felt that before. With Daniel it was different. He asked about things they liked. He remembered things about them and acted on that information. He liked when Alex did the same. Alex had even worn lip gloss around Daniel, although Daniel hadn’t noticed. At least, if he had he hadn’t said anything, unlike when Vanessa had caught Alex in full makeup and had kept questioning them on their gender. They had no idea what their gender was and they didn’t want to think about it! 

In fact, that had even changed with Daniel. Daniel was transgender and for the most part comfortable with it. Alex could ask him questions and mainly got supportive answers, at least when the questions were specific to being female to male. The problem was, Alex was sure they weren’t a woman. When Daniel had explained dysphoria, Alex had understood some of it, felt some of it, but not everything that Daniel had said. Daniel told them that some days it was better and some days worse but they never really found it better or worse, just different, day-to-day. Daniel had mentioned ‘non-binary’ and Alex had googled it when they were alone. The only problem was that they didn’t feel right talking to Daniel about it. He seemed uneasy about the topic, so Alex decided to leave it. 

Everything else was incredible. 

Daniel was fine with taking things slow, which made Alex far more comfortable. Their dreams when they were sleeping in Daniel’s bed, snuggled against him, were of flowers and taking long walks together. Alex would smile a full smile and Daniel would never mind the state of their teeth. He would touch Alex’s face, even where it was mis-shapen. He would sit with Alex when their hips started to ache. They’d drink strawberry lemonade together, sometimes with Joy and sometimes just the two of them. When Alex slept alone, their dreams had started going in a direction they hadn’t for years. The first few times, they woke up in sweats, although not out of fear. It was just… different. Too different for them to understand. Once they’d become comfortable with it, the dreams could play out. Daniel was always dressed sharply, a suit and tie, and took full control of the situation. He’d avoid Alex’s legs and tie their hands out of the way. He’d be slow and loving. He’d kiss Alex in places they’d never been kissed. These dreams had even moved into their waking hours at times. At first Alex would just enjoy the thought, but they slowly got comfortable with providing themself relief for these feelings.

When Daniel asked them if they wanted to do something special for the holidays (which in their case was a very secular ‘Christmas’ celebration, although Daniel had never heard of ‘Christmas’ before), Alex decided it was a good time to try taking their relationship to the next level. They were fully prepared to break this plan if they or Daniel ended up uncomfortable (and had planned what to do instead). They packed a bag so that they had everything they would need for showering and shaving at Daniel’s. Normally they’d do it at work but they had booked these days off even before they’d met Daniel (they’d originally planned to just drink and cry over the holidays. Holidays when they were with Vanessa were extremely painful for them). 

Alex didn’t change from work. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to look nice, they had styled their hair at work with the help of one of the other nurses (she constantly asked to straighten their hair and put it in a high ponytail after using some of her shampoo to wash it again). She even told them to wear their reading glasses, although it was hard to see normally out of them. She said it made them look ‘like a scholar”. Daniel certainly seemed infatuated with their looks, his smile pulling onto his face as soon as he opened the door. Alex was equally infatuated and thought the outfit that he’d picked was extremely cute and well thought out. They’d seen similar on people in the hospital and assumed it was in fashion at the moment… there was just one problem. They wanted everything to go to plan, exactly how they imagined it. They felt bad about asking but thought it would be more awkward to later try to explain ‘oh, I’m feeling uncomfortable because this isn’t the outfit I’ve been imagining you in when we have sex’. 

“Is it okay if you wear something else?”

“Do you not like it?” Daniel asked, making Alex feel even worse about bringing it up.

“You just look a bit yellow.”

“Yellow?”

“You know… Like… It’s very nice but not what I was hoping for?”  _ God. _ If Daniel kept going they weren’t sure what they’d say instead of ‘I want to have sex with you but in a suit, please, because I’m a completely weirdo.’, so they settled on, “I thought you would wear one of your suits. I love how you look in your suits.”

Daniel agreed to change and Alex couldn’t take their eyes off of him, at least not while not distracted by whatever they were doing. They’d gone for dinner and then gone shopping. Alex didn’t have many clothes and always felt bad about Daniel looking excellent while they were in mediocre clothes. 

Alex didn’t like clothes shopping. They went for safe clothes that definitely didn’t match up to Desert Bluff’s standards. They’d already almost died when ‘fashion week’ happened, although Vanessa had saved them by throwing glitter all over them and forcibly painting their face. Alex had liked the pattern but had never admitted it. Now, however, they were trying their hardest to ignore the wonderful dresses in the ladies section and trying to find some men’s clothes that would suit them. Barely anything suited them, so this was hard. It was even harder seeing as the make-up section was right next to the menswear and they had to try hard to stop themself getting distracted by it. They couldn’t use Vanessa as an excuse to look anymore but they kept seeing this lovely blue lipstick in the corner of their vision. At one point they’d gone over to look, sure that no one else could see them. It was perfect and it only made it hurt more that they couldn’t get it. 

Still, Daniel had bought them several new t-shirts and had picked up one of the dresses Alex was looking at, saying it would be a nice gift for Alex’s sister (who Alex had lied about coming to the Bluffs when they were talking about gender before). 

When they got back to the apartment, Alex was sure about how the evening would go. Firstly, they wanted Daniel to invite them in. They knew they were welcome to follow Daniel upstairs but that wasn’t how their fantasy had gone, so it wasn’t how the evening was going to go. 

“So, I guess I should be going.” They started, pointing at their van with their thumb. They couldn’t manage to look Daniel in the eyes at this point, but instead stared at his dress shoes.

“Why?” Daniel asked, lifting their chin. This was going even better than Alex had imagined it would, “Have I done something? Just tell me if I have.”

“No… I just… I don’t want to crowd you too much.” They moved Daniel’s hand away, unsure they could contain themself if it had stayed there, “I kind of just started living in your apartment and didn’t even really ask.” 

Daniel offered to make things official, telling Alex it was lonely when they weren’t there and Alex’s heart fluttered. They thought it was official but if moving in was what Daniel thought official was, then they wouldn’t argue. They were just happy to move in with him. Once they were upstairs and settled, Alex had moved towards him, asking what he’d like to talk about. They were trying to be seductive but Daniel seemed to have missed it, instead pushing a gift box into their hands. 

Inside the box was the lipstick they’d been looking at and a whirl of emotions ran through them. Happiness, because they had really wanted the lipstick. Fear, because what if Daniel thought they were a woman. Confusion, because they weren’t really sure where to go from here. Everything just bubbled up into a scared, “Wh-why would you buy me this? I’m not a chic, Daniel! I don’t want lipstick!” 

“I think it would look nice on you. You don’t have to be a chic to wear lipstick.” His hand felt confident and calming against them despite the tears swelling in their eyes. Despite the need to search his face for some sign he was joking. He wasn’t and Alex let Daniel kiss them. Alex pulled him closer. Alex purred into the kiss, opening their eyes just enough to watch Daniel’s reaction. He’d raised an eyebrow but otherwise just kept kissing them. 

Alex’s lips ran along Daniel’s cheek, peppering kisses up to and around his ear before whispering, “I want you to… take the lead. I-If you want to.”

“I want to.” 

“Just… please don’t touch my legs.”

“It hurts?”

“... y-yeah… and I have an odd request. Could you use your tie to keep my hands together?”

“That’s not odd, it’s just kinky.” 

\---

“Is there, like, still pizza left?” 

Those were the first words out of this woman’s mouth. She’d just woken up and the first question was about leftover pizza. Calina crossed her arms but pointed at the bar where she’d put the leftovers earlier. 

“Do you have to be such a stereotype?” She asked, glaring daggers at Karen as she dragged herself over and started looking around the bar.

“Beep boop.” 

“Stop that.”

“Just saying, it’s, like, the overgrown toaster totally calling the kettle black… is there a microwave?”

“That’s not how that analogy works!” Calina hissed, although pointed towards the kitchen and waited patiently for Karen to warm herself a few slices. 

“Anyway, have you ever, like, tasted people’s desires? Especially, like, career goals… they’re crunchy and.. You know vegetables? Do you, like, eat?... Anyway, I totally deserve some soft cheesy joy after eating that stuff for, like, most of my life.” 

“I do eat, for your information!” She spun around as Karen leant over the back of the sofa, staring at her, “Whatever. I put a loop of you snoring, you’re very loud, over the microphones so… How do you know about my  _ problem? _ ”

“Problem?” Karen thought for a second, “Oh… that you like Alex and Daniel? I see, like, fears and desires, I thought I made that totally clear.”

“But what is it about them that… you know… says I like them?”

“Uh… It’s hard to explain. They’re, like, colour coded. Romantic is a pink, which is what yours totally are around them.” 

“I’m not programmed for that!”

“Beep boop.”

“Stop that!” 

Karen sighed, climbing over the back on the sofa and slumping down next to her, which made Calina back away a little, “Tell me, are, like, all the androids like this?”

“No, not at all. I’m a very special android. In fact, Strex found it a real issue with their first ones. I wasn’t built yet but they used to have androids with no emotions. Then they made Harmony. They wanted her to be able to empathise and wanted all the androids to. The thing is, Harmony was made as a romantic partner for the Mallards but no matter how much they worked on her they couldn’t make her change her sexuality. She liked any gender sexually but when romance came up she didn’t show the right pathways firing for them.”

“Gross.”

“What? You’re aromantic too!”

“No, the, like, trying to change her.”

“Oh… yeah. Well, they gave up on that. Found out they can’t do anything about what result comes out. Stopped even labelling androids, let them figure it out. It wasn’t a massive deal.”

“Who told you you were aromantic, anyway? Like, labels can change and you’re free t-...”

“I have been told. Like I said, I am a  _ very _ special android.  _ Who _ is none of your concern.”

Karen hummed, leaning closer to Calina as the woman leant away from her, “So, like, whoever told you that you were, like, programmed that way is a total dick?”

Calina’s eyes narrowed, ready to slap the woman for calling Damien a dick. She had a point, she did, and Calina knew it but she also knew that she loved Damien. He was like a father to her and had taught her almost everything she knew. Everything about coding, computing, and human relations. He’d taught her to read again after her incident. He’d taught her how to write again. He had poured so much time and effort into her and now Karen was calling him a dick. 

The only thing that stopped her was a cough from across the room. The two spun around to see another android stood in the door, holding a stack of papers. 

“These are your employment contracts, Karen. Mr Mallard would like to congratulate you in person but would like you to sign first.” She said, although her eyes were on Calina the whole time, “You’ll be given your own room very soon. As a head of department, it will be like this room but smaller, as it’s for one and not three. I’ll be your supervising android until you’re settled. My name is Harmony.” 

“Beep boop.” Karen said. Calina was sure that she was loving annoying her. She was glad that Karen wouldn’t be staying any longer. 

“Was that to me or to Cally?” Harmony asked, keeping a wide smile despite her eyebrows twitching. Her eyebrows often twitched when she was angry, “I should point out that StrexCorp androids are as close to human as pos-...”

“It was something we were talking about.” Karen interrupted, going over and signing the papers without reading them. Calina knew that Alex had gone over the content with her over text and she knew there was no real way of changing it. Apparently, Karen had vision problems and tended to understand what was around her by reading other people’s fear and desires, which helped her understand the blurred shapes, “Don’t worry.” 

“Right… Well, your job starts now. Mr Mallard has invited you to lunch to congratulate you. I’ll take you to your office and I’ll pick you up for lunch when it’s time.” 

\---

“How was that?” 

Daniel’s words were breathy and sweet on Alex’s ears. They could have listened to them forever, sinking into their beautiful sound.

“Good.” They purred in reply, cuddling against Daniel’s chest as he laid back on the bed, “It didn’t hurt. I expected it to hurt.” 

“It shouldn’t hurt. Why did you think it would?”

Daniel had kissed their head at that, but it hadn’t drawn away from the question. They didn’t really want to answer that question. They wished it hadn’t been asked. They wish they hadn’t said what they had.

“You know, with my hips.” They mumbled, hoping he would ask anything more. As it was Alex had started feeling their body moving in ways it wasn’t, veering away from itself. Fortunately, Daniel dropped the conversation after that and Alex slowly drifted to sleep. 

\--

They had to work New Years, but had got home just in time for the fireworks. They’d snuggled on the sofa with Daniel and quickly fell asleep during the show. It didn’t matter, they had just enjoyed being able to kiss him at midnight. Being able to spend the night, soft and comfortable. The next day was their day off, fortunately (they hadn’t been looking forward to treating firework burns and new amputees), as another nurse had traded shifts with them.

They woke up after Daniel had left, smiling at the note beside their bed.  _ ‘Gone to work. The chili is for dinner but there’s some sandwiches in the fridge for you. I love you, my little lifesaver <3’.  _

They knew what they wanted to do today. They wanted to start their New Year’s resolution of repairing some of the relationships they’d hurt over the last few months. They wanted friends, other than Karen, and they wanted their old friends. They got dressed and started writing out what they planned to say. 

When it was around the time Vanessa usually got home from work, they took their notes and went down to her apartment.

“Hey, Vanny…” They panicked as she started closing the door, scared she wouldn’t hear them out, “... wait, I want to apologise!” 

“I’m listening.”

“Look, I want to tell you my side of everything. I can’t excuse what I did to you, any of it, but I need to get it off my chest. I don’t want you to feel like you need to forgive me, either. I just… I’m sorry, Vanessa.”

She paused and their heart stopped, wondering if she’d just slam the door in their face. Eventually she replied, “Fine. Just… would you mind making me a hot chocolate first?”

“Sure thing.” 

They carefully moved around her, going to make her a lemon hot chocolate. She hadn’t asked for the lemon but it was always her favourite and they were sure it would go well with chocolate, right? When they set it down in front of her she did smile, so they were sure that it at least smelt good. 

“Look, I was in a really bad place. I have been until recently. That’s not saying you didn’t help, just that it wasn’t healthy for me.” Alex started, biting their lip to try and think of how to explain in a way that wasn’t accusing her of anything, “You know what happened to me. Well, I was in a coma for three weeks after that. This one nurse I worked with, another intern, she would visit everyday. At least, she said she did. When I woke up she was really nice, but she didn’t know the full story. She thought I was ‘so, so lucky’ that I… uhm… ‘got to be with’ Dr. Taylor. He was really liked around the hospital.”

“Yeah, he was hot.”

“Shut up.” Alex hissed, getting a small ‘sorry’ from Vanessa before continuing, “My parents came by while she was rambling about it. I couldn’t exactly stop her. He’d already spread the story he wanted around and I didn’t want to be an outcast for telling a different one… not to mention other reasons…”

“People wouldn’t believe you?”

“I tried explaining to my dad when he was punishing me for it… he yelled a bunch of stuff.”

“I know your dad, I can imagine what stuff, don’t worry about it.” Vanessa had leant over to put a hand on their knee. Despite knowing it was for comfort, they flinched away from it and Vanessa moved away again.

“My dad said they were disowning me, I told him not to because I’d met a girl at the hospital. I said she came around to give patients in a coma flowers and didn’t realise I’d woken up so we got talking. It was enough that he said I could come home, as long as I brought that girl home within two weeks of getting out of hospital. Told all my friends that I had ‘broken up with’ Dr. Taylor. They were still mad at me so I told them it was ‘just a joke’ that I was with him.”

“Dude, why not just get your own place at that point, though?”

“I was an intern… you think I could pay rent?”

“... No. Good point.” 

“I just needed somewhere to live and you were cool. So, yeah. I wasn’t thinking about ‘is this going to be healthy’ or… other questions I should have asked… I was just thinking about  _ not  _ having my parents go even harder on me.”

“Yeah. I remember that black eye you had the next day. Must have hurt.”

“Someone thought you were a boy. I thought you were in your twenties, we all make mistakes. Some bigger than others.” 

\--

Another long day. At least Daniel was here now and Alex actually wanted to get back to their room, to cuddle against him while they spoke about their days (at least, the parts Strex would let them talk about). It was oddly cold that day, the air conditioning throughout the building was set on high and with their outfit they’d been shivering the whole time. 

“I’m more for like-for-like revenge. Never really gone fully through with it though.” 

Alex stopped, their hand on the door handle. Daniel was talking to someone and by the topic, they were sure it wasn’t Calina. The android always told them to let things go, so they doubted she’d suddenly be talking to Daniel about revenge. The next voice made a lot more sense, Alex huffing at the idea they’d have to see  _ him _ again today. They’d thought that Daniel would be a good enough deterrent but apparently not. 

“Well, what have you needed to get revenge for?” Dr. Taylor had asked, although the two men’s attentions were drawn to Alex before Daniel could answer.

“Why is he here?”

“Well, I thought I should make friends with some of the other department heads.” 

“He’s not a department head, he works under Sam Reed.” 

“Actually, Sam is the head of surgery and I’m head of  _ neurology _ . Technically, I only work under Sam when I’m doing surgery.” Robbie clarified, Daniel nodding along with the explanation, “Come on, nurse, join us for some wine. We’re friends, right?”

“No. We’re not and never will be ‘friends’.” Alex huffed, looking back to Daniel, “Why are you two talking about revenge if this is a friendly visit?”

Daniel opened his mouth to talk but was immediately overspoken by the other man, “I was telling Daniel about you stabbing me in the leg because I shot your party popper into your face!”

“That’s not why I stabbed you.”

“What? It’s not still about  _ that  _ is it? That’s all in the past. We should all just move on.”

Their eyes narrowed and darted between Robbie and Daniel. Daniel looked confused, which didn’t surprise Alex, but Robbie looked like he was genuinely expecting Alex to give him a fresh start. They didn’t even want to reply to the sentiment, instead shaking their head and marching into the bedroom, the door slamming behind them. It wasn’t long before Daniel had come in but he didn’t talk straight away. Alex was glad he hadn’t, feeling as if they might have broken down into tears if he had. Daniel let Alex talk first, waiting patiently at the end of the bed while Alex stared at the wall.

“He told you what I did?”

“Yeah… but he also told me that it’s expected at Strex. Someone breaks the N.A.P. and 7 out of 10 times, if they’re low ranked, then they end up getting killed. You sort of fall into exec level by proxy, so they expect you to kill… I’m just sorry that it happened.”

“Yeah… The N.A.P. is only for dealing with people outside of the company. He probably said that because you’ve not been through induction yet, you just kind of got thrown into your role.”

“Yeah, induction is scheduled for next week. So, if we’re not using the N.A.P. what do we use?”

“The A.P.”

“The… aggression principle?”

“Yeah, you want to start a fight? Fuck it, do it. I mean, the executives are protected by the N.A.P. kind of but only in the way that the lower ranked workers don’t have the money for good enough weapons to fight back.”

Daniel stopped, thinking for a moment and then waving his hand, “We’re getting off topic, the point is that Strex expects you to kill. It’s seen as ‘part of the job’.”

“Still against my oath, I feel shit about it. Even though I feel justified, I feel shit.”

“Were you-...?”

“No. You think I could do that if I was? You’ve seen what I’m like when I dissociate, I can’t even hold a conversation. I was completely present. It was just afterwards, when it set in. When I thought about what people would think and my oath and… just everything came up all of a sudden.”

“Did you speak to Joy?”

“About what I did? No! I don’t do that. It’s an escape, I escape. She’s… not even real.” 

Daniel moved to rub their back, recognising the change in Alex’s voice as one of discomfort. Alex would talk to them about it, eventually. It was a difficult situation but he was understanding and that’s all Alex could ask for. They shuffled around to rest their head on Daniel’s shoulder, closing their eyes as their breathing returned to normal. Daniel would wait for them, they knew that much, but they wanted to get this conversation over. They should have done it a long time ago but it was hard. 

“What else did he tell you?”

“That he’s your ex and one of your bosses, that’s it.”

“He’s not my ex.” 

No reply. Alex waited, looking up at Daniel’s reaction. He was looking down at Alex with furrowed eyebrows, now looking between their eyes. 

“What do you mean? He… he said you broke up with him after your dad put you in the hospital.” 

“Yeah… but did he tell you why my dad did that?”

Daniel’s face filled with confusion, growing the more Alex’s face betrayed pain. They could feel the tears stinging their eyes. They could feel themself floating. The only thing anchoring them was Daniel, who was obviously putting things together in his head. Confusion. Realisation. Horror. Guilt. He finally said, “I thought Vanessa… I-I didn’t want to assume but… I guess I was wrong.”

“No, not Vanessa. Ro-... Dr. Taylor.” 

Alex was unsure how Daniel was going to react, watching him staring at the floor for several minutes. They thought he might have been waiting to see if Alex wanted to talk more about it but they really didn’t really want to talk about it at all. They never had and they weren’t sure they would ever really be ready. It was something that they tried their best not to think about, which is to say, something they thought about far too often for their own comfort. It had been especially bad since coming to Strex. Daniel’s reaction was actually just to pull Alex into a hug. To rub their arm softly as he kissed their head. They couldn’t keep it in any longer, bursting into tears against Daniel’s chest.

He gave them some time, holding them close, giving them a tissue when the crying died down, letting them finish crying completely before speaking again.

“You want me to punch him in the face?”

Alex laughed. It came out croaky and burnt their throat, but they laughed, “Yeah, I kinda do.” 

\---

After one last sweep on the apartment, Alex slumped on the sofa. They were ready to enjoy the sandwiches Daniel had left for them. They weren’t sure whether the filling was chocolate or some weird Desert Bluffs thing but it smelt like strawberries and they were hungry enough to give it a go without checking the contents with Daniel. They could have eaten a horse at this point. 

It’s odd how small things can change your appetite so dramatically. In this case, it was the name that came up on Alex’s phone as they took the first bite (it was chocolate). Even after declining, they couldn’t shake the feeling. Their stomach turned, sour bile burning the back of their throat. It rang again. Declined. Then a third time.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Alex hissed as they answered, curling themself into a ball and counting slowly to keep themself grounded.

“Oh, don’t be like that.”

“I have every right to ‘be like that’!” 

“The coma wasn’t my fault, Alex. You should really get over it… nice cheek, by the way.”

Alex furrowed their eyebrows, turning to the phone and seeing Robbie waving at them on the screen. Immediately, they put the phone in a better position for a video call, forgetting they’d done their makeup when they’d come back from Vanessa’s apartment. Robert’s face didn’t remind them either, just assuming that he was being creepy looking at them in such a way. 

“It was your fault! You can’t blame me for what you did! Did you just call me to make me feel like shit?”

“I can and I do, but no, no, the opposite.” He said, waving his hands in front of himself, “I have a job offer for you. My colleague needs a nurse on her team. It’s not desperate, we don’t have patients, but we’d like to get you trained up in a new specialism. What do you say?”

“I’d rather die than work with you again.” 

“Oh, we’re a big company. You probably won’t work anywhere near me, and I’m sure we could find a job for your new boyfriend too. Also, looking at his medical record, I’m sure we could help hi-...”

“How do you know about Daniel? Why do you have his medical record?” 

“It’s kind of this company’s business… information drives sales.”

“Not interested.” Alex said plainly, hanging up before Robbie could answer. They felt sick. They felt violated. They were scared. If he had Daniel’s information, what else did he know? Did he know where Alex was? How to find them? They weren’t even sure how Dr. Taylor had their phone number. They didn’t want him to find them. They didn’t want him to find Daniel. 

\---

Alex put an arm around Calina as they watched Daniel shoving Robbie’s hand under the water in the hot tub. This had escalated when Robert had claimed that Alex was exaggerating because they hadn’t ‘fought or even screamed’. Each time Daniel drew him back up to give him air, he told Robbie  _ ‘you must enjoy this, right’  _ and  _ ‘you’re not screaming’ _ . Calina had come over after setting some snacks on the bar where there was no chance they’d get water over them.

“What’s going on?” 

“Revenge.”

Alex watched her eyes as walls of text scrolled over her iris and pupils for a moment before her face turned sour, “I see… one moment.” 

Calina moved around the hot tub, arms crossed behind her back as she stood over Daniel and Robert. She allowed Daniel to plunge the man a couple more times before holding up her hand, “Daniel, as your superior, I need to ask you to stop.” 

“Superior? You’re an emotional support android!” Daniel complained, although letting Dr. Taylor’s hand go and giving him time to cough up the water he’d breathed.

“She’s pretty much a Mallard.” Robbie choked out, a grin forming on his face as he looked up to Alex again, “Strex is just the name of every android, she’s Damien’s little pet project.” 

Daniel looked to Calina to confirm this. She simply nodded and held out her hand to help Robbie up once Daniel had completely let go. The man accepted the help. He immediately regretted this decision when Calina grabbed his shoulder with her other hand and dislocated his arm from it. 

“Touch Alex again and I will march you down to training myself. Special unit.”

Alex had no idea what she was talking about. They’d heard of ‘training’ (what Strex liked to call their method of torturing staff that weren’t working hard enough) but they hadn’t heard of a ‘special unit’. Whatever it was seemed to strike terror into Dr. Taylor, who didn’t respond but went completely pale at the mention. He almost fell over himself running out the door. It was far too fast for Alex to process what had happened, except that Calina had somehow made the scariest person they knew (who was still alive) all but wet himself. 

“So, canteen for dinner? It’s chili night.” Daniel asked, taking his wet jacket off and disposing of it on the sofa.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Alex agreed.

“Not me. I have some paperwork to do. I can’t make a threat like that without having a report ready of all the things leading to the decision. He’ll get suspicious and then-... Nevermind. That’s all work stuff. Have a nice meal!”

Daniel nodded, taking Alex’s arm and leading them down to dinner. They barely spoke as they walked, not needing to. Daniel knew that Alex liked the quiet together and was more than comfortable waiting until later to tell them about his day. Alex had had a long week and it was just the start of it. They didn’t want to think about what would happen when they went to work tomorrow morning. They didn’t want to think about when they got patients, who they’d be or why they’d be there. They didn’t want to think about the fact that Sam had told them there was already a patient and they were simply making sure that she was non-violent before sending Alex in. They tried their best to just think about Daniel. Just think about the now. 

Even so, their daily excitement was apparently not over. They tried to ignore the blonde woman at the bottom of the stairs, but she wasn’t having any of it. She moved to block their way each time they and Daniel tried to get around.

“I’m sorry, are you security?” Daniel asked, looking her up and down.

“No, I’m not. Am I Alexander?” 

“Alex.” Alex corrected, rolling their eyes and then shoving the woman hard out of the way, “Fuck off, mom. Damien shot him, not me, so get over it.” 

“That’-...” Daniel started.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that!” She screamed, although Alex simply ignored her. They didn’t want to deal with this right now and they didn’t want it to escalate into a similar situation to what had happened to their father. She kept screaming until Alex couldn’t hear her anymore. Daniel caught up a few moments later.

“That’s your mom?”

“Yeah. You sound surprised.”

“Well… she’s blonde. So was your dad.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s a genetic mutation, apparently, my hair.” Alex sighed, running a hand through it. If it hadn’t been so late already they would have loved to style it before they left for dinner but the canteen would close if they’d taken too long, “I don’t look like either of them, thank God.”

“You  _ really _ don’t. Are you-...”

“No,” Alex interrupted, “Trust me, I wish I was adopted. Nah, I remember several times my mom would wave my birth certificate in front of me and tell me to ‘get out of my little fantasy of having another family’. She was really paranoid after she learnt about my dissociations. No idea why.” 

“Probably because your psychiatrist should have called CPS?”

“Uh… Probably.”

\---

Daniel had had a long day, especially with the interns out for the day. He had definitely grown a new appreciation for Karen and her ability to get photocopying done. Also her scheduling. He was almost tempted to offer her a job as his PA, but didn’t really want to talk to station management about the idea. 

Alex had had the day off. Daniel knew Alex couldn’t cook, but he hoped that they had cleaned up a little and made a drink for when they got home. They hadn’t text them, other than a weird keysmash about half an hour before. Daniel wasn’t sure what they were keysmashing about but they hadn’t replied to his text asking either. 

When he opened the door, at first he smiled as he saw the other asleep on the sofa and his apartment was looking cleaner than it had in a long time. The smile was short lived. His eyes travelled to the table and the empty bottle of whiskey, then down to the floor between the table and sofa that was littered with empty blister packs. 

“Alex!” He gasped, rushing to their side and shaking their shoulders, “Wake up! Please! Wake up!”

“Hey, calm down.” Alex breathed, putting a hand on Daniel’s as their eyes fluttered, “It’s ok. Just hold my hand.”

“I’m going to call the paramedics.” 

“No, no,” Alex laughed, waving a hand dismissively, but Daniel was already on the phone to them. He hadn’t even realised how tears were streaking his face, his nose running, “You deserve better… than me.”

\---

Alex’s eyes opened slowly, the light far too bright for them to open them fully straight away. They breathed deep, putting a hand to their neck. No scar that wasn’t there before. Their other arm was held down by Daniel’s head, which was somewhat uncomfortable as he was laying on their IV. They moved their head to look at the calendar. Daniel had marked the days they’d been in, three so far. It seemed like he’d brought flowers too. Roses, which Alex couldn’t smell through their oxygen mask, a cactus, and ones that seemed to be growling at anyone who came too close. 

It was another few days before they were discharged, given mental health leave from their job and referred to another psychiatrist as the hospital said Sophie should have seen the signs. They wondered if Sophie had told the hospital how many times similar things had happened since they joined the nurses team. Granted, it had never got this far before. 

Daniel had driven them home, carrying them up to the apartment despite Alex telling him it really wasn’t needed. Daniel had been quiet since Alex woke up. Even when he was sat with them in the hospital, he’d only said ‘hi’ and ‘how are you feeling’. Alex was worried that he was going to leave them, although they couldn’t say that they would blame him if he did. This quiet was broken when Daniel laid Alex on the bed, however, the man breaking into tears and holding them close. 

Alex couldn’t speak. They didn’t know what to say. Daniel was apologising. All they could do was wrap their arms around him and fight the tears swelling in their eyes. 

Once the two had finished, Alex explained about visiting Vanessa and about their mental health. They told Daniel about their diagnosis, their dissociations, what it was like for them. They told him about Joy and the field. About their childhood, what they remembered of it. They told him about how they felt, how everything got too much, about how they never felt good enough. Daniel listened, stroking their hair as they spoke and comforting them as they cried. 

The next morning, Daniel had left a note on the table for Alex as well as a shopping list.  _ ‘Fresh air helps. If you have enough energy, let me know you’re going OK <3 I worry about you. I wish station management had given me time off to be there. I love you, my angel.”  _

Alex smiled at it, picking up the shopping list and going out. Some things were actual groceries they needed but others were just there for self-care.  _ “Rose scented bath bombs”  _ and  _ “Those little chocolates you like”  _ were obviously Daniel’s way of showing them he cared. Alex followed the list around the mall after getting themself a drink. They weren’t allowed to drive for at least a week, so they’d walked. It was way more tiring than they’d imagined it would be and they had never looked at bubble tea with quite as much excitement before. 

Once the mall side of the shopping was over, they went to get the groceries Daniel had asked for. It looked like he was making a non-spicy chili for dinner. Alex wished they could have it spicy but the doctor had told them to have gentle things and chili itself was not exactly a light meal. They leant against the trolley to support themself, their hips close to giving up. They swore they could stay on their feet for longer than this, couldn’t they? They reached into their pocket, going for their pain relief, forgetting that they didn’t have it anymore. That was why they were feeling so much worse than usual. That’s why they’d been itching all day and why their trip to the grocery store was far colder than their walk to the mall. 

_ “Hi, can u pic me up? I frgt abot not havin meds.” _

It was a couple of hours before Daniel got there and Alex had found a small cafe to sit in while they waited. It wasn’t that far to get home, taking longer for Daniel to help them back up to the apartment than the actual drive itself. Daniel had offered to carry them but Alex wanted to walk. 

“Well, now we’re inside,” Daniel started, pulling a paper bag out of his work bag, “The pharmacy says you can use this cream to help the pain. I’ll go and run you a hot bath, too. That’ll help.” 

“Thank you.” Alex smiled softly, “Uhm… I wanted to run something by you.”

“Of course, what’s up?”

“I’m thinking of coming out to Kevin and Vanny.”

Daniel frowned, scratching his face, “Well, yeah… I mean, shouldn’t you come out to Karen first? You two are actually friends.”

“That’s why I don’t want to. At least if Kevin or Vanny say they hate me for it, it’s not really a loss.” 

“I guess. I’ll invite them out, then.”

\---

Karen burst through the door, startling Calina as she ran up to the woman. A massive grin spread across her face, pulling several flags from her bag and putting them on the bar.

“Like, I didn’t know Strex had little pride flags for your desk!” Karen beamed, “So, I totally got a bunch that might fit you! Like, here’s an ace one for you… then we’ve got greyro, or cupioro, or maybe-...”

“I don’t need your help!” Calina shouted, pushing the flags off of the table and watching Karen recoil, “This is very new and I just want to figure it out on my own! I don’t need you pushing me towards a label! Why do I need a label?”

“You don’t…” Karen started, her voice quieter now. She seemed to back away from the other, arms wrapping around herself, “I just… I tots took so long to, like, figure out being ace and aro were even a  _ thing _ . Like, nevermind anything else. I felt so wrong for so long… I just, like, wanna make things easier for you.”

Karen wasn’t looking at her. Calina was glaring at Karen but her expression softened as she took in what the other said, “You scare me, you know that?”

“Ha, of course I, totally, see that.”

“I don’t like that you can see through me. There’s… a lot of expectation on me to be this innocent little stereotypical android who doesn’t feel attraction. I’m not. I never have been. I’m not innocent, in any regard. I love the Smiling God and blood sacrifice-...” 

_ “wait, what?”  _

“... I like drinking. I like porn…” 

_ “uh…”  _

“...and now I’m not even meeting the attraction part of it. It’s scary. Sure, I’m still logical and I can run complex data sets in my head, but other than that I’m not what Damien wanted.”

“Right.” Karen said, turning Calina’s face to face her, “Stop living for some dumb guy. What, he’s, like, your dad or something, so what? That’s, like, totally, sucky but you should totes just stick your finger in his face.”

“No.”

“Anyway, man… I wanna be your friend. I’ve never had an ace friend before… I mean, yeah there are ace people in the bluffs but they totally look down their nose at me. Not, like, because they’re pretentious, but because they assume, like, eating desires is a sexual thing. So, yeah… You’re really cool and, like, I wanna hang.”

“We can hang.” Calina sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose, “Just, cut it out with the labels. I don’t need to label myself.”

“Totally!” 

\---

When Alex and Daniel got there, Vanessa may have well been sat across Kevin, completely turned around, with one knee up on the coach as she put a piece of cake to his lips. A bit of the frosting sat on the tip of his nose as he hummed some approval at the sweet treat. Alex was almost sure Vanessa would have licked the frosting off if they hadn’t have drawn the two away from each other with an awkward cough. She had swung around quickly and both of their faces were lit a deep shade of red. 

“I’m glad we’re not like that.” Daniel whispered into Alex’s ear, drawing a small laugh from the person. It would have been a bigger laugh, more confident, if they weren’t extremely aware of Vanessa now staring at their lips. It was hard to read her emotion, seeing as it had been so long since they had seen a positive expression on her face. It felt almost like a completely new emotion had overtaken her. They sat on the edge of the sofa, uncomfortable about the whole thing

“What?” Alex snapped, their whole body tensing into their standard, defensive reactions. Their arm twitched, as if lightning had run up from their wrist, and Daniel put a hand on their shoulder to calm them as Kevin glared at the offending limb. The glare burnt into them as much as Vanessa’s staring. 

“I love that colour!” 

“I can wear whatever I want! I don’t need your appro-... what?” Alex had darted up, although their wrist was now firmly in Daniel’s grip. Alex wasn’t that much taller than Vanessa when they were both stood, but towered over her easily in this position even as their shoulders slump in realisation of what had been said. They felt bad about the flinch they’d pulled from Vanessa and quickly sat back down. 

“I said… I love that colour. Where did you get it?” She reiterated.

“Thanks. It was in  _ Next _ .” They mumbled, pushing their hair behind their ear. It wasn’t in their face, it was just a nervous gesture. They didn’t even think about it. Daniel had let go of their wrist as they sat back down and put his hand on their back, rubbing calming circles into the back of their shirt. 

“Alex is exploring somethings.” Daniel started, but Alex turned to stare at him. They weren’t ready for this. They couldn’t stop now but they weren’t ready. Everything in their body told them to just run away despite their legs refusing to move. 

The reason they had suddenly changed their mind was Kevin. His breath was grazing the back of their neck, even though he was obviously sitting in front of them. They could feel Kevin’s annoyance. His defensiveness. It only fed into their own. 

_ “She wants to forgive you,” _ It was that voice, the one punctuated by harsh radio static. It was directly in their ear and no one else seemed to be noticing it. Vanessa had laughed to Daniel about something and Daniel was telling some story about the radio station. They had changed the subject completely and Alex had no hope of following. Alex was struggling to follow Kevin, but the man seemed to be physically holding them in their mind, not letting them escape to their field. Not letting them escape,  _ “Otherwise we wouldn’t be here. I don’t know what happened between you two and I don’t want to know unless she wants me to but if I find out you-...” _

_ “Stop. I’m trying.”  _ Alex found it hard talking in their thoughts but watched as Kevin cocked an eyebrow at them,  _ “Daniel is helping me. I get it, I was a bad partner. You’re a better one.”  _

_ “I’m not-...” _

_ “Yes you are, stop denying it and just get on with it.”  _ Alex actively gestured at Vanessa, stopping the conversation between her and Daniel. The two stared at them and Kevin took a deep breath as Daniel’s eyes moved to him. 

“Sorry.” Kevin smiled, taking his arm back to sit forward and feed Vanessa a bite of the cake before taking his own bite. Alex continued to gesture as he did this, getting a confused look from Vanessa. 

“Anyway, we actually asked you to come because I had something to tell you.” Alex started, “I’m not… a guy.” 

There was a moment of silence before the two tilted their heads, almost in unison. Alex’s cheeks started to feel hot, shoulders tensing as they held back another outburst. It felt like forever before one of them spoke.

“... because you like lipstick?” Kevin questioned, before catching himself, “I mean, that’s cool and all. Fully support that. Not sure why we were your first call but…” 

“No, not because I like lipstick!” They hissed, making a gesture that said  _ keep your voice down _ in a panicked way. Daniel put an arm around them, rubbing their shoulder gently, “I just feel like I go between. It changes. It’s weird, you wouldn’t understand.” 

“Fluid? I understand.” The reply did nothing to relax them, their eyes darting away from the two. 

“Me too.” Vanessa nodded.

“You should be proud of yourself for telling us, all the same.” Kevin added, offering a weak smile, “So, are you keeping him or...?” 

“They, them… so are we still friends?” 

“Cool.” Kevin and Vanessa said in unison, Kevin adding, “We’re not your friends, though.” 

“I am, kinda…” Vanessa added.

Daniel looked between them, a look that said  _ ‘That’s not supportive’  _ while getting back annoyed ones. 

“Let’s just clarify, Alex. Our interactions have involved you threatening Vanessa, assaulting me and then lying to Vanessa about it, trying to get Vanessa drunk and then insulting my species.” Kevin said plainly, taking a deep steady breath before continuing, “On top of which, Vanessa doesn’t owe you friendship. There are plenty of people in Desert Bluffs, go and make friends.” 

“It’s a bit difficult when the local radio host makes you a pariah.” Daniel retaliated as Alex just folded their arms and pouted next to him. They didn’t really know what to say, they tried. They’d been going to cooking classes with Daniel but everyone stayed away from them (other than Karen, who was the teacher). They’d tried hosting a party but only Karen showed up. They’d even tried online but as soon as people found out who they were, they stopped talking to them, “Vanessa, fine, but Kevin, you should be trying to make Alex feel more at home.” 

“Again, I am trying…” Vanessa sighed. The silence was heavy. It was the kind of silence that made people uncomfortable. The type of silence that said far more than words could, “You need to show you deserve it.” Her voice was exasperated, gesturing wildly with her coffee, “Kevin is right, you need to work on yourself. I hope that this has helped but it doesn’t just fix everything.” 

“Th-...”

“... and you! Stop! I get that they aren’t great but if they want to try and be friends, then we should give them a chance. Stop talking badly about them to the whole of Desert Bluffs!” 

“Th-...” 

“... and you, you prick!” Her finger was pointed at Daniel, gritting her teeth now, “Don’t act all high and mighty when you’re guilty of being as creepy as they are!” 

She huffed, crossing her arms and sitting back in the chair as the other three stared at her. Several other people had also turned their head but just mumbled some  _ ‘interloper’ _ s before returning to their drinks. There wasn’t much else to say, so none of them spoke for a while. It hadn’t helped the tension at all. 

“You have frosting on your nose.” Alex eventually said, pointing to Kevin’s nose. They regretted mentioning it as they noticed Daniel using it as an excuse to stare at Kevin’s lips. They’d discussed Daniel’s feelings for Kevin and Alex was fine with it. They were. They said they were and they were. At least his attention was back on Alex once their hand had found its way to his knee. Daniel had looked down at it and then quickly apologised. The rest of the afternoon was awkward. Vanessa had asked about the hospital band on Alex’s wrist that they had forgotten to take off and she and Daniel had had a not-so-polite discussion about it. Kevin seemed shocked by everything that was said in that conversation, from the moment Vanessa had said  _ ‘again?’ _ , although sided with Vanessa that she did all she could have without knowing what to do. Alex didn’t take a side, instead sinking into the back of the chair with their coffee. 

\---

Alex did their best to show Vanessa and Kevin that they were trying to be a better person, but the effort was exhausting. They’d baked things in their cooking class to share with them. They made extra lunch for Daniel to take in, but Daniel often brought it home because Vanessa had already made them both pasta salad. One time Alex was sure Daniel had eaten all three lunches because he wasn’t at all hungry when he got home, which was odd for him. 

Eventually they decided they would help them get together. It worked well with Vanessa and they had a wonderful day out. Vanessa had tried on a bunch of dresses and suits, giving Alex fashion tips and helping them to try on some of the dresses as well. They’d gone for slushies and Vanessa had generally been very chill. She even went to the nail salon with them so they weren’t nervous about getting them done. 

Kevin was more difficult and they decided it was better to ask Daisy and Sophie to help with that side of things. Daisy had agreed at first but Sophie refused, saying they were on their honeymoon and didn’t want to be disturbed. Daisy eventually convinced her by pointing out that Vanessa would want to have a girl’s night out to chat about it afterwards and they’d get drunk. 

The plan went well and as soon as Kevin left for Vanessa’s, there was one last step. Kevin often left the backdoor unlocked. Alex was concerned at how Daniel knew this fact but Daniel claimed that they had known each other at school and it’s how he and Earl would sneak in behind his dad’s back. Not because his dad was against Kevin being with Earl, but because it would often be past Kevin’s curfew. 

“Ok, so we need to get a nice scent in here. It kind of smells like lemons.” Alex told Daniel, “I really hope this isn’t overstepping a boundary.”

“Nah, it’s not. I mean, even if it is, at least it’s nice not like when Vanessa oversteps boundaries… or should I say, ignores them completely.” 

“Wait… what?”

“Nothing, don’t worry.” 

The two worked hard, leaving a trail of rose petals from the door to the bed, Daniel’s idea. Alex had said that they shouldn’t assume the two will have sex and Daniel had argued  _ ‘you’ve seen how all over each other they are’.  _ Then they burnt candles, bergamot and lemon. Alex was very careful about keeping these out of the way of Lemonade, who kept climbing up their trousers. They guessed that Kevin had asked Karen to feed her, as Karen had experience with cats. Still, that wouldn’t be until later as she had a full food bowl already. Alex just made sure to clean her water and put her in what seemed to be her playroom. The last thing they wanted was her eating the rose petals. 

Once they were done, they played with Lemonade for a while. They didn’t want to be around when the two got back but a kitten is just too adorable not to play with. 

They’d lost track of time, only checking their phone when it started ringing.

“This is totally your fault, don’t tell me it’s not!” Karen yelled down the phone, making Alex recoil from the noise. They weren’t sure what she was referring to but whatever it was, she sounded pissed off.

“Uh… what?”

“Where are you? Like, can’t you hear it too? You, like, only live upstairs, right?”

“Actually we’re at Kevin’s house…”

“Without Kevin there?”

“Kevin’s here…” Alex started, looking at Daniel for support, “Sure, he’s… uh… in the other room…”

“No he isn’t!” Karen hissed, moving the phone. Alex’s face suddenly felt hot as they listened to the sounds that Vanessa was making and the things Kevin was saying to her (although that was relatively quiet compared to Vanessa), “You and Daniel were, like, trying to make this happen! Sophs told me you got her to, like, find a suit and shit for Kevin. I’m not dumb. I don’t want to hear this!... and, like, why are you at Kevin’s house without him there?”

Alex covered the phone, looking at Daniel and whispering, “Am I bad in bed?”

“What? No… what?” He tilted his head, looking confused and going to grab the phone. Alex moved out of the way before he could and Daniel sighed, “You are amazing, top and bottom. Why?”

“Vanessa was never this loud with me.” 

“She called you to make you listen!? Fucking bitch!”

“Oh, no! No! No, it’s Karen. Through the wall. I don’t know what to say…” Alex waved their hand in front of them before addressing Karen again, “They’ll stop soon, I’m sure.” 

“It’s been  _ an hour. _ ” Karen moaned, “Plus, like, you totally didn’t answer my question!”

“We were hoping they’d come here… so we were setting out candles and flowers and stuff.” 

“Uh huh? This is your fault and both of you owe me drinks!” 

“Sur-... She hung up.” 

“Well, what did she say?” Daniel asked.

“We owe her drinks.”

\---

“You wanted to see me, sir?” 

Damien had called Alex to his office early that morning. They had woken up in a pile with Daniel, Calina, and Karen after having gotten drunk and doing karaoke. It was one of Calina’s favourite hobbies and last night they learnt how much Daniel loves it too. 

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened.” Damien started, although Alex didn’t let him finish his thought.

“I’m working on it, I just wanted Karen and Daniel to get settled first. I’m not sure where to start but with Karen as the PR manager, she’s agreed to talk to some other heads of department about it.” 

“I meant with your father.” 

“Oh.” Alex wasn’t sure what else to say. They hoped Damien would ask how they felt, as one answer would please Strex and the other might get them sent back to training. Neither were good options.

“Did he touch you?”

“No, sir, you shot him before he did.”

“As a child, Alex.”

“He hit me, yes. Often. Daily, I’d say, although some days he was very loving.”

“ _ How loving. _ ”

Alex paused, taken back by the question and the implications behind it. They didn’t know that Damien was aware of their father’s personal life before Strex but obviously their information wasn’t complete. Alex had always tried their best to stop him when he brought home girls but their best was never good enough. They opened their mouth to speak before fully forming the words in their head. It was a horrible thing to think about. It often made them retreat to their field if they weren’t careful about how they spoke or thought about it. 

“My father is straight.” They said simply, coughing into their fist, “I saw him… when I killed those people. I… thought of it as practice, really.”

“Don’t lie to me, Alex.” Damien sighed, “You saw them as a replacement. You couldn’t do it, could you?”

“Why would you say that?”

“DNA says it all. You let him leave. You had your chance and you didn’t kill him.”

“Am I being punished?” Alex asked quietly, putting a hand on their smile knife.

“No. You’re a nurse, not a killer. We don’t want you to kill for fun, otherwise our patients will be in danger. We want you to kill people who deserve it, but that means people will slip through the cracks.”

“I understand.”

“Next time, report it to me.”

“Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [This is Home - Cavetown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM_Gamwxvtc)
> 
> That's the end of the Alex backstory chapters until late in Special Training. I'm sorry to everyone who doesn't care about my OCs or to people with any of the many triggers. I love you.


	63. The Girl From Franchia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Vanessa talk about kids. Karen calls Vanessa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're near the end now. I'm not sure how many chapters to go, but this will all be set in the last month-two months of Desert Bluffs. 
> 
> There's some fetish talk in this chapter, just to warn you guys. I'll star it.

It had been almost a week and Karen had texted to let Vanessa know that she was there and had a job at Strex but that it was better that they called for Karen to ‘tell her about how she’s settled in’. Vanessa didn’t understand horrors, so wasn’t sure how they were going to talk over the phone but she was sure the other had a plan. Vanessa was disappointed that Alex couldn’t be on their side, as then they would have an easy line of communication that Strex couldn’t get their hands on. 

Kevin was trying to relax her, having built a half fort out of pillows and blankets and cuddling under it. They weren’t watching a movie or reading, just cuddling. Without the distraction, Vanessa’s mind ran through all the things that could go wrong. It ran through every possibility in the end. Then there was a nice thought. Everything might go fine. They might be able to grow old together in the town that they call home. They might be able to keep all their friends safe from harm and free from becoming corporate drones. They might be able to make everything better.

“Kevin.” She whispered softly, waiting for him to look down at her before continuing, “Do you want kids?”

“Something you need to tell me?”

“No. Not a chance, right now. I just finished my period, so I'm not pregnant. I just… I think you’d be a good father.”

“You’d be an amazing mother.” He responded, kissing her forehead softly, “I’m not in a rush, but if it happens I’m ready. If you’re not, we should probably talk about contraception…” 

“I am.” She laughed, “It’s odd. When I went through that really fast aging after the vortex… It felt like I’d been with you for years, even though we weren't together at the time. My dad says normally in Frachia your soul can age with someone. I always laughed, but I think I know what he means now.”

“That’s cute.” Kevin said, although then furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head, “I did wonder something though… no one lives in Franchia, so how do you come from there?” 

“Well, technically  _ I  _ lived in Svitz. I spent some time in Luftnarp as a kid too. I was born in the Philippines though, not Europe at all. When we moved to Svitz, I spent a lot of time talking to spirits in Franchia. My dad wanted me to learn how to speak like them and I learnt. I don’t like doing it, though.” 

“Like them? Like who?”

“The spirits that stalk the arches. My father used to be one.” Kevin’s jaw dropped as he stared at her and Vanessa could tell he was trying to figure out how what she had said was possible, so she clarified, “My father just one day appeared in the Luftnarp museum of fine arts, completely naked, in front of my mother who was traveling for tourism. Didn’t know how to speak normally and it made explaining to authorities that he had just been stalking a tourist through his favourite arch system and softly running his claws down their neck very difficult. My mother was preparing for her PhD looking at the spirits, so she understood him even when he wasn’t directing his voice at her. She helped him to speak normally and they fell in love.” 

“Oh… that’s odd. I did read about a weird man appearing in the museum when I backpacked around Europe a few years ago.” Kevin reminisced, although Vanessa could tell he was trying not to picture her father naked. In fairness, she was also trying not to picture her father naked.

“Anyway, I don’t tend to say I’m from Franchia but my dad says I should. He thinks I should introduce myself as ‘The Girl from Franchia’. He says the same about my brother, though. I think he’s just scared to lose anymore of his connection to his home.” 

“Well, if we do get a little bundle of joy come along, maybe we should give them a Franchian name?”

Vanessa quickly shook her head, reeling from the idea, “No. No, no. My dad would rather pass down the speech than anything else. Franchian names are… not human names. My dad came up with his own name for business because  _ ‘the claws that grab your leg and drag you to your untimely death’  _ is a bit of a mouthful.” 

“Yeah… true.” 

“Plus, I’d rather call them a name my grandma would have liked.” She hummed, “Like, my grandpa’s name; Donovan.” 

“Donovan… that sounds nice, but what about for a girl?”

“Donna.”

Kevin chuckled, kissing her head and whispering, “You’re adorable.”

“You-...” Vanessa stopped as her phone rang, checking the screen and seeing it was Karen. Kevin gave her a nod to answer. Vanessa kept it on speaker phone, “Hey, Karen, how are you?”

The next words were in Vanessa’s head, sending horrible shivers down her spine, “Scream.”

“Don’t do that!” Vanessa hissed, ignoring Kevin looking confused between her and the phone.

“I, like, totally didn’t read the contract. Y’know, no large print and my vision. Like, totes ablist if you ask me.” Karen continued, “Anyway, like Alex told me about it an’ they totes text me in horrors about what to expect in my induction. This place, like, is totes like a cult or some shit.”

“How so?”

“Apparently, like, they monitor all outside coms. They totes wanna make you ‘your best self’ and, like, they’re restrictive of literature.”

“Desert Bluffs restricts literature too, but the town isn’t a cult.”

“Yeah, but, like, the town is totalitarian so…”

“Ok… I’ll bring it up at the meeting. Stay safe, Karen.”

“You too, Vanny.” 

Vanessa turned to Kevin once Karen had hung up, forgetting to change her voice before she spoke, “Sorry about that.”

A blush spread across Kevin’s face, eyes widening as a nervous smile played across his face.

\---

Kevin chuckled, kissing her head and whispering, “You’re adorable.”

“You-...” Vanessa stopped as her phone rang, checking the screen and seeing it was Karen. Kevin gave her a nod to answer. Vanessa kept it on speaker phone, “Hey, Karen, how are you?”

The next words were an excited scream from the other woman, “Oh my God! Vanessssssa!”

“What? You sound, totes happy!” Vanessa spoke with a smile that wasn’t on her face, and Kevin looked between her and the phone. It didn’t make sense. Plus, when did Vanessa say ‘totes’?

“You won’t believe this,.” Karen continued, “I got this, like, totes hot boss. Like OMG! He’s super sexy and totally into me. I can tell… I may have, like, totes flirted with him. I can’t, like, resist a man in a suit, y’know. Just gets me, like, totes hot.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow, even more confused with each word. It was definitely Karen’s voice but Karen had never been attracted to anyone as far as he knew. He thought she was asexual but was now questioning that fact.

“How hot?”

***

“Like, deep, deep eyes and this total air of superiority. I just wanna, like, step on him! Put him in his place, at least in bed.”

He wasn’t listening to this… he couldn’t listen to this! This was way too personal. He really didn’t want to know about Karen’s fantasies, although in the back of his mind he was wondering if this was some kind of revenge

***

“Would he let you? Kevin would never let me do that!”

Well, at least that was a distraction. The thought was definitely enough to put this awkward conversation into the background.

“Like, he’d totes let you. He’s into it too.”

“I’m going to now… Laters babe.”

“Have fun.” 

Vanessa turned to Kevin once Karen had hung up, seemed to yell at him in a way that he somehow knew only he could hear. It sent chills down his spine, “Sorry about that.”

***

“N-No… don’t be! Uh…” Kevin looked away, scratching his shoulder, “You can step on me if you want.”

“What?” Vanessa breathed, the same tone but a quieter, scarier iteration of her last sentence. It did nothing for Kevin’s racing heart.

***

“You know… you said to Karen about wanting to…”

“No, no… wait, am I…” Vanessa turned red, going back to her normal voice, “Karen is such a troll! No, she was speaking horrors, she put a conversation over it so that Strex couldn’t hear.”

“Oh… So you don’t want to…?”

“I mean… maybe…”

Kevin turned to her again to see her hiding her face in her hands, “I mean, I love when you speak Franchian to me too…” 

Vanessa lifted her head, biting her lips before putting a hand on his shoulder, her voice returning to the quiet threat that clutched his heart, “Kevin, are you being naughty?”

\---

“We should get dressed for the meeting.” Kevin whispered, his fingers entwining with Vanessa’s hair.

“Five more minutes,” She grumbled, burying her face into his chest, “This is a big thing and with all the yellow helicopters and what seems like a huge threat, I just want to savour this.”

“I know. So do I, but we can’t answer the door naked. We can come straight back to bed when everyone’s left.”

“I suppose.” 

She wriggled off of the bed, stretching out before she dressed herself. The clock annoyed her, far closer to the meeting time than what she’d expected. At least she hadn’t been wearing make-up so didn’t need to fix that or take it off. 

The meeting was short that day. Vanessa relayed what Karen had told her and Grandma Josephine let the group know that the NRA (who had since been bought out by Strex) had provided them with a generous donation of guns and weapons since the demons complimented their cool posters and flags. The idea that they might need said weapons scared several people, but there was an agreement that the volume of yellow helicopters in the city meant that it was a good idea to have them. 

Janet had drawn up a plan with one of her friends from school, who loved reading books and spent most of her time in the library, for what everyone should do if Strex approached them about their businesses and where everyone should go if the yellow helicopters turned out to be more hostile than they currently were. 

It was clear from the feel around the room that those who were protecting the town saw a larger threat coming. It was clear that everyone was on edge. Although Kevin tried his best to calm their nerves, he didn’t want them complacent either, so much left anxious and tired. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [Ghosts - Jacob Tillberg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJyR2QpHGvc)


	64. Inductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen, Daniel, and Sophie have their inductions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings (Not starred):
> 
> > Mention of StrexChips + Trigger word use  
> > Daniel being very sexist and threatening (***) + Daniel being sexist in a comment (not starred)  
> > Culty stuff  
> > Daniel punches Alex  
> > Bottom Surgery mention

“Good morning!” The woman standing in front of them was imposing in such an odd way. She smiled wide, showing all of her teeth. She wanted to draw this out, yet still held such a smile. Did she actually have that smile or was it just in her mind? She feared her next appointment, a faceless man taking her to dinner. Still smiling wide, but not showing all her teeth. Which one did she actually look like? It was hard to tell and impossible to see. Normally, a person would share an expression with their strongest feeling but the two seemed equally strong and mixed, so it would only be safe to assume her expression was in the middle, “Welcome to StrexCorp Synernists Inc. As you know, today is your induction! Yay! My name is Lauren Mallard and you might hear people calling me by many job titles. I tend to stick to ‘Head of procurement’ for new employees…  _ ha... _ which you are!”

Her intonations changed Karen’s mind, assuming her face was more like that in her desires than in her fears. 

Karen was sat next to Daniel, her shades perched as far down her nose as possible so they blocked the light of the screen without hindering her vision further. It was hard to see fears, thick black smoke, through black lenses and she already hated having to wear them. The last time she wore them inside, outside of the radio station, someone had called her ‘a massive douche’ despite her needing them to deal with larger screens. At least the people at the radio station understood she needed them to work the computer. 

“We have three sessions today! Your first is with me…  _ of course…  _ which is your Welcome to StrexCorp. The second, with Calina Strex, who holds multiple job roles but what’s relevant now is she’s the Children’s Ministry Leader of The People’s Church of the Smiling God. She’ll be introducing you to StrexCorp’s sister Church’s belief system. The third, with Alex Jones, Junior, who you all know. They’ll be answering questions. We understand it’s easier to ask someone you know, so anything that confuses you, just let them know.” 

Karen looked over to Sophie. Daisy hadn’t joined them for induction but she didn’t seem too worried about this. In fact, there was no sign of Daisy anywhere in her fears. Sure, she was thinking about Daisy. She was imagining them working alongside each other, sharing a meal in their room (which looked rather small and didn’t have nearly the amount of luxuries Daniel’s did), and other things but she didn’t seem to care that the woman wasn’t here. She decided it was best not to question this, but to bring it up with Alex once they were alone.

Lauren went through the basic business side of things. Expectations, the aggression pact and how to follow it correctly (apparently, they prefer a senior is around but it’s not a must), issuing of knives which Lauren had said Calina would explain, and lunch. It all seemed boring and dry, making it hard to follow even when Lauren made outrageous claims about working hours (a 20 hour shift some days with no break? No way they'd get away with that!) or having to smile at all times. A great public speaker? Yes. A horribly dull topic was what was spoiling it. Lauren actually made it far more digestible than someone else might. 

Once she was done, Lauren left the room. Karen knew that Daniel would feel like that meant everyone in the room could be trusted now, but Karen wasn’t about to trust Sophie so fast. Sure they were friends and she spoke to the woman, but it always played in the back of Karen’s mind that Sophie was a killer, and one that wouldn’t hesitate to blame someone else around them for their crime. At least Alex owned up to what they did and their reasons weren’t as personal as hers. Sophie felt not guilt or shame, only the fear of being caught. Alex felt a plethora of negative emotions around what they'd done, both in Desert Bluffs and StrexCorp. 

“Today is a joyous day! The day you first hear the joyous news!” Calina told them in an almost sing-song voice, her arms spreading towards the ceiling, “Here at StrexCorp, our employees are encouraged, though not forced, to sign up with the People’s Church of The Smiling God. Obviously, I know that some of you might be sceptical of joining a religion you know nothing about, so I’m here to tell you our basic beliefs and what you can gain from learning about the Smiling God. We also have some videos. They are aimed at children, sorry, but they simply show good lessons that everyone can follow and learn from, even if you're not a member of our wonderful congregation.” 

Karen shuffled. She’d mentioned finding the lack of communication cult-like, but the idea that they were expected to literally join a ‘religion’ cemented the idea for sure. Not to mention, Calina’s desires had changed completely. Rather than the android’s usual desires of teaching others and romancing Alex and Daniel, it had completely overwhelmed her fears with the desire to… be eaten by a giant centipede? Which seemed… odd. 

“So, what is The People’s Church of the Smiling God? Well, as I’m sure you can tell by the name, we worship the Smiling God. It is light and light and light. Although the Smiling God exists in paradise as a great beast, It is within all of us naturally. It is the light you feel when you smile. The tense chest feeling that comes with overwhelming joy. The tears that sting your eyes when you can’t contain your love. The Smiling God teaches us to be pure, joyous, and love our perfect selves and others’ perfect selves. So, our first video is on that and on our core belief system. Just the basics. It’s made by our spiritual leader, the finder of the prophet. Our current finder of the prophet is Pastor Good, and our prophet is his daughter. If you’re interested in knowing more about prophets… I love talking about this stuff, so just ask!” 

She spun around to put on the video before taking a seat next to Karen, the opposite side from Daniel. Alex took the seat next to Sophie. Although Karen couldn’t see their reaction to it, she could see that Alex was thinking about other things. They were scared. Mainly for Daniel, but also for Karen herself. Scared that they’d preach about the Smiling God. Despite this, Alex's desires clearly showed that they'd become part of the Church. They wanted to rise in ranks to become the lead protector, whatever that meant. 

Karen's only option was to watch the video through Calina, as she had no idea what was happening on the screen. Calina obviously had thought of this and was actively trying to desire Karen saw it. The video was a short film featuring two children, Felicia and Jason. Jason was worried that the Smiling God couldn’t see his smile. In the end, he had scars across his face in the shape of a smile, and it was heavily implied that these were given to him by his sister Felicia, although being made for children it was covered up by euthanisms. Calina told them that this is a voluntary practice, so they’ll see people with the scars but that they are done ethically and only with informed consent. 

Then was the fun part. Calina pulled a long box from under the desk at the front of the room. She didn’t open it immediately, instead pulling her own knife from her belt.

“In a moment, I’ll give you your Smile Knives and then pass you over to Alex. These knives are made to look like glass, but…” She smacked her knife hard against the desk, making all three jump, “... they are far stronger than glass. If you’re interested in why, I can notify you when to join us for All Smiles’ Eve mass, where we tell the story of All Smiles’ Day. The handle has designs based on your role in the Church. Mine…” Calina turned her blade to show them an intricate design of teddy bears with smile scars, “... shows I work with the children on their spiritual education. Alex’s…” She gestured to the person who was now showing a red crystal shaped in a blood drop, “... shows Alex is one of our protectors. If someone is upsetting you in sermons, just ask Alex to deal with them. As for you three, you’ll be issued a base level knife until you choose whether or not to take on a role with the Church. Again, no problem if you don’t, we just recommend it.” 

Once everyone had collected their knives, Calina sat back down, letting Alex take the lead.

“Before I answer questions, there’s another thing.” They started, putting their knife back in its scabbard, “Sophie knows this, but Daniel and Karen… you two have had chips implanted, one in your spine and one in the top of your head. The spine thing is new, so let Sophie know if you have prob-...”

“What the hell?” Karen snapped, standing and looking between the three. Daniel was thinking the same as her, his fears rushing for an explanation, “When the hell did that happen?”

“For you, Last night. While you were asleep.” Alex explained, rubbing the bridge of their nose, “I didn’t do it, but if you want to take it out on me, I won’t stop you. You’ll get in way less trouble than if you go to Sam about it.”

“Wait, I didn’t sleep last-...”

“When they did your surgery, Daniel. You were out anyway, so they did it then.” 

“I-... Shit.”

“Yeah, anyway… The chips in your neck are in case you need one of these.” Alex tapped the collar that now sat on their neck. Karen had asked about it earlier that day but they’d avoided the question. They knew they didn't have to answer for Karen to know what it was and Karen knew that they wouldn't want to talk about it, “Otherwise, it just checks your emotions and what you’re doing. The one in your brain is connected to a gland that regulates hormones. Uh… Sophie? You want to take this? Seeing as it’s part of your project.”

“Of course.” Sophie hummed, turning to the other two, “The most productive people are the happiest… and visa versa! So, we help with that by providing you with a gland that can produce serotonin, just in case you’re short! That was my part in the project, no need to thank me! Strex, although they care about your happiness, want productive workers. As such, you also have unique productions based on your role in Strex. Now, I know what you’re thinking  _ ‘doesn’t that press down on my brain like a tumor and give me negative side effects’. _ Well, we’ll keep an eye on that but yes, you may feel irritable or have visual disturbances. Not that you’d notice, Karen.”

“ _ Thanks _ .”

“Just let us know and we’ll fix any problems you have. Alex, you can take it back.”

“Right… well, you each have a phrase you should know so you can avoid it. Daniel, you have two as you have two sides of your chip. Karen you have one. Sophie has three. It depends on what you do as to how many you have.”

“Oh, and they can stack for interesting results!” Sophie added, “So, Daniel, your aggressive mixed with your passive would essentially make you hyper impulsive. I’d love to see what happens with that.” 

Alex sighed again, shooing Sophie out of the room. Karen frowned, noticing that she had been showing her true colours. She wondered if that was why Daisy wasn’t here. Maybe the woman had realised her wife wasn’t the woman she thought she was and had decided to leave. Maybe she was just staying in bed because of it. Thinking about it, Karen had never seen Daisy sad. Even when she had spoken to Daniel in the bar and told him he was being unfair about misrepresenting why their parents had thrown him out, a topic that Karen would have thought would have been personal enough to get even a small reaction from her. Karen thought that she must have seen Daisy frown at least once, but she certainly hadn’t seen it in years. Daisy was always almost insanely happy or happily calm. She always smiled, everywhere except for inside her desires. She never had fears, but in her desires she never smiled. 

“Who wants to learn theirs first? Calina will hold you if needed.”

“I’ll go first,” Karen volunteered, “Let Daniel, like, have the comfort of your room. How long does it, like, last?”

“Depends. It secretes hormones, and inhibits others. Sometimes it’s hours, sometimes minutes. Yours… well, it should just make you more suggestable. That’s a general one, really. Nothing special. It’s the same as mine.”

“Ok, that’s not, like, too bad. I can totes make it back upstairs then?” 

“If you don’t pass out the first time.” Karen nodded as Alex said this, standing strong and waiting for them to continue, “ _ I heard a rumour.”  _

Nothing. Not to start with. Then the smoke faded. Maybe they were all just really peaceful? It went completely. She looked between the three, not able to make out where they were properly anymore, “I’m blind…”

“We know?” Alex questioned. She assumed they were moving towards her by the colours that were moving in her vision but couldn’t be sure. It was so hard to tell. The question came into her head as to how she’d see microphones now? They were so small, she wouldn’t know where they were without everyone’s fears to show her. How would she get around like this? 

“I can’t see your emotions!” She snapped, panic rising in her chest as she processed what that meant. Then it faded. One second it was there and the next… well, she felt fine. Then the next she felt better than fine, she felt on top of the world. Yeah! She could do anything! She was invisible, “Ha! Looks at your, lie, face!” 

“I’ll help her back up to our room, you guys go ahead.” Calina told Alex, putting an arm under Karen’s as Karen swayed side to side, “This isn’t what’s meant to happen, I’ll need to monitor her and report to Sophie.”

“Wah? I feel grey! Great! Not grey… they’re grey!” Karen haphazardly pointed to Alex, and then realised she shouldn’t have said that, “They are grey in aura… lie, they are, so… uhm… lie… sad all the fuckin time… Lie... Oh my God! Lie, never happy... kinda... I’m sad too… Why am I sad Cally?” 

“Please don’t touch my face.” Calina requested, squatting Karen’s hand away, “You’re drunk, for some reason. Probably because your friend didn’t take into account your species.”

“I’m not drunk! You’re drunk!” 

\----

Once Karen had recovered, which had taken around half an hour, Alex sat across from the three again. Daniel was glad that they were back in their apartment now, but wasn’t looking forward to this. Not only did he have to face something he’d only seen happen to Karen, but he had to go through it twice and then watch Alex go through it. He wasn’t sure which scared him more. 

“Let’s do the one that you’ll possibly need to be held down for first.” Alex stated, Daniel giving them a nod and watching their face to turn to discomfort. He wasn’t sure if this was simply because they didn’t want to do this or if it was due to the word, but his question was answered when Alex drew in a sharp breath and said, “ _ Vanessa _ .”

***

His jaw immediately tightened. Teeth grit against one another. Fists clenched. This didn’t seem like an over-the-top reaction to him, hearing that _bitch’s_ name. It didn’t seem like anything was changed, he was only angry because he had to think about her! Think about what a _whore_ she was! Think about how she’d treated Alex. Think about that _fucking_ vortex and how she was using it to turn everyone against them. Against him. Against Alex. Against Strex. How she'd followed Kevin around like a slut, flaunting her body to up her grades. How he'd helped her. How Alex had been roped into helping her, that guilt trip that they'd both given them. Smiling God he just wanted to erase her from his head. He just wanted her to go away. Completely. He just wanted to show her just how disgusting she is. Just how revolting he found her. Just how much she made him sick.

***

“Ok,” Daniel growled, “Why bring her up now? Just tell me my first word!”

“That’s it.” 

“No, I don’t feel any different! Sure, I’m pissed off, but I’m just annoyed because I don’t want to think about her and her smug little slut face. She not only wanted-...” He stopped as Alex moved closer. They looked scared. Why would Alex be scared of them? That didn’t make sense, they tried their best not to scare them, “... what?”

“So, are we going with Vanny or your emails- as a conversation topic?”

Daniel’s eyes went to Karen as she shuffled nervously, but then waved his hand, “Those things would piss me off any-...”

“I guess your emails are easier for me. I mean, I couldn’t believe the things Harmony was saying to you. I read the-...”

He must have blocked out his reaction because now he was being held back by Calina as Alex cowered on the floor, their hands over their head as they repeated a tearful apology.

Five minutes was all it took for Daniel to come back down and even after Alex had apologised again, Daniel couldn’t look at them. 

“You know, I didn’t actually read your emails.” Alex said, trying to assure him, “I know what Harmony told you because I know you believe in a Smiling God already.”

“Yeah, well, why wouldn’t I?”

“The point is that you were obviously discussing it. You don’t convert out of nowhere.”

“Just tell me the other word.”

“Sure… It’s  _ White Wine. _ ” 

This time he felt… less. He was happy again, oddly enough. He just felt… normal? Last time he thought he felt normal, though. He wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with not being able to hear the word ‘Vanessa’ though. He’d have to work on that. He couldn’t really concentrate on that suddenly, though. All he could focus on was Alex. Their lips, how good they knew they felt. How would they feel now? They couldn't even find out for a while. Their eyes. Their long hair that ran over their shoulders. How they'd love to run their fingers through it while their head rolled back, mouth agape...

“That should just make you relaxed and passive, so if you don’t feel much then-...”

“I feel a lot.” Daniel interrupted, “Sophie said these two can mix, can we agree not to try that? Yeah? Mildly scared about that one. Won't lie. Do not want.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” 

  
“Alright…” Alex continued, despite not really believing him. They looked between the three, “I guess you should know mine too. Mine makes me passive, make me a bit of a follower. I feel panicked, but I don’t show it. It’s  _ so, so lucky.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [There Isn't Any God - Rusty Cage](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOVk9kXL3B4)
> 
> For Clarity: The People's Church of The Smiling God is not The Joyous Congregation of The Smiling God (for anyone who is not reading YG at the same time). If you want to learn more about cults and why I've separated these, my e-mail is in the comments. I'm really interested in cults, so I'd be happy to infodump.


	65. It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren arrives in Desert Bluffs again and the station hires a new Promotions manager.

“I know you already went.” 

“That doesn’t mean I should go back.”

“We can’t use you the way we planned to, so now I have to do your job. That means I can’t go.”

“This is your project! I have Pine Cliffs and I’m just waiting for you to finish this up before I can make a start. Dad wanted this done fast. Don't you think you've dragged it out long enough?” 

Lauren stared at her brother, who seemed unmoving in his position on this issue. He’d already taken far longer than most StrexCorp projects did and she wasn’t sure he really wanted to put the work in to get this town at all. Sure he’d recruited several people, including that intern that was really enthusiastic about taking over the radio station - that guy made her nervous, not that she’d admit it - but in general Diego hadn’t made much headway. He had a bunch of businesses under his belt but that barely mattered if you didn’t also have the people. 

It was hard enough that Diego wasn't taking this seriously without Lauren having to run around after the new recruits. The nursing intern, Francoise, had to constantly be told not to bring up the take over to Alex. Alex was taking their position far too far, having poked their nose into several things that they shouldn't have the past week. They'd even showed up in a random executives office and tried to blackmail them. Great attitude but wrong personality type to pull it off properly. Karen kept taking pictures of things she wasn't meant to, so Lauren had to confiscate her phone for a while. Sophie was at least working well, but Lauren didn't even want to think about Daisy. 

“Lauren, do you really want father to find out you went behind his back to ask an  _ enemy _ about helping you with something he’s not even interested in? Anyway, I thought you’d jump at the chance to get away from nightly dates and  _ ‘unproductive meetings’ _ .”

“True… and I suppose you’ll give me more freedom to work the project how I like?”

“Of course. If you think it’s time to take a hold of them, you do as you please. I should remind you though, you’re under the N.A.P. while you’re out there. We don’t want to waste money on unnecessary lawsuits if we don’t have to.”

“But the lawyers are ready if they’re needed?”

“They won’t be needed. Understand? Buy out the station and their little resistance will fall too.” 

“Fine. Until I return, put Daisy under Sophie’s supervision. You don't go near her.”

"I won't touch your little pet." 

\---

Vanessa nursed a hot chocolate as she walked through the office. She’d been distracted today, being sore and crampy. It happened sometimes after her cycle, but she still didn’t like it and to make matters worse, the other interns were at a college celebration day. She wasn’t entitled to it, technically a volunteer until next year rather than an intern. 

She wasn’t looking where she was going so it didn’t surprise her that she walked into someone. The woman was standing in the door, staring down at her and Vanessa could only breathe a sigh of relief that she hadn’t spilled her chocolate on the woman’s designer suit and shoes. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. One of those days!” Vanessa laughed, trying to think about where she remembered this woman from.

“Well, you should pay attention.” Lauren sang, her smile not fading despite her words seeming to be passively aggressive at best, “Vanessa, was it?”

“Yeah. Vanessa. Have we met before?”

“You got me coffee last I was here. Lauren Mallard.” She explained, eyes moving upwards. Vanessa assumed she was checking the On-Air sign as her attention returned quickly to her, “You’re in a relationship with the host, if I’m not wrong?”

“That’s right.”

“Well, a word of friendly advice, Vanessa. It’s not the best idea for you to continue that relationship. Now, I know, I know that that comes out harsh but you have a long life ahead of you and it would be awful to see that ruined by… a bad career choice.” 

Vanessa opened her mouth to speak but words wouldn’t form. She couldn’t say she was offended by the ‘advice’, seeing as Lauren wasn’t the first person to voice concerns about that, but she wasn’t happy about the woman commenting on something she knew nothing about either. 

“Ms. Mallard, I-...”

“Lauren, please.”

“Lauren… I don’t mean to be rude but I haven’t seen you around town and I don’t really think you know enough about our relatio-...”

“Oh, I do! Vanessa Gris, moved to Desert Bluffs at seventeen. You were dating Alex Jones, junior, attended the local community college where you participated in far too many extracurricular activities and suffered terrible burn-out which you took out on Alex. In turn, Alex resented you and you felt that. You wou-...”

“Shut up!” Vanessa hissed, although regretted the outburst when she remembered Lauren was a visitor, “So, you work at Strex? Well, having a one-sided story isn’t really enough to sway me.”

“One-sided? Oh… oh, no…” Lauren laughed, “Alex didn’t say anything to me, we’ve barely spoken in fact. Since those patients died on them they've been quiet, they do seem to blame themself a lot, don’t they? No, I have other sources, long story short, you're on a break from your career because your supposed mentor couldn't keep it in his pants. Not very productive.”

“I-... what? No, you know what, I don’t want to know. How can I help you today, Lauren?”

“I’m just waiting to chat with Kevin before my meeting with station management. You might notice that Strex has bought a lot of the town, which must be a hard change for you. I thought it best that we work together to…  _ well _ … get it all going well and make sure everyone is happy!” 

“Right. Well, the weather will be in a minute. You can talk to him when I take coffee in, if he wants to talk to you.”

“I’ll take coffee in.” Lauren told her, awkwardly trying to guide Vanessa into a chair as if she was a fragile piece of china, “Leave him. Trust me. Find a different job, maybe in data handling or I could give you a job in my new station. Think about it. Something where you can reach your full productive potential and also be safe.”

“Safe? The radio station is safe, it’s not like I’m a television intern.”

Lauren simply hummed, tilting her head, “I hope so. I’ve heard  _ horrible  _ stories. Oh, but those aren’t happy! Let’s keep positive vibes!”

“Ok… well, the coffee is in the break room. He likes caramel.”

“Thank you.” Lauren mouthed as she started towards the break room, turning to add, “Oh, and Vanessa. You are looking so beautiful this time. New skin care routine? It's delightful! Your skin is so much better. Positively glowing!” 

“Glowing?” Vanessa repeated, but Lauren had already left, “Did I eat something radioactive by accident?” 

\---

“Ms. Mallard, I told you before that I’m not interested in your project.”

“I know, Kevin.” Lauren said carefully, putting the cup of coffee down next to him as the door closed, “How long do we have to talk?”

“Hard to say, looks like a long report today.”

“I won’t take long. I’m here to buy the station, to use for my little project. I have a meeting with your management to discuss it.”

Kevin snorted at the mention of management, but Lauren wasn’t exactly sure what he found funny about it, “You won’t buy the station. Management doesn’t want to get rid of it and they are very hard to persuade.”

“I’m very persuasive.” Lauren retaliated, smiling down at the three eyes that were now looking up at her, “You should smile more, you know that? Have you heard of the Smiling God?”

“I’m not going to support you buying the station, or taking over our town. I might not be smiling Ms. Mallard…”

“Lauren.”

“... but we are happy here. Here in the Bluffs we have town pride and we support local businesses. We don’t buy into this big corporation take-over thing. You’re not going to find a home for Strex here.”

She watched him. He was convinced about what he was saying but she had seen her father handle people with a similar mindset and change them completely into corporation loving drones. That’s what Diego wanted her to do to Kevin. A corporate drone who would lead the rest of the town into their arms.

“I understand your town pride. If you’re sure, I just have a piece of advice for you.” Lauren leaned down, whispering now, “Don’t drag your intern into this.”

“Excuse me?”

“Just some friendly advice!” Lauren sang, waving at him as she slipped out of the room. 

She gave Vanessa a smile that wasn’t returned on her way to the station management. The other employees seemed relatively happy, except for a bunch that were being extremely unproductive. They were having drinks by the copier and Lauren tried to offer a quick joke of  _ ‘working hard or hardly working’ _ which she’d heard Calina say a few times. The employees just turned away from her, continuing their conversations. 

\---

Lauren was the topic of discussion on the way home that evening. They’d seen that the woman was sleeping in her car, which seemed weird as Strex owned at least one of the hotels in town. Kevin wasn’t sure that he wanted to say they only owned one, after Lauren had said that they had bought out a  _ lot  _ of the town. They were sure that Strex was still only at the stage of being a small business in the town, although he did know that they had bought several people’s shops and had even started setting something up under a tarp in the middle of the town. They didn’t know what or why but it gave him the creeps every time he saw it. 

“Karen’s not been in touch since she called about the induction.” Vanessa sighed as the talk about Lauren faded out. She was checking her phone a lot, “I hope she’s alright.”

“Maybe she’s being careful because she knows that Lauren is here.” Kevin suggested, “I mean, the idea that Lauren might overhear her reporting back would definitely explain being quiet.”

“I just hope she’s safe. I’m sure Alex will look after her, but I’m not sure they’re on our side. It’s hard to tell, seeing as I’ve not been able to talk to them.” 

Kevin hummed in agreement, opening the door and going to make them drinks. Vanessa followed but he told her to get comfortable. With what Lauren had said to him, he was sure things were about to get intense and they both needed to prepare, even if it was just relaxing for the last time for the foreseeable future. 

\---

Neither of them got much sleep that night, despite spending the evening watching movies with take-out. Despite this, Kevin was up early and set a cup of coffee next to Vanessa, kissing her head to wake her. 

“Drink up. We need to get in early. Management text me that we’ve got a replacement for Daniel and she’s going to be in the control booth with you today.” 

Vanessa hummed an objection but got herself ready. She wasn’t exactly sure what to think of having to train a new recruit when she herself was just an intern. It would be easy enough, as taking Daniel’s role meant the woman would have some level of competence in a radio station already but it also meant that Vanessa had to give a good impression to a new superior who would most likely be taking over as her mentor. 

Fortunately, when they arrived at the station, the woman seemed even more nervous than Vanessa herself. She was dressed far more formally than the rest of the staff, wearing a suit with a scarf and carrying a briefcase. Most people in the studio just wore jeans and shirts to work and on Fridays wore completely casual clothes (which meant that Vanessa was often the one that looked overdressed, as Desert Bluffs fashion was particularly odd). 

Still, her demeanour did nothing for Vanessa’s reaction to the woman. She was beautiful. Deep eyes and perfect hair. Perfect teeth. Everything about her made shivers run down Vanessa’s spine and a quick look at Kevin’s face confirmed that he felt the same way. Vanessa could hardly feel jealous of this when it had also been her immediate reaction. Once Kevin had gone upstairs, Vanessa approached her, realising as she got closer that the woman was not just beautiful but also a cyborg.

“Good morning. You must be Mx. Gris. I’m Calina, I’m the new Promotions manager. I was hoping you could show me around.”

“Vanessa is fine.” Vanessa replied, taking the woman’s hand to shake it, “It’s quite hot in here, do you want me to put your scarf in my desk? I heard your office needs some work still.”

“No.” Calina responded quickly, making Vanessa raise an eyebrow, “I have a tattoo.”

“We’re fine with tattoos here. In fact, I’m more surprised to see a cyborg. We don’t really have any here, our robotics are still very basic. Definitely not enough to swap out people’s skin.”

“Actually, I’m an android. I still think and feel, so just treat me like any other human employee, ok. As for my tattoo, I would rather keep it hidden. I like to keep a professional appearance.”

Vanessa shrugged it off, not really wanting to judge the woman on her tastes. She seemed nice enough and they needed nice people right now. If Lauren had convinced management to sell out, then they’d need nice people very quickly. Even if they hadn’t, their group was essentially gearing up for the possibility of a full blown war and the more people who were on their side, the better. 

Still, it was odd for Vanessa to see an android. She’d spoken to one on the phone, sure, but she’d never met one in person before. She hadn’t even met a serval robot before they had moved to the Bluffs, so she tried her best to tell herself that Calina was just human. Just like anyone else here.

“So, Calina, I’ve not seen you around town before. New here?”

“I moved here earlier this week, yes. I was over in Pine Cliffs but I decided it was time they had some young blood in the station there.”

“Oh, that sounds nice. I’ve never heard of Pine Cliffs though.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“I’ll have to look into it.” Vanessa hummed. She opened the door to their floor. Kevin had already made them coffee, so they went straight to the control booth for Vanessa to show her the equipment, “So, did you come here alone or is there a Mr… Calina?”

Calina laughed, although it seemed more nervous than humorous, her face lighting with a blush “Jones.  _ Miss  _ Jones. There’s no… uhm… partner.”

“ Well, we’re really busy at the moment, but I could take you out for drinks. Meet some people. You might find someone you like.”

“I don’t drink, or have relationships. I think we should be getting ready.” 

A blush rose on Vanessa this time, nodding and passing the women a pair of headphones so she could listen to the broadcast. It was the usual news, with sprinkled mentions of StrexCorp not being welcome in town. Station management came in to give Vanessa a note half way through the broadcast to tell Kevin to stop doing this as they’d already denied Strex the sale of the radio station. They seemed to hang around, staring at Calina until the woman looked absolutely terrified before thanking her and leaving. 

“What are you scared of that they like?” Vanessa laughed, trying to lighten the mood during the weather.

“What? Why would I be scared?”

“Station management feeds off of fears, so I’m guessing you’re nervous. The station is a friendly place, other than them, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Maybe he should try pizza instead.” Calina muttered, getting a snort out of Vanessa, “I’m just worried about this whole Strex thing. I’m new in town and I didn’t realise that there was something this big going on.”

“Hey, don’t worry. We’ve got it under control. Honest.”

“Really? All I’m hearing is Kevin picking a fight with them.”

“Well, you would too if you knew them.” Vanessa sighed, leaning back on her chair, “So, they have bought out a lot of businesses in town. Daniel went to work with them, so did a few other people. They're like a cult or something, no one gets to call us and let us know they’re alright and when they do call it’s either  _ ‘hey, I killed someone’ _ or like  _ ‘hey, they want us to smile all the time and never be sad’ _ .” 

“What’s wrong with being happy?”

“Happy isn’t a problem. Fake happy is. Would you be happy if your company and their little church told you that you had to smile  _ all the time. _ ”

“Not really…” Calina seemed to be giving her widest smile in reply to talking about smiling. It gave Vanessa the creeps despite how wonderful she looked, “I mean, a smile makes you spiritually healthy!”

“Self help bullshit.” Vanessa retaliated, “Feeling your emotions in a healthy way makes you spiritually healthy, not repressing them and forcing yourself to smile for others’ benefit.” 

“Oh… How do you know all of this about Strex, anyway? I’ve not seen anyone acting like that here.”

“I’m in touch with one of the… admin team, I guess? Another android, actually. You’d like her. I've not called her too many times but one of their employees assaulted me, so I had a chat with her.”

“I’m sure I would... That sounds terrible, though. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [The Decemberists - A Beginning Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm6xtkX_Dvs)
> 
> We're so close to the end. I've started writing Special Training in hopes to get ahead with it. It'll be rather OC heavy so if you are enjoying C&S, I'd love if you keep reading when it's over. ST starts immediately where C&S ends.


	66. Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where has Daisy been?
> 
> Warnings  
> > Electric shock  
> > Drugs  
> > Torture  
> > racism/ablism  
> > Indoctrination  
> > mind/body control  
> > Talk of surgeries (mention of bottom surgery)  
> > Medical Malpractice

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The noise is what woke her on her first day here. She wasn’t awake from long, though, the panic hitting her as she opened her eyes to white walls and medical equipment. The electricity coursing through her body putting her back to sleep. The next day she’d tried to pull the collar off, which had had the same effect. The third day was gentler. She’d grounded herself quickly now that she knew the consequences for being scared of this terrifying situation she found herself in. 

Her body was aching from being passed out on the floor for days. Her head hurt from dehydration or maybe from the effort of repressing her own speeding heart. When the doctor finally came in, she was passive. Talking would set it off. The sadness. The helplessness. The terror. The collar. She just watched the woman, who she’d already met. She wasn’t in her wheelchair this time, instead wearing a short skirt that showed her mechanical legs. It showed her blood, rushing through artificial arteries. They weren’t covered in the supposedly fake skin that Alex had been. They were metal. 

She pulled up a chair and crossed one over the other, tapping her pen on her clipboard but not talking. Maybe she was waiting for Daisy to talk? Well, she’d be waiting a while. Maybe she was playing mind games with her? When she did speak, it was slow and intentional. She thought Daisy couldn’t understand her? No… she just wanted to hit a nerve. 

“How… are… you… feeling?” Dr. Reed spoke loudly, gesturing at her chest, “Feel...ing.”

“You know I speak English, we’ve spoken.” Daisy replied as calmly as her voice allowed.

“Y yo hablo español.” 

Daisy rolled her eyes, not looking at the woman, “I don’t. I know one word and I think it would describe you quite well.” 

She’d expected a shock but it hadn’t come. Could she really just sit here and insult the woman and not be punished? Yet it would punish her for being sad or tired or scared? It almost seemed like a trick. 

“Oh, I see… no, I’m speaking slowly because I was worried you were brain damaged.”

“Wow, so much better.” Daisy huffed, getting a small shock from that. Alright, so aggression and passive aggression were punished, but not if she used euphemisms, that helped, “Where’s Sophie?”

“Dr. Berry will see you when you’re better. You’re sick, so we need to help you before you can see your wife again. She did make that pretty little accessory for you, though.”

“She… what?” Daisy put her hand to the collar, confused. Sophie wouldn’t do something like that to her? She stood and walked slowly over to the mirror that was on the wall, staring at the device. It looked familiar. Where had she seen it before? She tried to block out the orange triangle on it and focus on the design… where had she seen it before? 

Her fingers ran over the metal, over the box that controlled the shocks. She’d seen it in Desert Bluffs, on Alex, on their wrist. Vanessa had ranted to her about them ‘torturing themself trying to get better’. She’d thought she meant metaphorically but now she could see what Vanessa had meant. Sophie made this. Sophie had been using it for years. 

She tried her best to find a reason. Why would she do this? Sophie was always so happy and loving. She wanted everyone to be happy. She didn’t want to hurt people! She wasn’t like that! She couldn’t be like that! She cared! No… no… there had to be another explanation… anything that could explain this. Anything that didn’t mean Sophie was a monster.

Daisy couldn’t. She couldn’t find a reason. She couldn’t stop the tears that ran down her face or the shocks that took her consciousness once again. 

This time she woke up to an angel standing above her. Her halo shone so brightly that Daisy could barely look at the red hair that fell from the radiant face. She’d always thought that angels would look biblical, with hundreds of eyes, but this one was more the kind you’d see in a movie. A beautiful woman, smiling down at her with only the smallest hint of concern on her face. The angel was talking but Daisy couldn’t understand her, she could only bask in the saccharine tone and levelness. 

“I don’t think she can hear me.” Was the first words she understood from the angel, talking to someone or something that wasn’t in the room, “Daisy?”

“I’m Daisy.” 

“Ho… you can hear me! That’s good. I was worried we’d lost you.”

“I’m ready.”

“Ready? To work? Oh! Delightful! We have a super advanced science department, you’ll just love it! Or…  _ or _ … we do have a counselling spot! I know that Sam said you  _ ‘don’t want to be a part’  _ of the science department. We can get you helping people!” 

Daisy narrowed her eyes, staring at the abnormally large smile on the woman’s face. She wasn’t an angel, regardless of how beautiful she was. She was one of them. Daisy wasn’t dying, she was alive and awake and trapped. Trapped in a company that wanted to drug and enslave her. As far as she knew, drug and enslave everyone she knew. 

“Who are you?”

“Oh, where are my manners?” The woman started, offering her hand to help Daisy up from the floor, “Lauren Mallard, Head of Procurements… one second.” She turned to the mirror, waving at it, “Sam, I want some time alone with Mrs. Reynolds-Berry.”

Daisy took the hand as it was offered again, standing and realising the halo was just the light that was hanging above their heads. Lauren seemed well put together and was obviously smart, as she went to check that the other doctor had left before returning to speak to Daisy.

\---

“You must be Diego Mallard.” 

It had been a couple of hours since Lauren had left and Dais had thought about what Lauren had said to her. She was right, Daisy didn’t want to be a scientist for a company that exploited their workers, and more so she didn’t want to work for a company that exploited the poor. Lauren had mentioned that Strex allowed people medical treatment to increase their productivity, though. They wouldn’t lose their jobs due to debt. They would always have enough for food, always have a place to live, they just had to work hard to make sure they were paying Strex back. 

She had to think about it. A system with guaranteed employment, guaranteed treatment, and guaranteed food at the cost of having to work on an assigned job, act and feel a certain way. From a needs perspective, it at least meant every single person would meet their basic needs. However, it meant that very few could truly reach higher levels. 

The other thing she needed to consider was that she didn’t know the full story yet. She didn’t know what work conditions, pay, or the culture was except that they wanted to drug everyone. A lot of this went against her morals, but she was stuck here either way. She would have to live here and work here regardless of her morals, so was it worth helping them in a role where she could ensure people got the treatment they needed or was it worth fighting? How much could she fight? She wasn’t strong, physically or emotionally. She didn’t know how to fight. She didn’t know how long she could take torture before breaking completely. 

“Of course. Head of Science and Research.” Diego replied, holding out his hand. When Daisy reluctantly went to shake it, he raised the hand to kiss it, “I wasn’t expecting someone as attractive.”

“You’re not my type.” 

“I’m sure I could prove you wrong, I’m not like my sister or the doctors here-...”

“Trust me.” She interrupted, “You’re not my  _ type. _ ” 

Diego looked confused for a moment before nodding, “We try to be open here, no need for the euphemism.” 

“Seeing as my impression so far is being electrocuted, you can’t blame me for not trusting you.” 

“I’m sorry for that. You can trust me, although I know that must be no consolation in your position. I don’t blame you for not trusting me yet. I’m just here to offer you a job. We have an anaesthesiologist position come up, our last one was fired for offending Dr. Reed.”

“I’ll try not to offend her, I suppose… What happens if I refuse?”

“You stay here until you accept a job. If you meet our standards, you get the collar off, but one of those standards is accepting a job and working.” 

Daisy considered this for a moment. She didn’t want to stay in this room, nor did she want to have this collar on for any longer than she had to. Her only way to get it off seemed to be to work and with her background, the only work she seemed to be able to do would be for this man. He was right that she didn’t trust him. She couldn’t trust anyone at the moment but especially not the people who had come from Strex. 

“Then I guess I’ll do it.” 

“Great. Sign here.” He waited for Daisy to sign, before continuing, “Our first patient is in today, actually. Daniel’s having a few surgeries.”

“A few implies more than one.” Daisy questioned. As far as she knew her brother was healthy, and also she didn’t particularly want to give him surgery. It didn’t make sense that he’d be having more than one surgery and were they doing them all the same day?

“We need to set up his neural frame. He’s marked down for the CNS one only, so just some minor brain surgery.”

“Neural frame?”

“It has a small gland, a frame that gives small shocks, and a chip to control it. Don’t worry, the shocks don’t hurt, they just simulate normal neural activity. Promotes emotional responses. With the CNS one at least. Yours is more hardcore than that.”

His words passed over her, not making sense. Her neural frame? She only just learnt about what a neural frame was, how could she have one? She certainly wouldn’t consent to one! Had Daniel consented to one? What did she just sign? She hadn’t read it because it was her only way out of this room but now she was second guessing whether that was the best decision. 

“This.” Diego grinned as Daisy felt a sharp pain through her arm. The limb flew upwards by itself, even as she fought against the motion, her hand formed a fist and moved in circles, “You’ll need that gesture. It’s a greeting within the People’s Church. Do you need more practice doing it?”

“Stop that!” Daisy growled, her other hand grabbing at her wrist to try and pull it down, “Stop!”

It was pointless, she couldn’t control the motion. She couldn’t bear the pain the motion was causing. The pain of her other arm darting towards the floor. At least her collar wasn’t shocking her anymore but she assumed that was purposeful. It seemed like a blessing when the man finally put the tablet that was controlling her back into his briefcase. 

“I’m not putting this on my brother!” She protested, getting a frown from Diego, “You can’t control me like this through surgery, someone will die!” 

“True. However, if you refuse to do your job then I’ll just have to give you one of the lower paid jobs. Maybe one under Lauren so you can see how much better you’d be in my department.” 

“I did not become a doctor to hurt people and neither did you!”

“Bold of you to assume I’m a medical doctor.” Diego scoffed, shaking his briefcase which caused Daisy’s body to spasm painfully, “If you don’t want anyone hurt, I suggest helping with Daniel. If you don’t, he won’t have anesthetics. We’ll still do the surgery, just with him conscious.” 

She thought. It didn’t take long for her to make up her mind that she couldn’t leave Daniel to such torture but she wanted to seem like it took more thought than it did. She wanted something out of doing something so vile to someone. If something had to be done, she could at least use it to make something better, or at least try to.

“I want the counsellor job, after the surgery. I know it’s under Lauren but I’d rather be helping people than hurting them.”

“Deal.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, The Weather [American Healthcare - Penelope Scott](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHkVSXsAqBc) [TW: Death]


	67. Moving Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> StrexCorp moves into Desert Bluffs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> > Harassment and SA ***'d  
> > Drugging (Not ***'d, it's a large part of the chapter)  
> >

Alex rushed down the hall, trying to read the paperwork they’d been handed as they went. Strex’s Desert Bluffs HQ had been finished and they were one of the people who were moving back. Everyone who had originally come from Desert Bluffs was moving back, which made things easier. They’d spoken to Calina earlier and she’d assured them that the Church was also ready for them, which had been a worry. The last thing they needed to do before they headed back was talk to Damien. He’d called them to come to his office. It seemed odd to them seeing as they’d realized that they weren’t just a nurse but a pretty low-level one. Daniel was having to buy their meals as they’d run out of money halfway through the week. 

They were barely paying attention to where they were going, so it was no surprise that they ran into someone on the way. It still made them jump, but they weren’t surprised. What had surprised them was the pain in their face as the woman slapped them. They barely had time to comprehend it before she was backpedalling.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. You’re Alex, right?” She cheerful sang, taking their other cheek to move their face so that she could kiss where she’d slapped, “I didn’t expect a nurse to be so cute. I mean, I saw your picture - not read your file, though - and they certainly kept all the good features, didn’t they?”

“Lauren?” They asked, although quickly realised her eyes weren’t the same. 

“Oh, you flatter me! No, no, I’m Susan. Lauren’s mother. I know! Hard to believe! It’s because I’m still 21. I told Lauren ‘don’t go past 19, you’ll regret it’ but did she listen to me?” 

“Alright… wait… I remember you. You were there when Diego drugged me.”

“Well, when you woke up, yes!” She purred, keeping their face in place but moving closer. Alex stepped back but pressed quickly against the wall, “I remember all your little imperfections. You’re a tough guy, right?”

“I try to give off that vibe, yeah. Not wh-...”

****

“I bet you love being dominated, huh?”

“Excuse me?”

She laughed as Alex felt heat rising to their cheeks. Everything about the woman was making them scream internally. She pressed close to them and their stomach turned, “In bed. I bet you like a nice strong woman to take control. I bet two  _ nice, strong,  _ women could make you feel at home.”

****

Alex considered themself for a moment, not understanding why she’d mentioned someone else but also hating the conversation at all. Finally, they blurted out, “I’m gay!” 

“Oh…” Susan furrowed her eyebrows, stepping away from them, “Well, Damien can always take care of you then.” 

****

“No, thanks.”

“He’s good in bed.”

****

“Isn’t he your husband?”

“So?”

Alex looked between her and a point on the wall, trying to figure out what was going on. By the time he’d put the thoughts together, she’d walked away. They hoped they wouldn’t see her again but assumed that was unlikely considering the intimate nature of their work with Damien. They pushed it out of their head and went straight into his office. 

Damien was sitting behind his desk. He didn’t look up when Alex entered the room or even as the person sat down on the opposite side. This wasn’t abnormal for their meetings but the more time passed, the more worried Alex was. At least, the more worried they thought they should be. They actually felt fine about it, albeit extremely bored. In fact, they started to feel so bored that their thoughts moved to Daniel being in Damien’s place. They could almost see it, wearing his nicest suit, hair combed back, his red eyes moving up and down Alex’s body. 

They didn’t even realise they’d been playing with their lip, imagining Daniel’s, until Damien turned to them and gave a disconcerted cough.

“Sorry.” Alex said quickly, although they found it much harder to stop seeing Damien as their partner now, “I-... uhm… you wanted to talk to me before we leave for the Bluffs.”

“Yeah,” He started, but took his time to continue. The longer Alex looked at him, the harder it was to focus. They weren’t sure if this was something he and Susan had set up but Damien’s seeming confusion at Alex’s behaviour made them feel like it wasn’t, “Well, Alex, Calina’s already been caught. There’s no point sending another spy to the radio station because the management can see through anyone.”

“Yeah, they can see fears and stuff. I tried to tell you that.” 

“Well, I thought my daughter might be able to control herself and we wouldn’t need Calina. So, we need another tactic. As long as Kevin is on the air, we’re not going to get anywhere with the rest of the town.”

“What do you mean? You want to buy the radio station because… you just want to buy the other businesses? Why not just buy the other businesses?”

“I said that. That’s what I do. This isn’t  _ my  _ project.” Damien huffed, standing and moving around the desk so that he was leaning next to Alex now. Alex’s eyes travelled up to him, heat pouring into his checks as he watched Damien’s slender fingers balance a cigarette and draw it to his mouth, “Here’s some advice, don’t ever trust your children with your business.”

“I-I’m not going to have children… or own a business.”

***

The man looked down at them and smirked, “You’ll have kids. Trust me.”

“Uh… No, Daniel doesn’t want to-...”

“Oh, you’ll have at least one. You love kids.”

****

“We won’t. I look after a bunch already. I’m sure I’ll have another class when we get to Desert Bluffs right? That’s fine for me.” 

“Sure.” Damien said, “Anyway, you need to crash one of their meetings. Calina overheard that they meet on Mondays, so I need you to show up. If you get there tomorrow, you can settle in on Sunday, get your office set up. Then Monday you join them.”

“They think I chose Strex, that’s not going to happen. Plus, I’m probably the last person Kevin wants to see.” 

“That’s why you tell them the truth.” Damien argued, putting his free hand under Alex’s chin in a way that sent shivers through the person. Every inch of them tingled as they let out an involuntary gasp of delight. All they wanted to do was to grab Daniel…  _ Damien, no, that’s Damien… _ and kiss him, “We drugged you, tricked you, beat you, altered you…” Damien was obviously trying to get a reaction from them now, running his finger over their jaw, “... drugged you some more, put a collar on you like the naughty puppy you are, and threatened your lover. You think they’ll still think you chose it here?”

“I-... I need to go, Dani-... Damien.” 

“I suggest avoiding Susan on your way down. Her new perfume is all over you.” 

\---

Daniel hopped out of the back of Alex’s van after putting the suitcases in and strapping them to the floor. Alex was taking a lot longer than he’d expected and the three had already been waiting for over an hour. Red Mesa was even hotter than Desert Bluffs, making the air conditioner barely effective at cooling the front of the van, nevermind the back. It was going to be a long day.

On top of dealing with the heat, Daisy kept getting shocked by her collar halfway through sentences, most of which seemed to be anti-Strex. Sophie seemed to be reassuring her, although advocating for Strex which was annoying Daisy just as much as the shocks. Daniel didn’t really care for the argument. He had enough problems himself. Not only was he scared about seeing Kevin and Vanessa again but he knew what was coming.

The plan was that one of them, probably him, would need to get the station management to give up their role or otherwise remove them from it. After he was gone, Strex could buy out the station easily and train Kevin. Daniel wasn’t sure that Kevin would accept being re-trained and Daniel had no idea how they’d go about training him either. He certainly wouldn’t be happy about wearing a shock collar but Daniel didn’t think anyone, other than Alex, was actually happy about wearing one. They might end up with a completely different radio host, one that already knew what they were doing but then what would happen to Kevin? He wasn’t sure if he cared anymore. He didn’t like Kevin, on any level, any more. He never really liked Vanessa. 

Catching his reflection in the rear-view mirror, Daniel thought about the him he’d met in the Vortex. It was as if he was staring at that Daniel now and not himself. That Daniel had face panels like Alex’s and combed back hair, so it wasn’t a perfect match, but these eyes. These new eyes that he had asked for himself. They were an exact match. The future seemed inescapable, that he knew what was coming and yet he couldn’t believe it was really what would happen. What was going to happen to Alex to turn him that far into the monster he had been? Would be? No, it couldn’t happen like that. He wouldn’t let himself fall that far. It was a different universe. Everyone had told him. It was a different universe and he wouldn’t become the monster they wanted from him. He couldn’t. His chest was tight at the thought. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t… It couldn’t be. He cared about people. Sure, he wasn’t the best person, he made mistakes and jumped to conclusions. Sure, he hurt people but he’d never… but he’d tried. He’d already tried to do the things he believed the other him had. He’d tried to subjugate Vanessa already. He’d hurt her. He’d threatened her. He’d tried to do far worse. 

Daniel tried to push the thoughts from his head, blathering internally. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. She deserved it. She hurt Alex. She hadn’t done what he thought she had but she’d hurt them in other ways. She was manipulative. She was horrible. He was just reacting to that, he wouldn’t actually do that to Kevin. He wouldn’t do something like that to anyone else. 

“Daniel.” 

He was snapped away from his thoughts by Alex shoving him against the side of the van, their body pushing against his in an uncharacteristically forwards way. 

“What are you-...” He was cut off by Alex’s lips, “... doing? We’re in public.”

“I know.” Alex gasped, lips moving to Daniel’s jaw and neck.

“Alex, we should get going. It’s really hot, we can do this when we get back to the Bluffs.” 

“You’re right, you are super hot.”

“That’s not what I said. What is with you? Get off of me.” 

“What? I don’t understand?”

“Don’t understand what? I told you to get off, man!” Daniel growled, pushing them away. His anger dissolved immediately as he saw the confusion on Alex’s face and more importantly, the size of their pupils. Black almost filled where their iris should be, “Did you take something?”

“I-I don’t understand. You’re not making sense.”

“Drugs. Are you on drugs?” Daniel said, loud and clear, but only got more confusion in return. Alex was now looking around, as if they were somewhere completely new rather than the car park where they snuck out to have a smoke with Daniel. He put his hand on their head, “You’re hot… really hot.”

“You’re the hot one here, mister!” 

“They’re fine.” Sophie chuckled, leaning out of the window and watching the two, “It’s a project of mine and Robbie’s, we changed up that fog stuff. Made two forms. Nifty, huh?” 

“No! It’s really not! What the fuck?”

Sophie just grinned, pulling out a notebook and pen, “It’s not like  _ I  _ put it on Alex. Whoever did is a genius though.”

Daniel was about to argue but instead jumped out his skin when Alex collided with the side of the van behind him. 

“What the actually fuck, man! You are, like, so,  _ so _ lucky we’re friends!” Karen snapped, Alex’s arm twisted behind their back. They’d gone limp against the wall, “Oh shit… right, like… my bad.” 

Daniel caught Alex as she dropped him, turning away as Daniel guided him into the back of the van. He listened to the two women talking, although really he just wanted to get going.

“You look rough.”

“No one, like, on the stairs, so I, like, totally couldn’t see where I was going . The rail, like, totally stops short. It’s, like, really? I feel flat on my face.” 

“You might want to talk to your boyfriend about that.”

“Damien is not my boyfriend.”

“No, just sleeping your way to the top.”

“Gross. Plus, like, totes sexist.” 

“Ok, we should go.” Daniel interrupted, grabbing Karen’s arm, “Come on.”

\----

The trip to Desert Bluffs was stressful. Once they’d come back to their senses, Alex stayed quietly cuddled against Daniel’s shoulder listening to Sophie and Karen argue. They’d realised quickly that Daisy driving wasn’t a good idea as not only did her shocks make her veer into other lanes suddenly, but also caused her to slam on the accelerator when she did. Sophie took the wheel, instead broke sharply each time Karen disagreed with her. 

Seeing their old home again was a mixed experience. They were glad to be back but Desert Bluffs was already looking different and the tall building that mirrored the one in Red Mesa made Alex feel sick. 

Calina had met them at the door and shown each of them to their rooms, Karen stating that she’d be staying with the trio as their room was far bigger than her own. Daisy and Sophie’s room was extremely small. They had none of the amenities that the three had and their bed was just a king size mattress shoved into one corner. It took up the majority of the space. 

“Hey, Calina? Why do we stay with you, anyway?” Alex asked as they started to unpack.

“I wanted you to.” She replied plainly, seeming distracted, “I was assigned for your emotional support but I liked you, so I decided that I had plenty of room to share.”

“Thanks.” 

The night went quickly, each of them setting up their offices. Alex’s office was nice. It didn’t have lab equipment like they’d thought it would but it had a nice desk, a macbook, a lot of stationary, and a bookshelf that was just big enough for all their medical texts. It was like a small home away from Sam and Robbie. They had their own office and they wouldn’t have to deal with the two for the next few weeks according to Sophie. 

With everything set up, the next day was free for them to enjoy. It was odd for Strex to give them that, apparently. Alex thought about the number of days they’d actually had off since Daniel had arrived and was questioning why they’d been told so much that Strex wouldn’t give them breaks. They seemed to have them quite often. When expressing this to Lauren, she’d just made some remarks about her brother’s incompetence but she was quiet and only spoke louder when asking if Alex was understimulated by the work. 

Karen and Calina went off for a girl’s day, which they’d told them meant getting drunk. Alex and Daniel joined them in the evening after a day at the spa and realised that this wasn’t a joke. The two were already on the stage, ‘singing’ together, and it was only six o’clock. 

Monday was a lot more normal. Calina and Karen doing paperwork and getting departments set up. Karen had met with Station Management and Kevin, which Alex knew meant she’d had a chance to relay information about Strex back to them, and Daniel was busy planning things with Lauren. Alex’s job for the day had been to set up the hospital rooms with equipment. They’d managed to put beds in each room, although most of the rooms were extremely large and didn’t have enough other furniture to fill them. They were oddly laid out with two-way mirrors in each and every one. It made Alex sick to imagine why it was needed.

When the evening finally came, they didn’t change. They knew what was about to happen was going to hurt and possibly humiliate them, so they didn’t want to potentially ruin a good outfit.

\---

“Alright, everyone’s here.” Vanessa addressed the room. Everyone seemed tired, worn down. They’d been getting ready for something big and the only thing that had happened was building projects getting finished. There was plenty to be mad at and try to refuse Strex but people were starting to think that they had over reacted to the threat in their town. Vanessa didn’t feel this way. If anything, Vanessa was even more on edge than before, “So, Karen reported back to us today. Strex has moved her back to Desert Bluffs but also says that most of their staff are moving, just bit by bit. They don’t really have what they already have here in Red Mesa.”

“They’ve not done anything yet.” Stan argued, shrugging his shoulders in a way that made Vanessa frown. It was complacency and she didn’t expect to see it in this town of any town.

“Well, they bought out the town hall.” Pablo Mitchell spoke up, although sinking in his chair, “I would keep that on the downlow, they technically own the city but as I still have the mayoral powers they can’t do anything about that. For now, at least.” 

The room fell silent at this news, no one looking at each other. Vanessa’s heart raced, trying her best to understand what she’d just been told. If they owned the town, what hope did the town have of keeping them away? None… they were doomed. This was it. They were going to become an evil corpocracy and the magic of Desert Bluffs would be destroyed.

“No, it won’t.” Kevin sighed, making her jump, “We just have to do what we said we’d do. We’re geared up, we just need a plan of attack. It’s time to-...”

He was stopped by the door bell, everyone turning to look except for Vanessa who was mentally counting everyone, “We’re all here… so… should we answer it?”

She looked to Kevin. He wasn’t looking at her. She looked around the room. A mix of nods and shakes. It was on her to choose one way or another. The stress from the situation mixed with the fear of who was outside, what they’d heard, why they were there. It was too much. She closed her eye, trying to clear her head. She could stay here. She could pretend no one was home. See what they did. See if they left. She could answer the door and tell them it was just a party. Answer the door and hope it wasn’t someone malicious. She could go out there and-...

“What the fuck!?” Alex yelped, stumbling down the step in front of the door and falling down, “How did you do that?”

Vanessa turned to stare at him, looking back at the closed door and then back to him, “How am I out here?”

“Yeah, how are you out here?” 

“I’m asking you!”

“I don’t know!”

They went silent. 

_ “Vanessa?”  _ Kevin’s voice rang in her ear, obviously panicked as he seemed to go through her head extremely quickly and then double back to where he’d normally sit behind her eyes.

_ “I’m outside. What happened?” _

_ “You just disappeared and left behind this really cold spot in the living room.”  _

_ “It’s Alex.” _

_ “Oh… you want me to come out?” _

_ “No, I can handle it.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now, The Weather [I'm Fine - Hazel English](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYcp1bUb4lU)


End file.
